I Dare You to Share Him

It was a long drive to the Cleveland airport--at least for antsy kids--but my husband's flight made it safely to Florida yesterday. The closest "real" city to our township is Akron, but their airport isn't very impressive so we opted for the longer drive to Cleveland.

He's in Florida to check on his 92-year-old father, who refuses to move here or go to an assisted care facility. And he's already called us three times. He misses us on these trips, that is clear. Absence makes a man's heart fonder?

Maybe, or just more grateful.

His flight was delayed so he spent some time talking with an Albanian college student who wanted to know more about Florida, where he was going to visit family. Husband asked him about his life in Albania, and then attempted to witness to him about the Hope and Life found in Jesus Christ. Husband started that arm of the conversation by mentioning that he once knew some missionaries in Albania.

"Missionaries?" questioned the Albanian. "Are those the people who walk around with the Bibles?"

Hesitantly, husband said yes, hoping the Albanian wasn't referring to Jehovah's Witnesses or Latter-day Saints.

"I always stopped to talk with them to work on my English", explained the Albanian.

Husband and I shared a laugh about that, sure, but it reminded me of something.

We never know who is ready for the Gospel, which is why we should try to bring it up as a rule, whenever we have the opportunity. If someone appears not to be a seeker, or is not the least bit interested, we can stop, so as not to annoy or harass, but some percentage of the time we will come upon someone ready to receive the Hope and Life Jesus freely offers to all who believe.

Now, perhaps if my husband had an incredible testimony of wretchedness-to-glory, he could bring more people to Christ. We just don't know. He was saved at age 7 and has never looked back, so there's no drama, just steadfastness.

Those of us who have a more dramatic testimony? We should look upon it as a special opportunity to share the reason for our transformation...the reason for our hope.

And the rest of us can be ready to tell a story of God's faithfulness in our lives, or try to always bring a missionary book of incredible stories (Missionary Stories With the Millers is a great one, and each story is short), or something else we can share that will make a person marvel and ask questions, so we can at least open them to the possibility that Christ is Life.

We make our lives about so many things; we complicate daily life in so many ways, but really, life to a Christian should be Christ, period. To live is Christ, to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

I'm not much of speaker, being the shy sort. But I love to write and random people come to this blog all the time, even though I'm not successful as a writer or blogger. I've been at this since 2007 (two years on a different blog, in which real names were used) and there's been no growth to speak of. Readers come and go.

I haven't the time to do the things necessary to grow a blog, and I'm not a business woman at all. Social media of any kind, other than this blog, would just cause me to neglect my family. This is the forum God allows for me, knowing that the stress of having special needs children would draw me into escape mode with social media, wasting my mothering time. If there is ongoing stress or insecurities in our lives, social media can be more of a detriment than a help. God will let you know how many "medias" you can handle for His glory.

Incredibly, God uses this small blog. I wrote a post on self-pity as a sin years ago which brings a lot of hits, and a few on marriage that bring people. And because I write a good number of spiritual posts, I get random hits on all sorts of spiritual topics. Also, I have my testimony as a page on my blog, although not everyone finishes what they start reading, I dare say, depending on whether they're a seeker or not.

If you, like me, aren't much of a speaker and you don't travel frequently, and you don't minister in inner-cities or other places allowing you to share the Gospel, I encourage you to start a blog. It's free and it doesn't matter how many people read it, really, because God can bring the right people at the right time to your heartfelt words--people who may be either profoundly changed or prepped for the Hope in Jesus.

It doesn't matter if you're never aware of the spiritual success of your blog; comments don't matter, though they're nice when you need personal encouragement. Think of it as an obedience, if nothing else. We all have little testimonies of the work God is doing in our hearts and lives. These are stories meant to be told and in the information age we no longer need to get on a plane, train, bus, or vehicle to share the Gospel.

Maybe that is ideal because it's more personal, but with a little courage we can be personal with our words, even though we can't reach out and hug or share the joy in our eyes, with the recipients.

Just pray for the random hits, pray for your readers, and pray for the transparency needed to be up close and personal about God's work in your life.

1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

And if you share with other moms and other Christians, if your house is a mess, don't pretend that is isn't. If your house is modest and the veneer is chipping off your dining table, don't try to hide it. If you're a spiritual mess because you didn't read your Bible for a week or a month, don't try to hide that either. Talk about the glory of going back to the Word, and back to your Peace, because the Lord guarantees your success as a Christian. 

