The Power of Grace in Our Relationships

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane

"Mommy, I wish Daddy didn't get so stressed when you're gone. He isn't nice at all when you're at the store."

How do I tell him, an eleven-year-old boy, my main philosophy of life? It's a hard sell.

Son, don't wish things were different. 

This wishing things were different...I believe it's Satan's ploy. It's the first step toward ungratefulness, toward self-involvement, toward insensitivity, toward discontent, even toward divorce. 

Pray for spiritual progress, Son, but don't wish things were different. 

God doesn't always want things to be different, but he does always want spiritual progress. 

Sometimes, like when the Apostle Paul was converted suddenly on the road to Damascus, spiritual growth is all God and nothing of us. But most of the time we must use our free will to accept and embrace the Spirit's voice, and obey it. The more worldly we live, the harder it is to obey that voice. The closer we stay to God, the easier obedience is, because Satan has less room to work on us. 

How old does a child have to be before he can swallow this sobering truth: that God isn't interested in making our lives easy? I've told Peter this many times before in different ways, but wishing your own father was different is something familiar to me. All my life I've wished that about my own father, but each year, I wish it less, trusting God that it had to be this way to get me where I am today.

My husband has ADHD, undiagnosed all his life. Many things begin to make sense for me as a wife, when I learned more about this disorder in my son, and then recognized it in my husband. I certainly spent some years of my marriage wishing things were different, but after I recognized the problem, the Holy Spirit spoke loudly, forcefully..."You are called to a life of grace. Accept grace, extend grace, teach grace."

After this turning point the Spirit taught me to embrace the wonderful things about my husband, and extend grace regarding the not-so-wonderful things. I still slip at times when I'm too tired to care, but spiritual progress has occurred. My husband can't make a serotonin problem go away, but by grace I can make the serotonin problem null and void. 

Jesus tells me he has overcome this world. 

John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

What does this verse actually mean? It can't be interpreted that all my problems will go away, but it does mean they are temporary...as a vapor. True perfection will come later, in eternity.

Revelation 21:4 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

What Christ refers to when he says I have overcome "the world"? It's Satan. Satan's been overcome. The deed that the serpent did unto Eve and Adam, leading to all our tribulation? It's been overcome by the cross...by Christ's accepting the will of His Father and suffering and experiencing His Father's rejection for a time on that cross.

God loved us and sent his Son. He didn't have to remedy the Adam-and-Eve tragedy at all, but he choose to. First he spent centuries of time showing us our need (the Old Testament books), and promising a solution (the Messiah). Then at the appointed time a child was born in Bethlehem. A child who would be called Emmanuel..."God with us".

And again at the appointed time, they came for him and crucified him. 

Punishment is in order for all of us...eternal suffering. But instead we get out of the punishment (mercy) and receive a gift on top of that (grace)...a relationship with God here on earth, and later, heaven.

Without grace we're stuck in the Adam-and-Eve cycle of believing Satan and rejecting God.

When grace is lacking in our own hearts, what's the result? 

We always wish things were different. We get stuck. God didn't get stuck after he sent Adam and Eve out of the garden. Just as he made a covering for their bodies, he'd already conceived a covering for their sin. Grace. 

How do I help my son understand all these things, so he stops wishing his father were different? I don't want their relationship to have this dysfunctional foundation; I don't want Peter to get stuck. Instead, I want him to extend the grace that our Father conceived and Jesus achieved. 

I want him to have the peace Jesus promises us in this verse: "that in me you may have peace".Yet I know that's only possible for any of us, when we stop wishing things were different. 

Luke 22:37-39
He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” 39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Jesus did not want the suffering; he did not want the cross. Yet he didn't get stuck in that feeling. Along with uttering his desire to get out of it, he said, "Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Everything Jesus said was significant. But these words? They are perhaps the most significant. When we learn to live by these words, we learn to live by grace.

Grace, extended by my son toward his father, is how their dysfunctional foundation will be overcome. Pharmaceuticals can't do it. Time can't do it. Only grace.

My task is to teach my son to pray..."My Father, if it is possible, may my father be healed. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

I know in my heart that when Peter gets there, his thoughts will be transformed by the Spirit. He will think frequently..."I'm so blessed. My father loves me, he loves Jesus, he gives sacrificially of his time. He does the hard work of love, in Jesus' name."

