My Beth had a sinus infection in October, following influenza. This surprised me, as none of my other babies had any bacterial infections. However, they never suffered from influenza either; secondary infections are common with flu.
She now has symptoms of another sinus infection, this time following a common cold. I am perplexed. Her iron level went up to normal in October, and it should be even higher now. She takes in a lot of breast milk in a twenty-four-hour period, so she should be fighting infections better than this.
I hate for him to put her on another antibiotic, but the symptoms are unmistakable, and neglecting a sinus problem is dangerous (there could be brain involvement when left untreated). Hopefully, he isn't on vacation tomorrow.
Doing some reading tonight, I learned that in order to prevent sinus problems, children should sit in a steamy bathroom twice a day for fifteen minutes each, followed by nose suctioning or blowing. I will certainly be doing that from now on, when she gets colds. I'm even thinking of buying a steam vaporizer, to replace the cool mist humidifier I have in her room. In the past I worried about burns with these machines, but they are better for preventing sinus problems.
She didn't let me sleep much last night, and unfortunately tonight isn't looking good either. Posting might be sporadic until she gets better.
I'll probably be back here before Christmas, but just in case, I wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas! It has been a pleasure getting to know some of you this year, and sharing this mothering journey with you! May God bless you in your mothering, and in your marriages.
Love,
Christine
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
observations & revelations
The family is at church while Momma stays home with little Beth, whose snot nasal mucous lingers. Asleep now, she will nevertheless sense my writing and awaken shortly. Okay, a bit of sarcasm there. Teething and mucousing run my life lately. Reading in health manuals, you'd expect mucous to end within ten days. I have two children who defy medical journals, producing mucous for seventeen days on the nose (pun intended). No more, no less.
Sweet.
As I readied the troops for church, the difference physical proximity makes in the area of discipline and training again struck me. I used it as a teacher tool, yet somehow it slipped my radar early on in my parenting. Unfortunate lapse. Yelling is often precipitated by parenting from another room--children are slower to obey a far-off voice, leading to parental anger. Managing calmness now, I sense proximity as the stabilizer.
Homeschooling friends join us for dinner this evening, so the colossal cutout-cookie mess made during yesterday's playdate beckons me. Why, oh why, did I sweep and mop prior to that glorious occasion? What was I thinking? It all begs repeating, along with the vacuuming.
Peter and Paul don't know it yet, but vacuuming and sweeping duties commence for them shortly--after a training period, and especially before playdates. A revision of standards occurred, boys. You're capable of much more than I previously surmised.
Your wives will thank me.
Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. I can do it. Yes I can.
My new chant.
Sweet.
As I readied the troops for church, the difference physical proximity makes in the area of discipline and training again struck me. I used it as a teacher tool, yet somehow it slipped my radar early on in my parenting. Unfortunate lapse. Yelling is often precipitated by parenting from another room--children are slower to obey a far-off voice, leading to parental anger. Managing calmness now, I sense proximity as the stabilizer.
Homeschooling friends join us for dinner this evening, so the colossal cutout-cookie mess made during yesterday's playdate beckons me. Why, oh why, did I sweep and mop prior to that glorious occasion? What was I thinking? It all begs repeating, along with the vacuuming.
Peter and Paul don't know it yet, but vacuuming and sweeping duties commence for them shortly--after a training period, and especially before playdates. A revision of standards occurred, boys. You're capable of much more than I previously surmised.
Your wives will thank me.
Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. I can do it. Yes I can.
My new chant.
day one
So, are you wondering how it went today, on day one of reformed parenting? How did my "tomatoes" survive the new me?
Here are the juicy (pun intended) details.
First off, I let them know that I had been praying about our parenting, and that God had given me some wisdom. I started with the changes I needed to make, and explained it like this: Momma wasn't going to yell or complain anymore, as those things showed that her heart wasn't right. Momma was going to be cheerful in her parenting, and be generous with her time, her words, and her affection.
Then, I explained the changes they would make. When a child doesn't obey with cheerfulness, or argues, complains, or whines, that shows a problem with the heart. It means that the heart is full of rebellion and disrespect, rather than love. Just because many children do these things, doesn't make them the right things.
Next, I took their little faces in my hands, and gently stroked their cheeks and planted a kiss on them. While still holding their faces, I asked them to show me a cheerful face. I told them that is what I wanted to see when a direction was given, whether they liked the direction or not. I would ask with cheerfulness, and they would obey with cheerfulness.
They then went on their merry ways, and I stayed as close to them as possible. No more did I attempt to parent them from another room. If a diaper was being changed in one room, I waited until I was done, and could be in the same room with them, before giving a direction. I needed to be present and watchful to notice attitudes, so I could follow through immediately with praise or with correction.