He never leaves you nor forsakes you, and that means also that he produces spiritual fruit in your life, guaranteed, even if it means making you miserable when you forget or fail to make time to read your Bible and pray.

Talk about all of it, while protecting your children with some amount of anonymity, if you deem it necessary. But don't try to be someone or something you're not. Be who God created you to be, in all your messiness, because it isn't about you at all. We're merely passing through here, with our eyes on Eternity, while we take advantage of the down payment on our inheritance--the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 1:13-14 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation-- having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory.

If you hate writing but love creating, then make quilts, dolls, stuffed animals or whatever, and attach a Gospel message or spiritual story and donate your items to hospitals, perhaps, for patients who may be looking for Hope? Whatever work God has given you to do, do it for Him, boldly, and let go of the outcome. 

Because the outcome is His.

Scriptures about victory in Christ:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Deuteronomy 20:4 For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’

2 Corinthians 2:14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

Luke 1:47-49 And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Romans 8:11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

What work has God given you, allowing you to share the Gospel?

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Weekly Homeschool Wrap-Up 3/13

Outside my window:

Last week it was below-freezing winter in which we craved a blanket at every turn. What a change a week makes when it's March! In like a lion indeed; out like a lamb, thank the Lord. There is still snow on the ground, for it started in mid-January and really didn't stop, so there are layers and layers of melting to accomplish, but this week's high thirties to mid-forties certainly made a dent. 

Underneath of course, is mud, which will last a while. The kids are already bringing mud in on their clothes and boots. Spring is exciting but messy in Ohio.

On my mind:

I couldn't help feeling discouraged this week regarding school. I felt like we didn't accomplish enough. We were back at the hospital for Beth's infusion Tuesday (after this we go to thirty-day increments), and Wednesday I had a much-needed eye appointment. Friday morning we take husband to the airport for his trip to Florida to check on and visit his 92-year-old father.

Running around because of an over-scheduled week is fine for families in which everyone is working ahead, but with dyslexia and OCD and ADHD making things more difficult here, we can't afford the luxury of frequent outings, no matter the reason. So there's that.

I turned 49 this week so there's that too. Getting old is cruel. It just is, unless your children have left or will be leaving the nest soon. I am trying hard to trust God for the future and for today's peace. I never would have chosen to start a family so late, but I wasn't saved until age 31 and not married until 33, so this is my life and mostly, I do love it immensely. 

I was emotionally lost in my twenties, even though I had a professional job and took good care of myself and didn't drink, smoke or take drugs. I was still lost due to having grown up with an addicted parent. Lost people ideally shouldn't get married, so I am grateful the Lord, even though I didn't know Him yet, kept me single until I was saved and ready.

So...forgive me for that sob story. The Lord is good all the time, even when you have messed-up parents. I am going to be okay and so are my children.

The other discouraging thing is that the girls are just not making progress with their numbers (or at least it's extremely slow), and I've given up hope that the addition facts will be memorized according to Saxon math's plan, in which you memorize all the doubles and build on from there. 

Saxon seems like a curriculum that must be supplemented...but then, I've never met a math curriculum, other than Teaching Textbooks, that didn't need supplementing.

Spending the money was painful, but I bought some TouchMath which will allow Mary and Beth to add and subtract numbers quickly without memorization, without fingers, and without objects being necessary. I use this method myself when I have a long column of numbers to add. Not having a mathematical mind myself, I can only keep so many numbers in my head before messing up.

TouchMath is the only multisensory, hands-on program out there that includes a manipulative you always have available--the touch points on the numbers 1 - 9. The numbers one through five have single points to touch and count, and 6, 7, 8, and 9 have a combination of double-count points--a dot with a circle around it--and single-count points.

If you want to add 9 and 7, you say the nine and count the seven dots onto it to arrive at the answer. So, you're teaching the counting-on method, but with a "manipulative", and with a visual cue of what the number means, rather than two random symbols, which kids aren't necessarily ready for in the primary years. All kids can be taught to add, but can they really visualize what they're doing, with the numbers being mere symbols?