Because when you take away the annoyances of a serotonin problem, my husband is all these wonderful things. I have to put on my "grace glasses" and see my husband the way Jesus sees him... as a sinner in need of grace. 

And my husband? He graciously sees me this same way. I know he does because he loves me with an unfailing love. With a sacrificial love. With a love that is as good as it gets here on earth. 

I am blessed.

In your own life the circumstances are different; it probably isn't a serotonin problem. But there's someone in your life--someone very close to you--who you wish were different. 

Grace is that difference, my friend. And it comes from the Spirit, through you, when you learn to utter:

"Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Letting Go

Isaiah 43:18-19“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

In some ways it's been a horrific week, and in other ways, a glorious week.

Tuesday morning I awoke, still ill with the flu, thinking the ache in my head must be a flu-related headache. Instead of taking my chronic migraine tablet--an acetaminophen/caffeine, Walgreen-brand cocktail--I took ibuprofen.

What a costly mistake, leading to a throbbing four-hour migraine, complete with two vomiting sessions. The whole time I was only vaguely aware of what my four children were doing. Half-reclining on the living-room couch with eyes closed and a washcloth over my face, I tried to listen to what was going on, to prevent any disasters.

They played and played, having a pretty wonderful time--the little ones only vaguely aware of Mommy's misery. Even in my private darkness, I was amazed at their ability to entertain themselves amiably, with all four siblings participating in the fun equally.

In one sense I felt it was four hours of my life wasted. I did nothing but stay on that couch, getting up only to vomit.

I'm a busy mom, and this predicament meant that no essential tasks got done, except pleading, desperate prayer.

The house turned into a disaster, as is usual when the children have free time.

But I believe in messes. History has proven that my children do their best thinking, inventing and problem solving when they're allowed to make messes.

But there's always a price to pay for me, and that price is what I refer to as "riding the herd". They never want to clean up their messes--they're overwhelming messes, let me tell you--and I have to ride them like a herd of horses, cracking a whip.

When I'm ill I don't have the energy to ride herd very well. It's taxing emotionally and mentally on a good day.

I'd say riding the herd is the hardest parenting task ever.

And riding herd during bedtime-prep hour? Let me say it nicely...not my favorite part of the day.

On migraine day an elaborate Geo Trax train village took up my entire living room--their newest creation. It was awesome, complete with oodles of small toys used to dress up the village (various blocks, unifix cubes, teddy-bear counters, small cars, people figurines, etc.).

Even after they cleaned up the track and trains, the place was still a nightmare of small toys. They were whiny and uncooperative, in the sense that it took me sending them back five times to do a thorough job, after which I felt like crying and a couple of them did too.

Then later in my week, an obvious sinus infection gave rise to more pain and far less sleep. I went through five rolls of toilet tissue wiping my nose. The Kleenex were long gone, and now we have no toilet paper in the house at all, and when they all get back from the library (praise the Lord that husband works only half-day on Saturday), I have to rouse my puffy eyes and drag myself to Aldi's, hoping no one notices my atrocious facial appearance.

I'm happy to say, the sinus infection seems to be in the left half of my face only now.

We've long ago run out of groceries and it's been driving me nuts for days, thinking of what to feed everyone. Husband gets milk or bread on the way home from work, but a major grocery run is about the worst task imaginable to him, other than fixing the girls' hair or picking out their clothes.

Letting go and letting God sometimes means being sick and miserable, and not resenting it.

It means stopping to notice how wonderful your children are--how bright their intellects, how ingenious their cooperation skills--because you have no choice but to sit and notice.

It means turning on the Christian radio to try and cheer yourself up, and then noticing that when the News Boys song Shine comes on, your 4-year-old girl becomes ecstatic, dances around and recites a good part of the lyrics accurately, wanting your sorry, sick body to dance along with her.

And you do, because you realize this is God's grace. This impromptu dance with your littlest girl, shouting about shining for Jesus.

 Letting go and letting God also means stopping to devour a great book, because with sinus pain that no pain-reliever touches, all you can do is go out to the living room in the middle of the night and read, hoping the story is good enough to take your mind off the pain.

And they were.

