Wisdom for the Mother's Way

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a young mother of five to discuss how exactly I homeschool. Since homeschooling is a way of life, her real question is...how do you live everyday?

Her oldest, age 6, is a first grader this year and she also has 5-year-old twins, a 3 year old, and a 2-month-old baby. This is a dear family we know from AWANA.

She's making us lunch...my kids and me.

Did you get that part? She's making us lunch, despite having a 2-month-old baby, a preschooler, twins and a first grader. Okay, the 3-year-old and the twins do go to preschool, but still. When I had a 2-month-old baby, a 2 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old, I was barely making my own children lunch, much less for 5 guests.

I'm nervous because in many respects this mother has more going for her than I do. She was homeschooled herself and she grew up in a Christian home. She married "on time" and started a family early. She has in-laws around for support and possibly her own family too.

Me? I didn't get married until I was 33 years old. I grew up in a broken, dysfunctional, non-Christian home and it took my getting saved at age 31 for that dysfunctional baggage to began to fall off. I feel like we're raising our children entirely by ourselves. We haven't been on a date in four years now because there's no one to take over. I regularly take four children to doctor's appointments...I've even taken them to my own doctor's appointments.

My self-esteem will never be stellar because there are definite self-esteem consequences to growing up around unacknowledged sin and dysfunction. I have to frequently remind myself of who I am in Christ...because no matter how one grows up, if we don't know who we are in Christ, we're bankrupt.

When I say dysfunctional home I know many of you are thinking...don't we all grow up in dysfunctional homes? Well, yes, in the sense that we are all sinners. But when parents divorce that brings deep-down pain and low self-confidence. If any kind of substance addiction exists in a home, that brings dysfunctional relationships with ingrained patterns that don't melt away when a child leaves home.

There are many forms of family dysfunction, including living with parents who never praise, who verbally abuse, who live through their children and micromanage them for their own glory, or who spend their lives at work and ignore their children.

The possibilities are many, but I still perceive that I grew up with more dysfunction than this sweet lady who tomorrow thinks I have some wisdom to impart.

I'm sitting here writing tonight, praying God will give me something to share before noon tomorrow.

So...here goes. A trial run?

The Sum of my Wisdom at Age 47

~ Children are a blessing from the Lord. Have as many as He'll give you. I mean that.

~ Lots of children running around will make you crazy. That daily craziness will drive you, desperate and humble, right into your Father's arms, where you always belonged anyway.

~ Pray your way through. There will be darkness and prayer is your light.

~ God has a plan for each child's life. Don't mess with that. Keep your own fears and desires in check, remembering that this parenting thing is for God's glory, not your own.

~ If you can't put a check on your own daily desires, you'll fail miserably as a mother and teacher. Ask God to help you write a schedule. He has an agenda for you and if you listen to Him, you'll know peace.

~ No matter what craziness happens in a single day, don't neglect their hearts. The school books are never as important as the Bible and prayer. When an issue comes up, make time to explain where God stands on the issue.

~ Don't neglect your own heart. Read your Bible.

~ If one child reads at age 4, and another at age 6, and yet another struggles until 8 years old, don't sweat it. It's all good. Don't compare or despair because God has a plan.

~ Spend full days at home regularly. Home with the family is the best classroom and the relationships there are the best teacher.

~ Do something for someone else, besides your family. Don't let your children see you ignoring real needs.

~ You need very few material things. Learn the meaning of the word need. Purge what you don't need and live in freedom.

~ Cuddle with your children daily and pray for them while you do...for their todays and their tomorrows. For the boo boo they got today, for the husband/wife they'll love tomorrow.

~ Your house will almost always be messy. On occasion when every room is neat on the same day, don't expect it to last. I repeat: your house will almost always be messy. A schedule of chores will help, but remember that your house doesn't define you.

~ You are precious to the Father and He loves you just the way you are. Rejoice in that love. Really know it and rejoice in it. Bathe in His Word to remind yourself of this truth.

~ When your children grow up and you pass away, what is the one sentence you want them to say in summary of who you were?

My mother loved the Lord with all her heart.

If you get this last one right, none of the others matter.