Special-needs kids need another option, other than memorizing or using fingers, to solve facts. It may take years for the memorization to occur, and in the meantime, they need to be able to cipher.

To subtract using TouchMath, you say the top number, and count backwards using the dots on the bottom number. So if your top number is 9, and you want to take 6 from it, you touch and say the 9 (without actually counting nine) and then touch the dots on the six, counting down to the answer. "Nine--eight, seven, six, five, four, three.

I also like the way it teaches double-digit addition/subtraction and place value. Saxon is weak in these two areas, especially.

Like Saxon, it doesn't feature overly-busy, overly-colored worksheets designed to impress parents and overwhelm kids. Simple is better, when it comes to a worksheet.

It may seem like the dots can be confusing, but kids take to them quickly. The school I taught at bought some of this program and my first graders took to the number dots in less than a week. Because it's ideal for special-ed and for dyscalculia/dyslexia students and not necessary for regular ed, my school didn't use it for long. 

TouchMath offers traditional school packages and homeschool packages (as downloads), but let me warn you, they charge an awful lot for their materials--so much that it angered me, but I felt my girls really needed another option. My advice is to buy the supplemental workbooks rather than a whole-grade package, at least to start. They do have a money-back guarantee on their products.

Saxon first grade worksheet

Mary feels like crying when she sees this Saxon page. She can't remember the answers, and there are too many on the page for a frustrated dyslexic. And what's with the way Saxon writes 9's and 4's? I hate it. To a dyslexic, that 9 looks exactly like the 6. The Saxon four is featured on the Saxon hundred's chart above.

Paul works with Beth on her AWANA verses, and he likes to make up a dance for them, because Beth loves moving and dancing, being a tactile-kinesthetic learner. Here they are, working on a "routine" together.

This leftover chicken noodle, prepared the night after we had a whole chicken, was the only yummy lunch served this week. Just cheese sandwiches or PB&J the other days.

Last Saturday Daddy took the girls to a women's college basketball game. They wanted to know what it was like, and husband had free tickets from an elderly lady at work who can't use many of her season tickets. The games are super loud, which the girls didn't like. The band plays loudly, and there are other loud noises as well.

Thank the Lord for Teaching Textbooks Math! It leads to peace and harmony and learning each day without a glitch. Okay, so maybe it does over do the long division, but most kids need the repetition.

We checked out a Magic School Bus DVD, and afterwards the kids went crazy with catapults. They had a ball and tried out different styles and used different objects to catapult. It was a hoot.

Beth doing some personal reading practice.

Thank God for this little bottle, because Peter's OCD was rampant this week and my nerves and hormones were frazzled. My doctor says it is the caffeine in over-the-counter headache medicines that cause the rebound effect. She said coffee drinkers get rebound headaches too. I don't drink coffee and drink tea almost never. Do you get a headache if you don't have a morning cup of coffee (coffee drinker question)? It is hard to believe that every coffee drinker suffers awful headaches from missing a cup. Without the caffeine, the headache lasts far longer, so I can't quit these Excedrins just yet. Thank goodness they came out with a milder version, which has just regular strength acetaminophen and caffeine, nothing else.

While at the waiting room in the infusion center, Beth was delighted at this toy from the playroom.

There are computers in the waiting room as well, which kept the three older ones busy so I could go back with Beth and support her during this trying time. She hates these infusions.

She always starts with a drink to wash down the Benadryl, which prevents an allergic reaction to the Orencia (rheumatoid arthritis drug). Mom doesn't buy chocolate milk cartons, so she was delighted. They put patches on both hands to numb them for the IV insertion (takes 20 minutes to do the numbing) and then we need an hour and a half after that before we can go home. I make these appointments for 3 PM, but leading up to them Beth is out of sorts. If I make them in the morning, the Benadryl would make her too sleepy for school, so there's no easy solution. We will be doing them indefinitely once a month now.

I think she enjoys being alone with Mommy. The first couple times the other three children were in the room too and that was harder. The nurse said they were welcome to stay in the waiting room to use the computers and toys, so that will really work out for us. They do a little school work out there too, and Peter and Paul keep a sharp eye on Mary, who at eight years old is a little young to be in the waiting room without a parent.