I'm now three books ahead of my boys in our Sonlight curriculum, and wondering what's next.

This particular book --Gone-Away Lake--is so good, I never wanted it to end. When it did I was incredibly sad, except that I noticed she wrote a sequel. Whohoo!

Letting go and letting God means dropping your expectations, as you cancel this and that commitment due to illness. It means letting go of your agenda, so you can hear God's.

It means having time to more fully drink in, and notice, his many graces. Our God is all about grace. Not performance, not perfection, not expectations. He's the author and bestower of Grace.

And when you have no other choice, you really get to share in that grace in a more beautiful, poignant way.

So, yes...in some ways, it was a terrible week.

But in others....it was awesome.

Thank you, God, for illnesses.

Treating Sinus Infections (new guidelines)

Oh, the joys of cold and flu season. For moms still in the trenches, this season comes with a special brand of misery. About the time the children you've nursed back to health feel better, you're battling extreme exhaustion. Now sick yourself, you have to deal with hungry, energetic, mess-making children who don't understand how awful you feel.

Crawling in bed to drink fluids and rest is impossible. At this point a mother is at the Lord's mercy, unless her own mother or sister live nearby.

My children are all significantly better and despite my attempts at avoiding sinus infection, I was up with extreme facial pain last night (classic sinus-infection symptom). Each time I get one of these nasty infections, I research what I can do from home, and when I should see a doctor.

Advice has changed and now aligns with the supposedly "mainstream" thinking on ear infections. That is, more than 90% of sinus infections are caused by viruses, not bacteria, so antibiotics won't cure them. Moreover, using antibiotics will contribute to the production of "super bugs".

Taking a mucous culture to determine if the infection is viral, bacterial, or fungal, is not practical, since only a part of the sinus cavity is considered sterile--the part enclosed in bone that's impossible to culture. So doctors who prescribe antibiotics do so as a "just in case" precaution for very old or very young patients, or because the patient is demanding an antibiotic.

Both sinus and ear infections can lead to extreme pain, making it hard to accept that doctors can't help. Living with pain isn't something we expect in this modern-medicine era.

There are a number of things we can do to battle the infection without a doctor's help, however.

Sinus Infection Treatments: What Helps and What Hurts? 

~ Promote drainage by inhaling steam over a pan of hot water, 2 - 4 times a day (not on the stove).

~ At night use a steam vaporizer.

~ Drink a lot of fluid to help promote drainage by thinning the secretions.

~ Use an expectorant. Expectorants are drugs that help expel mucus from the lungs and respiratory passages. They help thin mucous secretions, enhancing drainage from the sinuses. The most common is guaifenesin (contained in Robitussin and Mucinex). Note that an expectorant is different than a cough suppressant. A cough suppressant is used to stop a dry, irritated cough to promote better sleeping. Productive (mucous) coughs are necessary to prevent bronchitis and pneumonia, and they should not be stopped, but encouraged. Never use a cough suppressant for a productive cough.

~ Use over-the-counter (non-saline) nasal sprays and decongestants with caution. After 2 or 3 days, they can hurt more than help, due to a rebound effect. A decongestant dries up secretions by reducing the swelling in nasal passages; it's the swelling that produces excess mucous. But as the process works, the decongestant also thickens the mucous, making it harder to expel.  So use a decongestant only at the beginning of your respiratory infection, and sparingly after.

~ Unless you're sure your problem is caused by allergies, avoid antihistamines, especially Benedryl, which tends to thicken the mucous.

~ Relieve the pain with ibuprofen, which reduces inflammation, thus promoting drainage. Tylenol will help with pain, but not with inflammation.

~ If you suffer from recurrent sinus infections, your doctor may prescribe a steroid nasal spray to help maintain open sinuses. Our sinuses inflame because of illness, or because of allergy, or because of a foreign body presence. If the narrowing of passages (swelling of passages) is due to allergy especially, you may be given steroids, such as prednisone.

Natural, Safe Decongestant Practices (found here):

~ One simple home remedy that may serve as a natural nasal decongestant is inhaling steam. Pour some boiling water in a large bowl. Place a large towel over your head, which should also drape the vessel. Inhale the trapped steam by taking deep breaths. The same method also serves as a natural expectorant.

