Sharing Burdens With Church Family, and Other Stuff

What's the longest you've ever prayed for someone's salvation?

My highest number? Fifteen years. Not just for one person, but for an entire clan.

One of the fifteen-year people will be visiting soon, for two weeks. She isn't staying with us, but with her sister, who resides in a neighboring township twenty minutes away.

These visits emotionally tax me. On the one hand, it is good to be around family.  But on the other hand, lots of preparation needs to be done, including changing the prayers in our prayer jars to reflect not salvation prayers, but prayers that everyone we know will experience God's peace. Mealtime is shared with visitors whenever possible, and mealtime is prayer-jar time. The clan of people I pray for? They range in their hostility to the gospel, and our visitor ranks pretty high on the hostility chart. Hearing a five-year-old pray for our visitor's salvation, in the visitor's presence? That wouldn't go over well at all.

With Christian family, you can share your burdens easily. But with non-Christian family, you have to be more careful of what you say. The amount of stress we've endured the last three years has been unusually high. Mostly I take it in stride, but sometimes it feels like a dam of tears could explode any minute--and that shouldn't happen in front of someone who believes that God either never existed, or, that he created the world and promptly stepped away, never to return.

If I let my burdens lose during one of these visits, would it look like I'm experiencing God's peace? Not to someone with an observation window of two weeks, every two years. She could never gather an accurate picture of our lives in these short Ohio visits, which don't even include daily visiting time. There are complicated reasons she stays with her sister instead of with us--reasons that have little to do with us, for the most part. I can't go into the reasons here.

Peter is a small part of it. I can say that much. He's a charmer one-on-one, but when people visit us the irritation he inflicts becomes evident after an hour or so. It pains me to see, though as his mother I know how difficult ADHD frenzy is to endure. He talks incessantly, he monopolizes attention, he fixates on one subject (usually nature). When people are here more than two hours, they find him exhausting. Unfortunately, he's missing the impulse control to stop his social onslaught. His medicine only subdues some of the hyperactivity; it does little for the impulse control. Church staff love him at the AWANA church, and at our church. They see him as highly engaging and smart. He is both those things, when you encounter him in short doses.

I'm used to loving difficult people, and even for me, it never gets easier. So I do understand.

But does that keep the heartache away? Surely not. It hurts to know people need to get away from my son. And there's nothing I can do about it. He's developed the social sense to know when people feel overwhelmed, but the control isn't there to back away.

I heard my dad remark once, about his nephew: "That boy is one of the most irritating people I know. I can't stand to be around him."  I asked him if he'd heard that Charlie--age 19 at the time--had ADHD. No, he'd never heard, and the revelation didn't fill him with grace either. He still felt nothing but disdain.

I'm all about people being held accountable for their actions, no matter what caused them. But a frenzied personality is not misbehavior. Whatever happened to, "There, but for the grace of God, go I?" 

I wish extended-family grace for my son, who didn't choose to live a hellish existence. The impulse control everyone else finds effortless, constantly eludes him.

Changing gears a little...

...Our church body broke up into small groups for prayer yesterday, instead of having a regular service. A church member lost her mother from a tragic motorcycle accident two days before, and her father was not expected to make it through the day. Other heavy things had happened to the body that week as well, so the pastor brought us together to share our burdens. Church is family, he told us. Yes, it's hard to share. But we cannot continue to enter church every week, pretending that everything is okay. No more phony.

He wants us to share the heavy of this life and be real.

The miracle is that my husband and I? Just the week before we remarked that not a soul knows our burdens in that church, and neither do we know much about our church body. Everyone smiles and shakes hands, but nothing real ever happens. It's not a potluck church in which everyone visits often, knows who needs prayer, and who bakes the best pies. The church does, however, do a wonderful job of reaching the community for Christ. But reaching each other? That needs work.

So, the congregation dutifully, but nervously, broke into small circles with the school cafeteria chairs. We are a 2.5-year-old, 170-member church plant that meets in the local elementary school.

When it was my turn to share a burden for prayer, I asked that a single-mother acquaintance of mine, who just earned a high-school teaching credential and amassed $72,000 in student loans, could find a job, even though there were no prospects and no sub jobs happening.

When it was my husband's turn, his voice wavered and though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was softly crying. You see, our Beth is in the worst arthritis flare we've seen. He's gone in the mornings by 7 AM, so he doesn't see how Beth struggles to walk, or how she starts the day crawling. It's not an easy sight.

By the time he walks through the door at 7 PM, she's feeling pretty lose most days. Thus, his tears on Sunday morning, when she walked like a stiff robot down the school hallway, oh so slowly.


His reaction broke me, and reminded me of how hard it will be for my relative during her visit, if Beth's flare doesn't subside. It's one thing to hear that a three-year-old you're related to has arthritis, but quite another to watch the reality.

