That Weird Header Photo

Okay, so I wrote a post earlier today telling you that I had more to share about the Body of Christ. As a header for that post I chose a picture of a puzzle and I previewed the post before publishing it. It published fine with the photo I wanted. But when I got back into my blog later, a completely different photo existed at the top of my post. A weird, completely unfitting photo. Sorry about that and I have no idea how it happened. I published the post again, this time with no photo at all.

Just wanted ya'll to know I'm not crazy! Most days, anyway.

The Body of Christ, Part 1

My last post, Are You Isolated From the Body of Christ?, asked these questions:


How does the Body of Christ share burdens it doesn't understand? How can we make ourselves vulnerable, when we know understanding isn't there? Can we just share our neighbors' burdens in love, but never really put ourselves out there?


I contemplated this while I washed dishes, folded laundry, and drove my Beth to physical therapy. What's expected of me...of all of us...Lord? What should the Body of Christ look like, practically speaking?


No answer came, until I got back from physical therapy. 


Picture it, my three year old is having a fit as I carry her into the house, crying because swim therapy on Tuesdays and gym therapy on Wednesdays is a lot for her atrophied but starting-to-revive muscles. She's exhausted and irrational and I'm hot and headachy from a 28-minute van ride sans air conditioning.


My husband has a special arrangement to go into work at 5:30 AM on Wednesdays so he can come home for a few hours and watch the other children while Beth does her Wednesday session. Tuesdays I bring them all with me.


So husband's home when I get Beth into the house, but he's rushing to get on the road to his second job. He quickly informs me that the secretary at his church job mentioned today that she may lose her insurance soon because she and her husband "might have to get divorced". 


Concerned, he took the liberty to tell her that his wife saved a marriage recently by writing both parties a letter, and maybe I could help her? 


Husband doesn't know the issues but asked me if I would call her and talk with her about the issues? 

Talking on the phone with strangers who are not from utility companies and insurance companies and doctor's offices, always panics me because I'm shy. My three year old is still fitting and needs lunch and my husband's old friend Jim and his wife are supposed to stop by tomorrow on the way to Yellowstone, so the house needs to be in nice shape before Thursday afternoon.


Don't I already have my hands full and how I do find the time to help this woman? And who says she even wants help? Casually mentioning she may have to get divorced is not necessarily a plea for help.


But none of this actually made it out of my mouth because the Holy Spirit suddenly gave me a beautiful picture of what the Body of Christ should look like. And all my objections melted away and as I carried my three year old to the couch to nurse her and calm her down. 


I said to my husband, "I will do what I can to help, but remember I'm a writer not a talker. I never could have helped the other couple outside of a letter."


How it will work with the secretary and her husband, I don't know. But I have a clearer picture of the Body of Christ to share with you...later this week.


Please join me?

Are You Isolated From the Body of Christ?

Right now especially, I'm so thankful for this intimate-sized blog. Something significantly personal happens at times and it's so hard to talk about it with the people in my midst. Being able to write it out here and having the Spirit speak to me while I write is such a godsend. And there's some safety in small numbers and in fictitious names and in the "delete blog" button that's always at my fingertips.

It's as though God ordained a small audience for me, knowing just what I need to endure and thrive.

Saturday morning I went to a Vacation Bible School planning meeting at the church my children go to for VBS and AWANA. I'll work the nursery this year and watch all the helpers' children.

Two other women joined me at the meeting--the children's director and one of her regular helpers. Since it was intimate other topics came up, such as the helper's eight-year-old girl having raging, scary fits on a regular basis--even harming her 11-year-old brother. This mother is completely overwhelmed and has withdrawn some from church and fellowship.

I didn't say much during the meeting, though I did sympathize with the stress caused by a child's extreme behavior, since we're no strangers to it.

As she shared I could see the defeat in her demeanor and I understood on a personal level the tendency to withdraw during times of excessive stress. The children's director gently encouraged her and explained that we cannot mature in Christ fully without the Body of Christ alongside us. The Body of Christ is designed to pray for us, strengthen us and share our burdens, and we're called to reciprocate. In the process, everyone grows in Christ.