Some good books to read:

Look at my Book: How Kids Can Write and Illustrate Terrific Books by Loreen Leedy

Kirkus Reviews: Kids can write, edit, illustrate, and bind their own books. Leedy answers every young author's questions in this abundantly illustrated how-to. Readers follow three authors, a boy, a girl, and a dog, from idea to storyboarding to editing to layout through illustration methods and finally to binding their creations. Most topics get a page; a few fill a two-page spread. Leedy's signature illustrations, bright and friendly, use vignettes to show each author thinking and working through the writing process with text of thoughts or speech in cartoon bubbles. The young authors instruct by doing and a list of tips complements each of the lessons. A page of further reading, resources, and publishing ideas completes the package. Most youngsters will need help with some vocabulary and ideas, but elementary teachers couldn't hope for a better invitation to the art and craft of writing. (Nonfiction. 4-10)

A Fine Dessert: Four Centuries, Four Families, One Delicious Treat by Emily Jenkins (Published February, 2015)

Goodreads Synopsis: In this fascinating picture book, four families, in four different cities, over four centuries, make the same delicious dessert: blackberry fool. This richly detailed book ingeniously shows how food, technology, and even families have changed throughout American history. 

In 1710, a girl and her mother in Lyme, England, prepare a blackberry fool, picking wild blackberries and beating cream from their cow with a bundle of twigs. The same dessert is prepared by a slave girl and her mother in 1810 in Charleston, South Carolina; by a mother and daughter in 1910 in Boston; and finally by a boy and his father in present-day San Diego. 

Kids and parents alike will delight in discovering the differences in daily life over the course of four centuries. 

Includes a recipe for blackberry fool and notes from the author and illustrator about their research.
My note: We loved, loved, loved this! A beautifully illustrated book and a very clever way to teach American history.

Make Your Mark, Franklin Roosevelt by Judith St. George

Goodreads Synopsis: Young Franklin Roosevelt grew up knowing the finer things in life— sailing, horseback riding, and foxhunts on his family’s large estate. Growing up wealthy meant he could live a gentleman’s life, like his beloved papa. Yet gentlemen weren’t supposed to go into politics, right? But why not? As young Franklin learns from a famous uncle and a famous mentor, there is more to the world than he thought. And about politics? Well, maybe there is more to that, too. Complete with lively illustrations by new illustrator Britt Spencer, this third book in Judith St. George’s Turning Point series reveals the turning point for the young man who would become one of America’s most honored presidents.

Anne Frank in Her Own Words by Caroline Hennon (Published September, 2014)

Goodreads Synopsis: Anne Frank's youthful optimism was a stark contrast to the terrible monstrosities of World War II. While Anne and her family hid from the world in a secret annex, she confided in her diary, nicknamed Kitty, providing the world with an inside view of what it was like to grow up fearing the wrath of Nazi Germany. This biography uses Anne's moving writings to highlight the events of her short life. Her diary is a powerful tool and reminder of the unjust hate that caused the Holocaust. Sidebars and fact boxes offer more information about this time period.

Up in the Garden and Down in the Dirt by Kate Messner (Published March, 2015)

Synopsis: In this exuberant and lyrical follow-up to the award-winning Over and Under the Snow, discover the wonders that lie hidden between stalks, under the shade of leaves . . . and down in the dirt. Explore the hidden world and many lives of a garden through the course of a year! Up in the garden, the world is full of green—leaves and sprouts, growing vegetables, ripening fruit. But down in the dirt exists a busy world—earthworms dig, snakes hunt, skunks burrow—populated by all the animals that make a garden their home.

How was your week? Has spring arrived in your town? My kids are aching to spend whole days outside.

Homeschool Mother's Journal 

Dyslexia: Gifts and Talents

The Dyslexic Advantage Blog has been so informative to me as a home-teaching parent. Last night I devoured this post hungrily, written by Dan Peters, Ph.D: Reflections, New Insights, Confessions, and Inspiration on Dyslexia and Talent. I found it so encouraging that I went to bed excited that my children had dyslexia. Sound crazy? I know. It certainly does. 

But you see, while dyslexia creates difficulties with reading, writing, and spelling, the condition also opens up unique possibilities that aren't enjoyed to the same extent by the neuro-typical population.