How will she feel about God as she watches Beth in pain? Will the reality embitter her even more toward the Almighty?

Will Beth break out in her current favorite song, sung in her sweet, articulation-challenged voice, with her body-swaying, big-smiling enthusiasm lighting up hearts?

Stop and Let Me Tell You


Stop, and let me tell you
What the Lord has done for me.


Stop, and let me tell you
What the Lord has done for me.


He forgave my sins and he saved my soul.
He cleansed my heart and he made me whole.


Stop, and let me tell you
What the Lord has done for me.



Yes, Lord. May it be so. May she sing it out for your glory, and may it transform our visitor's heart. May the singing and the singer, reveal the truth of the gospel life:

That things aren't necessarily sweet when you're a Christian.
They're just grace-filled and achingly beautiful. 


Please pray? And friend, how can I pray for you? You can be real with me in this space. Comments are on delay.
 
photo credit

When Learning Is Hard For Your Child

 

As Peter encountered various stumbling blocks in his learning, it became clearer to me how the difficulties were related. His problematic areas over the years--recognizing numbers, reading sight words, cursive, spelling patterns, math facts, telling time--have all been tied to visual processing.

With passing time, and/or with the right materials, he's experienced success. One of the remaining stumbling blocks--spelling patterns--he's now progressing nicely in, thanks to Avko Sequential Spelling.

If he truly has visual problems, he may benefit from vision therapy, which is something I intend to look into in terms of insurance coverage.

I need to be prepared for possible further difficulties as he encounters new visual information, such as chemistry symbols, higher-math symbols, and the like.

You may not have a learning-disabled student, but knowing something about learning disabilities helps you pinpoint weaknesses, and then motivates you to find materials that work for your child. School teachers often teach a curriculum, instead of a child. That is to say, they try to fit the child to the learning material, rather than the learning material to the child. 


No one has more motivation than you do to help your child succeed. Your child's teacher may certainly care, but he or she doesn't possess the same time or sacrificial love that you do. Classroom teachers have many students and they can't go the extra mile for all of them.

A teacher may be using a learning style or technique, or curriculum, that is all wrong for your child. And for this reason, I invite you to read an article on learning difficulties. Many articles on this topic aren't easy to comprehend, but I found a jewel of an article that is parent friendly.

Very comprehensive, it details all types of learning disabilities. The truth is, we all have learning strengths and weaknesses. Learning something about how our brains acquire and process information can help your child even if no disability is present. If a weakness isn't addressed or identified, it can lead to problems later, when school work becomes more difficult and the pace more rapid.

It's important to note that children with learning disabilities do not have low IQ's. Their IQ's can be average or even high. Unlike "shady eighty" children, who possess lower-than-average IQ's, a child with a learning disability has the same potential as a person without a learning disability. Learning disabilities don't affect potential...but they can affect performance, if not addressed.

Once the disability is compensated for, either through interventions at home, at school, or in the workplace, learning and performance rates jump. These children can make it to college and excel in the workplace! Once they understand how they are different, they learn to make adjustments, such as sitting at the front, bringing a tape recorder, framing text to block out distracting images, etc.

The article in it's entirely isn't very long and I found it amazingly helpful.
You'll find it here:  http://www.helpguide.org/mental/learning_disabilities.htm

For in-depth information on auditory and visual processing disorders--the most common difficulties--this article is the best I've found:
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6390/



photo source

Saturday Devotions 4/14

Sunday in the Backwoods
Thomas Faed

My Saturday Devotions:  James 1:1-12

Scripture in black, my words in blue and red

 ¹ James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,

   To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:

   Greetings.

Trials and Temptations

 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

We know we will face trials. The question is not if, but when. Suffering can come in the form of a difficult-to-control child, a handicapped child, a job loss, the loss of a loved one, persecution, chronic pain, infertility, a broken relationship, a difficult husband or a difficult extended family, or loneliness and isolation. Suffering takes on so many different forms, I couldn't possibly name them all. Some people experience many at once.

The most difficult lesson suffering brings is this:  "Yes, this terrible thing is happening to me or around me, but God is still good. He is always good."  And just as important, he is always present.

God doesn't promise health, wealth, or happiness. He promises his presence. 

Every person you know can have better physical and mental health, more wealth, a nicer family, a more mature and devoted husband, blessed kids, and a greater support system, and it doesn't mean God loves you less. This is a huge concept to understand and internalize. 

I know this truth because the Bible tells me so:  "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3

Poverty of spirit refers to a deeply known and felt need for God. A person with poverty of spirit understands that they are nothing without God. They can't live in and get lost so easily in this world, because so many of the perks of this world aren't available to them...either they were never available, or they were rejected when they were found worthless compared to the richness of communion with God. Usually, those with poverty of spirit must live a heavenly existence, a kingdom existence, to survive. They focus on the eternal over the temporal.