As we went through the day, I didn't let anything slip. Each time they tried to argue (or complain) their way out of following a direction, I went over to them right away, took their faces in my hands, gently stroked their cheeks, and said what I wanted them to repeat, "I would be happy to, Mommy." They had to say it with a cheerful voice, or continue to do it over and over until cheerfulness was present, in face and voice tone.
If they weren't forthcoming with cheerfulness and stayed in rebellion, or walked away and then made a huffy sound, I slapped a hand with one solid tap (not to make for a sore hand, however). Then we started over and tried it again, until they submitted and did it cheerfully. Another hand tap wasn't made for the same incident. We just continued to do the repeating, until the desired response was given.
I made sure I was cheerful throughout the day, even though I had a time crunch in getting the house ready for a 2 p.m. cookie baking/decorating playdate with my cousin's ten-year-old daughter. It was a delightful time, by the way!
I also chose today to begin reforming mealtime mayhem. Meals weren't pretty around here. The first thing I changed was to get everything on the table before calling the family to sit down. Too many trips back to the kitchen made behavior problems crop up, and made mealtime conversation impossible.
They now couldn't touch or taste their food until all plates were full, and prayer was finished. And they couldn't leave their sits unless permission was given. Peter did far better with this than I anticipated.
I asked several questions to start the conversation, such as "What is your favorite holiday food?" "What is your favorite thing about Christmastime?" "What is your favorite thing about snow?" We then went around the table, and everyone had to answer in a complete sentence. After a few rounds of these types of questions, we played an oral memory game involving trips to the store, in which each player stated what everyone else had bought, and then added one more thing to the list. The store trips always had a theme, like items for Christmas dinner, or items to use in the snow.
It wasn't bad at all today, considering what I had undertaken. Not stressful. No fits were thrown. No long battles. I felt so at peace, knowing that I had left the past behind, and that from here on out, they would see changes in me. Those changes will encourage them, and give them incentive to respond in kind.
I doubt if I will have to make any hand taps tomorrow. I think a very solid foundation was laid today. That said, I think it will take a good month for them to refrain from whining or complaining. Those two issues were the main problems around here--quickly eroding my moods each day.
Here are the juicy (pun intended) details.
First off, I let them know that I had been praying about our parenting, and that God had given me some wisdom. I started with the changes I needed to make, and explained it like this: Momma wasn't going to yell or complain anymore, as those things showed that her heart wasn't right. Momma was going to be cheerful in her parenting, and be generous with her time, her words, and her affection.
Then, I explained the changes they would make. When a child doesn't obey with cheerfulness, or argues, complains, or whines, that shows a problem with the heart. It means that the heart is full of rebellion and disrespect, rather than love. Just because many children do these things, doesn't make them the right things.
Next, I took their little faces in my hands, and gently stroked their cheeks and planted a kiss on them. While still holding their faces, I asked them to show me a cheerful face. I told them that is what I wanted to see when a direction was given, whether they liked the direction or not. I would ask with cheerfulness, and they would obey with cheerfulness.
They then went on their merry ways, and I stayed as close to them as possible. No more did I attempt to parent them from another room. If a diaper was being changed in one room, I waited until I was done, and could be in the same room with them, before giving a direction. I needed to be present and watchful to notice attitudes, so I could follow through immediately with praise or with correction.
As we went through the day, I didn't let anything slip. Each time they tried to argue (or complain) their way out of following a direction, I went over to them right away, took their faces in my hands, gently stroked their cheeks, and said what I wanted them to repeat, "I would be happy to, Mommy." They had to say it with a cheerful voice, or continue to do it over and over until cheerfulness was present, in face and voice tone.
If they weren't forthcoming with cheerfulness and stayed in rebellion, or walked away and then made a huffy sound, I slapped a hand with one solid tap (not to make for a sore hand, however). Then we started over and tried it again, until they submitted and did it cheerfully. Another hand tap wasn't made for the same incident. We just continued to do the repeating, until the desired response was given.
I made sure I was cheerful throughout the day, even though I had a time crunch in getting the house ready for a 2 p.m. cookie baking/decorating playdate with my cousin's ten-year-old daughter. It was a delightful time, by the way!
I also chose today to begin reforming mealtime mayhem. Meals weren't pretty around here. The first thing I changed was to get everything on the table before calling the family to sit down. Too many trips back to the kitchen made behavior problems crop up, and made mealtime conversation impossible.
They now couldn't touch or taste their food until all plates were full, and prayer was finished. And they couldn't leave their sits unless permission was given. Peter did far better with this than I anticipated.