Dan Peters Ph.D. details what he learned at a 2013 Dyslexia conference, all of which is featured in the above-linked article. This is merely an excerpt:

In The Dyslexic Advantage, the Eides identified “MIND” strengths, which stand for Material Reasoning, Interconnected Reasoning, Narrative Reasoning, and Dynamic Reasoning. In short, the dyslexic mind seems to be very good at 3-D and visual-spatial conceptualizing and problem-solving (Material); Connecting vast and divergent amounts of concepts and ideas (Interconnected); Connecting events and telling stories (Narrative); and predicting or “seeing” future outcomes from current situations (Dynamic).

Research was presented that showed the dyslexic brain structure has more variable and diffuse patterns of connectivity than non-dyslexic brains, and increased grey matter volume and activation. While dyslexics are slower readers, they are faster at identifying certain 3D spatial relations. One leading researcher said that individuals seemed to show strengths because of dyslexia not in spite it. He went on to say, “It is not hard for dyslexics to think outside of the box because they have never been in the box.”

Another researcher shared his research that showed that dyslexics had superior abilities in “spatial abnormalities” or locating things that are out of place. Dyslexics are also better at seeing “incidental images” or things that one is not anticipating seeing. A hypothesis he has is whether reading competes with visual skills, as better readers seem to have less developed visual skills than poor readers.

A well-known professor and museum curator reminded us of a famous quote, which says, “The industrial revolution came not from schools, but from workshops.” He highlighted the need to get dyslexics involved in learning through doing, rather than listening and memorizing. A dyslexic executive of a billion dollar company stated that her dyslexia allowed her to solve problems, build teams, and multitask – all integral in her career success.

An inspirational professor and cinematographer talked about the core strengths he observed in dyslexics – empathy, pattern awareness, and intuitive narrative. He passionately talked about dyslexics deep awareness of others and reading of subtle cues. He stated that dyslexics seem to be able to create patterns, which give rise to pathways, and “birth to our experiences.”

Twenty percent of the population is dyslexic, and we desperately need that twenty percent. Many wonderful, timeless stories have been penned by dyslexics over the centuries, and we have many dyslexics to thank for the inventions and advancements our world enjoys in the fields of medicine, engineering, the arts, and other sciences.

At first I thought only Peter and Mary had this condition, but the more I learn, the more it becomes evident that all four of my children have it to varying degrees, though it manifests somewhat differently in each child. Paul's case is very mild. He reads slowly and it tires him within twenty minutes, and though he is a good natural speller, he switches letters within words. The good news is that while his case is mild, he enjoys many of the advantages dyslexia brings. All signs are that he is twice exceptional: both intellectually gifted and mildly dyslexic.

All dyslexics can learn to read, but most read slowly for a lifetime and dislike reading. They love telling stories, but they can't write anything without enlisting someone to check it for them, which can be embarrassing. While dyslexics tend to be very successful entrepreneurs, artists, scientists, CEOs, and managers, most suffer low self-esteem due to their school experiences. They had to work very hard for mediocre grades, and they were ridiculed and told to "just try harder". Public schools have failed them. They largely succeed because of their dyslexia, not in spite of it; they often succeed in spite of their education, not because of it, though of course they must be able to read and write, so schooling is imperative.

As a society we misunderstand what it means to be dyslexic, and we have a lot of work to do. I would encourage any parent of a dyslexic to bring your child home for homeschooling (if financially possible ) until the tide turns for dyslexics in mainstream education. The low self-esteem these people suffer as a result of their negative school experiences is life-long, despite the enormous success many of them enjoy in adulthood. The feelings they experienced in school were just so demoralizing, they've stuck.

Just last week when I met Mary's AWANA teachers, one of them looked shocked and dismayed when I revealed that Mary has dyslexia and panics when asked to read aloud or do a word search. The head teacher's face said it all. In her mind, dyslexia is a bad thing.

Two other conditions are related. Dysgraphia and dyscalculia refer to learning disabilities in handwriting, spelling, and organizing thoughts on paper, and in rote, memorization-related math work. While they're classified as separate from dyslexia, they are closely related and some dyslexics have all three: dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia.

As a society we must work hard to balance remedial help in reading and writing and math, with activities aimed at maximizing the strengths dyslexics enjoy. If all the focus is on the deficits, society suffers because these people are our movers and shakers. We simply can't afford to break their spirits and stifle their creativity.