A Prayer for Humility and Bravery

I miss this blog...this white page in front of me. All the thoughts, reflections and Holy Spirit whispers come together here, jumbled at first, but by the time I insert the last punctuation mark, clarity is mine. I love it.

But the fall homeschool and chore schedules haven't been written yet. My mother has flown back to Oregon but there's still some church business coupled with homeschool business--both keeping me from claiming this white page.

I serve as a Birth-Kindergarten Children's Ministry Coordinator for my church (six weeks on the job). Prior to my stepping in there was no supervision over the two classrooms. The prior director taught Sunday School and she couldn't coordinate at the same time.

I asked my volunteers for a couple minor things, with the Pastor's blessing. Be in your classroom 15 minutes prior to the start of service and please check the number tags when releasing a child to a parent. The tags were already in use but the church fell lax in verifying them upon pickup.

I've been actively recruiting too, for the past six weeks. Two newborns have joined our church and will soon need one-on-one ministry in the nursery, meaning we need three adults per week instead of two. And the preschool room was insufficiently staffed as well.

The volunteer response has been good from the congregation, but as I've asked for promptness and tag checking, two people have stepped down from their long-time positions. The same people who from the beginning were unfriendly rather than thankful (for leadership).

And so I'm learning that dealing with people--sinners, all of us--is not easy. I'm suffering a little insomnia as I process why someone would step down because of a tiny bit of structure gently imposed upon them (I'm not an in-your-face person at all and I praise well). As I reflect I'm realizing that the best role model for the children is someone with a humble, teachable heart. A heart that can take reasonable, necessary direction without hostility or pride--for the good of the children involved.

Whenever we feel like quitting--whatever it is--we have to analyze what's driving our desire and ask the Holy Spirit for help in sorting out the sinful from the legitimate. We can't trust our hearts, which are deceitful above all, scripture tells us. Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

The whole ministry experience makes me sad just now, even though most volunteers have stayed and most are helpful and friendly. There are two more that have been unfriendly and unless the Holy Spirit intervenes, I expect they might make a move soon too. I'm sad that humility is the last thing we covet as a church community, and as women working together.

I was safe before I volunteered for this. You know that feeling? I liked safe but that ad in the church bulletin, asking for ministry help, kept blaring week after week until I could no longer ignore it, especially given that my four children benefit from Sunday school ministry.

Nevertheless, I'm not sorry I said yes; I know God has a reason for this journey.

I want to offer a prayer that we'll have brave and humble hearts.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord, you are so faithful to us. Thank you that you always sit by the way and talk with us. You always have time to listen and to mold, taking the impure out and replacing it with Truth. Make us a humble people taking after your Son, rather than after Eve in the garden. May we not insist on our own way, but make way for You. May we serve bravely, not clinging to safety but trusting in you. We want it to be about you and never about us. Send us running to your Word and to prayer with a wild hunger and thirst. 

As homemakers, wives and mothers, help us to live sacrificially with a smile not a grumble. We ask for the wisdom to choose our pursuits and our battles well. Reign victoriously, Father, in every heart in our home. May our lives reflect your will, your love, your agenda.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

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A Prayer For a New Season

I can't wait to get back to our school routine and I'm itching for fall weather too. Whenever I catch myself wanting to rush a season, I slow down and remember that each day is a gift and each day offers a special grace or surprise, courtesy of our loving and attentive Heavenly Father. I downloaded some pictures to remind me of summer's graces.

 

 

For the most part the weather and mosquitoes were terrible, and our favorite garden vegetable, yellow squash, failed for the first time ever. Just too wet and not enough sun this summer. The giant pumpkins died on the vine too.

 

But there were blessings, as the photos below attest to. And there is hope for a better summer next year.

 

I love even the sound of that word...hope.

 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

 

In a couple weeks I start schooling the boys again, along with Mary who will be a first grader. Beth will join in as I have time to accomodate her.

I made room for Mary's weak attention span last year, her kindergarten year, but this year I plan to work her hard. She'll likely need the Lord's grace and strength to make the adjustment. And Momma too, because household duties will get behind as I sit with her for longer segments this year.

 

 

My hope is that the right schedule will come together, with God's help, so we're learning and having fun together at the same time. And to maintain Momma's sanity, I pray that under my tutelage, the children will surpass chore expectations as well as their schooling goals.