~ Make a mix of salt (1/4 tsp.), baking soda (1/4 tsp.), and water (8 ounces). Stir well and pour the solution in a nasal dropper. Closing one nostril, squirt the dropper into the other and inhale deeply ensuring the solution reaches the sinus cavities. Thereafter, blow your nose gently and repeat for the other nostril.

~ Prepare some black tea, as usual, and add half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper in it. The active ingredient in the pepper, that is capsaicin, helps in reducing swelling and inflammation. So drinking the tea will soothe the nasal passages, and make the mucus thin and loose thus, stimulating drainage, and clearing up the congestion.


When To See A Doctor: 

According to this March, 2012 article, here are signs that your problem is bacterial, and that a doctor visit is necessary:

How to tell if it's bacterial

A sinus infection, properly called acute rhinosinusitis, is inflammation of the nasal and sinus passages that can cause uncomfortable pressure on either side of the nose, and last for weeks. Most sinus infections develop during or after a cold or other upper respiratory infection, but other factors such as allergens and environmental irritants may play a role.

According to the guidelines, a sinus infection is likely caused by bacteria, and should be treated with antibiotics, if any of these criteria are met:

• symptoms last for 10 days or more and are not improving (previous guidelines suggested waiting seven days)

• symptoms are severe, including fever of 102 degrees Fahrenheit or higher, nasal discharge and facial pain lasting three to four days in a row

• symptoms get worse, with new fever, headache or increased nasal discharge

Last, but definitely not least, pray my sister. Ask your family to pray too. These infections are nasty, nasty, nasty. You deserve not only prayer, but lots of sympathy. :)

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Thankful Thursday

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1 Chronicles 23:30
to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord, and likewise at evening;

Thank you, Father....

~ that the children have some energy back, even as Mommy has no energy. We last had influenza in 2009 during the H1N1 outbreak. Beth was 10 months old and she and Momma ended up with raging sinus infections. This time I know better and my head in under a towel over a steamy pan a few times a day. The kids won't stay in that position long, but I'm trying...

~ for this site with its budget desktop PC reviews. We're simple, low-tech people with no home theater, no entertainment center, no Netflix, no gaming devices, no photo shop, no video camera. We don't currently even own a digital camera (it broke after Thanksgiving), but my honey is working overtime to replace it so we can continue to photograph their childhoods.

As far as PC's go, we need something simple but reliable that we can keep another 8 years. The CNET site gave me great information I can take with me to Best Buy, which appears to be one of the few stores still selling Windows 7 PC's. The more I read about Windows 8, the less I want to buy it.

~ that on taco and pancake and roast chicken nights, nobody grumbles about the food.

~ that Peter is busy planning the garden already. On a garden website he found seeds that turn into ginormous pumpkins. All the kids are excited about the pumpkin they envision entering in the Fair.

~ that the ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication) prayer acronym makes sure we thank and praise the Lord daily as a family.

~ that common illnesses no longer kill in mass. I finished the Wright Brother's biography but it ended with their first successful exhibition flight, performed for the Army. I read on my own to find that later one of the Wright brothers died of Typhoid Fever at age 45, their mother died early of tuberculosis, and their younger sister died of pneumonia.

~ for the enchanting way sunshine radiates off the snow, pointing to His Glory and Majesty.

What are you thankful for today?

Windows 7 or 8? Help!

We have two desktop computers, one 7.5 years old and another that's 10 years old (both have Windows XP). Curriculum I'm interested in for the boys this year requires an updated operating system. I've decided we'll keep using the 7.5-year-old computer because it can still be used with their Math CD Rom program, Teaching Textbooks, and it's located in a quite bedroom. A quiet room is a necessity for their math program.

For other curriculum requiring an updated operating system, I'm looking at laptops and noticed that Windows 8 is not particularly liked? As in...it's not user-friendly at all, especially for non-smart phone users (who aren't used to touch-screens)?

Has anyone updated their computer lately? Can you tell me how you adapted to Windows 8? My boys like technology and would probably enjoy learning a new system. But the mom here? Not so much. Should I try to get something with Windows 7? How did you adapt to Windows 7 after using Windows XP?

Any recommendations on laptops for $550 or under? I've never owned a laptop, and only briefly ever used one. Thank you!