Technology is a godsend to this population. Those who read slowly or can't spell and have difficulty learning keyboarding, enjoy speech-to-text and text-to-speech advancements. Those who can't seem to memorize all the grammar, punctuation and spelling rules (Peter with his dysgraphia), have modern word processing programs to correct them instantly, helping the lessons become automatic over time.

Those who can't memorize their addition, subtraction, or multiplication facts have an ever-ready calculator with them in the form of tablets and modern cell phones. While they can think mathematically and spatially and solve problems well, when doing the rote tasks involved, they need technology to speed up the process so they aren't bogged down with basics.

When I say Paul has a mild case, I mean that he can't count on his good spelling skills to translate into correct text consistently. More so than the rest of us, he needs spell check or an editor before publishing anything. I've included his latest story, with its peculiar spelling errors. He knows what letters are needed for the correct spelling of words, but he can't always get the letters in the proper order, as evidenced below. Still, his writing impresses and excites me, considering he's only in fifth grade. He would love to write for a living some day, at least part-time. Below is a story he's worked on over a few days, though it's yet unfinished.

Peter, in contrast, spells phonetically, which is characteristic of dysgraphia. Spell check doesn't always help him, but there are technologies that will translate sound spellings into conventional spellings.

The Three Wolves by Paul

Once upon a time there were three wolves. One stern wolf, one silly wolf, and one smart wolf. They lived in a slightly hidden den near a patch of trees. It was late October and most of the trees had lost their leaves. The ground crunched under your feet and smelled of mud.

One day, while the three wolves were waiting for their lunch meat to cook, they decided to go bird wacthing. While the wolves were gone, Goldie-dog, a stary (he meant stray) dog, decided to rest. She saw the wolves' den and walked in. 

Being curouis, she took the three peices of lunch meat from the fire and tasted them.
"This one is too tough," she said, tasting the stern wolf''s meat.
"This one is too raw," she said, tasting the silly wolf's meat.
"This one one is just right," she said, tasting the smart wolf's meat. She ate all of it.

Next she went to a rock to sit down.

"This rock is too smooth," he said, sitting in the stern wolf's rock.
"This rock is too bumpy," she said, sitting on the silly wolf's rock.
"This one is just right," she said, sitting on the smart wolf's rock.

Now, being quite tired, she lied down on a bed.

"This bed is too leafy," she said, trying the stern wolf's bed.
"This bed is too thorny," she said, trying the silly wolf's bed.
"This bed is just right," she said, trying the smart wovles bed. 

She fell asleep.

Later, the bears came back. When they saw the sisutaion concerning their lunch meat, they were cross.

"Who tasted my lunch meat?" shouted the stern wolf.
"Who bit my meat?" said the silly wolf.
"Who ate all my meat?" said the smart wolf angrily.

 Next, the wolves trotted to the bed area.

Do you have any dyslexic friends or family? What have their experiences been? Are they in creative fields? The sciences? Are they entrepreneurs? How is their self-esteem?

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Parenting an ADHD Child

Some days with special-needs children can be so overwhelming, you feel desperate at the end of the day for the right prayer, the right book, the right approach, the right things to say...anything to make tomorrow better than today. It's very hard to accept that the difficult situation isn't going to go away. There's no cure, but there will be good days (along with the bad days and horrific days). 

In adulthood it will persist for your child and look somewhat different, but from a parenting perspective it will still be hard. 

How do you endure? How do you keep smiling? How do you not envy those with neuro-typical children, even though you love your child with everything you've got and wouldn't trade him?

At the end of the day the hope is not in a cure, but in extending the daily grace necessary for all involved to feel loved and valued. This disorder begs for grace, prayer, trust, faith.

And what's true in every difficult situation is true in this one: Count your blessings, not your "curses". It works every time to refocus us on God, rather than on our difficulties.

Information does help and I look for it frequently. Here is a series written on ADHD from Focus on the Family.

1. ADHD

2. Facts About ADHD 

3. More Facts About ADHD

4. How to Help an ADHD child

Included in the series is a letter written by a 7th grade boy to Focus on the Family, shared below. It made me so thankful we homeschool. Following this letter, I share an excerpt about tips for handling your ADHD child, and an encouraging link about your child's hyperfocusing.

