Homeschool and Mother's Journal Jan 3

In my life this week:

It's Friday, ending four days of school this week. The last of the typing lessons and math lessons are done, and at least my part of school is also complete, so the computer appears to be mine for a time before I start dinner.

As I type, the dryer screeches horribly. It's been three weeks now we've handled this unwelcome noise. Did I mention we do 3-4 loads a day?

Sometimes I feebly shout, "Thank you, God, for the squeak in my life!", and it will stop squeaking for the duration of the cycle. More often this does not work, and only a ball-bearing replacement operation will get us entirely out of our misery. But since this is an older, used dryer, we will probably just get a new, older, used dryer.

I wish I could say the dryer is it around here for broken things, but that would be wishful thinking. My husband hates two things with every fiber of his being: grocery shopping and home repairs. If we could afford new things, this wouldn't be a problem. Some of you, whose husbands love to tinker, are possibly driven a little crazy by him constantly tearing up the house to make "improvements". I sympathize with your plight, too.

Instead of crying about brokenness in its many forms (OCD currently being the worst form of brokenness around here) I look for the symbolism. Every day throughout the day, I'm on a hunt for symbolism. My reservoir of strength and long-suffering is vast, as long as I see purpose. God truly does order our lives down to the minute details, and that means everything has purpose. He doesn't order abuse, crime, disease, or disorders, but he uses them. We may want happiness most of all, but God wants us refined most of all. We're in training as Christians, and we cannot fail; the Lord promises to finish the work he started in us.

Hallelujah.

And He grieves with us. We can't ever forget that part...that we have Jesus...Immanuel...God-With-Us. If Christmas does nothing else for the long-time Believer, let it highlight that one word...Immanuel.

In Our Homeschool This Week:

We started back up the day after Christmas. With ADHD in the mix it's best to keep things routine. All four children are making steady progress, but what's true about mothering is true about homeschooling: The days are long but the years are short. 

The days are really long.

You've probably noticed that we don't do learning activities in our homeschool that appear neat and innovative. The truth is, the kids do all those things in their free time. I remember reading on Sonlight's website that if you like a bunch of hands-on projects, Sonlight Homeschool Curriculum is not for you. They believe, like I do, that kids will do all the hands-on learning on their own. Learning through play is natural for children, and we need not micromanage their inventions and experiments. Our part is to stay out of the way, and encourage them by not complaining about their messes. We must give them room and license to discover, and not take up their precious time with busy work.

We're still reading John Piper's Advent resource. Peter said, the first time I picked it up after Christmas, "But it's not Christmas anymore." Husband and I both responded, "Every day is Christmas."



The boys are reading Water Sky, by Jean Craighead George. Ms. George has written many books, usually centered around nature (she was raised in a family of naturalists). Julie of the Wolves won her a Newbery Medal, and My Side of the Mountain won her a Newbery Honor. Her author page at Scholastic is here.



Water Sky, strangely, has a grade-level equivalent of 7.2, but a Lexile of 730, which is quite low. The discrepancy must speak about the emotional concepts being more difficult to comprehend than the vocabulary itself. Definitely one for parents to pre-read. So far, Peter's a big fan of this book, but that might change with the sad ending. One thing I've noticed about authors who take their craft seriously? They don't always go for the ending the reader wants. Good endings sell, but they don't always speak something valid about the human condition.

I didn't care for the publisher synopsis of this book, so I'm using a synopsis left on Sonlight's site by a 13-year-old homeschool boy. You can find it here.

