Just Say No: To Video Games

I came across an article about giving kids an old-fashioned, carefree summer on Simple Homeschool. Some aspects of the article I enjoyed, but I was disturbed when it became clear in the comments section that many children just wanted to play Minecraft for hours, and in the interest of a carefree summer in which freedom reigns, parents were considering allowing it.

I hate to be the stern librarian type who constantly tells people to be quiet in the library--you know, an annoying know-it-all type--but I have to say something about this video game craze.

It's insanity.

We don't play them here, and yes my kids feel like oddities because of it, but they agree with me about video games. They've seen what they do to the neighbor kids, and it isn't pretty. They hear the boys at church talk about little else.

Did you know that 9 out of 10 American children play video games? I'm sure you know they're highly addictive? If something doesn't change, our country's in trouble: children are the future.

The history of video games here: My kids used to get 24 minutes a day on a website called Cool Math Games, but last fall I banned it due to worldly ads showing up on the site as pop-ups. I originally let them on because the site was recommended by my sister, who was going to school to be a teacher at the time.

The site turned out to be a joke, mostly. Not much educational value, but I didn't think 24 minutes was going to kill them--not enough time to get addicted, I surmised. And only Paul really looked forward to the time each day (more so than I liked). I frequently had to tell him to stop watching the screen during someone else's time--that if you watch, you don't play yourself.

They dappled in Webkinz.com and on PBS.com too over the years, when they weren't using Cool Math Games for their 24 minutes, but I've banned anything that looks or seems like a video game. The computer is a tool and nothing else. That's where the line in the sand is here, and where I think God would like it to be--though for your house, of course, I can only make suggestions.

They don't miss video games all these months later because they never had an Xbox or Wii or PlayStation, or anything like that; video games were never prominent in their environment. And I thank God every day that my husband doesn't care for such things either.

34 million Americans spend 22 hours per week, on average, playing video games.

Drug-Like Effects that Rewire the Brain According to a study featured in Neurology Now, a publication of the American Academy of Neurology, nine out of ten American children play video games -- about 64 million. The study found that "excessive gaming before age 21 or 22 can physically rewire the brain."
"'Playing video games floods the pleasure center of the brain with dopamine,' says David Greenfield, Ph.D., founder of The Center for Internet and Technology Addiction and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine. That gives gamers a rush—but only temporarily, he explains. With all that extra dopamine lurking around, the brain gets the message to produce less of this critical neurotransmitter. The end result: players can end up with a diminished supply of dopamine."

I've never seen Minecraft but I've read several articles about it, in which parents claim it teaches problem solving. I don't think much of that rationalization. First of all, I hear it's very addictive, as are all video games (even ones that are supposedly just virtual building blocks). Secondly, there are real-world ways to encourage problem solving--ways far more productive and well-rounded.

Would you give your kids a cigarette or an alcoholic drink or a street drug? All these things are addictive, and video games do similar things to the brain.

I know it's very hard to say no to kids, but I urge you passionately to get these things out of your home unless you can limit it to thirty minutes or less without hassles (for non-violent, wholesome games).

Our children benefit when they learn early to say no to worldly things. Fitting in with peers just isn't worth it--not at 12 years old or 35 years old.

We fit in with the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and our relationship with the world should be ministerial.

If your kids are already addicted, give it all away and give your gaming budget to charity. The Lord wants us to gauge our eyes out, or cut off our arm to keep ourselves from sin. We're called to do whatever it takes to rid our lives of things that don't honor God.

Are your children all still young? Then I urge you to never introduce these things in your home in the first place. Tell your children: we will live differently than the world. We are set apart. These games serve no real purpose and as Christians, what are we supposed to be teaching our children about their time and their minds and their hearts?

Our time is a gift and our salvation is a miracle. We were chosen. 

1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Romans 12:1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

1 Peter 1:16 Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Entertainment is not our God. Our Heavenly Father is infinitely better and the water he offers is living water. 

Teach them: Seek first the kingdom of God. Live for what Jesus loved. Let your hearts bleed for the orphans, widows, sinners, and the poor. Make each day, each hour, count for His glory.

See part two of this post, regarding causes of addiction, here.

And if the spiritual arguments don't convince you, read the following sobering facts below, reblogged from here. You may not allow violent games in your home, but if you allow a gaming culture, your children may be tempted to venture out into other, violent games when they move away from home and are exposed to new gaming friends and acquaintances:

Violence and Video Games

There are countless cases of violence and crime connected directly or indirectly with video gaming.  Grand Theft Auto, for example, has created a long death trail in its wake.  However, few have had the courage to call its designers and promoters to task, halt its production and reverse the severe damage it has unleashed.  Here are only some of the many crimes connected to Grand Theft Auto:

• A man was stabbed and his copy of the game was stolen;4
• A college student stole a car, kidnapped a woman and slammed into nine parked vehicles. He said he wanted to play the game “in real life”;5
• A teenager in Thailand killed a taxi driver in a copycat crime from the game (Thailand banned the game afterwards);6
• An 8-year-old boy in Louisiana shot and killed his 90-year-old caregiver minutes after playing the game (this was ruled a homicide);7
• Students as young as six acted out drug and rape scenes from the game.8

It is also noteworthy how some observers have recognized similarities between the virtual riots enacted in Grand Theft Auto and the real life riots over the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri.

