8 Assets to Remember on the Hard Days

What do you find most taxing as a mother? The repetitive nature of household chores, or the tendency to worry over your children? Or maybe over your own perceived failures as a mother? Or does it all run together, sapping your joy?

For me, definitely, the hardest emotional fogs to emerge from are those spent worrying over my children.

As a non-Christian, my middle name? Worry. I'm blessed to say the Lord cured me of general worry. I now live most days by faith with joy ruling, unless the floor I just mopped gets muddied or my estrogen rollercoasters.

Sometimes these both happen on the same day.

Despite the divinely-inspired progress, at times I'm plagued by serious worry over my children.

Will Mary's stubbornness turn people off and how do I make her personality sweeter than it is? Will just the right man come along and find the sweetness buried under the strong-willed exterior?

I worry that Peter's ADHD symptoms will make him so self-focused that his wife and children will wonder where they stand. How do I make him more other-focused?

I wonder if Beth will indeed grow out of this arthritis, or will it be a life-long sentence of drugs and pain? How will it affect her childbearing and mothering? And her joy?

Paul, my nine year old, has given me plenty to worry about in the last couple years. A child who once amazed people with his smarts now has significant difficulty focusing on academic and personal tasks. It's come slowly but I'm more convinced than ever he has his brother's generalized anxiety disorder, which runs in my family strongly, as well as ADHD with mainly the attention span affected, and possibly early bipolar, which often pairs with ADHD. He has a cousin on both sides of the family with bipolar.

A child who people once said "has a lot going for him", now seems disordered. He's still fiercely sweet and plenty smart, but for instance last night he had insomnia until 2:30 AM. What nine year old lays in bed for five hours, tortured by insomnia?

He does have a history of insomnia but never more than a couple hours at worst; last night was severe. He woke me three times and each time I felt more despair over my boy and his future.

Was it the Benedryl he had to take for two days after a bee sting, and then abruptly stopped taking? He has a yellow-jacket venom allergy but last week he got stung by a different bee and had a large local reaction, as opposed to an allergic reaction. The Benedryl helps reduce any unusual reaction.

He seems fine today and slept till 10:00 AM, which I probably shouldn't have allowed. Insomnia is made worse by sleeping in, or so Google tells me.

In the summer when flowers grow everywhere his anxiety is especially problematic. He panics over the sight of sunflowers and black-eyed susans and any flower that looks scary, in his opinion, especially once it goes to seed. He won't pass a flower patch unless we lead him with his eyes closed. It's embarrassing to all of us and no one understands. They judge him and us, wondering what child fears flowers, for heaven's sake?

One of the hardest things about having disorders in the family is the amount of judgement one receives from those not plagued by such things. All their brain chemicals are balanced and they have no clue what unbalanced feels like, so they're harsh and judgemental, even if coyly, assuming it's our parenting.

After awhile you learn to extend grace to the judgemental ones, but you also stay away from them, for your own peace.

Anyhow, each time I go down this worry spiral, writing out my thoughts and letting the Spirit speak to me helps.

What does my son have going for him? That is the question the Holy Spirit asks me to contemplate, and it applies to you and yours too.

Our Assets:

1.  We are loved radically by a gracious God. He weeps over us and with us.
 
Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2. We are made whole by the Cross, our brokenness redeemed.

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.


3. We have an everpresent Holy Spirit sorting things out for us and restoring our joy.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

4. We have a Heavenly mindset that raises our minds and hearts above our present difficulties. It won't always be this hard. Later, there's perfection and glory.
 

Revelation 21:3-4 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

 

5. We have the faith to move mountains.

 

Mark 11:23 Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

6. We have the Answer to human emptiness. We don't have to mindlessly search for significance and purpose. We are filled and fulfilled.

Romans 9:17 "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

7. We can fill others' cups with our spiritual overflow.

John 15:9-13  "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends

8. We have the Word always available. Reading it is like walking with Jesus in the Garden.

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Cross references:

1. Hebrews 4:12 : S Mk 4:14; Lk 5:1; 11:28; Jn 10:35; Ac 12:24; 1Th 2:13; 2Ti 2:9; 1Pe 1:23; 1Jn 2:14; Rev 1:2, 9
2. Hebrews 4:12 : Ac 7:38; 1Pe 1:23
3. Hebrews 4:12 : Isa 55:11; Jer 23:29; 1Th 2:13
4. Hebrews 4:12 : Eph 6:17; S Rev 1:16
5. Hebrews 4:12 : 1Co 14:24, 25

I don't know what you're worried about today, but I know you have assets...plenty of them to draw strength and peace from. I hope this helps you as much as it does me.