“Water Sky” by Jean Craighead George allows readers to picture the life of a foreigner trying to prove himself as a real and true Eskimo. This story takes place in Barrow, Alaska, where a boy named Lincoln Noah Stonewright comes to Alaska to find his long lost Uncle Jack who came to Alaska two years before and was never heard from again. With the help of Vincent Ologak, Kusiq, Little Owl and many others, Lincoln must try to prove himself worthy by trying to kill a whale. But it is not an easy task; many Eskimos despise foreigners and Lincoln goes through a hard time, constantly facing dangers at every turn -like Tigluk, who vowed to kill Lincoln and destroy his life. This is a book of struggles, hardship, adventure, suspense, friendship, sorrow and danger. In my opinion, this is one of my favourite books among my homeschooling readers. I am truly fascinated by how the author expresses the lifestyle of the Eskimos through her experiences in Alaska. This book not only has an exciting storyline but also contains a lot of factual information that can give readers an insight into the lives of the Eskimos. I am mind-boggled by how Eskimos can make use of every part of an animal or a natural resource. They never waste any part of anything they kill nor pollute the environment. This is a truly awesome book and I recommend this book, especially to young people. BY: NOAH LEE 13.

In early elementary news: Mary, first grade, is moving right along, and showing real strength in spelling. Her reading is going well, but I've found I have to push her to gain fluency. She encounters new words every sentence now, and after she sounds them out, she takes this momentary mental break, as though there's a period after every word. Her word-attack skills are developed enough now that I think this breaking is a habit, more than a necessity. I purposely try to move her along, not allowing her to indulge in these "breaks". The slower the fluency, the harder it is for them to make inferences or mental predictions about what the next word will likely be, eventually affecting their comprehension.

Beth just turned five and I'm trying to work with her more consistently. She is sounding out her first words, and I noticed right away that she's less a phonetic reader than her sister, and more a big-picture reader, using different cues (not just picture cues) to attack the text up front. I started her in the kindergarten readers that come with the Sing Spell Read Write K-1 combo curriculum.

One more thing about Mary, first grade: She's a methodical reader, and that has tested my resolve to let each child develop as God created them. I prayed, I believed, I waited, and I think we're now moving away from the hard part of beginning reading. 

Paul is a whiz at math and loves it, but Peter and Mary struggle with it. I predict Beth won't have any difficulty with it. She seems to be a natural, like Paul. Teaching Textbooks will work for all my children and that pleases me exceedingly, because those two guys are great teachers. They still only have material starting at 3rd grade, probably because the young ones need hands-on materials. 

What I'm grateful for:

~ Lots of new snow to delight the children. It's been too cold to be out this week, but this weekend the temperatures will be better for play and snowman-building.

~ Encouraging friends

~ Loving husband

~ A friend coming to teach us to knit 

~ Immanuel

~ Lots of brokenness to refine our characters and straighten our Christian walks.

~ The molasses cookies Peter made

~ Baked Potato Soup (Keep meaning to type that recipe here, but no time today.)

Time to start the chicken and rice. My children absolutely love plain brown rice, cooked 45 minutes in water, butter and a bit of salt. They even fight over the leftovers and enjoy them for snack time. So funny. I told them some people eat the leftovers with milk and raisins and brown sugar, but they haven't warmed up to that idea yet.

Quote to Share: How about a whole Psalm? An amazing Psalm.

Psalm 66

1Shout for joy to God, all the earth!

2Sing the glory of his name;

make his praise glorious.

3Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!

So great is your power

that your enemies cringe before you.

4All the earth bows down to you;

they sing praise to you,

they sing the praises of your name.”^a

5Come and see what God has done,

his awesome deeds for mankind!

6He turned the sea into dry land,

they passed through the waters on foot—

come, let us rejoice in him.

7He rules forever by his power,

his eyes watch the nations—

let not the rebellious rise up against him.

8Praise our God, all peoples,

let the sound of his praise be heard;

9he has preserved our lives

and kept our feet from slipping.

10For you, God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

11You brought us into prison

and laid burdens on our backs.

12You let people ride over our heads;

we went through fire and water,

but you brought us to a place of abundance.

13I will come to your temple with burnt offerings

and fulfill my vows to you—

14vows my lips promised and my mouth spoke

when I was in trouble.

15I will sacrifice fat animals to you

and an offering of rams;

I will offer bulls and goats.

16Come and hear, all you who fear God;

let me tell you what he has done for me.

17I cried out to him with my mouth;

his praise was on my tongue.

18If I had cherished sin in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened;

19but God has surely listened

and has heard my prayer.

20Praise be to God,

who has not rejected my prayer

or withheld his love from me!