 

 

And on that note, I'll pray for our family and yours as we look to fall:

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

 

Thank you for your love and unending grace. Thank you for the opportunity to pray and share our hopes with you. A new season will dawn soon and we thank you for it. We thank you for four seasons--four modes of fun and beauty each year. Your plan is amazing. You are amazing.

 

Please bless this blog community as we tackle new challenges in time management and parenting. May our standards be high and our children respond well. Shower us with grace for one another and for ourselves as we start anew. Keep our eyes on you and on what you've done--not on ourselves. Change our hearts from selfish to sacrificial. May we live in this world but be heaven-minded.

 

The world is so very lost, Lord, and that can be scary. We read that 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted to pornography. We read that more and more children are losing their Christian worldview, not to mention their purity. Help us to say no to unsupervised Internet access. Help our children to stand strong for you. Help us, as parents, to practice what we preach. May our children and our families as a whole, become excited readers and doers of the Word this fall.

 

Give us discernment in all things, Lord. We humbly ask you for wisdom. We humbly ask you for blessing in our homes. Knit us together tightly, Lord. Parent to child and child to parent and sibling to sibling. May we stand strong as one unit, defeating Satan's schemes. May your mercy and grace follow us throughout our days. May we love you with all our hearts, never putting ourselves first, but you.

 

May we bless the least of these this fall, Father, whether it be through Compassion International or another entity. Help us to give thanks for our blessings, hold them loosely and spread them wide. May we write many a letter to our sponsored children, telling them that yes, Jesus loves them. They are valued, loved, beyond words by their Heavenly Father and by us. May the words sink deep into their hearts, Lord. May they no longer be bound by hopelessness, Father, but by love. Redeem their stories, Lord, and ours too as we give. Make beauty from ashes in our hearts and theirs.

 

Bless each and every marriage represented in this blog community. May we love one another, sacrifice for one another, extend mercy to one another, for your glory and for the good of our children's someday-marriages. May the health of their marriages begin building today, as our own strengthen.

 

May we look for blessing and beauty in each September day, may we give thanks, and may we slow down for fixed prayer, honoring our first love. Jesus.

 

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

 

 

Our ninth annual visit to the county fair!

 

 

We're at my aunt and uncle's house here, who are hosting my mom during her visit. Yes, you count five children here. One is a third cousin.

 



Mommy's Charm School (for the Hyperactive and Exuberant)

I don't neglect my children's hearts. Can I just say that tonight?

Now the folding of laundry? Yes, neglected. The sweeping of the front porch? Neglected. Vacuuming the van? Neglected. Wiping of windows? Don't ask. It's been years for the outside windows, I'm ashamed to say.

Recently, I learned there's something else I've neglected.

My mother, visiting here for ten days but staying with her sister, said I have four spirited children. She thinks it will be difficult when they're all teens. (By the way, they've behaved well this week. Go figure.)

Then last Sunday my uncle referred to Beth and Paul as live wires. Paul, because he got exuberant while watching a football game at their house. And Beth because she likes to twirl around and jump like a ballerina, all for show. She's a ham that way.

Beth also likes to jump in your arms like a happy little frisky dog. She's very cuddly, just not subtle about getting the affection and attention.

I think I've told you I'm shy? That I don't like to make waves? That I'm so not outspoken? When someone says something about my children that I don't like, I seethe privately.

Spirited? Live wires?

Well, yes.

I have one child officially diagnosed with ADHD, but most mothers with this disorder in the house will attest that all her children exhibit some of the same characteristics, but perhaps not to the same debilitating extent.

Yes, they're all live wires. We burn our calories here, thank you very much. If we owned a treadmill it would be used by someone all the live long day.

I was mad, you know. Neither my uncle nor my mother meant any offense, but I took it and hid it (offense, that is).

Here I spend oodles of time on these children's hearts, and all I get in return is people telling me they're hyperactive?

Aren't they sweet and nice too, people, and don't they have clean language habits? We don't allow darn, dang, crap, or any other fake cuss word.

Aren't they friendly and engaging, rather than having their noses in some electronic thing?

Where can a mother get a little credit for her standards and hard work? I don't look for credit unless I get too much of the opposite.