We are told in this passage to ask for wisdom. This is also a huge concept, because we tend to believe we can get it figured out ourselves, if we just try hard enough. When we humble ourselves and ask for this wisdom, it will be given to us. And then, we must not doubt it. We mustn't go back to our own intellect or heart to find answers. Our task is to give up worrying and obsessing. We must cling to the wisdom given us by the Holy Spirit. Cling and trust.

 ⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. ¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

Never should we look at what others have materially, and wonder why we aren't similarly blessed. Wealth is not a blessing unless the one possessing it is willing to give it away. Let that concept sink in. Wealth is a blessing when used to bless others...bless others spiritually...such as relieving the suffering of the poor in Jesus' name. 

Giving our families the best of everything, or giving them abundance, does not bless them spiritually; it distracts them from their need for God. We have to resist the temptation to keep our abundance in our own family. We weren't saved to revel in wealth on earth. We were saved to bring glory to God, and our wealth must be part of that. What we receive vertically (from God), we distribute horizontally (loving others as ourselves).

 ¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

Persevering under trial requires God working through us. It requires dying to ourselves. No one perseveres because of a strong will (how many times have I convinced myself otherwise?). We persevere when we humble ourselves, when we ask for the wisdom promised us, and when we cling to it.

Scripture source

A word of wisdom? How have your devotions been this week, friend? You won't go to church tomorrow and open your Bible for the first time since last Sunday, will you? 

As mothers we are so busy; we give so much. But regardless of our work load, we cannot forsake devotions. We can't stay on a right path outside of fellowship with God. Bible reading and prayer are central parts of fellowship with Him. 

~ We can't experience God without them.

~ We can't please God without them. 

~ We can't bless our families without them. 

~ We can't bless the Church without them.

In Which I Owe the AWANA Teacher Some Chocolate

Interior at 'The Chestnuts' Wimbledon, Grandmother's birthday
J.L Dyckmans

The kids missed AWANA last week because Mommy was too nauseous to drive them. Mary had cried because she really wanted to see her teachers.


Tucking Mary in after AWANA night this week, I asked: "Was it so good to see Miss Helen and Miss Erica again?"


Mary:  "Yes, but something happened to Miss Helen's hair. It's dried out. Why is Miss Erica's hair still black, but Miss Helen's is gray?"


My husband picks up the kids so I didn't see Miss Helen's hair, but based on Mary's description, I figured she must have frosted it. Both the teachers are pushing forty and maybe some gray was bothering Miss Helen?


Mommy:  "It sounds like Miss Helen may have dyed her hair, Mary. You didn't say anything about it, did you?"


Mary:  "Yes, I went up to Miss Helen and told her that her hair was dried out."


Mommy:  "Oh, boy. (Insert maternal shame and sorrow here.) That may have hurt her feelings, Mary. What did she say?"


Mary:  "Well, I didn't really understand this, but she just smiled and said thank you."


Yes, indeedy. I think I owe Miss Helen a sorry card and some chocolate. I'm sure they got a giggle out of Mary's comment....but still.


If I ever dye my hair, it will be a shade of brown as close to my natural shade as possible, until I'm over 65. 


photo source

Scheduling Your Day: First Week Notes

Five O'Clock
George Dunlap Leslie

This post is a follow-up of: Scheduling Your Day: Why Bother?

First Week Daily Scheduling Notes:

~ Reaction From Family: The boys, ages 8 and 10, normally use check-off sheets to order their school days. So while used to a routine, they weren't used to a timed schedule. We used one for a while last school year, but with Beth's new arthritis diagnosis to contend with this year, I hadn't implemented one for the 2011-2012 school year.

The boys loved it and raved about it to Daddy the second he came in the door the first night. They remarked that they weren't wasting their time, which birthed greater productivity. The day went along faster.

I noticed that with a tighter schedule, the boys got along better and spent less time comparing each other's academic prowess. Peter, age 10 and in fourth grade, perfoms at grade level in most things, but reads and comprehends above grade level. Paul is two years ahead and uses the same materials Peter does for the most part, though his reading comprehension is lower. Peter has a fine-motor delay and can't manage cursive yet, while Paul loves cursive and does it beautifully. They hear all the time that God gives us different gifts, but as boys, they seem to be hardwired for competition.

Winter returned here two weeks ago (most of the tulips never bloomed), so getting them back inside after recess hasn't been a problem, though when spring weather arrives again, coming back in promptly may require an incentive and possibly a pre-decided consequence.

The girls liked having more individual time with Mommy, something I can better manage now that Peter's  behavior shows improvement.

I will need to organize more materials for the girls, hopefully this weekend. We have a whole lot of preschool materials, but the key is getting them all re-organized and ready to go in tubs, to be used during the times the girls must be in the playroom.