More crimes tied to other video games can be seen in the following cases:

• After his Call of Duty game was taken away, a 13-year-old boy shot his own mother multiple times, killed her, and proceeded to attempt to rape her;9
• The father of a two-year old son punched his child in the face, killing him, in order to stop him from crying while he was playing his video game;10
• A 17-year-old in China was stabbed through the skull with a kitchen knife after being caught cheating in an Internet café while playing an online game;11
• A 16-year-old boy killed his mother with a hammer while she was sleeping after she took his Play Station away;12
• A couple in South Korea allowed their real child to starve to death while they were feeding a “virtual” child on a game called Second Life;13
• An 8-year-old hung himself after he was scolded for spending too much time playing video games.14

Gaming to Death

Video game addiction can be so overpowering that players sometimes lose their most basic instinct of self-preservation.  Dozens of people have injured and killed themselves playing video games as can be seen in these examples:

• A young man was found slumped over his keyboard at an Internet café after playing for over 15 hours. He died of an heart attack caused by lack of sleep and dehydration;15
• A 20-year-old died from a blood clot after playing 12-hour binges, sometimes staying up all night on the computer;16
• Another man died after a 40-hour binge playing a game called Diablo III.  He passed out at a computer terminal at an Internet café. When an employee woke him up, he promptly stood up, took a few steps and collapsed and died;17
• A man in China played for an unbelievable 27 days straight (650 hours of consecutive gaming), and died of heart failure and malnutrition;
• A 13-year-old girl, while playing video games, called to her mother, “Mom, I can’t breathe.” She had a severe heart attack and later died.

When Imagination Overpowers the Mind

Video gaming frequently allows the imagination to cloud the intellect and weaken the will.  The player sees a virtual “world” on a screen and interacts with it as if it were real.   The distinction between real and false is blurred.  Even in extremely simple games such as Angry Birds, impulse and imagination rule.  Because of the “respawn” -- when the digital player or human player comes back to life after being killed -- gamers act first and think later. 

To win, the player makes split decisions, ignoring all danger.  After all, it is only a game. However, this behavior lends itself to a real imbalance.  If you routinely “do” things you would never dare do in reality, there is a chance you might behave in real life as you behaved during the video games. The player can “do” crazy things -- usually involving violence -- that would be horrible crimes in real life.  This mental dichotomy desensitizes the player. 

For example, in countless games the player can rip out throats, slit necks, shoot and stab people, and run over people with a car.  Imagine the mind of a young man who just played six hours of Gears of War II, an extremely violent game. He walks into the (real) street after "killing" people with a chainsaw, but suddenly, that's no longer a good idea.  He must switch "realities."  If the same fellow sees a chainsaw in a yard, images of human carnage will flash into his mind.  He might chuckle to himself, thinking, “I wish I could do that in real life.”

In fact, Grand Theft Auto V is so realistic that there are Google maps that show real-life locations used in the game set to Los Angeles, California. The designers of the game took pictures of buildings, intersections, and places of interest to make the game more life-like: “There's always new things to see, and layers of detail on the ambient life that really makes it feel like there's stuff going on without you," said video game architect Aaron Garbut. "It's a world with which you interact and exist, it doesn't feel like a facade that's created around you.”18  Grand Theft Auto V, which cost $265 million to make,19 promotes criminal activity, cop killings and prostitution while the player visually "walks" on real California streets.  Can this have a positive effect?

Weekly Summer School and Life Wrap-Up 6/12

This post is long because I'm behind on my updates, but I put bolded headings in so you can skip what doesn't appeal to you. There are character training books featured below, as well as newly published elementary non-fiction science books. Thank you for being here!

An Overview of Our Summer School 

two boys, ages 11 and 13, and two girls, ages 6 and 8

I hope you're all enjoying summer weather. We're still in school, though using a more relaxed approach. Paul, age 11, is reading selections from the library as part of the summer library reading program. He still loves American history, finishing a library book about the Louisiana Purchase, as well as The Adventures of Pinocchio. He's taking a break from Teaching Textbooks Math 7 to try pre-algebra on Khan Academy this summer. He continues with the Khan Academy computer programming courses as well. His aptitude for the detailed work amazes me.

Peter's (age 13) OCD is severe and he still struggles to get through novel reading, some math, some writing. I won't be giving him much else this summer. Whenever there's a crises or problem with a child or family, I believe in keeping it to the three R's. We supplement by checking out Discovery Kids, National Geographic, and Disney Kids Non-fiction Science DVD's, and Magic School Bus DVD's. Peter always checks out non-fiction animal and plant and garden books from the library, too.

The girls, ages 6 and 8, continue with math, reading, and writing in their journals. I read a lot of non-fiction to them from the library and find that along with the experimenting and discovery learning they do on their own, they're getting a well-rounded curriculum.

Update on the OCD situation

As much as I mourn his disorder, God showers us with grace, still. Peter is not ready for a residential treatment center yet, but when he has had enough and is ready to do Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, we will probably have to admit him to a center in Cleveland for a few weeks at least. The OCD is stealing his life away. I've researched and learned that it's a bad idea to put an OCD patient in intensive therapy before they're at the end of their rope. It's hard to get insurance to pay for it, and it doesn't accomplish much if a patient doesn't commit to it 100%.

The therapy is grueling, scary, very difficult, as it forces the patient to deal with the fears and thoughts rather than try to neutralize them with rituals as a knee-jerk response. The ritual response worsens the OCD. The more rituals they do, the more their brain bombards them with disturbing thoughts, and eventually the rituals no longer work to neutralize the thoughts, and they can no longer function in their daily life. Peter is getting to this desperate point, even as he understands much about his disorder and how it works within his brain. It's hard for any of us to understand, but the thoughts are so strong the patients can't help themselves, even though they know it's all ridiculous.

Peter's ADHD makes it hard for him to focus consistently on what he needs to do to filter the OCD thoughts. He knows the normal thought filter in his brain doesn't work, so he has to manually filter thoughts and throw them in the garbage can, otherwise his brain reacts to each thought with panic. The two disorders--OCD and ADHD--work against each other, which is a tragedy.