My Paul suddenly seems very whole to me!


 

Homeschool and Mother's Journal, Sept 7

Don't I wish I was that young and pretty--my dresses so lovely!

In my life this week:
I'm struggling to find time to get our fall school and chore schedule completed. If you've made one, you know it's a huge chunk of time requiring serious concentration (i.e. no children around, preferably). Of course praying through makes it go as smoothly as possible, as with anything else. Right now I'd just be thankful for some time!

I'll have to resign myself to a few late-night sessions--sessions that don't interfere with supervising the children, making their meals, and shuffling laundry.

In Our Homeschool This Week:

We're on break for one more week, only doing reading and read-alouds. I wanted to introduce a series I found at the library last week.

We've enjoyed all the Lois Lowry books we've read, and when I came across a series called Gooney Bird Greene by Lois Lowry, I thought we'd like them. And we do!




Scholastic Synopsis: From the moment Gooney Bird Greene arrives at Watertower Elementary School, her fellow second-graders are intrigued by her unique sense of style and her unusual lunches. So when story time arrives, the choice is unanimous: they want to hear about Gooney Bird Greene. And that suits her just fine, because, as it turns out, Gooney Bird has quite a few interesting and "absolutely true" stories to tell. Through Gooney Bird and her tales, acclaimed author Lois Lowry introduces young readers to the concepts and elements of storytelling. By demonstrating some of the simple techniques that reveal the extraordinary in everyday events, this book will encourage the storyteller in everyone.

This book really does teach storytelling elements, even to middle-grade children. I read it to the whole family and even Daddy wore a smile. We're on our second book as they're pretty short reads.

Other books in the series:                                                                                                                   









As for 2013-14 curriculum, here's the scoop.

80% of what we use comes used, through homeschool classifieds, Amazon, or ebay.

Bible: I continue my quest to have my children memorize all the significant Bible stories--the characters, outcomes, and impact on individual faith. In addition, the boys will follow the Bible curriculum that comes with Sonlight Core F. They'll also work their way through The Message, by Peterson.

All four children also participate in AWANA from September to May. I'll be helping with Cubbies again this year.

Science: All my children are doing Sonlight Science, with the girls, ages 4 and 6, sharing the Core A science package, and the boys, ages 9 and 11, sharing the Core F science package.

Writing: The boys are using Writing With Ease Level 4, by Susan Wise Bauer, and my 6-year-old is using Writing With Ease Level 1. All the children will also write in journals.

Grammar: As we have time, my 6-year-old will also benefit from First Language Lessons Level 1, written by Susan's mother, Jessie Wise. The boys and I will go through First Language Lessons Level 4.

Math: My 4-year-old will slowly (as we have time and as she's interested) work through a BJU kinder math workbook. My 6-year-old will use Saxon Math Level 1; my 4-year-old will join in for the manipulative parts as appropriate. I'll also teach my girls to read graphs and design a few of their own. Graphing is a fun activity I can incorporate into each season of the year, using all four children.

My boys will use Teaching Textbooks, which we love and have used for three years.

Language Arts: My boys are doing Core F Sonlight this year, focusing on the Eastern Hemisphere. Sonlight is the only literature-based curriculum company that provides materials on the eastern hemisphere. I will learn along with my boys, since I've never had any eastern-hemisphere education. My prayer is that my 11-year-old, who has OCD, will not have a difficult time with this curriculum. It includes information and stories depicting eastern religions, and a component of his OCD involves religious distortion, in which he worries his Christian beliefs will be corrupted by false religions.

In order to understand the 10/40 missionary window (missionary materials are included in this package), I believe we all need some knowledge of unreached people groups and their spiritual identities, so I'm willing to take a chance on this curriculum.

My girls will be doing their second year of Sing, Spell, Read, Write. I purchased the K-1 combo kit last year and I'm still very pleased.

Social Studies/History - All the boys' history is included in the Sonlight Core F Eastern Hemisphere package, along with a World Book DVD Rom.

My girls will be learning from all the content-area trade books I purchased as a first grade teacher (1992 - 2001). I have more than enough to write my own curriculum, and the library has excellent social studies-themed books as well. I don't see any reason to purchase anything for social studies at this level, especially if you have access to a good fiction and non-fiction library.

