It took my nursing toddler ninety minutes to fall asleep tonight! Consequently the boys didn't get their book time with Mommy. They barely got a kiss and tuck in, in fact, which makes me feel awful.
My now six-year-old boy, Paul, was just like this as a toddler. I consider him my easiest child to raise; let me say that up front. He took the lead with sleep issues for a long time, and it didn't spoil him. He is well liked by everyone and is just generally a great kid--very smart too. He works about two years above grade level and pretty much schools himself. He likes it that way.
I say all this not to brag, but to put to rest the notion that if you let your child lead in sleep issues, you'll end up with a spoiled child who has his parents wrapped around his tyrannical finger. Of the four children, Paul is the least spoiled.
Anyhow, Paul co-slept and night-nursed until two, which is when he began sleeping through the night. From six months old to two years old, he nursed every two hours at night. At two years old I put him in a twin bed with rail, sleeping in the same room as big brother. I would lie in his twin bed with him while he nursed to sleep. This worked fine, but at some point he began taking a very long time to fall asleep--60 to 90 minutes. He would get close to sleep, then make some movements to rouse himself. It was like my presence began to be a distraction, rather than a blessing. He wanted to stay awake to be with me, perhaps? This sudden sleep on-set problem wasn't related to a late nap, or to a lengthy nap, or to being overtired.
Once I was sure it was my presence, I had to began a program of bathing, reading, praying, singing, and nursing, then leaving the room with a final kiss and hug. Most of this routine was not new. We had been doing much of it for a while, except that he used to fall asleep nursing.
After we started this new procedure, he would come out to get me many times at first, sometimes crying. We got through it within a couple weeks. I just kept telling him I loved him and putting him back in bed with a kiss. This method is called the broken record routine, in which you calmly keep putting the child back in bed, with just a kiss, no matter how many times he comes out. He gave up nursing entirely at 2.5, due to my new pregnancy and significant morning sickness; there was no milk left. At that time we did everything else in the routine, leaving out the nursing. The sleep onset problem worked itself out.
Paul is an introspective person, like his Momma, and he occasionally still has trouble falling asleep, due to "thinking too much". He tells me he can't slow his thoughts down. 95% of the time however, he is asleep within fifteen minutes.
I have been an insomniac for many years off and on, although it rarely occurs when I'm nursing a baby, due to the relaxation hormones released during nursing.
Now back to my current baby, Beth. She was nearly sleeping through the night until recently, with the arrival of another teething bout. She also fell asleep easily until recently. Everything has changed; it's quite puzzling. It could just be the teeth, but I don't think that would cause such restlessness at bedtime. Her naps are reduced to about 45 minutes each, which is probably not enough daytime sleep. I will move her to one nap this week, to see if I can get her better rested. One nap of about 2 hours seems ideal for an 18-month-old baby, I would think, as long as bedtime falls early (around seven).
There was a period of about 8 days when she naturally moved to one nap of three hours, between 11:30 and 2:30. It vanished as suddenly as it appeared, about six weeks ago.
Anyhow, lately when I lie down to nurse her at bedtime, she is trying to rouse herself awake when she gets close to sleep, much like her brother did. Tossing, turning, laughing, talking, flirting. I think my presence is becoming a distraction for her as well.
She sleeps in a queen bed with a wall bordering one side of it, and a crib on the other side, to keep her from falling out. I nurse her to sleep, then go about my business in the evenings, going back in to nurse her back to sleep if she wakes. I also sleep in there all night to keep her from wandering the house and waking others. She climbs out of cribs readily, and has for a while, so the queen bed was the only solution; it is our only extra bed.
Her sister, Mary, sleeps in a twin bed in her brothers' room. There are three twin beds in there so it's crowded, but that arrangement will have to do until Mary is old enough to share a room with her little sister. At 3.5, we don't think Mary is mature enough. We're paranoid of an accidental smothering or something of that nature.