I asked several questions to start the conversation, such as "What is your favorite holiday food?" "What is your favorite thing about Christmastime?" "What is your favorite thing about snow?" We then went around the table, and everyone had to answer in a complete sentence. After a few rounds of these types of questions, we played an oral memory game involving trips to the store, in which each player stated what everyone else had bought, and then added one more thing to the list. The store trips always had a theme, like items for Christmas dinner, or items to use in the snow.
It wasn't bad at all today, considering what I had undertaken. Not stressful. No fits were thrown. No long battles. I felt so at peace, knowing that I had left the past behind, and that from here on out, they would see changes in me. Those changes will encourage them, and give them incentive to respond in kind.
I doubt if I will have to make any hand taps tomorrow. I think a very solid foundation was laid today. That said, I think it will take a good month for them to refrain from whining or complaining. Those two issues were the main problems around here--quickly eroding my moods each day.
Friday, December 18, 2009
pride
I continued to ruminate on the idea of calmness today, in parenting and in everything else. Then, taking a break this afternoon, I came across the Raising Godly Tomatoes website. It helped me enormously, but before I get to that, let me provide some background.
As a full-time first grade teacher, I managed 210 children over the course of 9 years. When my parenting years finally arrived, I felt more than ready. After all, I knew how to manage children.
Sadly, this sin of pride continued for nearly eight years.
God handed me my sin on a platter this week. Peter's uncontrollable behavior forced me to admit that I was way out of my league. I was failing in my responses, and in my general parenting, and I needed help. As I quickly read through some items on the Godly Tomatoes site, I was presented with the error of my ways. God's timing = simply amazing. He prepares our hearts, confronts us with our sin, and then gives us the tools we need to move forward.
Deep down, I think I've known for a couple years that my parenting was lacking. However, I still clung to my pride, as if it were a shield of some sort. When presented with wise, but difficult-to-implement parenting advice, through blogs, I quickly dismissed much of it as being too strict or too stiff. I wanted to be more loving and lighthearted in my approaches, and not expect robots for children.
In actuality, I just didn't want to put forth that much effort. My laziness and my pride prevailed.
I repent Lord. Thank you for handing me that platter today!
Here are my parenting failings...my sins:
- not spending enough quality time with my children (I'm a person who needs alone time, but I was taking it at the wrong times)
- anger
- offering praise only when I was in a good mood
- complaining
- nagging
- yelling
- repeating myself
- pursuing a hobby (my writing) at inappropriate times
- going on unnecessary errands just to "get out of the house"
- not expecting first time obedience
- setting too low a standard for behavior
- letting the label of ADHD lower my standards for my son
- not smiling enough
- finding fault with my husband's parenting, and sometimes correcting it, rather than staying quiet and praying about it
- not finding enough fault with my own parenting
By listing them here, I'm acknowledging them before God. I'm ready to repent, and do the hard work.
If you have time, I highly recommend the Raising Godly Tomatoes website. Everything is presented like chapters from a book. Just click on the topics you're interested in. While you may not agree with everything she says, I think you'll find her wise and helpful. She was, at one time, right where I'm at. She freely admits the error of her prior ways. She humbled herself, and let God do a mighty work in her.
As a full-time first grade teacher, I managed 210 children over the course of 9 years. When my parenting years finally arrived, I felt more than ready. After all, I knew how to manage children.
Sadly, this sin of pride continued for nearly eight years.
God handed me my sin on a platter this week. Peter's uncontrollable behavior forced me to admit that I was way out of my league. I was failing in my responses, and in my general parenting, and I needed help. As I quickly read through some items on the Godly Tomatoes site, I was presented with the error of my ways. God's timing = simply amazing. He prepares our hearts, confronts us with our sin, and then gives us the tools we need to move forward.
Deep down, I think I've known for a couple years that my parenting was lacking. However, I still clung to my pride, as if it were a shield of some sort. When presented with wise, but difficult-to-implement parenting advice, through blogs, I quickly dismissed much of it as being too strict or too stiff. I wanted to be more loving and lighthearted in my approaches, and not expect robots for children.
In actuality, I just didn't want to put forth that much effort. My laziness and my pride prevailed.
I repent Lord. Thank you for handing me that platter today!
Here are my parenting failings...my sins:
- not spending enough quality time with my children (I'm a person who needs alone time, but I was taking it at the wrong times)
- anger
- offering praise only when I was in a good mood
- complaining
- nagging
- yelling
- repeating myself
- pursuing a hobby (my writing) at inappropriate times
- going on unnecessary errands just to "get out of the house"
- not expecting first time obedience
- setting too low a standard for behavior
- letting the label of ADHD lower my standards for my son
- not smiling enough
- finding fault with my husband's parenting, and sometimes correcting it, rather than staying quiet and praying about it
- not finding enough fault with my own parenting
By listing them here, I'm acknowledging them before God. I'm ready to repent, and do the hard work.