When I began the second grade, I went from having a good teacher to a hard one. I did not feel ready for second grade, and felt different from the other kids. Writing words were hard, like writing the Korean numbers. No letters or numbers made sense, and I had trouble remembering everything I learned. I did not understand and remember the directions, and everyone seemed mad at me all the time.

When you're in second grade, you feel pressure to wear cool clothes and hang out with cool friends and do well in school. I began to feel like I was a failure and heard my teacher tell my mom I was at the bottom of my class. What did that mean? I did not know, really, what that meant until the other kids made fun of me and called me "stupid." I felt stupid. I told my mom I was stupid. My pride was hurt because I didn't feel like the other kids, or I didn't feel like I belonged. Everyone seemed to have fun and school stuff was easy for them.

I had one friend like me, and we started a club only for kids like me. My teacher told my parents that I might have a learning disease, and should have some tests. I had a tutor everyday after school, and I learned the stuff real good at night, but at school I could not remember what I'd learned or the right way to do problems.

In fifth grade I still had trouble learning, and people, especially my teachers, were getting more and more mad at me for forgetting. Sometimes, I would forget all the stuff and have fun. Sometimes I would not. Mostly, not.

My mom tried really hard to help me remember things, and she was starting to get mad at me, too. They told me I was not trying. The teacher told my mom I was lying about not remembering and that I was lazy. I'm not lazy. I'm just so tired of people telling me to try harder. I did not blame them for my disease, so why does everybody blame me?

Tips for Handling Your ADHD Child

Here are 18 suggestions from a book by Dr. Domeena Renshaw entitled The Hyperactive Child, shared by Focus on the Family in the above-linked series. Though her book is now out of print, Dr. Renshaw's advice is still valid:

1. Be consistent in rules and discipline.
2. Keep your own voice quiet and slow. Anger is normal. Anger can be controlled. Anger does not mean you do not love your child.
3. Try to keep your emotions cool by bracing for expected turmoil. Recognize and respond to any positive behavior, however small. If you search for good things, you will find them.
4. Avoid a ceaselessly negative approach: "Stop." "Don't." "No."
5. Separate behavior, which you may not like, from the child's person (e.g., "I like you. I don't like your tracking mud through the house.").
6. Establish a clear routine. Construct a timetable for waking, eating, play, television, study, chores and bedtime. Follow it flexibly when he disrupts it. Slowly your structure will reassure him until he develops his own.
7. Demonstrate new or difficult tasks, using action accompanied by short, clear, quiet explanations. Repeat the demonstration until learned, using audiovisual-sensory perceptions to reinforce the learning. The memory traces of a hyperactive child take longer to form. Be patient and repeat.
8. Designate a separate room or a part of a room that is his special area. Avoid brilliant colors or complex patterns in decor. Simplicity, solid colors, minimal clutter and a worktable facing a blank wall away from distractions help concentration. A hyperactive child cannot filter overstimulation.
9. Do one thing at a time: Give him one toy from a closed box; clear the table of everything else when coloring; turn off the radio/television when he is doing homework. Multiple stimuli prevent his concentration from focusing on his primary task.
10. Give him responsibility, which is essential for growth. The task should be within his capacity, although the assignment may need much supervision. Acceptance and recognition of his efforts (even when imperfect) should not be forgotten.
11. Read his pre-explosive warning signals. Quietly intervene to avoid explosions by distracting him or discussing the conflict calmly. Removal from the battle zone to the sanctuary of his room for a few minutes can help.
12. Restrict playmates to one or two at a time because he is so excitable. Your home is more suitable so you can provide structure and supervision. Explain your rules to the playmate and briefly tell the other parent your reasons.
13. Do not pity, tease, be frightened by or overindulge your child. He has a special condition of the nervous system that is manageable.
14. Know the name and dose of his medication. Give it regularly. Watch and remember the effects to report back to your physician.
15. Openly discuss with your physician any fears you have about the use of medications.
16. Lock up all medications to avoid accidental misuse.
17. Always supervise the taking of medication, even if it is routine over a long period of years. Responsibility remains with the parents! One day's supply at a time can be put in a regular place and checked routinely as he becomes older and more self-reliant.
18. Share your successful tips with his teacher. The outlined ways to help your hyperactive child are as important to him as diet and insulin are to a diabetic child.