The director suggested she could meet with us regularly, much like we had that morning, to pray for each other and share burdens as necessary. It was more of a suggestion to think about than a direct invitation. I smiled appreciatively but didn't respond just then--the other woman doing the same. Meeting anyone on a regular basis is so hard, since my husband works six days a week and wants Sundays just for family.

But that isn't the only issue. While one of these ladies could understand my parental struggles, neither of them could understand the rest of my life. As I listened to them talk and noticed that money is never an issue for them, it was clear we may as well be on different planets--these ladies and me. And they know our financial situation is poor--we attended there for awhile, right after my husband lost his job in 2009.

Sharing burdens with them wouldn't work, but not because they aren't nice ladies. They are.

Sunday morning I worked in the nursery at my own church. For a few minutes I was there with just the children's coordinator and she chatted and asked what fun things we were up to and had we gone anywhere for vacation?

I must confess, her question took me off guard and I responded awkwardly by just shaking my head and smiling. No one knows our financial situation at this church, which we've attended just shy of a year. A few know Beth has arthritis, but that's the most intimate thing we've shared (in a small prayer circle).


How could I explain that no, we haven't gone anywhere, and we never go anywhere. It's not like I can say my husband recently lost a job. That was over three years ago and we were fairly low income back then too.

I can't pretend like I don't want to go anywhere, because in fact if we had some money I would take the kids on historical field trips every summer.

I just never answered her question, really, except with a head shake. She sensed the awkwardness and changed the subject. Yes, I felt stupid but no acceptable answer came to me at that moment.

How can anyone understand my unique situation, especially given that poverty makes even the most socially-secure individual uncomfortable? So uncomfortable, in fact, that avoidance is the next step--ask all those who lost their jobs in the past few years and fell into poverty. People begin to avoid you after awhile. It's not out of meanness, just awkwardness. They can't think of anything to say.


This children's coordinator, married and a mother of three, has money and it doesn't appear she's ever known financial hardship. But for the record, I wouldn't want to be her. I wouldn't want to be anyone but me, and I wouldn't want a different path right now, because this one is growing me beyond belief. I see eternal value in all the lessons.

I'm not ashamed of our poverty-level lifestyle, but I also can't explain it. My husband has some neurological issues and some vision issues that make it very hard for him to take on any responsibility, such as that which brings a decent income. However, he's college educated (Bible college degree and a year of seminary); he talks like it and acts like it and people expect more from him. His difficulties are subtle, but truthfully, most of the jobs in the paper would overwhelm him, even if training were provided. He can study and learn new information easily, but has disabilities in applying any of it.

I didn't know this when I married him because at that time, as a single man, he was far less overwhelmed.

I saw what mattered most to me--spiritual maturity and a long obedience in the same direction with the Lord. And of course at that time I loved teaching and thought I'd do it forever. It never dawned on me that we'd only have his income.

That first baby in my arms changed me forever.


When I said yes I would marry him, a voice in my head warned: "You must understand that this man might never be more than a custodian, and that has to be okay with you. You must never hold it against him or nag him to be more. Let him live in peace, as his wife."

That voice didn't scare me, but I also didn't quite believe it. Now, thirteen years later, I do believe it. I've been true to what was asked of me--he knows I love him unconditionally and as my husband, he has peace. He's got other demons, but I'm not one of them. I have no trouble embracing all that is wonderful.

He's told me many times I can write about anything I want--he's got nothing to hide. He doesn't read blogs and I doubt he's ever been the slightest bit interested in this one.

However, this will be one of those posts I delete after a couple weeks, for the sake of my children's privacy.


Yes, God ordained this marriage and this path for me, but I can't explain it or allow incriminating details to spill out, such as my husband and I have no insurance because he only has two part-time jobs, not a full-time job. How could I possibly do that? People expect these bad situations to improve over time, and this one might never improve. The reasons for our lack of upward mobility must remain private--something between husband and wife.