Have a blessed weekend, friends.

New Year's Resolution: Just One

The New Year is not so big a deal for busy mothers. Every day is the same in terms of chores, 365 days a year. There's still laundry, changing sheets, wiping down wet or dirty bathrooms, making three meals and doing loads of dishes.

Today, New Year's Day, my husband was home the entire day, which is rare.

Halfway through the day, he said to me, "Aren't you ever going to sit down?"

The truth? The minute I sit down I get more behind, so I only sit down to read to the kids, have a meal and devotions with them, or do a lesson with them. I even check e-mail and read a blog here and there, standing up before my desktop computer, which one of the boys will surely need for school momentarily. When all are in bed, that's my time to sit...after the dishes are done and the last load put in the dryer.

Anyway, I guess my husband doesn't notice these things usually. The truth is, he only sits down to play chess with Paul or a game with another child. Otherwise, he's helping or taking the kids to the park for an hour, weather permitting.

So...New Year's Eve? What did I do to celebrate a day that, sans marriage and children, used to be very important to me?

After the kids went to bed, I read 1 John chapters 1-4, while my husband called his father in Florida. I was in bed by 11:00 PM.

Like most writers, I try to come up with something inspirational for the first post of the new year. But this year the old brain was short on ideas and overwhelmed with chores.

I picked up my Bible last night, specifically looking for something inspirational for my own private new year.

What is it you want from me this year, Lord?

As I read the first three chapters of 1 John, what came to me was this: "As Christians, it's not okay for us to dislike anyone in our churches, or in our Christian circles."

1 John 2:7-11

(NRSV) Beloved, I am writing you no new commandment, but an old commandment that you have had from the beginning; the old commandment is the word that you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new commandment that is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. Whoever says, “I am in the light,” while hating a brother or sister, is still in the darkness. Whoever loves a brother or sister lives in the light, and in such a person there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates another believer is in the darkness, walks in the darkness, and does not know the way to go, because the darkness has brought on blindness

Wow! That is huge, isn't it? Churches are full of sinners, ourselves included, and we're supposed to feel good will toward every single person there?

Yes. That's exactly what John is saying. We don't have to make every person we meet at church our new best friend, but we have to feel good will toward the whole lot of them.

Are you thinking, like I did, of a certain person at church you sorta dislike? Chances are, you dislike this person partially because he or she is different from you. When someone is different from us, we can develop a prejudice toward them, unbeknownst to our blind hearts.

The person I thought of was a mother, about 30 years old or younger, who doesn't put her children first. She sent her baby to the nursery for weeks, sick with bronchiolitis (probably caused by RSV; 50% of cases of bronchiolitis are RSV.) I assumed since she had him in the nursery, that he must not be shedding virus, but that was just false. I got a rapid chest cold 4 days after holding him for 30 minutes the Sunday before Christmas, and I never bring home a virus. I usually just catch those my children or husband bring home, but this time, I was the only one sick.

For eight weeks, starting at four months old, this baby has had chest retractions when he breathes, and he's been on a inhaler for many weeks, which is a serious medicine. In my opinion he belongs at home, trying to recover without worry about getting a second RSV virus (more than one virus causes RSV), or even a common cold.

This mother will also send her baby to the nursery still in his nighttime diaper, and ask me to change him and put on his day outfit. I love caring for babies, so I don't mind, but I'm embarrassed for her every time. Has she no pride or regard for her baby? She drove all the way to church (she doesn't live close) with the baby still in his nighttime diaper? She also sends a canister of formula and empty bottles, rather than preparing bottles ahead of time. I'd never mixed formula in my life, so I was at a loss and felt stupid asking her what to do.

Her other child comes to the nursery still eating a fast food breakfast, sometimes with uncombed hair. (Believe me, I know how hard it is to get multiple kids and myself ready for church, sometimes without my husband's help. He has to shovel snow at his work church before our own church service begins.)