It is very hard, but I have to accept this situation and the effects it's having on our school year and household. I don't know that I can graduate Peter at 18 years old if something doesn't change with his condition, but I will keep Paul on track to graduate at 16. Paul has always been taught with his older brother, who is 22 months older. Research affirms that very bright students do far better when allowed to jump grades. Schools have shied away from allowing bright kids to skip grades, due to the social aspect, but current research doesn't back up that hesitation.

A Hard Lesson for Homeschool Moms (and moms in general)

As homeschool moms we have a lot of ideas and desires when it comes to our homeschool, but we have to commit to teaching the students we have, not the students we wish we had. God has given each of our children a unique path to walk, and pain is naturally part of it in some form, due to the sin curse. The big picture compels us not to spend time putting out fires constantly, but to teach children how to walk with God consistently. We should spend as much or more time on their spiritual growth, as on their intellectual growth. Academic success without spiritual success won't take children far, or anywhere we want them to go.

Our daily trials here lend themselves to much growth as we cling to God for our sanity. My children are gleaning much from these difficult years. I see it and feel it within my own heart, and I embrace it for his glory.

But sometimes, like yesterday, I feel like I'll break down. I worked diligently to get the kids out to the van by 10:30 AM, to make a pre-op appointment at Children's Hospital, ahead of Beth's early July eye muscle surgery. Paul closed Beth's thumb in the van door and it swelled up immediately, so we headed to the ER at the same hospital, instead of to her eye doctor's wing. The x-ray came back normal, and then we got lost as we headed out of the ER parking lot, trying to get to the downtown parking garage we needed for the other part of the hospital.

Then, when we got to the ophthalmology wing, they were out for lunch but the waiting room was open. We waited 30 minutes, then found out we needed to go to pre-surgery floor of the main hospital. I thought the ophthalmology nurses were to do the pre-op appointment. The whole ordeal took six hours, and then Paul had a piano lesson at 5PM.

Long day! We all agree we hate running around. We're homebodies here.

Learning to Hold My Thoughts Captive

As we started out that day, during the whole 20-minute drive to the hospital I fought tears--a culmination of severe stress accumulated over several days, due to the OCD and my daughter's storm phobia and other issues. The swelling thumb and Beth's tears seemed like the last straw for my nerves. I wondered if Beth would have nerve damage in her thumb, and how would it affect her love for the arts? An artist needs her hands and her eyes, and God was messing with both lately in my little girl.

As much as I didn't feel in control inside, I kept control outside, due to being able now, in my late forties, to hold my thoughts captive far quicker than I could do in my thirties or early forties. Our thoughts can lead to joy, or despair (more so than our circumstances), so learning to hold them captive and direct them heavenward is an essential life skill for every Christian.

It's not that we ever entirely stop worrying or stressing or wondering "why me". It's that with personal trials and growth therein, the Holy Spirit teaches us to hold all these normal-but-damaging thoughts captive within minutes, rather the hours or days it used to take us.

Some pictures from the past two weeks

 basil

 Cosmos flower, which has since been eaten by bunnies down to ground level

 yellow squash

 Strawberry patch is producing beautifully this year. I haven't needed to buy strawberries in the last week.

 tiny maple tree saplings from the seedlings cleared from our rain gutters

 zinnia

When given adequate free time, kids always find ways to amuse themselves (and learn). Here they're floating balloons over the air filter in the boys' room. They were thrilled and experimented with how to get them to float lower or higher, and how size of balloon affected float level. 

A cardboard animal family

Miss Beth continues to use all her free time making things from cardboard, leaves, flower petals, etc. She is conscious of the amount of tape she uses now, and one day took me by the hand and showed me the duct tape she had used up and hidden under a bed, so as not to stress or anger us, I suppose. We had given her a talk about the cost of tape the prior week. I had to inwardly laugh, folks, and wonder how long she was stressing about having used a ton of tape in three days. While I'm not thrilled with the cost, I see genius in her creative mind (don't all parents think that...lol) and I can't hinder her.

She even asked me this week for three free duct tape rolls for her Christmas present.

The first place she heads upon arriving at the library is the craft book section, although she doesn't seem to make things from these books. She tells me they just give her ideas, which I think is more like saying, they open her eyes to the possibilities. Being dyslexic helps too; she fits the profile in so many ways. She truly sees possibilities we don't see, and keeps the big picture in mind.

Her fine motor skills are getting a rigorous work-out with all the cardboard she cuts out. Forming lower-case letters is still a challenge for her, as they were for all my kids at this same age (six).

 A cheetah

 An octopus that Paul made.

 A squid made by Beth.

 A flying creation of the Beth kind. She has a stick, two yellow leaves (waning milkweed leaves), a rock up front, a green leaf, and enough duct tape to hold it together. 

She's made more in the last two weeks, but I didn't get it all photographed.

I couldn't stand the disheveled pantries and the filthy fridge another day. Half a Saturday went by as I cleaned and rearranged.

Living payday to payday means I can't stock up on groceries, which isn't that big of a deal, considering our 1960's cupboards (i.e. no space!). The only cereals I buy are Cheerios and oatmeal, both of which have to be stored on top of the fridge for lack of other options. I basically keep to the same pantry staples, like dry and canned beans, tomato sauce, nuts and seeds, rice, pasta, taco shells, tortilla chips, popcorn, baking supplies, and applesauce. All the spices are in another tiny cupboard, which I also cleaned.

The annual fishing derby at a local state park. The child on the left is mine. 

