Pray For Your Children

Favorite quote of the week...from Ann Voskamp's Friday post:

Prayer isn’t merely talking to God — it is being transformed by God.Prayer is this moving towards God, heat of a holy fire, and feeling the dross burn away, burning away that word that comes too quickly, “I.”Because “I,” it isn’t my name, but His — He alone is the Great I AM.Life, it’s not about me. It’s not about what I want. It’s about being whollyI AM‘s.And in the praying — it becomes not about what I want — but what He wills. The nearer you draw to a holy, loving God, all the “I”s, they burn away into this willing Yes.

Have you prayed for your children this week? The one who doesn't share well? Or the one who struggles with jealousy? Or the one with the independence so deep, you wonder if God will be number one in her life?

We can lecture, sure. We can set good examples, yes. But nothing is as powerful--in their lives or in our hearts--as a mother's prayers. 

Do you have a pray card for each child? (And for your husband?) Make copies and put one in your purse and one with your Bible. Some suggestions for each pray card:

Pray For:

~ salvation

~ purity

~ discernment concerning friends

~ specific heart issues (jealousy, lack of humility, trouble forgiving, anger, disobedience/defiance, poor work ethic)

~ specific health issues (poor eating habits, diseases, weight gain or loss, eczema, allergies, sleep habits)

~ a servant's heart

~ that you and your husband will disciple them effectively and consistently

~ that the Lord will help both parents to parent sacrificially

~ healing of their fears and anxieties

~ consistent spiritual habits (i.e. Bible reading, personal prayer, confession of sins)

~ mercy and grace to develop and flourish in their hearts

~ that they will advocate for and care for orphans, widows and the poor, and use their resources in godly ways

~ their future spouse and marriage

~ that their children (your grandchildren) will be believers

~ strong sibling relationships

~ obedience towards parents and God

~ a strong work ethic

~ good study habits

~ a strong Christian support system

~ discernment concerning media usage

~ freedom from any type of addiction (money, electronic devices, food, drugs, dangerous experiences)

photo credit

The Body of Christ, Part 3

agapegeek.com

Just as we all have gifts designed to build up the Body of Christ, we all have weaknesses too. Just as the Body of Christ needs us, we need the Body of Christ, which is why we must regularly be in fellowship with other believers, both in our home church and at work and in our neighborhoods--wherever we can find fellow believers.

But why? Can't we just religiously read our Bibles, pray much, and get sanctified right in our own homes? Other people only complicate our walks, don't they?

A resounding No! We need the Body of Christ to help us see ourselves as we really are. Sinners. Broken, Messy.

I have an idea of myself that doesn't match reality. And you do too. We tend to think of ourselves the way we want to be. The person we aspire to be. The problem with this is that while we're too judgmental of other people, we're too easy on ourselves. We don't see the plank in our own eyes because we're blinded by a false image of who we are.

When we can pull off a good "Christian front", we go to church, acting like all is well. But when our lives get so messy we can't hide it, we avoid fellowship.

As I researched for this piece I read article after article, never finding anything on the reality I knew to be true. That Christians don't want to be vulnerable and share burdens. It's too scary and we're too weak.

So the beautiful Body of Christ concept that we work as one body to build up the Church, never becomes reality.

Finally, I found this article. It exudes candidness and power and truth. Here is an excerpt:

Multiply this by the hundreds of millions of broken Christians. They are merely human, but their church says they must be more than human to be good Christians. They cannot speak of or even acknowledge their troubled lives. Their marriages are wounded. Their children are hurting. They are filled with fear and the sins of the flesh. They are depressed and addicted, yet they can only approach the church with the lie that all is well, and if it becomes apparent that all is not well, they avoid the church.

I do not blame the church for this situation. It is always human nature to avoid the mirror and prefer the self-portrait. I blame all of us who know better. We know this is not the message of the Gospels, the Bible or of Jesus. But we-- every one of us--is afraid to live otherwise. What if someone knew we were not a good Christian? Ah...what if...what if....

I close with something I have said many times before. The Prodigal son, there on his knees, his father's touch upon him, was not a "good" or "victorious" Christian. He was broken. A failure. He wasn't even good at being honest. He wanted religion more than grace. His father baptized him in mercy, and resurrected him in grace. His brokenness was wrapped up in the robe and the embrace of God.

Why do we want to be better than that boy? Why do we make the older brother the goal of Christian experience? Why do we want to add our own addition to the parable, where the prodigal straightens out and becomes a successful youth speaker, writing books and doing youth revivals?

This? It's sad truth. We're afraid to admit that despite getting saved, we're still a mess. We don't get too close to the Body of Christ for fear they will find us out. If we could see ourselves the way the person in the next pew sees us, we would really begin to grow. We would come face to face with our daily need for Grace.