Art: We've accumulated quite a few art and drawing books. I'm also going to teach the boys, using the Internet and library books, to recognize famous paintings. I'll be learning along with them on this one too. We'll also read about each artist.

P.E. and Music: The children will participate in a Christmas Choir at our church; my 9-year-old will continue playing the piano; and we'll go to as many homeschool gym classes as our schedule reasonably allows, along with bike riding and walking. My husband is putting together some CD's for a short music-appreciation class for all of us.

Places We're Going and People We're Seeing:

Today is homeschool day at our local zoo and we're really looking forward to that! Grizzly Bears arrived this year, along with other new exhibits.

Earlier this week we met with a mom of five whom we know from AWANA. She invited us to lunch to talk about homeschooling. Her children are ages 2 months to 6 years (one set of twins). She's just beginning her homeschool journey and was homeschooled herself.  In fact, her mother began homeschooling four children back when homeschooling was extremely unusual. She did an outstanding job. This young mother went to college, knows how to cook from scratch, can her own produce, garden, do woodworking, quilt, sew, and play the piano. She was baffled, however, on how much to teach in one year. "How do you make sure you're not leaving holes?"

They have five acres, 20 apples trees, 3 pear trees, 3 peach trees, a big garden, a playground, a dog, and two kittens to catch mice in the barn.

I held the 2-month-old baby the whole time I talked. I. was. in. heaven.

I'm cooking:

I'm trying to find the time to look for new recipes, but this week it was much of the same:
baked ziti, crockpot whole chicken, chicken noodle soup, taco bake, cheesy eggs and cafe potatoes, grilled chicken breasts

Looking forward to more applesauce, soups, and chili, now that fall weather is approaching...and more that I can do in the oven without making the house feel like a furnace. Our air conditioning broke last week and we've already paid for two new parts this summer. We'll have to wait until tax money comes to have a new motor put on. No air conditioning aggravates my migraines so I consider this a need, not a want.

I'm grateful for:

~ four children to love, cuddle with, and teach

~ a Christian husband

~ four seasons

~ our Compassion children

~ fall leaves coming soon

~ that my youngest is only 4; I have a lot of mothering years to look forward to.

~ transforming words of Scripture

~ the written word

~ homeschooling resources

~ homeschooling friends

~ books to get lost in

~ faith to see me through

~ the wonder of learning

Have a wonderful week and thank you for reading! How was your week?

Wisdom for the Mother's Way

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a young mother of five to discuss how exactly I homeschool. Since homeschooling is a way of life, her real question is...how do you live everyday?

Her oldest, age 6, is a first grader this year and she also has 5-year-old twins, a 3 year old, and a 2-month-old baby. This is a dear family we know from AWANA.

She's making us lunch...my kids and me.

Did you get that part? She's making us lunch, despite having a 2-month-old baby, a preschooler, twins and a first grader. Okay, the 3-year-old and the twins do go to preschool, but still. When I had a 2-month-old baby, a 2 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old, I was barely making my own children lunch, much less for 5 guests.

I'm nervous because in many respects this mother has more going for her than I do. She was homeschooled herself and she grew up in a Christian home. She married "on time" and started a family early. She has in-laws around for support and possibly her own family too.

Me? I didn't get married until I was 33 years old. I grew up in a broken, dysfunctional, non-Christian home and it took my getting saved at age 31 for that dysfunctional baggage to began to fall off. I feel like we're raising our children entirely by ourselves. We haven't been on a date in four years now because there's no one to take over. I regularly take four children to doctor's appointments...I've even taken them to my own doctor's appointments.

My self-esteem will never be stellar because there are definite self-esteem consequences to growing up around unacknowledged sin and dysfunction. I have to frequently remind myself of who I am in Christ...because no matter how one grows up, if we don't know who we are in Christ, we're bankrupt.

When I say dysfunctional home I know many of you are thinking...don't we all grow up in dysfunctional homes? Well, yes, in the sense that we are all sinners. But when parents divorce that brings deep-down pain and low self-confidence. If any kind of substance addiction exists in a home, that brings dysfunctional relationships with ingrained patterns that don't melt away when a child leaves home.

There are many forms of family dysfunction, including living with parents who never praise, who verbally abuse, who live through their children and micromanage them for their own glory, or who spend their lives at work and ignore their children.