We've prayed and it's clear I'm to remain home for now, despite hardship. Beth's diagnosis last summer confirmed yet again that I'm a keeper of the home, a comforter and teacher of my children.

People will judge if details are spilled, because that's what people do, unless they've walked in your shoes. Sad, but true, and it's precisely why all forms of suffering exist. So that at just the appointed time, someone who intimately understands your suffering, will be ready to give that hug. That affirming word. That total acceptance.

But for those not in my shoes, there will be questions--probably unspoken ones. Why doesn't she get a job and put those kids in school? It's such a simple solution--why don't they see the writing on the wall? Or why doesn't she work as a teacher and he can stay home with the kids? Why should those kids be covered by medicaid, when she's perfectly capable of getting a job? (Well, I would have to take classes to convert a California credential to an Ohio credential. And graduate classes are expensive and require time I don't have, and getting a teaching job is hard for anyone, since universities in some locations put out too many teachers...so getting more than a minimum wage job isn't so easy, anyway.)

Never mind that when all four of my children are part of my homeschool, the district (state) will be saving the $40,000 a year they spend on every four public-schooled children (yes, about $9,500 per child per year).

But enough of that.

How does the Body of Christ share burdens it doesn't understand? And how can we make ourselves vulnerable, when we know understanding isn't there? Can we just share our neighbors' burdens in love, but never really put ourselves out there?

Later after church, I thought of something I could have said to the children's coordinator about what we've been doing and where we've been. "We have no disposable income, so we stay close to home."

It's simple, with no details that would bring judgement. I've decided it will become my standard answer, when anyone asks a money-loaded question.

My husband has his own methods for coping. He never asks any man what he does for a living, so he doesn't have to answer the same question. Not that being a custodian is the worst job around--it's just that people expect more from my husband. They assume he's a professional and they always look shocked when he tells his occupation.

Learning disabilities are tragic in that most of them are silent. When disability has a face--like Down Syndrome--no explanation is necessary. Expectations are low and patience high. Not so with most learning disabilities.

We're both praying and trying to figure out this Body of Christ thing. Especially right now, after being invited to a home Bible study with two other couples from our current church--well-off couples who would never get us. The kids heard about it and want to go. We can't let poverty define our children so we'll probably say yes, but being there, for husband and me, will just feel isolating--putting us more on the fringe while people talk about their dinners out and their vacations and their $700 a month spent on private school.

And having us there? It will make them uncomfortable before long, like they have to monitor what they say.

Are we supposed to help people get over the poverty of wealth? Help them see that there are starving children in Guatemala who need their Olive Garden and four-star vacation money? Is that why we're being thrown in with wealthy people so often now?

That message would be about as welcome as Jesus' message was in his home town.

Now it's your turn. Have you ever felt isolated from the Body of Christ? How did it turn out? Do you agree we can't fully mature in our faith outside of the Body of Christ? 

Rearing Spoiled Brats in America?

I've written here before about young American adults failing to launch into their own lives in their early twenties as expected--acquiring jobs, leaving home, supporting themselves, attending to their own daily needs. 

Sociologists refer to this phenomena as the "failure to launch".

The big questions to ask are: 1) Why are American children so spoiled and entitled? and 2) Why are twenty-somethings still living at home?

It's true that the economy's been depressed for at least 5 years, but this trend with our children started before the economic downturn. I'm disgusted intrigued by this phenomena, and very concerned about avoiding it in my own children, so I read every article I can find on it. What's gone wrong and why? What can I do differently?

Yesterday I read an article published by Elizabeth Colbert in The New Yorker, entitled Spoiled Rotten: Why do kids rule the roost? (link found on Ann's blog) My excerpts below focus on the comparisons between a six-year-old girl from the Peruvian Amazon, with middle-class Los Angeles children. The author's text appears in blue below:

Carolina Izquierdo, an anthropologist, studied the Matsigenka tribe from the Amazon in 2004. She decided to accompany a local family on a leaf-gathering expedition down the Urubamba River. A member of another family, Yanira, asked if she could come along. Izquierdo and the others spent five days on the river. Although Yanira had no clear role in the group, she quickly found ways to make herself useful. Twice a day, she swept the sand off the sleeping mats, and she helped stack the kapashi leaves for transport back to the village. In the evening, she fished for crustaceans, which she cleaned, boiled, and served to the others. Calm and self-possessed, Yanira “asked for nothing,” Izquierdo later recalled. The girl’s behavior made a strong impression on the anthropologist because at the time of the trip Yanira was just six years old.