I lamented to my husband for an hour one night, nearly in tears about these live wire-type comments. He was hurt by it too, and even wondered why God would give us four hyperactive children? It's exhausting, especially when they're all talking out of turn at the dinner table.

After about 36 hours I got over my anger and then I asked God for help. At least I said 36 hours and not 48. That's progress folks.

What can I do to make the world focus on their hearts, rather than on their wiggly bodies?

If I want people to see Jesus in them, I need to make their hyperactivity less distracting. I need to get the focus off the external, somehow.

God did help me, with a crazy, maybe-even-fun idea.

Mommy's charm school.

I've instituted charm-school rules and now, starting today at Save A Lot, they walk in lines. No running, twirling, jumping, skipping, hopping. No ballet moves, no football moves. No touching and hands at your sides. No weaving in and out of poles or chains or railings. No bounding up the stairs. No bounding at all, in fact.

I don't have a whistle like the father in The Sound Of Music, but I do have a secret signal to let them know they're exhibiting live-wire bodily movements.

Are you ready for it? Mommy's charm school warning signal?

The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains.

You go Eliza Dolittle.

Why is Ann Shirley such an endearing heroine (Ann of Green Gables)? Because she's a live-wire with a huge, compassionate heart. She's equal parts stubborn and loving. She's three parts dreamy and one part practical. I love Ann Shirley but the world rolls their eyes at her type.

I love my children's exuberance, even if it exhausts me. They make their own fun and enjoy life without a dime to their names. They talk and shout and laugh and jump and twirl. They're alive in every sense of the word. That's something in this day and age.

But when we go out into the world as Christians, we have to let our hearts shine. Not our bodies or our clothes or our loud voices. Not our fancy cars or nails. Just our hearts, center stage.

Here's hoping Mommy's Charm School works to get the focus where it belongs.

A Prayer of Surrender

Dear Heavenly Father,

We love you. We thank you for the radical love that made you say, "yet not my will, but yours be done” as you faced suffering and humiliation on the cross. Help us to live each day with that same radical surrender and humility. We want to, Father, for your glory.

Thank you for the gift of motherhood, whether by birth or adoption. To be a mother, Father, is a rich existence. Could anything be sweeter? Could anything but you fulfill us more? Thank you also for marriage...how the depth of that love blows us away sometimes.

And you conceived it all, Father...both marriage and motherhood for our good pleasure and as a medium to refine our hearts. Help us to be clay in your hands as we mother and love. The selfless mothers are the best ones, Father, and we want to be that kind. The Jesus mothers. The ones who go out to the garden and pray "yet not my will, but yours be done.”

Whatever it is besides you, Lord, that we're clinging to, break the bond for us. Free us to love as radically as you do. May we regard our Bibles as daily manna without which we can't survive. May we regard prayer as our lifeblood, connecting to your Holy Spirit throughout the day. May we draw from your divine love as you enfold us in a holy embrace. Then, Father, from the overflow of that love may be serve and love others.

Help us to really see the connection between walking with you, and bringing you glory. If we don't walk in your footsteps to Calvery, we can't bring you glory. Full surrender is what we're after, Father. We want it with our whole hearts.

Satan whispers in our ear about this and that, trying to steal us away or discourage us about our God walk. Maybe one day it's that sylish dress, another day it's that lovely large garden or expensive scent. Maybe it's that couple over there who seem to have everything. Maybe it's that neighbor child with the near-perfect SAT scores, making us wonder if our child has enough smarts. Satan's rarely quiet and it's always something trying to steal away our contentedness and gratitude.

Mere distractions. Mirages. Help us to see through it, Lord. Distraction and discouragement are Satan's bullets. May we not fall, Father.

Make our lives matter for eternity, Lord? May we leave legacies behind that bring you glory. May our children rise up and call us blessed, knowing you're behind our radical love. May they see you clearly in our smile, in our embrace, and may they follow you, Father. Oh, to see our children in eternity, Father. How we long for that. Protect them from enemy lies; give them discernment. Call them children after your own heart.

We lay down our lives, Lord, without fear for tomorrow. Use us.

In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen

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Cross references:

1. Luke 22:42 : S Mt 20:22
2. Luke 22:42 : S Mt 26:39