Of course a toad must be loved on before we can leave any park. They're a must find or Mary doesn't deem the outing successful. She's still reluctant to leave nature at the park, but we're working on her selfishness in this regard. Here, Peter holds the toad.

This park has the perfect, low-level climbing tree. After last summer's concussion due to falling out of a tree (Peter), my children now climb only this particular tree, with a parent spotting. 

The Balancing Act that is Parenting

My female doctor is married to another doctor and they share one work contract. She works Tues & Thurs, and he works M-W-F. They share the homeschooling of their three children. Anyway, I spoke with her last fall about my son's tree accident, explaining that my husband had taken the kids to the park for a church picnic and left the tree area to watch my young daughter at the playground. Peter then climbed the tree unsupervised, with another middle school boy from church. He stepped on a weak branch that broke under his weight, causing a fall that exceeded 10 feet and led to a short black-out and concussion. 

I haven't said so here, I don't think, but I was pretty angry (non-verbally angry) with my husband about the unsupervised tree climbing. Peter has had so many problems from that concussion. He still can't read with pleasure (or for school) as he once did so prolifically, partly because of the fatigue it causes and because his OCD rituals cause him to reread sections he's already read, increasing his fatigue. It's still debatable whether his OCD went from mild/moderate to severe because of his concussion or his puberty years or both. Concussion can cause OCD in patients who previously never experienced it, depending on the area of the brain affected.  

I still have to squash my resentment at times, holding it captive for the sake of the gospel and my own peace. No resentment in marriage is acceptable and all of it needs to be held captive within minutes. 

I never would have allowed a child so high up in a tree. My doctor sympathized with me, saying she and her husband have the same go-arounds concerning what is safe. Neither of us were belittling our husbands so much as validating our feelings and confirming that children need two parents, a mom and a dad balancing each other, so children are neither too careful nor dangerously adventurous. The Lord has balanced our families by balancing female and male characteristics, though there are certainly some more careful men and wildly adventurous mothers in the mix as well. 

I now go to the park with the family as often as I can for this very reason, leaving chores undone and causing myself more stress sometimes. As mothers we have to accept the stressors inherent in mothering and caring for a family and balance them as much as possible. I try to have the children tidy up all the living areas now, before we enjoy any parks, so we don't come home to a bunch of stressful clutter.

Some park photos

The tree frogs on our own property are found out quickly, even on the roofs! There's no hiding here.

And of course, we have enough frogs on this property to please even Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. They're ever fascinating to my children, especially to Mary and Peter, though Peter less so this year, at thirteen years old. He still loves the toads.

New Character Training Books
This school year we've been all through the Miller Family Series, and A Busy Hive of Bees, and Another Hive of Bees, and I needed something else for our morning character training and prayer devotional time. I found these suggestions, and used this website to buy four books @ $6.95 each, containing 8 character stories each, by Vivian D. Gunderson. We've been through three stories and I love them so far.

Some newly published non-fiction science picks we've enjoyed (elementary picture books)

From Bulb to Tulip 

by Lisa Ownings

published Feb, 2015

School library journal synopsis: K-Gr 2—Lerner adds to this long-running, well-received series about transformation (previous titles have tackled animal and plant life cycles, food, and science). Though concise and comprehensible, the books still convey the essence of how these things come to be. Each spread features only a few sentences and serviceable photos. The small trim size, vocabulary words in bold, colorful and clean design, and spare but well-presented index and table of contents make this an ideal first step for nonfiction newbies. In choice of subject matter, too, this one sets itself apart from the usual fare for this audience. Strong offerings.

Wild Ideas: Let Nature Inspire Your Thinking 

by Elin Kelsey

published April, 2015

School Library Journal Synopsis: PreS-Gr 2—From the creative team behind You Are Stardust (Owlkids, 2012) comes a new picture book encouraging readers to ask questions and observe the answers found in nature. Every creature has problems and ways of discovering solutions to fit a specific need. Using examples from wildlife, the author asks children to learn from the ingenuity of animals and apply their creativity to human problem solving. "Pigeons procrastinate. Bees calculate. Elephants innovate." Much can be learned from careful observation of the world around us—just as some squirrels learn to cross a busy street by watching humans, we can learn from watching other species. Some may be "wild ideas," like the way chimpanzees invent drinking spoons from folded leaves, while others reinforce ideas we might already employ. "Killer whales rely on their mothers' wisdom. Baboons get guidance from their dads." The full-color, full-page illustrations are all dioramas that depict the animals and children interacting. Although many scenes are quite busy and full of detail, the text, sometimes in varying sizes, is clear and easy to read. An author's endnote explains the research involved. VERDICT Although most readers will be drawn to this book because of the animal content, they might pick up some problem-solving skills in the process

Animal Eyes 

by Mary Holland

published February, 2015

Publisher Synopsis: The sense of sight helps an animal stay safe from predators, find food and shelter, defend its territory and care for its young. We can tell a lot about an animal from its eyes: whether it is predator or prey, whether it is more active during the day or night, and sometimes even its gender or age. Award-winning nature photographer and environmental educator Mary Holland shares fascinating animal eyes with readers of all ages.

The Nitty-Gritty Gardening Book: Fun Projects for ALL SEASONS

by Kari Cornell

Published March, 2015

Publisher Synopsis: Grow your own fruits, vegetables, and flowers! Become a gardener in any season with these fun and easy projects. You don't even need a garden space--many of these activities can be done by planting in containers to set on a porch or a patio or even in a window. Try your hand at growing potatoes and strawberries. Plant bright flowers that attract butterflies, birds, and bees. Learn how to get daffodils to bloom in the winter! You can even make your own compost. Colorful photographs and simple step-by-step drawings make each project easy to follow for gardening success. Ready to get your hands dirty and your garden growing?