This same anthropologist, during the same period, also studied middle-class Los Angeles children. Thirty-two middle class Los Angeles families were recruited and observed while they ate, fought, made up and did the dishes. 

How did parents in different cultures train young people to assume adult responsibilities? In the case of the Angelenos, they mostly didn’t. In the L.A. families observed, no child routinely performed household chores without being instructed to. Often, the kids had to be begged to attempt the simplest tasks; often, they still refused. 

In one fairly typical encounter, a father asked his eight-year-old son five times to please go take a bath or a shower. After the fifth plea went unheeded, the father picked the boy up and carried him into the bathroom. A few minutes later, the kid, still unwashed, wandered into another room to play a video game.

In another representative encounter, an eight-year-old girl sat down at the dining table. Finding that no silverware had been laid out for her, she demanded, “How am I supposed to eat?” Although the girl clearly knew where the silverware was kept, her father got up to get it for her.

In a third episode captured on tape, a boy named Ben was supposed to leave the house with his parents. But he couldn’t get his feet into his sneakers, because the laces were tied. He handed one of the shoes to his father: “Untie it!” His father suggested that he ask nicely. “Can you untie it?” Ben replied. After more back-and-forth, his father untied Ben’s sneakers. Ben put them on, then asked his father to retie them. “You tie your shoes and let’s go,’’ his father finally exploded. Ben was unfazed. “I’m just asking,’’ he said.

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert#ixzz1zu3qIeDV


I'm no anthropologist, but I do have some observations to share regarding the pitfalls of American parenting, in no particular order.

1. Too Little Time Devoted to Child-Training: We embark on a chore system with our children, only to become frustrated by the amount of supervision and nagging it takes to ensure follow-through. Our expectations become inconsistent, and not surprisingly, the children's performances do as well. For example, a child thinks: The last time I was asked to pick up my Legos, she let me leave some on the floor. She picked them up herself. But this time she yelled at me for not doing a thorough job. I wonder what will happen next time? What does she really want?

Training our children well is just as important as loving them unconditionally. Middle-class American parents tend to concentrate on academics and giving a child every opportunity to succeed--sometimes over-scheduling them in the process. But how much time do we devote to teaching excellence of habit? And work ethic? 

What is so pressing in our lives that we don't consistently expect hardwork and excellence? Don't answer that question if you're busy nursing a baby and keeping a two year old out of trouble. You, my friend, just need to survive and this post is one to file away for future reference.

But those of us out of survival mode (not counting cold and flu season) may need to examine our priorities and start investing quality time into developing a strong work ethic in our children.

It's an incremental, patient process, requiring our presence most of all. 

Cleaning up a toy or game involves gathering all the pieces together and scanning the room to see if any stray pieces were left behind, then packing them properly into their designated container, and lastly, putting them back in their designated place--not leaving the box in the middle of the floor.

Sounds elementary, doesn't it? But to a child it's not. We need to demonstrate how to sweep all the Legos together with a firm straight edge (such as a large hardbound book). Next we need to demonstrate how to look under the couch and chairs for stray pieces. It's helpful to make them clean up other toys before getting another one out, so that toys aren't constantly missing parts that were hiding under stuffed animals or other things strewn on the floor. Do you have a basket of stray toy parts in your house somewhere? It's a hint that you need to teach the clean-up process more thoroughly. 

Finally, once a toy is completely packed we need to demonstrate how to put it back on it's shelf or home properly, rather than in a sloppy, precarious manner--i.e. larger game boxes on the bottom of the stack, smaller boxes on top.