We don't need Jesus just the one time--the moment of our salvation. We need him to cover our brokenness every day. We'll be broken and needy until we take our last breath on this earth. Let's not paint too rosy a picture and so deceive ourselves and others. The full fix doesn't come until heaven.

As we fellowship and persevere in the experience, we learn this. That we're all the same...a mess. No one escapes brokenness, no matter how much their facade says otherwise.

Yes, fellowship gets messy and people annoy us. We annoy them right back. The solution to messy fellowship is to love our neighbors unconditionally, continuing to forgive time and again. We accomplish this on-going act of grace by learning to see them with Jesus' eyes. With grace eyes.

There's no humbling of spirits when we sit at home, safe from interaction. We remain haughty and harsh, pointing our fingers at everyone else's flaws. In contrast, as a persevering member of the Body, we become as humble and whole as we'll ever be, here on earth. We fill in each other's weaknesses and cover one another, the way Jesus covers us. We become a living picture of the Cross.

So fellow Christians, take a vow. Don't pretend anymore. Be real, fellowship freely, ask for help, accept help, give help. By becoming a persevering member of the Body of Christ, you'll essentially give up your life to save it. You'll become a living sacrifice. So get down and dirty and learn to really love.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

VBS Highlights And The Mother-Daughter Thing

Vacation Bible School Highlights

The first night I held and played with two toddlers in the nursery from 5:45 PM - 8:20 PM, ages 15 months and 2 years. Oh, the sweetness and the energy! Around 7:30 PM they slowed down and since their cribs were back at home, they leaned against me awhile before getting their second wind. You know that hyperactive wave of energy that comes when a child is overtired? I pitied the parents because I knew it would be a rough night and a rough day the next day.

On night two the 2-year-old boy was visiting his father, and the 15-month-old girl was home with a teenage brother, catching up on sleep. I helped in the craft room instead, making stenciled, painted T-shirts with all three groups. My favorite pink cotton shirt that matches two of my dressy skirts and all of my jean skirts, did not get ruined. Not a spot of paint...even while helping preschoolers paint! God knows my needs. :)

Before the program starts the pastor has everyone go outside for a quick silly game. Last night he showed us three nylon socks--the kind old ladies wear under their polyester pants. He proposed that a child from each group put the nylon over their head and face like a bandit mask, and then try to suck pudding out of a commercial pudding cup, in a race to see who could consume the most pudding. Can you imagine this activity in the middle of a heat advisory?

I am trying to give thanks for this frugal Christian Missionary Alliance church that doesn't use air conditioning in most of the building. It saves them a ton of money I'm sure, to send over to missionaries and for benevolence funds at home. They are doing the right thing and my priorities are all wrong. I wish I had the chops to turn my air off at home.

We have become a massively air-conditioned country, whereas previously it was only used in hospitals and a few other public buildings. In the past, people slowed down more in the summer and workers didn't have to wear suits this time of year. Neighbors visited more as they spent summer evenings outside.

I am working on getting back to our country's frugal roots. Just as soon as these heat advisories go away....

Anyway, back to those nylon socks and that pudding.

Guess who volunteered for the K-2 group? Yes, my Mary! She is brave and funny and so independent. My husband, Peter and Mary can stand the heat pretty well, but Paul, Beth and Mommy are heat wimps. You couldn't pay me enough to put a nylon over my head on a nice day, much less a heat-advisory day.

I am proud of her independent spirit, except when she insists on wearing a pretty bathing suit one size too big, just because it's pretty and she wants to show everyone how pretty it is. We have one that fits her, but in her opinion it's too plain. So I sent my five-year-old daughter to VBS for water balloon fights in a too-large bathing suit that sagged at the bottom and at the chest.

Oh, I was embarrassed all right, but at this church there are a couple of little girls who wear whatever they pick out themselves, even if it's the wrong season for the outfit. Often, one part of the outfit is for summer and one part for winter. Sometimes the outfits are too large and sometimes they're too small. These mothers pick their battles and clothing isn't one of them. So I thought Mary could get away with her streak of bathing suit independence on just this one night. 

Usually I give her three acceptable choices as to outfits, but we only have two bathing suits so I shot myself in the foot for not looking harder.

So we're driving home and I ask her how it went with the bathing suit (I was in the craft room the whole time). She said that one of the mom helpers tried to fix her bathing suit so that it fit better. But Mary told her, "Oh, it's no use. It's just too big."

Mommy:  Did you tell her that you're the one who insisted on wearing it? That you wouldn't listen to your Mommy's opinion? 

Mary:  "No, I didn't say anything like that."

Oh...mothering girls. They're so sweet at times, aren't they?

Something tells me it won't get any easier from here on out. Five just might be the age for the mother-daughter thing to start in earnest.

God help me.

Where Your Heart Is

My heart broke with Ann's as she recapped her feelings following a week in Haiti.