Frogs: All About their life cycle, five senses, habitat, and more!

by Seymour Simon

published April, 2015

School Library Journal Synopsis:  Gr 3–5—Among the plethora of books about frogs currently in print, Simon's stands out as one of the best. Covering the life cycle, five senses, and unique adaptations (who knew that frogs use their large eyes to help them swallow food?), readers are offered detailed information and just enough text for a young frog enthusiast or report writer. Unfamiliar words are in bold, and definitions worked seamlessly into the text are further defined in the glossary. Large, attractive, uncaptioned photos are well placed, effectively conveying the material (the frog demonstrating periscope eyes is particularly well placed). Simon devotes a paragraph to five types of unusual frogs and toads from around the globe, and there's also information about the current state of frog habitats and scientific research. VERDICT A smart choice for reports and recreational reading for all libraries.—Jennifer Wolf, Beaverton City Library, OR

How was your week, friends? Thank you for visiting.

Despair into Praise

I have a story today for all those dealing with problems or heartaches. Basically, this story is for all of us.

Mr. Davidson, a farmer, lived with his wife and young daughter on their farm in the country. Davidson was a Christian man, but not a very happy one. Things just weren't going well for him.

At first he lived a happy farm life, for he prayed to God for good weather, good crops, and a good return on his farming investments. God answered his prayers and he prospered.

Later, things were not so bright. The weather turned bad for a couple years, the crops failed, the cattle caught disease, and he himself fell ill and couldn't work as hard.

Though his health improved over time, with his livelihood in jeopardy, despair set in, as the farmer contemplated what he should do to support his small family. There was so much work to do to restore the farm, that he wondered if it wouldn't be better to leave it and start over.

Finally one day, all hope dead in his heart, he put his farm up for sale.

This same day his young daughter, unaware of the trouble, happily played with her lettered blocks. Seeing her Daddy come into the room, she called him over to play with her.

     "Make me a word, Daddy."

He hesitated and then spelled out D E S P A I R, which most described his state of mind, as he worried over supporting his sweet little girl.

     "Is it a word?" inquired his daughter.

    "Yes, it says despair."

     "What does that mean?" she wondered.

     "It means all hope is lost."

His daughter continued to arrange her blocks and then called to him again.

     "Daddy, now what does it say?"

P R E S A I D

     "It isn't a word" he answered.

But he saw that if he rearranged it a bit, he could make a real word.

P R A I S E D

     "What does it say now?" she wanted to know.

     "It says praised."

When the little girl asked what it meant, he began to explain. Then suddenly he realized that this was the one thing which he himself had not done. He had planned, he had worked, he had discussed, he had even prayed, but he had never praised. It is very hard to praise when everything seems to be going wrong.

     "That is a wonderful change we made", he finally said to his daughter. "We changed despair into praised."

     "Yes, and without a single block more", his daughter noticed.

So it was that Mr. Davidson began to see how the Lord had really answered his prayers. He was not answering by taking away his problems, but by helping him to face them in another way. Mr. Davidson had never been able to praise God while his heart filled with despair. But now he determined to hope in God and to praise Him even though he still had his problems.

He again read the Bible and even memorized verses that tell of giving praise to the Lord.

When things improved, and proofs of answered prayer were clear for all to see, Mr. and Mrs. Davidson still praised God for His wonderful goodness in the times of sadness and despair. For it was in these times they had learned that God is worthy of real praise regardless of any circumstances. They had conquered despair with praise. They had proven the truth of the Scripture that says:

Psalm 50:23 Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.

I adapted this story from a chapter of Another Hive of Bees. (Christian character book for children.)

I personally still have most of the same problems I had last year. My son still leans on his OCD rituals and takes hours to complete a small amount of school. My daughter hides under covers in her bedroom when the skies darken. She despairs in her young mind about the (possibly) impending thunder, lightning and sure doom (in her mind anyway, sure doom). My youngest daughter's arthritis still wakens her with pain some nights. Appliances and other things keep breaking, while monthly income doesn't keep up.

If I despair, everything snowballs, but then pretty quickly I'm reminded I don't need my problems erased. We're passing through this broken place for a short time, and then we're free of the sin curse. We enjoy full healing in heaven.

The healing and rewards come later, the obedience and grace occur now.

Change despair into PRAISE for the glory of God.

Verses of praise:

Psalm 150:1-6 
Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! ...

Psalm 150:6 
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Psalm 95:1-6 
Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. ...

Psalm 117:1-2 

Praise the Lord, all nations! Extol him, all peoples! For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord!

Psalm 96:1-9 

Oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth! Sing to the Lord, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens. ...

Psalm 146:1-2 

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

1 Chronicles 16:29

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him! Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness;

Psalm 62:1-12

To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A Psalm of David. For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. How long will all of you attack a man to batter him, like a leaning wall, a tottering fence? They only plan to thrust him down from his high position. They take pleasure in falsehood. They bless with their mouths, but inwardly they curse. Selah For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. ...

Not Ashamed of the Gospel: The Duggar Ordeal

I read the transcript of Ms. Kelly's interview with the Duggars, and I watched a few online videos of it as well. I thought they did a good job explaining the steps they took to address an incredibly scary situation.

Because I don't hate them, I could really understand what they were saying. I really heard their words, rather than scrutinized them in attack mode, which is what the haters did.

Next, I studied the response. I read early sets of comments in about three articles, mortified. The hateful response wasn't so much of a surprise, but the lack of contrary opinion really concerned me. Prior to the interview, there were still some brave Christians countering what the haters were saying.