My children have much progress to make in cleaning up their toys, but I'm happy to report that in other chore areas, such as vacuuming, sweeping and mopping, my ten-year-old boy really shines now. The more I saw of children in other cultures, the more I began raising expectations for my own crew. In farm cultures for example, children do 2 to 3 hours of barn chores each morning, rising at 5:30 AM. (At Ann Voskamp's farm for one).

And all three of the Compassion International children we write to are responsible for a myraid of daily tasks--a lot more than my children.

We run child-centered homes here in America--with closet space and living spaces overflowing with their toys and belongings--rather than seeing children as one part of a larger family unit. A child can be well-loved without being pampered.

Each of us has a special gift to bring to the table, in the Church body and in our homes. But all must contribute, and not detract, from the daily running of a home. The sooner we require a reasonable contribution from our youngsters, the less likely they'll develop a sense of entitlement. When the spoiled-brat syndrome turns around, we can truly enjoy our children.

2. Driven to Distraction - Twenty-first century parents and children live distracted lives driven by too much media and too much stuff. When we're distracted we don't focus on excellence and consistency of habit in ourselves or in our children. Most people cling tighter to their distractions when they're under excessive stress, so battling stress with prayer, exercise, sleep and good nutrition, helps too.

I know...easier said than done.

Homes would run smoother if all members avoid media or other distraction until all the work is done, and done well--devotions first, then all the work, and then relaxation. A sequence to live by daily.

What gives rise to better character and a growing self-confidence? A loosey goosey, no-expectations home where everyone is driven by distraction? Or a home poised with excellency and consistency? 

If we live it, we can teach it. 

I mention self-confidence because it's something that develops through achievement. If our expectations are too low, how can our children achieve on a healthy continuum? Similarly, if we nag about their performance while never having properly taught them the tasks in question, how can they grow in self-confidence? They'll only grow in frustration, and pitch fits every time they're asked to do chores or clean up after themselves.

3. Lacking a Servant's Heart - A child who never looks for a way to contribute, but instead looks for a way to be served, lacks a servant's heart. Similarly, a parent who talks on the phone or reads e-mail and news, rather than properly training her child, lacks a servant's heart. To glorify God and contribute to a spiritually healthy family, all members must die to self daily. What better way to teach that than to demonstrate it with our own behavior? Children sense when we're slacking off as parents and if noticed too often, it erodes their respect for us. If your older child has a sassy mouth lately, you may have a spoiled brat on your hands, or you may have a child disappointed in you for some reason. Pray and search your heart, and act accordingly. 

I'm not saying every parental difficulty is our fault, just that change always starts with us. And if you're a Christian, it starts with prayer and a heart search.

A servant's heart is instilled by the Holy Spirit, and then reinforced by parental action. Plan a Bible study about acquiring a servant's heart and let the Holy Spirit work in your child's heart...and in yours. Just search the topic on the Internet to find plenty of Bible references and materials. The questions to answer are these: 1)What does God say about servanthood and 2) What does servanthood look like?

The servanthood concept is eternal, affecting generations. Children mustn't leave home without it.

Now it's your turn. Do you think we're raising spoiled children in America? Why or why not?


Servanthood Verses:

Matthew 20:25-28  

Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." 


2 Timothy 2:4  

No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday 

life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier


Galatians 6:10  
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially 
to those who belong to the family of believers. 


Colossians 3:23  

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, 

not for men. 


Galatians 6:3 
If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only 
fooling yourself. You are really a nobody. 



1 Peter 5:5  
“Put on the apron of humility, to serve one another”  

 photo credit

Thankful Thursday (yes, I'm late)

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.” — G. K. Chesterton

“Thou that has given so much to me,
Give one thing more–a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise.”– George Herbert

Dear Lord, thank you for these graces:

~ My Paul receiving piano lessons from a very nice 13-year-old Christian boy. We pay him in homemade cookies and we've offered teen-sitting. Twice a week this summer he spends the day at the church while his mother (the church secretary) works. The church allows the use of their piano, thank the Lord. My husband works at this same church as a custodian. 

