The Focalin ER (5 mg) ADHD medicine has again exacerbated Peter's anxiety disorder. It appears that most stimulant medicines cause or increase anxiety. Other treatment options include a non-stimulant called Strattera, or an anti-depressant medicine that is used off label for ADHD. Peter's therapist put in a referral today for Peter to see a psychiatrist, to get a second opinion about treatment options. Our pediatrician doesn't believe in the effectiveness of Strattera, which is why we haven't yet tried it.
Yesterday we didn't attend a homeschooling party due to some mild colds that worsened over night. I just couldn't take the chance of infecting several families right before Christmas. Peter took this news very hard, which is customary for him. A very serious and prolonged fit ensued, making for a stressful Wednesday.
I increasingly feel that Peter's behavior problems require more than just medication. Family therapy is warranted. Discussing Peter's meltdown during his anxiety-disorder appointment today, I received some enlightening feedback. Mind you, it wasn't anything new per se, but I received it with a more humble, willing heart.
The therapist discussed the technique of ignoring. Sounds simple enough, yes? We have tried this, but after several minutes Peter's meltdowns increase in severity. He gets into our faces and shouts, trying to get a reaction; it is extremely distressing, as he doesn't easily tire. We never give in to any demand, so his behavior doesn't yield him anything tangible. What it does yield, the therapist explained, is attention. Any sort of attention is sought; a shouting or arguing match with a parent is often solicited by troubled kids. Angering the parent becomes a goal in itself.
I find it difficult to comprehend that whole phenomenon. How could my child be that desperate for attention? Well, firstly, ADHD children just demand more attention. It isn't that he is deprived in that regard, necessarily, but that he has unnatural, insatiable desires for attention. Additionally, because the child displays annoying behavior, the parent may end up spending less time with him, as a self-preservation technique.
Anyhow, this post could get long, and time is short. Basically, the therapist emphasized the necessity of staying calm, as a way to facilitate ignoring techniques. After all, children learn how to react to circumstances by emulating their parents. More than other kids, ADHD children need calm parents. Nervous is a pretty accurate description of my husband and me at this stage of life--calm is not accurate.
That must change, and it's a hard pill to swallow. How does one completely change reactions that are ingrained?
A lot of prayer and a humble heart is the only way. The Lord used my conversation with the therapist to deal with me in some stubborn areas, regarding Peter's ADHD. While my parenting didn't cause the disorder, it certainly is a stumbling block in effectively treating it.
4 comments:
Make sure you aren't being to hard on yourself. Their behaviors can be inflaming to say the least yet I totally agree with you.
Calm is good, ignoring can be good too in some settings. Like the middle of walmart last week. I know everyone thought I was the worst parent ever to walk away from my very angry misbehaving boy BUT when he saw me go around the corner to leave him there he ran after us and changed his tune a bit. the more I pursue him in public the worse it gets.
Hear me, this is not the normal approach but I was desperate. What was I thinking.... Walmart around Christmas!!!
What has helped me, for what it's worth, is telling myself "it's not on purpose". For a season I saw my son's behaviors as choice. And there are times when it is, as with all children but his meltdowns really are not. Once I had that shift I find it easier to not respond so emotionally. I still do at times because I am a sinner too and can't always do the right thing...none of us can that's why we so desperately need Jesus.
I hear ya about the meds too. We have tried some things and have found they work for a bit and then stop working. I am looking into some natural supplements and waiting to see if they have any effect. We are also trying to find a child occupational therapist to address some of the Sensory struggles. I believe these contribute a huge amount to the meltdowns.
One day at a time:o) All we need for our life He will provide, even for these very challenging moments.
This post gave me some things to think about. I think for us, the anxiety is harder than the ADHD. And, oh those meltdowns when things don't go his way. It's kind of a relief to hear that's a normal part of it.
Here's another post that's also had me thinking a lot lately:
http://funmajors.blogspot.com/2009/12/sensory-satisfaction.html
(Her son's blog ID is "Mr. Intensity" - enough said)
Arwen and Sandi,
Thanks for writing in. I need feedback and moral support for the difficult job of raising a special needs child. The worst thing is to feel alone in the struggle. So thank you very much!
Christine
This was a really helpful post. I have one who I think has ADHD. She has melt downs as well. All too often I lose my temper with her, even though I know its not helpful. I'll try to ignore her meltdowns and see how that goes.
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