Are we afraid to speak now? Have the moral relativists beaten us down? Has it become so dangerous to dissent on moral values that Christians will no longer speak? I understand that it sometimes seems futile. Reading the hateful comments, one can see the spiritual blindness in them. "They know not what they do"--certainly this is true here.

I know this kind of religious hate. I was on the receiving end of it from one of my own parents, with whom I cut off contact 16 months ago. Religious persecution is incredibly hard to handle and the closer the persecutor is to you, the harder it becomes. It eventually becomes so pervasive that you can only step away and honor that family member with your forgiveness and your prayers. You don't have to remain in the line of fire in order to forgive them--forgiving doesn't mean staying with.

What would the haters have done differently, I wondered as I read their vile comments?

Most of us wouldn't turn our sons over to the police for what Josh first confessed to, unless we became convinced we had lost him. A true or potential monster, even if it's our own son, needs to be turned over without hesitation. Josh demonstrated, in confessing on his own, that he wasn't entirely a lost lamb yet--just a terribly stray one. I believe the Duggars would have immediately turned him over if his offense had been worse.

And I believe they were vigilant in watching him out in public as well, in light of his confessions.

When they said..."this wasn't rape"...they weren't excusing his "touching over the clothes, and a few seconds under the clothes" (I haven't read the police report). They were only clarifying why they didn't take him to the police right away. They weren't saying their son didn't have a glaring, scary problem.

Would the haters, I wonder, at that juncture, have assumed their son was a real criminal who couldn't be rehabilitated by meticulously involved, serious, sober parenting? I agree some of us would have removed such a child from our home sooner, but take him to the police right away? How many would have done that?

They did take it very seriously. They were mortified. In loving their son despite his sin, they weren't failing to love their daughters. They did lock doors and protect their daughters at night, and watched Josh closely during daylight hours, even removing him from the home to be with his dad at work, so as not to burden Michelle with having to watch him so closely while she was homeschooling and caring for babies.

They poured their hearts into him, trying to win him for the Lord, without forgetting their daughters--forgetting their daughters being something for which they were brutally accused of on social media.

When he offended again (at least once with a five-year-old), they knew he couldn't live under their roof any longer. However, they didn't see a good outcome in sending him to a correctional facility, which didn't have reasonable success rates. Also, I suspect they weren't ready to conclude he needed to be registered as a sexual offender for life.

They spoke to church elders for guidance, knowing they had done all they could on their own, without resolution. They knew the risk in sharing (possible betrayal) but did it anyway. They didn't hide in the dark. It was decided to try Christian counseling/mentoring in another state for three months, followed by allowing him back in the house (having changed), with every child in the family, including Josh, receiving professional, accredited counseling.

When Josh returned from the mentoring program, he was apparently a new, rehabilitated creature in Christ, but they still kept safeguards in place. The father expressed in the interview that sending him away for mentoring was the best decision of the whole ordeal.

The haters don't get this and this is big. If you don't believe in Jesus Christ, resurrected, you don't believe in a transformation of the heart. You can't believe someone supernaturally becomes a new creation. This occurred in my own heart and life--having come to Christ at age 31. I look back at the old me and don't even recognize that former person.

My adult transformation does help me understand the blindness inherent in the spiritually dead. The word blindness is appropriate in describing the heart of the unsaved.

Only Josh and the Lord know the current state of Josh's heart, but so far, no new victims have come forward. It appears thus far, then, that Josh may be one of the 85% to 90% of boy offenders aged 12 to 14 who do this kind of thing sometime in these two years, without it being a prolonged sin following them into adulthood.

The Duggars learned a few things as parents through their ordeal: don't let boys babysit, don't let older boys hold little ones, don't let kids play games, such as hide-n-seek, alone in bedrooms. Everyone was to stay visible, according to the new rules.

They were attacked for these safeguards on social media. Many said these measures were ridiculous (that Josh himself was the problem, not his hormones or adolescent boys in general).

The parents did take Josh to the local police station (with a non-family witness in company) upon his return home from the three-month mentoring program. They didn't pick out any certain officer ahead of time. They got who they got, and it happened to be someone who only gave Josh a stern talking to, instead of filling out a report. Years later, this officer ended up in prison for pornography charges, which was a coincidence and not a reflection of the Duggars.

After the visit to the police station, the Duggars say they didn't know what would come next, whether it was an arrest, an investigation, whatever. They waited. Months went by and nothing happened, until 2006 when a tipster (apparently an acquaintance who betrayed them) started new police involvement, which included each child involved, except Josh, who was 18 by this time, being interviewed at length. Then, Josh went with the parents before the judge, who dismissed the case because of the statute of limitations having passed, and because all involved had already received counseling.

Child services said the family handled it well--better than most. People rarely take their children to the police for such things, according to the authorities.

Nothing the Duggars did to address the situation pleased any of the haters. Nothing.

Realistically, if people are honest, the only things some of us would have done differently is maybe put such a child in professional counseling immediately, as well as removing him from the home far sooner. However, it was the 3 months away that seemed to really turn his life around, so who are we to say the parents made a mistake with their timing?

In their defense, when it became clear it could be deeper and darker than teenage experimentation, such as when the five-year-old was involved, they removed him the same day.

Does any disagreement on the speed of counseling, or the speed of removing him (or even on getting the police involved), really make these parents vile, deserving of serious disrespect and hate? What two families handle anything exactly alike?

The haters even attacked Michelle's hairstyle, her eyes, her voice, the way she looked at her husband. They claimed the husband barely let Michelle speak. They claimed these two were uneducated hillbillies. (Obviously, the haters had read a thing or two about patriarchy and assumed Michelle had no say in their marriage, before actually seeing any evidence of this).