The possibilities are many, but I still perceive that I grew up with more dysfunction than this sweet lady who tomorrow thinks I have some wisdom to impart.

I'm sitting here writing tonight, praying God will give me something to share before noon tomorrow.

So...here goes. A trial run?

The Sum of my Wisdom at Age 47

~ Children are a blessing from the Lord. Have as many as He'll give you. I mean that.

~ Lots of children running around will make you crazy. That daily craziness will drive you, desperate and humble, right into your Father's arms, where you always belonged anyway.

~ Pray your way through. There will be darkness and prayer is your light.

~ God has a plan for each child's life. Don't mess with that. Keep your own fears and desires in check, remembering that this parenting thing is for God's glory, not your own.

~ If you can't put a check on your own daily desires, you'll fail miserably as a mother and teacher. Ask God to help you write a schedule. He has an agenda for you and if you listen to Him, you'll know peace.

~ No matter what craziness happens in a single day, don't neglect their hearts. The school books are never as important as the Bible and prayer. When an issue comes up, make time to explain where God stands on the issue.

~ Don't neglect your own heart. Read your Bible.

~ If one child reads at age 4, and another at age 6, and yet another struggles until 8 years old, don't sweat it. It's all good. Don't compare or despair because God has a plan.

~ Spend full days at home regularly. Home with the family is the best classroom and the relationships there are the best teacher.

~ Do something for someone else, besides your family. Don't let your children see you ignoring real needs.

~ You need very few material things. Learn the meaning of the word need. Purge what you don't need and live in freedom.

~ Cuddle with your children daily and pray for them while you do...for their todays and their tomorrows. For the boo boo they got today, for the husband/wife they'll love tomorrow.

~ Your house will almost always be messy. On occasion when every room is neat on the same day, don't expect it to last. I repeat: your house will almost always be messy. A schedule of chores will help, but remember that your house doesn't define you.

~ You are precious to the Father and He loves you just the way you are. Rejoice in that love. Really know it and rejoice in it. Bathe in His Word to remind yourself of this truth.

~ When your children grow up and you pass away, what is the one sentence you want them to say in summary of who you were?

My mother loved the Lord with all her heart.

If you get this last one right, none of the others matter.

A Prayer for Humility and Bravery

I miss this blog...this white page in front of me. All the thoughts, reflections and Holy Spirit whispers come together here, jumbled at first, but by the time I insert the last punctuation mark, clarity is mine. I love it.

But the fall homeschool and chore schedules haven't been written yet. My mother has flown back to Oregon but there's still some church business coupled with homeschool business--both keeping me from claiming this white page.

I serve as a Birth-Kindergarten Children's Ministry Coordinator for my church (six weeks on the job). Prior to my stepping in there was no supervision over the two classrooms. The prior director taught Sunday School and she couldn't coordinate at the same time.

I asked my volunteers for a couple minor things, with the Pastor's blessing. Be in your classroom 15 minutes prior to the start of service and please check the number tags when releasing a child to a parent. The tags were already in use but the church fell lax in verifying them upon pickup.

I've been actively recruiting too, for the past six weeks. Two newborns have joined our church and will soon need one-on-one ministry in the nursery, meaning we need three adults per week instead of two. And the preschool room was insufficiently staffed as well.

The volunteer response has been good from the congregation, but as I've asked for promptness and tag checking, two people have stepped down from their long-time positions. The same people who from the beginning were unfriendly rather than thankful (for leadership).

And so I'm learning that dealing with people--sinners, all of us--is not easy. I'm suffering a little insomnia as I process why someone would step down because of a tiny bit of structure gently imposed upon them (I'm not an in-your-face person at all and I praise well). As I reflect I'm realizing that the best role model for the children is someone with a humble, teachable heart. A heart that can take reasonable, necessary direction without hostility or pride--for the good of the children involved.

Whenever we feel like quitting--whatever it is--we have to analyze what's driving our desire and ask the Holy Spirit for help in sorting out the sinful from the legitimate. We can't trust our hearts, which are deceitful above all, scripture tells us. Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

The whole ministry experience makes me sad just now, even though most volunteers have stayed and most are helpful and friendly. There are two more that have been unfriendly and unless the Holy Spirit intervenes, I expect they might make a move soon too. I'm sad that humility is the last thing we covet as a church community, and as women working together.

I was safe before I volunteered for this. You know that feeling? I liked safe but that ad in the church bulletin, asking for ministry help, kept blaring week after week until I could no longer ignore it, especially given that my four children benefit from Sunday school ministry.