Hyperfocusing

My son Peter hyperfocuses on various topics, such as gardening, composting, farming, fishing, and owning a dog. He will research obsessively, and follow me around and talk about the topic ad nauseum, and ask for money to buy this or that related thing. It can be very challenging on the nerves, as can all aspects of ADHD. He often vacillates between two obsessions at once, depending on weather conditions and what's available for research.

The snow is finally melting, so he's obsessing about gardening and composting. All of these are positive things, except the lack of response to social cues when he's obsessively sharing. Here is an article on the positive side of hyperfocusing.: Have Passion, Will Focus: Encourage Your ADHD Kid’s Obsessions

Here is a book by Edward Hollowell about seeing ADHD as a gift, not a problem.

Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child 

Are you parenting a hyperactive child? How are you coping, and how do you accentuate the positives?

Good Stewardship Habits for Mom

I found some dresses for my girls this weekend at a consignment shop, and I'm almost finished outfitting my children for spring and summer. I include these thrift store posts on my blog for one important reason. 

My desire is to highlight the good stewardship inherent in choosing thrift stores and consignment shops to outfit ourselves and our families. God has been gracious to us, and he desires that we use our financial gifts responsibly. He asks us to help support the poor and needy, and the widows and orphans. One way to do that is to decrease our own financial burden so we can free up money to give.

Buying good quality clothes makes sense, especially if you have smaller children to hand them down to. There is also the possibility that you can help the poor by donating to Goodwill. Good quality clothes last longer and fade slowly so they can be handed down (or over) at least three times, provided Mom or Dad use spot remover promptly, and/or try covering a child's clothes before serving berries, mustard, juice or chocolate.

I found the following listed brands at a consignment shop, and these are the same brands I find at Goodwill. When I can't find what I need at two different Goodwills, I then go to the consignment shop. Goodwill hasn't had many dresses for my girls for the past year, and finding jeans for Peter has been very difficult there as well. 

Goodwill charges $2.50 per child's garment, and consignment shops typically charge $2.50 to $7.50 per garment, and more for outerwear. 

Here is the count for my last consignment trip (many, but not all, are pictured below):

Lands End - 5 garments

Hanna Anderson - 3 garments

The Children's Place - 5 garments

The Gap - 1 garment

Gymboree - 5 garments

Jumping Beans - 1 garment

Crazy 8 - 2 garments

Old Navy - 2 garments

Talbots - 1 garment

Rothschild - 1 garment (outerwear)

Sonoma - 2 garments

Arizona - 1 garment

Carters - 1 garment

Tommy Hilfiger - 1 garment

Green Dog - 1 garment

Maggie & Zoe - 1 garment

Urban Pipeline - 2 garments

Timberland - 1 garment

Misc. garments with label removed or missing - 4; and 3 sandals, not pictured

Total with a 20% off punched card to redeem = $253 for roughly 46 items

I don't typically spend that much at once, except after a tax refund. It's usually more like $30 to $60 per trip, with either a 20% or 35% off coupon or punch card. When you donate to Goodwill (at least around here) you are given a 20% off coupon. 

I could consign my items, but I want to bless the Goodwill shoppers who may not be able to afford consignment shops. Heck, I can't always afford consignment shops! I appreciate the families who donate good quality clothes to Goodwill.

I prefer dresses to be below the knee, and I find that Land's End, Hanna Anderson, and Gymboree usually make them that way. I only buy sleeveless if I have a sweater in mind to go over it. The sleeveless dress will be worn for Easter with a white sweater. One reason is to prevent skin cancer later because our shoulders are vulnerable, and the other is that sleeveless can sometimes be immodest depending on the cut. The dress on the left looks too busy with all the color, but it is very becoming on Mary.

The flowered dress may be worn with pink leggings. That's how I make the shorter ones work for my girls. I also put shorts under them in the summer because my girls still don't sit appropriately when they have a dress on.

Beth loves anything that looks like ballerina clothes. The hot pink number (too loud for me) comes with black leggings (it's Hello Kitty). She doesn't usually like black, but the definite ballerina look delighted her and it looks cute on her.

I don't ever find any shorts that seem appropriate for Christian girls, so I buy my girls cropped pants. There are 2 or 3 other jeans or cropped pants not pictured, with flower embroidery. 

Are you all ready for spring? Do you have a good consignment shop near you?