Anger, shame, disbelief.

When you see, smell, and hug abject poverty first hand, all these emotions spill.

God wants you changed and he drags you through the worst slums so you can come closer to choosing Him over your own comfort.

That is the choice, really.

Sure, you can start out with $38 a month--an amount to sponsor one child. An amount you barely notice.

But then, if you so dare, God will change you at the core. He will mold your heart so your very beats match His...for nothing gives the God of the Universe more pleasure. This is happening to our dear Ann.

Do you want the same heart? Or is it too scary?

Luke 12:48
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Ann is angry that she still has a desire to pin the latest pretty thing on Pinterest, after all she's seen. Angry that she still loves comforts.

And yet she sees her choice clearly and there's no turning back. More and more, she and her family are choosing God over comfort. Giving over receiving. Being the blessing, instead of spending the blessing.

The first step in saying yes to God's heart is to allow yourself to drink in abject poverty. Absorb it with your eyes, your intellect. Don't avoid that story, that image...anything that jerks you awake. Let yourself wake up to God and His will.


God didn't allow rich and poor so that some go hungry and others grow fat. He allows the disparity to give us a chance. A chance to love radically, like He did on the tree.

That is His desire for every believer's life. That we would love radically. Love is our destiny.

And yet, He doesn't want us to share out of guilt, but with a cheerful heart. A heart that pumps gratitude, along with blood. A daily thanks-living for the gift of Grace.

As much as Ann's post broke me, my heart loved getting this photo in the mail from Raphael, our correspondent child from Burkina Faso. It pictures his mother, his baby brother, and food supplies they bought, along with details about roofs for their room and some clothes. We had some money given to us in February and now, Raphael has a roof that doesn't leak!  (He also has another sibling and his father in his home, but they must have been unavailable for the photo). 

It takes so little to change so much. Won't you be a part of the change? Won't you free yourself from comfort, so that God becomes really, really enough?

Luke 12:34
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

An Open Letter to Unhappy Christian Wives

Dear Unhappy,

I want to express my sorrow about your marriage grief. Grappling with complicated relationship issues can be so overwhelming. Please enlist people to earnestly pray for you.

I believe in the Body of Christ concept that we are all One Body. When one person in the Body suffers, the whole Body suffers. Because of this fellow believers need to rally around hurting members and lead them to the Healer, who has all the answers. I pray these words will reveal what God wants for you and for your family.

I understand that in response to your sorrow, the D word has entered your life. The question of divorce is heart wrenching but surprisingly uncomplicated, from a Christian perspective. This is due to the very narrow allowances in scripture for divorce. God tells us for our own good, and for the good of the Body of Believers, that we mustn't get divorced except in cases of adultery, or when an unbelieving spouse abandons a believing spouse. See http://carm.org/what-does-bible-teach-about-divorce for the relevant scriptural references and for questions regarding remarriage.

If neither of these--adultery or abandonment--apply to your marriage, you cannot get divorced without disobeying God, though if you are being abused and are unsafe in your home, leave the premises as soon as possible. Physical distance from the abuser is extremely important.

If you choose to disobey God and pursue a non-biblical divorce, you must weigh the consequences for you, your children, and your husband. God will surely forgive you if you sincerely seek his forgiveness at some future time, but you must be truly sorry for having left your marriage union, and as part of heartfelt repentance, you must seek reconciliation with your spouse, if he has not yet remarried. At the very least, you must seek your former spouse's forgiveness.

Also, scripture does not allow for you to remarry. If you try to seek a relationship with a sincere, growing Christian man, he will want to know the circumstances surrounding your divorce. If it wasn't biblical, only a marginal Christian man would be interested in pursuing the relationship. A mature Christian man would not seek to defy God.

Secondly, you will complicate the developing faith of your children (and your husband's faith, if he has any), as they watch you defy God and try to make your own way in the world. When we disobey God we are stepping outside of His protection--essentially saying we know more than the God of the Universe does. We can handle our problems better than He can. 

That all sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? No one increases their personal peace through non-biblical divorce. Many people will be spiritually hurt by the divorce and possibly for generations, it will spiritually stain your family. Children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves, and second marriages are far less successful than first marriages (80% divorce rate, compared with 50% for first marriages), especially in the cases of non-biblical divorces from the first spouse.

What would be better than divorce? Making Jesus your Lord. This means he runs all aspects of your life, and you live for him and serve him, out of an overwhelming gratitude and love for Him and what he has done for you. If you have lost touch with that radical love for Jesus Christ, pray that God will renew the fire in your heart. 

When you live with a non-believer or with a person who doesn't pursue a relationship with God, it can easily drag you down spiritually. You need to be very diligent to keep the fire in your heart alive, by reading your Bible and praying regularly. Every time we open our Bible or pray to God, it renews a relationship. It nurtures and protects a beautiful bond. When we neglect that time with God, Satan gains a foothold in our lives.