If you have time, I highly recommend the Raising Godly Tomatoes website. Everything is presented like chapters from a book. Just click on the topics you're interested in. While you may not agree with everything she says, I think you'll find her wise and helpful. She was, at one time, right where I'm at. She freely admits the error of her prior ways. She humbled herself, and let God do a mighty work in her.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
ADHD news
The Focalin ER (5 mg) ADHD medicine has again exacerbated Peter's anxiety disorder. It appears that most stimulant medicines cause or increase anxiety. Other treatment options include a non-stimulant called Strattera, or an anti-depressant medicine that is used off label for ADHD. Peter's therapist put in a referral today for Peter to see a psychiatrist, to get a second opinion about treatment options. Our pediatrician doesn't believe in the effectiveness of Strattera, which is why we haven't yet tried it.
Yesterday we didn't attend a homeschooling party due to some mild colds that worsened over night. I just couldn't take the chance of infecting several families right before Christmas. Peter took this news very hard, which is customary for him. A very serious and prolonged fit ensued, making for a stressful Wednesday.
I increasingly feel that Peter's behavior problems require more than just medication. Family therapy is warranted. Discussing Peter's meltdown during his anxiety-disorder appointment today, I received some enlightening feedback. Mind you, it wasn't anything new per se, but I received it with a more humble, willing heart.
The therapist discussed the technique of ignoring. Sounds simple enough, yes? We have tried this, but after several minutes Peter's meltdowns increase in severity. He gets into our faces and shouts, trying to get a reaction; it is extremely distressing, as he doesn't easily tire. We never give in to any demand, so his behavior doesn't yield him anything tangible. What it does yield, the therapist explained, is attention. Any sort of attention is sought; a shouting or arguing match with a parent is often solicited by troubled kids. Angering the parent becomes a goal in itself.
I find it difficult to comprehend that whole phenomenon. How could my child be that desperate for attention? Well, firstly, ADHD children just demand more attention. It isn't that he is deprived in that regard, necessarily, but that he has unnatural, insatiable desires for attention. Additionally, because the child displays annoying behavior, the parent may end up spending less time with him, as a self-preservation technique.
Anyhow, this post could get long, and time is short. Basically, the therapist emphasized the necessity of staying calm, as a way to facilitate ignoring techniques. After all, children learn how to react to circumstances by emulating their parents. More than other kids, ADHD children need calm parents. Nervous is a pretty accurate description of my husband and me at this stage of life--calm is not accurate.
That must change, and it's a hard pill to swallow. How does one completely change reactions that are ingrained?
A lot of prayer and a humble heart is the only way. The Lord used my conversation with the therapist to deal with me in some stubborn areas, regarding Peter's ADHD. While my parenting didn't cause the disorder, it certainly is a stumbling block in effectively treating it.
Yesterday we didn't attend a homeschooling party due to some mild colds that worsened over night. I just couldn't take the chance of infecting several families right before Christmas. Peter took this news very hard, which is customary for him. A very serious and prolonged fit ensued, making for a stressful Wednesday.
I increasingly feel that Peter's behavior problems require more than just medication. Family therapy is warranted. Discussing Peter's meltdown during his anxiety-disorder appointment today, I received some enlightening feedback. Mind you, it wasn't anything new per se, but I received it with a more humble, willing heart.
The therapist discussed the technique of ignoring. Sounds simple enough, yes? We have tried this, but after several minutes Peter's meltdowns increase in severity. He gets into our faces and shouts, trying to get a reaction; it is extremely distressing, as he doesn't easily tire. We never give in to any demand, so his behavior doesn't yield him anything tangible. What it does yield, the therapist explained, is attention. Any sort of attention is sought; a shouting or arguing match with a parent is often solicited by troubled kids. Angering the parent becomes a goal in itself.
I find it difficult to comprehend that whole phenomenon. How could my child be that desperate for attention? Well, firstly, ADHD children just demand more attention. It isn't that he is deprived in that regard, necessarily, but that he has unnatural, insatiable desires for attention. Additionally, because the child displays annoying behavior, the parent may end up spending less time with him, as a self-preservation technique.
Anyhow, this post could get long, and time is short. Basically, the therapist emphasized the necessity of staying calm, as a way to facilitate ignoring techniques. After all, children learn how to react to circumstances by emulating their parents. More than other kids, ADHD children need calm parents. Nervous is a pretty accurate description of my husband and me at this stage of life--calm is not accurate.
That must change, and it's a hard pill to swallow. How does one completely change reactions that are ingrained?
A lot of prayer and a humble heart is the only way. The Lord used my conversation with the therapist to deal with me in some stubborn areas, regarding Peter's ADHD. While my parenting didn't cause the disorder, it certainly is a stumbling block in effectively treating it.
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