Lastly, this young woman is not friendly, not warm, not grateful. Just stubborn and out to live her life the way it suits her. We never have altercations and I am very appreciative of my time with her sweet baby, and professional too, so she isn't aware of my feelings, but that doesn't mean it's okay for me to have these feelings of dislike, toward another Christian.

I make motherhood my whole life, and this woman tries to be a mother on the side, or so it seems. There's nothing I would rather do with my time, than be a mother. But this is not a universal feeling all mothers share, and I get that. This young lady is trying to have it all...two kids under three, and tying up schooling to be an occupational therapist, not to mention being a wife.

The Lord clearly said to me, "You may think you are walking in the light, but at least as concerns this woman, you are not."

Of course, I have no right to judge or dislike this young woman. I don't know much about her circumstances or her past life. I don't know if she battles depression and struggles when she's at home. Perhaps school loans will be due soon and she has no choice but to continue with school. I know basically nothing, and yet I judge. She may be nearly young enough to be my daughter, and certainly deserves some slack for youth. Shame on me.

The solution to our feelings of dislike toward fellow Christians? I think it's to put them at the very top of our prayer list. (We can also serve them with our time.) Have you noticed that it's rather hard to pray for someone you dislike? Rather than pray, we usually add up in our minds all the reasons we dislike the person. Then maybe, we'll spend one minute praying for them. Not very charitable, is it?

The Christian walk is nothing if not a journey. We don't ever arrive, because perfection awaits us in Heaven; the complete heart fix comes later, but for now, we have the Holy Spirit--the downpayment on our inheritance. When we read the Scriptures, something will always stand out that the Holy Spirit wants to work on in us. That's why it's so imperative that we are in the Scriptures daily.

No Scripture = no growth.

I don't know what the Holy Spirit's New Year's message was for you, but for me, it was definitely this:  to love well...my own family, and my Christian brethren.

I read the Matthew Henry commentary on the passage above, and posted it below for you. What I most like are the sentences in red:

He who is governed by such love approves his light to be good and genuine: He that loveth his brother (as his brother in Christ) abideth in the light, 1 John 2:10. He sees the foundation and reason of Christian love; he discerns the weight and value of the Christian redemption; he sees how neat it is that we should love those whom Christ hath loved; and then the consequence will be that there is no occasion of stumbling in him (1 John 2:10); he will be no scandal, no stumbling-block, to his brother; he will conscientiously beware that he neither induce his brother to sin nor turn him out of the way of religion, Christian love teaches us highly to value our brother’s soul, and to dread every thing that will be injurious to his innocence and peace. 3. Hatred is a sign of spiritual darkness: But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, 1 John 2:11. Spiritual light is instilled by the Spirit of grace, and one of the first-fruits of that Spirit is love; he then who is possessed with malignity towards a Christian brother must needs be destitute of spiritual light; consequently he walks in darkness (1 John 2:11); his life is agreeable to a dark mind and conscience, and he knows not whither he goes; he sees not whither this dark spirit carries him, and particularly that it will carry him to the world of utter darkness, because darkness hath blinded his eyes, 1 John 2:11. The darkness of regeneracy, evidenced by a malignant spirit, is contrary to the light of life; where that darkness dwells, the mind, the judgment, and the conscience will be darkened, and so will mistake the way to heavenly endless life. Here we may observe how effectually our apostle (John) is now cured of his once hot and flaming spirit. Time was when he was for calling for fire from heaven upon poor ignorant Samaritans who received them not, Luke 9:54. But his Lord had shown him that he knew not his own spirit, nor whither it led him. Having now imbibed more of the Spirit of Christ, he breathes out good-will to man, and love to all the brethren. It is the Lord Jesus that is the great Master of love: it is his school (his own church) that is the school of love. His disciples are the disciples of love, and his family must be the family of love.

Matthew Henry's Commentary

matthew-henry

Do you struggle with dislike for another Christian? What has helped turn your feelings around?

Christmas Potatoes, Choir Pictures, Gratitude Journal

This is my last post of 2013. I pray you have a Merry Christmas and Joyous New Year!

