day one

So, are you wondering how it went today, on day one of reformed parenting?  How did my "tomatoes" survive the new me?

Here are the juicy (pun intended) details.

First off, I let them know that I had been praying about our parenting, and that God had given me some wisdom.  I started with the changes I needed to make, and explained it like this:  Momma wasn't going to yell or complain anymore, as those things showed that her heart wasn't right.  Momma was going to be cheerful in her parenting, and be generous with her time, her words, and her affection.

Then, I explained the changes they would make.  When a child doesn't obey with cheerfulness, or argues, complains, or whines, that shows a problem with the heart.  It means that the heart is full of rebellion and disrespect, rather than love.  Just because many children do these things, doesn't make them the right things.

Next, I took their little faces in my hands, and gently stroked their cheeks and planted a kiss on them.  While still holding their faces, I asked them to show me a cheerful face.  I told them that is what I wanted to see when a direction was given, whether they liked the direction or not.  I would ask with cheerfulness, and they would obey with cheerfulness.

They then went on their merry ways, and I stayed as close to them as possible.  No more did I attempt to parent them from another room.  If a diaper was being changed in one room, I waited until I was done, and could be in the same room with them, before giving a direction.  I needed to be present and watchful to notice attitudes, so I could follow through immediately with praise or with correction.

As we went through the day, I didn't let anything slip. Each time they tried to argue (or complain) their way out of following a direction, I went over to them right away, took their faces in my hands, gently stroked their cheeks, and said what I wanted them to repeat, "I would be happy to, Mommy."  They had to say it with a cheerful voice, or continue to do it over and over until cheerfulness was present, in face and voice tone.

If they weren't forthcoming with cheerfulness and stayed in rebellion, or walked away and then made a huffy sound, I slapped a hand with one solid tap (not to make for a sore hand, however).  Then we started over and tried it again, until they submitted and did it cheerfully.  Another hand tap wasn't made for the same incident.  We just continued to do the repeating, until the desired response was given.

I made sure I was cheerful throughout the day, even though I had a time crunch in getting the house ready for a 2 p.m. cookie baking/decorating playdate with my cousin's ten-year-old daughter.  It was a delightful time, by the way!

I also chose today to begin reforming mealtime mayhem.  Meals weren't pretty around here.  The first thing I changed was to get everything on the table before calling the family to sit down.  Too many trips back to the kitchen made behavior problems crop up, and made mealtime conversation impossible.

They now couldn't touch or taste their food until all plates were full, and prayer was finished.  And they couldn't leave their sits unless permission was given.  Peter did far better with this than I anticipated.

I asked several questions to start the conversation, such as "What is your favorite holiday food?"  "What is your favorite thing about Christmastime?"  "What is your favorite thing about snow?"  We then went around the table, and everyone had to answer in a complete sentence.  After a few rounds of these types of questions, we played an oral memory game involving trips to the store, in which each player stated what everyone else had bought, and then added one more thing to the list.  The store trips always had a theme, like items for Christmas dinner, or items to use in the snow.

It wasn't bad at all today, considering what I had undertaken.  Not stressful.  No fits were thrown.  No long battles.  I felt so at peace, knowing that I had left the past behind, and that from here on out, they would see changes in me.  Those changes will encourage them, and give them incentive to respond in kind.

I doubt if I will have to make any hand taps tomorrow.  I think a very solid foundation was laid today.  That said, I think it will take a good month for them to refrain from whining or complaining.  Those two issues were the main problems around here--quickly eroding my moods each day.