I know it's legal to let teens stay alone, but it's an extremely bad idea for even the most responsible, spiritual teens. Phones and the Internet are real dangers, to start with. We haven't had cable for three years now and don't get a signal, but I remember enough to know that it, too, isn't something you want a teen using unsupervised. Cable's a spiritual danger for younger kids, too, unless the TV cabinet is locked or the cable unhooked when direct, in-the-room supervision isn't possible. Flipping channels brings the filth of the world right before your child's curious eyes. 

~ Now that Beth's arthritis is under control I'm open to babysitting for ages 3+ and praying for opportunities either paid or not...whatever the Lord puts together. 


~ What Shall We Do, Blue Kangaroo? encourages young children to entertain themselves and take on new responsibilities, instead of always relying on adults. Sweet, innocent, heartwarming and the artwork is colorful, cheerful, gorgeous. Loved it! (Author Emma Chichester Clark)




~ When You Visit Grandma & Grandpa features a big sister describing to her toddler brother, what it's like to visit Grandma and Grandpa in each season of the year. A superb read-aloud and great for teaching and reinforcing the seasons! (Author Anne Bowen)



~ We made cookies to bring to our neighbor boy, Landon, and his grandmother, but they apparently left for vacation before we could get over there. Paul's piano lesson came so soon this week, I was grateful for the freshly baked cookies to give to the teen piano teacher! Either way, they blessed someone.

~ The children and I worked hard to get the house in shape yesterday so that at anytime, children can come here and be ministered to. They liked the idea a lot and helped with good attitudes (thank you, Jesus, because I couldn't have done it otherwise). Today we are doing frequent "five-minute pick-ups" to keep it in shape. My part is to keep the kitchen counter clear and keep the laundry folded and put away so it doesn't collect anywhere. Pray the best for us in this discipline, as it would be necessary if we do babysit anyone? Orderliness and cleanliness would be on most parents' minds when choosing a babysitter. Without a garage or basement to store things, we have to be extra organized to present ourselves well. 

~ After complimenting my girls this morning, I joked to the boys: "Do you boys know the secret to a happy marriage?"

"No. What is it?", they asked.

"Each morning, no matter what she looks like, let the first thing you say to your wife be this: '"Good morning, beautiful!"'

Peter smiled and added, "And then you should kiss her, too." I can't wait to tell my husband about this tonight. So sweet and smart, that Peter...even if he does add to my white hair daily.

~ Our central air conditioning quit working about 6:00 o'clock last night. It's been in the high 90's for several days so we had an 80 degree, humid house to sleep in last night. Early this morning before work husband went to Walmart and bought a new filter for the air conditioner. Working like a charm today, thank the Lord! I love that man! A dirty filter and grass and debris located too close to the unit are the main problems to check for when your air goes out in the summer. Change the filter once a month during high usage. (Thank you, Google, for this information.)

~ Teaching all the valuable verses from the Book of James. So much treasure there. Read the same chapter for three or four nights, and then work on the key verses from that chapter, before moving on. Put the verses on index cards to practice at breakfast.

~ Family movie night with pizza and the talking-pig movie, Babe. Forgive us, we love talking pig movies...especially those purchased at the thrift store for $1. My favorite part of the movie? When the farmer dances a jig in his living room, to cheer up Babe the pig. So sweet and cheer-worthy! (Yes, it's better than Gordy the Pig).

~ My girls taking turns on my lap during the movie. So nice to relax and snuggle and giggle together...without the chores needing my attention too.

~ Children beating the heat advisory with Legos. When your children stop playing with their Legos (or any other toy you've invested a lot of money in) hide it under a bed for six weeks. When you bring them out your children will treat them like a brand new toy...and you'll feel like your money wasn't wasted! I've heard this tip many times but I don't always remember to implement it. It's especially helpful for homeschooling mothers with babies, toddlers, and preschoolers around.

It's been at least 5 months since she cut her own bangs right down to the scalp. Taking forever to grow back entirely...it was a spotty job!

It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord,
and to sing praises unto thy name, O most high:
To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning,
and thy faithfulness every night Psalm 92.1-2