We are having our single friend, Dean, for Christmas dinner, and also for after-dinner entertainment, which will be a Christmas Nativity Play put on by the eager, budding actors and actresses here. They have been busy making shepherd staffs and a feeding trough to hold baby Jesus, and they're trying on sheets to try and simulate middle-Eastern clothes. They opened presents last weekend, and with that out of the way and the house cleaned up, we can concentrate on dinner and the Nativity.

I did some hunting for Christmas potato recipes, and found two posted on Paula Deen's site (sweet potato casserole and garlic mashed potatoes). In case you don't have your final menu planned, I thought you might want to take a look at these. Her recipes aren't healthy, but for a holiday meal, who's counting calories?

Sweet picture. My favorite of the sisters this year.

Sweet Potato Casserole

posted here

3 cups mashed sweet potatoes

1 cup sugar

1/3 cup butter, melted

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/4 cup heavy cream, half & half, or whole milk

Topping

1 cup brown sugar

3 Tbs butter, melted

1/3 cup flour

1 cup pecans or walnuts, chopped

Mix topping together with fork, and sprinkle over top of casserole before baking.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix every thing except for cream. Beat with mixer until smooth. Add cream; mix well. Pour into greased casserole dish (11/2 quarts). Add topping. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Serves about 8.





One of my favorite things about Christmas is the church Children's Christmas Choir. Here are my boys saying their Christmas verses, and here is one of Beth, too, singing Away in the Manger with other preschool church friends.

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I am so grateful that one of the church moms has been gracious enough to work with the kids for three years now, putting a short program on for a thankful, smitten congregation. The more often children are involved in worship the better; they help melt our preoccupied, adults hearts, so we can approach the Lord with a more childlike faith.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes posted here





I doubled this recipe:

6 medium potatoes coarsely chopped

2 tsp. salt to put in water

8 Tbs. butter at room temperature

1/2 cup sour cream at room temperature

2 tsp. finely minced garlic

2 Tbs. milk (or to desired consistency)

Salt and pepper to taste

Cook potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 minutes. Drain. Add butter and garlic and sour cream. Mash with potato masher or back of fork until desired consistency. Add milk, 1 Tbs. at a time, until desired consistency. 



Also on the menu is ham, whole cranberries, steamed green beans, corn (hubby has to have his corn), ambrosia salad, wheat rolls, and apple cider, and for dessert: pumpkin pie, apple crisp, and a chocolate pie.

Bless you, friends. Your friendship has been such a balm to my soul. I dearly love you.

Gratitude Journal:

~ My son Paul, who is such a kind, gentle soul, abounding in love and forgiveness.

~ A Baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, who wants my heart for Christmas. Praise God!

~ Children singing about Jesus.

~ Dear friends who blessed us.

~ The way cheap candy canes light up my children's faces.

~ Hot cocoa on chilly nights.

~ Extra hours with hubby this week, as he gets a little rare time off. Unpaid time from the one job, but we still consider it a blessing.

~ Our heater and air conditioning guy's loving way with our children, especially with little Beth.

~ Apple cider 

~ Shepherds and wise men and stunning angels to make Christmas so exciting.

~ God news of great joy which shall be for all the people.

~ That every Christmas is a special opportunity for our unsaved relatives to become acquainted with the Christ Child, and His Good News. 

Please Lord, save our relatives?  May they be with us in Paradise, we beg of you. 

My Mary and a Boy Named Jonah

My older daughter's middle name could be Jonah-Who-Wouldn't-Go-to-Ninevah. Her brand of stubbornness runs deep on her father's side, with my father-in-law leading the pack. It skipped my husband entirely, but not so his sister.

Several months ago we were having a conversation, Mary and me, and don't ask me how it started because I can't even remember. I told her about the Biblical mandate for her marriage prospects: a Christian husband or no husband.

Her response?

Was it news to a mother's heart? Not even close. She responded, "That's stupid."

Right then and there, my heart panicked. Oh, Lord. How will I ever usher her into biblical womanhood, with stubbornness leading her heart? Please. Don't let her go her own way and break your heart and mine.

In all fairness to her then-six-year-old self, I should say that the boy across the street is pretty cute in Mary's estimation. The thought of him probably prompted her hasty response.