The Duggars say they are not part of patriarchy or Quiverful, but they do share a good number of the characteristics.

Personally, I felt Michelle said everything she wanted to say, and her husband was respectful of her the whole time (at least in the clips I saw). They seemed like a good team. Who wants to watch an interview wherein the parents are constantly talking over one another?

I wasn't watching the interview with a hateful heart, but a heart to understand and learn the facts about what has become an attack on this family--and by default, an attack on Christianity in this country (because so many had things to say about this family's stance on marriage equality, and on a certain robocall Michelle made in Arkansas last year. The attacks weren't primarily about how they handled their tragedy, so much as how they handled it in light of their political beliefs).

The clear message is: Don't have standards for people's behavior, or we'll come after you. Don't hold up the Bible as a standard for human behavior. Especially, don't do this if you aren't a saint yourself.

In other words, don't have standards, period, except law and order. Let's be a country without boundaries in our personal and collective behavior. Whatever makes you feel good that isn't cheating, stealing, violating or murdering, go for it and let well enough alone.

Never mind that this isn't working. Never mind that children are committing suicide and falling apart in huge numbers. Never mind that problem drinking in this country now affects a third of the population (are we going to become Russia, with it's shocking alcoholism figures)? Moral relativism is failing us as a nation.

My main problem with the Duggars prior to that interview was that they agreed to do a reality show and put their family out there, knowing something damaging could get out. I didn't enjoy all the mud-slinging toward Christians one bit. In fact, I can't sleep some nights thinking about what it's like for Christians in this country right now, though I trust God. I mourn the loss of any reasonable amount of respect. Years down the line, maybe it will be more than just respect, and become an issue of safety whenever we want to voice our Christian beliefs.

Back to the Duggars deciding to do a reality show in 2008 (and TV specials before that). They had nothing to hide at that point in 2008, apparently, but it was still risky, just two years out from the last contact with police, with the police record never getting sealed (because Josh was 18, an adult, when the last police work was done).

The law and the police were supposed to protect the victims, but not Josh at that point. He sued, and lost his battle to have his records sealed. More identifying circumstances should have been redacted in that released report, given the family's notoriety. Someone chose not to afford the family (the victims) this kindness.

Now, I think I understand the reality show decision a little better. They are a political family with a very strong ambition. They want to influence law and the culture for good. They agreed to the show, I surmise, partly to gain exposure. Apparently it was worth the risk to them--that's what ambition is, partially. Being willing to take risks to realize a goal. 

I can only partially understand this, having no personal drive for a national arena (or even a Facebook or Twitter arena).  It remains to be seen if they conclude, in the end, that it was worth the risk. God will use it for good. He already is. Due to Kelly's report, people are calling abuse hotlines in the droves.

One of the most difficult things about succeeding in politics is answering the question: How do I become a household name? A national show is one way in--something Huckabee chose as well, though in a different format.

I pray we all speak our minds without fear, while clinging to the Lord for strength. No matter what people say about us, we mustn't be ashamed of the Gospel. Speak, speak, speak, for the glory of God.

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.

When You Want To Fit In

He came home from church that day, wondering: Why am I so different?

The youngest in a forty-member class of 7th to 12th graders, he felt left out. Forgotten.

Why don't I have a smart phone? Why don't I have a Twitter or Facebook account? Why don't I have a phone number of my own? Why don't I go on vacations and why can't I do things that cost money? Why don't I get out of school in June and start in September like everyone else? Why do I have a brain glitch that takes up all my time?

He doesn't really want a smart phone: I know this because he hates seeing the faces of youth at church bowing before a phone, unwilling to socialize with the youths all around, who are alive and present and ready to relate.

He knows, too, that he is blessed not to have everything handed to him. He knows distinguishing wants from needs is essential for cultivating gratitude.

But the phone and the lack of vacations are just more ways he is different, and at this juncture, he's still reminding himself that different is good. Fitting in is an empty, misdirected goal. Fitting in is to deny our uniqueness--the specific set of characteristics God gave only to us, as he knit us in the womb.

There's a scriptural "fitting in" that we'll get to below.

To buy a smart phone or the latest thing we don't need is to live blindly--out of touch with our real purpose. It's a wild goose chase, this world-style fitting in.

He also had embarrassing confessions after church that day (which he doesn't mind sharing): I feel like I want to be noticed; I want people to think I'm smart; I want to be able to impress people.

Having been raised in a Christian home, he knew these feelings were not something to advertise. He knew that theologically, they were flawed. And yet he is wired to process his feelings verbally, so speak them he must.

A verbal teen is far easier to rear because nothing is hidden. Everything can be discussed until it's understood and properly placed in a Christian context.

Thankfully, I have three verbal children and another who's easily drawn out.

We talked about these issues, again--all of them coming up recently in another context.

Human beings were meant to be in community, enjoying fellowship and appreciation from one another. We like attention because it speaks love and value into our hearts and lives. All of this? It's basic human psychology.

The problem is, our needs have a depth not equaled by even our family. The hunger for purpose and significance--put their by our Creator--can only be filled by our Heavenly Father, who gave believers an innate desire not to glorify ourselves, but to glorify him.

Devoid of a thriving relationship with our Lord, we mistakenly work for our own glory, thinking it will give us the worth we crave. Whatever skill or gift we have, we work it for our own good, which temporarily fulfills us.

My son? He wants to teach people about God. He feels it in his bones--that this is what he can and needs to do (in addition to the farming). There's a hunger to start it soon and he wonders if he should have the fifth and sixth graders over for a Bible study here at our home, so he can teach them.

He wants to do a good job at it, and be recognized and feel worthy.