Divorce is Satan's most successful tactic. Over time, it can destroy a society. Satan breeds discontent in the hearts of believers and the discontent leads to sin. If the believer doesn't put a halt to the discontent and embrace thankfulness instead, Satan wins. 

When you accepted Jesus as your Savior, you became his. He paid the ransom for us--he brought us--and if we never receive another blessing at all, we have enough. God is enough. Eternity is enough. When we deceive ourselves into thinking otherwise, great pain is in store for us. 

Every wife has a laundry list of things she doesn't like about her husband. Every husband has the same. Many of the items can be heartrendingly difficult to endure, without Jesus as Lord. But as in all hardship, we must remember that the Christian life has never been about us or about our happiness. It is about serving Him and bringing Him glory. By enduring hardship in a god-honoring way, we bring glory to Him. In fact, how we endure hardship defines us as Christians. 

When we set our minds on the things of the Spirit (keep our eyes fixated on God), whether we are happy or not on a daily basis becomes irrelevant, as it did for the Apostle Paul when he was in prison.

Romans 8:5-8 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 

For more on what the bible says about hardship and sacrifices, see this http://www.openbible.info/topics/sacrifices_and_hardship

I urge you to start a thankfulness list for your life in general, not just for your marriage. Satan hates thankfulness but God loves it. We are told many places in scripture to live with a thankful heart...even when circumstances are less than ideal.

1 Thessolonians 5:18  give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

You will find that a heart of thankfulness will increase your marriage happiness many fold. You will concentrate not on what's wrong with your spouse, but on all that's right. Eventually, if you commit to having a grateful heart, all the reasons you wanted to seek a divorce will pass away in importance. 

Rest assured that if you make Jesus your Lord and develop a grateful heart, He will diligently work behind the scenes, creating beauty from ashes. Your own heart, devoted to the Lord, will win your husband over. Nagging makes most people dig their heals in deeper rather than change, because as human beings, we seek unconditional love. It's only when we feel unconditionally loved that we give our best to others. 

Give your husband the gift of unconditional love, for it is the same gift your Father gave you. Jesus loved us sacrificially and this is the same love he requires from us, for our fellow man. 

The Bible tells men to love their wives, but it tells women to respect their husbands. Men need to feel respected, more than loved. I think it's accurate to say that respect is love, from their perspective. It is part of the way God created them. When we nag or complain, we are not showing respect and it hurts a man at his core. 

So, giving a man a list and asking him to change is the worst thing we can do. Also, it is arrogant, since we are all sinners and we all need to change. We will never be all that a spouse wants. We can't be. And no spouse can meet all of our needs, which is why we need personal relationships with God, the ultimate and perfect Lover of our souls. Our marriage relationship can't define us. Our relationship with God defines us. 

Change starts in our own hearts and with our own humility, especially in the context of marriage. If we set our gaze on God and on His purposes, the overwhelming peace emanating from us will be contagious, and all in our midst, including our spouse, will want what we have. The Bible tells us we win over a wayward husband by the reverence of our lives. And what is complaining and putting conditions on our love and devotion? Is it reverent?

I'm not saying you shouldn't lovingly pursue conversations about marriage issues, but they should never be associated with the D word (divorce). Throwing the D word around is akin to bullying one's spouse. To be fully engaged and committed, each spouse needs assurance that the other spouse is in the marriage for life. This level of commitment is essential for the health of any marriage. 

All issues should be committed to prayer before being discussed with the spouse. The prayer will reveal, over time, how to approach the spouse about the issue, and it will prepare the spouse's heart to receive feedback about the issue. Let prayer guide your marriage entirely. For prayer is your communication with the Holy Spirit (and to a lesser extent, your time reading the Bible is too). Reading the Bible reveals God's heart to you, and praying helps make God's heart personal to you and your needs. You will know God's perfect and pleasing will, through your prayer time and your reading time.

Again, I express my sorrow about what you are going through. I pray these words will point you to the Healer. To your first Love. May God richly bless you, your family, and your legacy.

My Own Thankfulness List:

- a beautiful time with Christian friends

- a marriage molded by grace

- a dinner invitation given to a neighbor

- the radical nature of Christ's love 

- that change always starts with us

- a hernia surgery scheduled for next week and no money required up front

- a son practicing piano

- dancing daughters

- the Chronicles of Narnia series

- dinner time with my family

- the meat, milk, eggs, bread prices at Aldi's

- the power of the Word 

- 4 days of caring for babies at VBS this week

- my children's contagious excitement about VBS

- Miss Beth's first time at VBS 

To read about the outcome of this letter for the person I wrote it to, click: Unhappy Christian Wives, Part 2

Another helpful post: 3 Christian Marriage Essentials