The story doesn't end with my desperate prayer that night, and every night thereafter.

At our new AWANA is a boy named Jonah. If you named your son this, I'm probably going to offend you with this, but why? Did your son stay in the womb an extra two weeks, prompting you to name him Jonah? Was it because right away, he was stubborn? Don't get me wrong...the name itself, I love. It's adorable. But Jonah wasn't exactly a Biblical hero, so as much as I like the name, I wouldn't want it for an official birth-certificate name.

So, there's this boy in Mary's Sparks class. He's cute. He's sassy. He's Jonah. He thinks my Mary is pretty and he wants to marry her, thank you very much. He told the teacher so and I heard it myself.

At the last AWANA meeting he gave my Mary a Christmas bell necklace to match his own. No, not an engagement ring, but my girl wore it proudly, as if it were one.

The Sunday before, after bedtime prayers, my Mary said, "Mommy, I hope you're not going to be mad about this, but I called Jonah "Sugar" tonight."

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes, but there may have been a slight smile show on the corner of my mouth. Girls are so different from boys, I tell you. They have a matchmaking radar, it seems, rather early, that boys for the most part do. not. share. (This Jonah excluded, apparently.)

I tried to explain what flirting was and that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to call a boy "Sugar". But the concept of flirting was over her head, so I very soon gave up.

My kids have church verses to learn, as well as AWANA verses, and one week Mary had to memorize the Lord's Prayer. She rather liked it, and that's an understatement. She went around for three week straight, saying the Lord's Prayer several times a day, because she could. Verses are her thing; she loves them.

So another night, after bedtime prayers, she told me, "Mommy, I tried to teach Jonah the Lord's Prayer tonight."

"That was sweet of you. How did he do?"

"He gave up. It was too hard."

"Mommy, do you think Jonah is a Christian?"

That sentence right there? It melted me. Here's my little girl, stubborn as all get out, remembering the Biblical mandate for her marriage prospects, and now, a few months later, instead of saying it's stupid, she's taking it to heart. The Holy Spirit is winning. My little girl really likes this boy, but she's showing allegiance to God now, not just to herself.

Parenting is nothing if not a desperate, lengthy, on-going prayer.

I don't agree with the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but I'm grateful it prompted discipling issues that need to be discussed very early in our children's upbringing. It should be on their radar very early: "God says: marry a Christian, or don't get married".

Just between you and me, the little boy is stubborn, just like my Mary. He was playing with his bell necklace and had the little bell part in his mouth, unattached to the necklace part. Being an ex-classroom teacher, I don't give as much slack as children's church teachers usually do. Many don't discipline and church classes can be a waste of time, due to unresolved behavior issues. I'm kind but firm, because to survive in a classroom day after day, you have to be.

Sadly, two of my children have AWANA classes with no discipline, and the boys' class at our church provides no dicipline for the Goofy Boys Club. (Elementary is not my jurisdiction at church; there's a reason I only signed on to be the Birth-Kinder children's coordinator.)

It's so sad the way upper-elementary boys think they have to act goofy and stupid to fit in. I call it the Goofy Boys Club, and it's getting our nation's boys no where. I suspect the bullies lead it, and the other boys feel they either have to fit in and act goofy themselves, or get bullied. Unfortunately, the bullies lead the schools, and there's precious little school staff can do about it, because they can't follow the kids everywhere, and when a child tattles on a bully, it just gets worse.

My boys don't enjoy going to classes because of the goofiness, but neither do they prefer listening to long sermons in the sanctuary.

Anyway, I was sure any minute the teacher or myself would have to do the Heimlich choking manuvear regarding this bell in Jonah's mouth. I told him having the bell in his mouth was dangerous, and would he please take it out? He did, but only temporarily. It went back in his mouth, so I took it from him, yucky as it was to hold it in my hand while the teacher finished the Sparky story.

Then he began hitting his neighbor with the string of his necklace, and I told him to pay attention to the story. He kept doing it, so I asked for the necklace. He said, "No." I gave him a firm, teacher-type look, and told him he was being disrespectful.