Basic human psychology at work here, still. We have capacities and gifts that scream for release--dreams to be fulfilled. We need work, toil, a purpose for rising each day.

All these things, son? They simply make you human and they shouldn't bring shame.

But we must clarify, daily, who it is for whom we toil and why. Who filled this earth with human beings, to exist with and yet have higher needs and intelligence than the animals? Who gave us the desire and capacity to create and build and design and instruct and lead and help and comfort and manage and discern and exhort? Who created such diversity, that we all crave something different for our mind or hands?

God.

Together, we make up his Church. Alone, we can do nothing of value. Each gift, alone, has no power. It is the exercise, in community, of each man's gift that creates a beautiful symphony, in honor of the Lord our God and for his glory.

So that gift you have, Son, for teaching about God? Do it in community. Exercise it properly and it will fulfill you as you honor God. You will be energized, filled with an inexplicable joy in it.

But. Exercise it for your own glory and all your power erodes and you are the same pitiful soul, searching for significance. In this context, your gift becomes irrelevant, and you, worthless.

Because your significance? It comes from your relationship with God and your exercise of the powers he instilled in you, for his glory. 

Did you get that part, son? For His glory.

This post is Part 3 of our Romans 12 Bible Study: Becoming a Romans 12 Christian.

Read Part 1 here.
Read Part 2 here.



FYI: If you title a post about a specific scripture, I find that you get fewer readers. But if the title strikes a cord about a human need, it's more likely to be read. And if you title it with a number--like five ways to lose weight fast, or five things you should never say, you get even more readers.

But I'm not professional like that so don't go looking for numbers in my titles anytime soon. It's all I can do just to get on here, and sort out the Holy Spirit whispers in the quiet of the night.

Today, we learn about our place in the Body, and why we shouldn't think one gift is more important than another, and why we shouldn't think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Let's read the verses below together:

Romans 12:3-8
3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Verses 3 - 8 are put in context for us by Bible.org, excerpt below:

In Rom 12:1-2 Paul calls believers to experience ongoing spiritual transformation. This transformation begins by presenting our bodies and renewing our minds. Most people stop reading with 12:2 because these two verses are so familiar. But 12:3 begins with “for” (gar), which is a connecting word signifying that Paul has more to say about transformation. What he says in 12:3-8 is that our commitment to worship and seeking God’s will is incomplete until we are ready to serve. In other words, if your worship does not lead to service, then you haven’t finished worshiping yet. To put it simply: True worship results in service. Paul shares three results of Christian transformation that will enable us to live a transformed life and to apply God’s will... Paul is obviously quite concerned that you and I think humbly about ourselves.

What is humility? It is the recognition and application of who you are in Christ. The first thing Paul does is call attention to his own dependence on grace in the use of his apostolic gift (cf. 1:5). He is saying, “I could easily begin to think too highly of myself as an apostle were it not for one thing: grace. All my calling, all my gifts, all my authority is a work of God’s grace in my life. I don’t deserve it; I didn’t muster it up; it is all of grace.” We must continually remind ourselves of this simple truth: our lives consist of grace. We are saved by grace; we grow by grace; and we are endowed by grace. We are what we are only by God’s grace.

Some gifts result in a front-center position, like pastoring or teaching or administrating. Others, like helping and mercy, are exercised quietly, but still powerfully, in the Body. It's tempting to feel left out as a quiet exerciser of behind-the-scenes gifts, or to feel too powerful as an exerciser of front-center gifts. Each gift is needed; each gift has equal weight in the Lord's sight.

When we think too highly of ourselves, or don't think highly enough of our part in the Body, we lose our balance and the symphony is off key.

Acknowledge your own gifts. Acknowledge your own need for significance, for purpose, for recognition. Next, enjoy the satisfying feeling of right relationship with God and with the Body, through which everything else falls into place. Transform from empty, to full. Transform from gnawing need, to spirit-filled power.

God loves us individually, but he calls us corporately, to work in unison for his glory. 

When we sit at his feet, when we study the Word, when we sing his praises, when we pray, he is there for us as a loving, affirming Father. In His presence, we are filled. He empowers us to serve Him--giving us both the desire and the capacity to join the symphony of believers making up the Church, his bride.

Now, I would do you a disservice not to close with this powerful nugget of wisdom from John Piper, who as he says it is exercising his gifts of discernment and teaching, knowledge and exhortation:

Do you see the astonishing thing that Paul is doing here? As he watches people puff themselves up, thinking of themselves too highly, he says, Here is how to think soberly about yourself: Make faith the measure of your mind. Make faith the measure of your heart, your life. And so he turns self-exaltation upside down. He says, Do you want to have significance? Then look to Christ as infinitely significant. Do you want to have value? Then look to Christ as infinitely valuable. Do you want to want to have esteem? Then look to Christ as worthy of infinite esteem.
Don’t make mistake here. I am not saying what so much contemporary Christian Popular Psychology says. I am not saying: Do you want to have significance? Then look to Christ as a means to your significance. I am not saying: Do you want to have value? Then look to Christ as the one who gives you value. I am not saying: Do you want to have esteem? Then look to Christ as the means of your esteem? I am not saying that in the renewed mind Christ is a means to the goal of your significance and esteem and value. I am saying: you were made to embrace him as infinitely significant and infinitely valuable and infinitely worthy of esteem. That is what the renewed mind does and loves to do. That is the deepest identity of the new mind.
I’ll say it again: Do you want to have significance? Then embrace Christ as the one who is infinitely significant to you. Do you want to have value? Then embrace Christ as infinitely valuable. Do you want to want to have esteem? Then embrace Christ as worthy of infinite esteem.

Thank you for joining me once again, as we study Romans 12. Can't wait until next time.