Beth suddenly stopped following asleep at naptime, except on the day she goes to her physical therapist. Her nap may be added back in...we'll see.

~ Laundry:  I put wiggle room into the schedule so I can shuffle laundry without actually scheduling it in. The boys and girls both have an afternoon segment of helping me fold clothes. We save the washcloths and small towels for the girls, as well as their own pajamas.

I've revised the schedule a few times. You won't see science or social studies specified, but the boys are currently reading mostly biographies and historical fiction. Two days a week we discuss their readings and use some support materials with the novels/biographies, but that isn't on this schedule.

Some Curriculum Notes:

Science:  They are currently raising tadpoles and watching their container pond outside for signs of life. Peter added frog eggs recently, from the drainage ditch across the street from our house. The boys are also planning our garden. In a couple weeks they will join the 4-H club, which offers many science projects. They've decided to start with a joint weather project, then Peter will either get a bunny or another hamster for a project, and Paul will do the aerodynamics booklet he saw offered on the 4-H website.

Reading:  I pull suggestions from Honey For a Child's Heart, and from Sonlight, and from Ambleside Online (Charlotte Mason). The first half of the year they read mostly classic fiction novels, and the second half of the year it's mostly historical fiction and biographies--a plan we started this year.

Math:  Teaching Textbooks - a CD Rom program with the best instruction you'll find (IMHO). Again, Peter began thriving in math when we began this his third-grade year.

He also needed Times Tales to master multiplication, which includes wonderful mnemonic devices (stories). My husband and I are amazed at the difference this mnemonic program made for Peter!

Paul, because his brain clings so easily to patterns, does math effortlessly. Both boys love Teaching Textbooks.

Spelling:  We use Avko Sequential Spelling. I dictate 125 words a week, all with similar patterns. The boys write them (25 per day) and if they make a mistake, they correct it immediately and then we go on. Peter has some learning disability that makes spelling very difficult for him. He is at least a year behind in spelling, but since we started this program, he's growing amazingly well. The problem wasn't a lack of spelling knowledge--he could recite spelling rules, but his writing never reflected the knowledge. This program, designed for dyslexics, contains the repetition Peter needs. It requires him to use the patterns over and over, so that his brain internalizes them. (He is not dyslexic.)

Paul is an excellent speller because his brain, highly visual, easily groups like entities. He spelled very well before I ever began instructing him. He does this program along with us because I believe it's the best, and because he likes it better than what he had.

Writing:  We use the Institute For Excellence in Writing's DVD student writing course for grades 3-5. The boys watch instruction one to two days a week, and on the other days I work with them on the writing projects.

Art:  Two days/week, not on this schedule


Here is the current breakdown for three days of our week:

7:30 Girls: wake up, dress, playroom  Boys:  wake up, make beds, get dressed

8:00 Everyone: Breakfast, Prayer

8:30  Girls: Storybook Bible w/mom  Boys:  Read your Bibles

9:00  Girls:  Coloring, ABC video or early reading video  Boys:  Spelling with mom

9:30  Mom in shower; Beth storytime with Peter;  Mary storytime with Paul   The boys are paid a nickel for every book the girls sit and listen to. This keeps them on task, trying hard to be engaging in their reading styles.  It also enables us to teach the boys some money managing skills. They will open savings accounts soon. The girls are paid a penny for listening.

10:00  Everyone:  recess/snack; mom sweep floors

10:30  Girls: Mary - reading instruction w/mom; Beth - coloring, counting  Boys: Read novel or biography for 30 minutes

11:00  Beth - physical therapy w/ mom; Mary - computer PBS.com; Boys - computer Cool Math games strategy, 15 mins. each, working together

11:30  Girls:  puzzles, dolls, dishes  Boys:  Write in journal   Mom:  Make lunch

12:00  Everyone:  lunch and prayer

12:30  Mom - dishes; Girls playroom; Peter - math; Paul - cursive, then read to girls (not paid this time)

1:00  Everyone:  recess  Mom: chores

1:30  Girls: video in playroom ( They can't interrupt me for the next hour, during which I do writing with the boys, in turn.)
Boys:  Peter - writing with Mom; Paul - math

2:00  Girls: free time in playroom  Peter - read 30 minutes; Paul - writing with mom

2:30  Girls: stories with mom, make beds with mom  Boys:  Peter - AWANA verses; Paul - read for 20 mins.

3:00  Everyone: recess/snack

3:30  Girls  help mom fold clothes; Boys  clean room, put away clothes

4:00  Girls - puzzles, playdoh  Boys  - help Mom fold clothes

4:30  Peter - read to girls (not paid); Paul - AWANA verses  Mom - put away clothes

5:00 Children free time, mom make dinner