Immediately, he gave it to me, a guilty, sorrowful look on his face.

There was her question, hanging in the air. "Mommy, do you think Jonah is a Christian?"

I thought about the bell and necklace incident, which had happened that night. I thought about the repentent face.

"Yes, I do think he's a Christian, Mary. He's a silly boy, but I could see in his eyes that the Holy Spirit has a hold on him."

This marked the end of the conversation that particular night, but there's more to say.

We all have a long way to go, Mary, in trying to be like Jesus. Jonah is no exception. He might disappoint you with his behavior sometimes, and when he does, remember that the Lord never disappoints. The Lord is always a perfect gentleman. The Lord, and no one else, must be your strength and your song.

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

The Pride of Life and Too Many Toys

When I had my first child I down-scaled my full-time job to a part-time, home-based homeschooling facilitator position, visiting the Charter school campus for individual monthly meetings with 26 different families. I also taught two 90-minute reading enrichment classes on campus two days a week, and a 6th grade social studies class once a week. For about 4 months I brought my baby to work, but when he became too mobile, that no longer worked.

One of the families offered the babysitting services of their college-aged daughter, and having no family in CA, and knowing that this girl was probably a Christian, I hired her to come to my home two days a week, five hours at a time, during which I would come home to nurse my child briefly, before going back to finish meetings.

This arrangement meant that I had no babysitting while I did the follow-up paperwork from these meetings, and lesson planning, at home. Peter was a very active child from an early age--rolling over early, crawling early, and walking early. He was high-needs and didn't play with toys on his own well, so trying to get my work done became extremely stressful. I had $26,000 in student loans to pay, we had two car loans, a home loan, and credit cards; my quitting work was impossible at that time.

In my new-parent ignorance, I thought interesting toys would be the answer. Maybe if he had enough to do, he would let me get some work done. I was already up late into the night planning lessons, and nursing him, and I was desperate for a solution that still kept him by my side.

Over the years I had that job (three years total), we bought a lot of toys and books and God added another baby boy to our family 22 months after my first was born (we used credit cards during that time, so of course we were overspending on toys). I wish I could say we quickly learned the folly of too many toys, but no. It went on even after we moved to Ohio, where I planned to run a small in-home preschool/daycare, which never came to fruition. I did babysit for infants before having two girls of my own, but I never ran a preschool and haven't worked since (the sale of a CA home in a good economy took care of that debt).

So, we had all these toys. When conservative, older people came to our home, they would say, "Wow. These kids have a lot of toys." I knew from their demeanor it was a criticism, but I rationalized it. Everything I bought had teaching potential; they weren't mindless toys, books, puzzles. They were curriculum.

The Lord didn't leave me there, thank goodness. He didn't allow me to keep rationalizing my over-indulgence. Eventually, he helped me view it as sin. I was chasing something unholy: the pride of life. 

I looked up the "pride of life" so I could give you the best possible definition, and here is what I found (below):

The phrase “pride of life” is found only once in the Bible, in 1 John 2:16, but the concept of the pride of life, especially as it is linked with the “lust of the eyes” and the “lust of the flesh,” appears in two more significant passages of Scripture—the temptation of Eve in the Garden and the temptation of Christ in the wilderness (Matthew 4:8-10). The pride of life can be defined as anything that is “of the world,” meaning anything that leads to arrogance, ostentation, pride in self, presumption, and boasting. John makes it clear that anything that produces the pride of life comes from a love of the world and “if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15).

I gave away a great many toys, and I learned something about my misdirected heart. Education was a false god to me. I spoiled my children in the name of knowledge and it felt okay for awhile, until God helped me see something that every teacher needs to realize: How soon a child learns to read, or how much she knows compared to other children, is not important in the Kingdom of God. It is my duty to teach my children, but not to make them superstars.

In fact, when we happen to have a superstar child, educationally speaking, we have to constantly guard against pride--our own and our child's. We didn't create a superstar child; God did. The child didn't earn his superstar academic status; God gave it as a gift. God gives out abilities and as parents, we shepherd them; we help the child make the most of God's gifts, while exercising humility.