Nevertheless, I'm not sorry I said yes; I know God has a reason for this journey.

I want to offer a prayer that we'll have brave and humble hearts.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord, you are so faithful to us. Thank you that you always sit by the way and talk with us. You always have time to listen and to mold, taking the impure out and replacing it with Truth. Make us a humble people taking after your Son, rather than after Eve in the garden. May we not insist on our own way, but make way for You. May we serve bravely, not clinging to safety but trusting in you. We want it to be about you and never about us. Send us running to your Word and to prayer with a wild hunger and thirst. 

As homemakers, wives and mothers, help us to live sacrificially with a smile not a grumble. We ask for the wisdom to choose our pursuits and our battles well. Reign victoriously, Father, in every heart in our home. May our lives reflect your will, your love, your agenda.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

 image

A Prayer For a New Season

I can't wait to get back to our school routine and I'm itching for fall weather too. Whenever I catch myself wanting to rush a season, I slow down and remember that each day is a gift and each day offers a special grace or surprise, courtesy of our loving and attentive Heavenly Father. I downloaded some pictures to remind me of summer's graces.

 

 

For the most part the weather and mosquitoes were terrible, and our favorite garden vegetable, yellow squash, failed for the first time ever. Just too wet and not enough sun this summer. The giant pumpkins died on the vine too.

 

But there were blessings, as the photos below attest to. And there is hope for a better summer next year.

 

I love even the sound of that word...hope.

 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

 

In a couple weeks I start schooling the boys again, along with Mary who will be a first grader. Beth will join in as I have time to accomodate her.

I made room for Mary's weak attention span last year, her kindergarten year, but this year I plan to work her hard. She'll likely need the Lord's grace and strength to make the adjustment. And Momma too, because household duties will get behind as I sit with her for longer segments this year.

 

 

My hope is that the right schedule will come together, with God's help, so we're learning and having fun together at the same time. And to maintain Momma's sanity, I pray that under my tutelage, the children will surpass chore expectations as well as their schooling goals.

 

 

And on that note, I'll pray for our family and yours as we look to fall:

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

 

Thank you for your love and unending grace. Thank you for the opportunity to pray and share our hopes with you. A new season will dawn soon and we thank you for it. We thank you for four seasons--four modes of fun and beauty each year. Your plan is amazing. You are amazing.

 

Please bless this blog community as we tackle new challenges in time management and parenting. May our standards be high and our children respond well. Shower us with grace for one another and for ourselves as we start anew. Keep our eyes on you and on what you've done--not on ourselves. Change our hearts from selfish to sacrificial. May we live in this world but be heaven-minded.

 

The world is so very lost, Lord, and that can be scary. We read that 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted to pornography. We read that more and more children are losing their Christian worldview, not to mention their purity. Help us to say no to unsupervised Internet access. Help our children to stand strong for you. Help us, as parents, to practice what we preach. May our children and our families as a whole, become excited readers and doers of the Word this fall.

 

Give us discernment in all things, Lord. We humbly ask you for wisdom. We humbly ask you for blessing in our homes. Knit us together tightly, Lord. Parent to child and child to parent and sibling to sibling. May we stand strong as one unit, defeating Satan's schemes. May your mercy and grace follow us throughout our days. May we love you with all our hearts, never putting ourselves first, but you.

 

May we bless the least of these this fall, Father, whether it be through Compassion International or another entity. Help us to give thanks for our blessings, hold them loosely and spread them wide. May we write many a letter to our sponsored children, telling them that yes, Jesus loves them. They are valued, loved, beyond words by their Heavenly Father and by us. May the words sink deep into their hearts, Lord. May they no longer be bound by hopelessness, Father, but by love. Redeem their stories, Lord, and ours too as we give. Make beauty from ashes in our hearts and theirs.

 

Bless each and every marriage represented in this blog community. May we love one another, sacrifice for one another, extend mercy to one another, for your glory and for the good of our children's someday-marriages. May the health of their marriages begin building today, as our own strengthen.

 

May we look for blessing and beauty in each September day, may we give thanks, and may we slow down for fixed prayer, honoring our first love. Jesus.

 

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

 

 

Our ninth annual visit to the county fair!

 

 

We're at my aunt and uncle's house here, who are hosting my mom during her visit. Yes, you count five children here. One is a third cousin.