Four years after we moved to Ohio my husband lost his job and we lost our credit, and there was no more buying, except at garage sales or thrift stores (I had to learn to temper that, as well).

You'll think I'm crazy to say this, but that was the very best thing for us spiritually. Instead of chasing the pride of life, we began to fight shabbiness and household items and vehicles in disrepair. I have learned to carry myself with dignity at church, even while at times looking unfashionable and wearing the same jean skirt week after week.

It feels wonderful to have on a stylish outfit you know you look good in. It feels great to have pieces in the closet that work together, fit well, and are current. Sometimes that's possible via thrift stores, but usually not, if your funds are limited.

It feels wonderful to have an impressive home with clean, current furniture and decorations, or an impressive car.

You know what I've learned, slowly but thoroughly? My worth comes from the Lord. That sounds so simple, doesn't it? But getting there wasn't simple at all. I never would have taken this truth to heart had I not suffered a little shabbiness. I see life through a different lens now, and it's a clearer one. I see children with too many things who aren't likable or sweet, and their parents are so caught up in the pride of life, they don't realize they're handicapping their children spiritually and socially. That was me...that was us; we were blinded for a time.

Ideally, all of us should want for something, materially speaking, and our children too. We should reach for the Lord's comfort, not the world's. We should look to the Lord for our self-worth, not to the peers around us, with whom we try to keep up, unconsciously.

Let's not get our children everything they want this Christmas. We would do well to let them know need and want, just enough to go to the Lord for their worth and their comfort. An overindulged adult or child is blinded, handicapped, because of too much world, and too little God. It feels good for a time, but the world gives a false comfort, a false sense of worth, which doesn't serve us well after a tornado destroys everything, or after we lose our job and sink into shabbiness.

Our children are part of our legacy and the gifts we give them can be mostly spiritual, or mostly worldly. Whatever we choose gets passed on to the next generation of our family. When we wrap those presents and place them under the tree this year, let's evaluate what we're after. Are we chasing something unholy? Are we trying to make our children temporarily happy, at the expense of spiritual fruit later? Are we even going to like them, two days after they've opened too many presents?

Relatives must be on board with us, if we're to pass on more of the spiritual than the material. If necessary, we can sit down with them and discuss how many presents, and which ones, would bless our children but not spoil them. Raising a child for the Lord is an extended family endeavor, not just a nuclear family effort, however, parents are the ultimate authority. I think parents have a right to exercise restraint with gift cards and money given to children by relatives, especially when relatives don't share our spiritual views. When handled with prayer and tact, peace can still prevail at gift-giving time, and our households can emerge from Christmastime closer to the Lord, not further from Him. 

Restraint is valuable for many reasons:

~ Too many toys kills imagination and ingenuity. Kids in Africa design their own toys, becoming budding engineers in the process. Kids without many toys make up thrilling games that lead to precious sibling memories.

~ Too much stuff creates clutter and stress.

~ Too many choices creates stress.

~ Kids take better care of fewer toys, because when there are too many, they're all expendable.

~ Kids' hearts are full of gratitude only when the giving is done sparingly. The opposite of gratitude is entitlement, and first-world children suffer greatly from this.

~ Kids don't want toys so much as they want us. They want and need our time and attention; toys are a poor substitute for a parent's investment in a child's heart.

~ When they've opened everything and it was too much, and the spoiled attitude comes soon after, you can't go backwards. You can donate toys, but you can't create the sweetness one sees in an unspoiled child. You can't force your child to feel thankful for all the treasures they've opened. It just doesn't work that way. Gratitude comes easily when we were wanting for something--when we needed to wait and/or sacrifice. It's elusive when we get everything we needed, and more.

Once in a while I wonder what it would be like to have enough money to meet our every need, and many of our wants. Would I slowly but surely sink into entitlement? The Bible tells me it would be the greatest spiritual fight of my life, to accept all that material blessing, and still cling to God. I believe this truth, and I count myself blessed.

How do you pull the reins in at your house, at gift-giving time?


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