If I must let Beth begin to put herself to sleep, I will have to remove the box spring and frame and put the queen bed on the floor. I will have to get rid of the crib and take out a bookshelf and maybe a dresser, to make sure the room is completely baby-proofed. All of that will be a nightmare, since we don't have a garage or a basement. All three of the bedrooms are jam packed, as well as the closets.
Oh, bother. I hate sleep issues! They are so tedious. And with summer upon us, I am having issues with the boys too. They take longer to fall asleep in the summer. They love fireflies but the little buggers don't come out readily until 9:20 p.m., which makes for a late night for a 6 and 8 year old.
I let them catch fireflies last night, and they didn't fall asleep until 10:00 p.m, due to excitement and wanting to watch their two fireflies light up. Then this morning the eight year old got up at 6 a.m. instead of his usual 7:15 - 7:30 a.m. Being overtired worsened his ADHD today.
Really, to be honest? I can't wait for fall! I try to love summer for their sakes, but I just don't. Hassles abound, what with the sunscreen and the conflicting reports of which is best, and the wet towels, shoes, swimsuits, hats, and, of course, the ever-present mud and grass. Then there are the lemonade popsicles and juice boxes and the pleading to drink more water instead.
It can all add up to give Momma a big headache! Which I feel guilty about, since they absolutely love summer! I do enjoy seeing them so happy--don't get me wrong.
Anyhow, those are my issues. Thank you for listening. I hope things are smoother at your house.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
authentic writing
I picked up a good literary article from Amy's Humble Musings. It discusses the relationships between a writer and himself, and between the writer and his audience, emphasizing that writing is a very personal act in which the author's disorganized thoughts miraculously organize themselves on paper (or on keyboard, as the case may be.)
I loved the article. I also loved the confirmation about what my own writing must be. My own. The value of writing is in the gift it gives the writer--clarification of thought. Sometimes, that gift of clarified thought blesses others, as well. More often it does not, which is why most writers don't make a living from their craft. The moment an author starts writing for an audience, authenticity is lost. And with that authenticity, value.
This is not to say that if you have a magazine writing gig, or other commercial gig, that you can't still manage authentic writing. If you have a passion for your topic, you can.
I loved the article. I also loved the confirmation about what my own writing must be. My own. The value of writing is in the gift it gives the writer--clarification of thought. Sometimes, that gift of clarified thought blesses others, as well. More often it does not, which is why most writers don't make a living from their craft. The moment an author starts writing for an audience, authenticity is lost. And with that authenticity, value.
This is not to say that if you have a magazine writing gig, or other commercial gig, that you can't still manage authentic writing. If you have a passion for your topic, you can.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
creating from scratch, and other musings
Things currently blessing me, and some random musings:
- Kiddos and I made our first homemade (from scratch) chocolate cake. You'll never eat a boxed cake again! Try homemade. Really. It is so easy. Faster than a batch of cookies. Any old recipe will do. We used a recipe called "Basic Chocolate Cake". We love recipes that have the word "basic" in them. "Basic" works well when you have eight little hands helping.
Best part about the cake? I was depressed (hormonal onslaught already upon me again) for half the day. (Yes, I realize that my mentioning "hormonal onslaught" every month means my blog will not grow in readership. Besides, to grow a famous blog you have to (A) be funny (B) never whine unless you're only joking about whining, and (C) take a picture of a really hunky, Wrangler-Jean clad hiney, and make it real prominent like, on your sidebar.)
Let me just say, if posting my husband's hiney in some Wranglers would get me invited on a Compassion International sponsorship mission trip, I would do it. I really want to go. Ann Voskamp is going in Sept. to Guatemala. Ann is quite famous as a blogger. And, true, she is decidedly not funny. But she is so exceptional in every literary sense, they invited her anyway. I can't wait to read her beautiful, inspiring words--about abject poverty, no less!
Since I am too lazy to go through my posts and replace is, are, was, were, and been with beefy, colorful verbs, I will never be exceptional. But at least I'll be sane. Stream-of-consciousness blogging keeps me sane.
And so....about that cake. I discovered that throwing myself into a creation really helped with the depression. I'm learning why so many people enjoy cooking. Some, of course, just love food. I'm an eat-to-live type person, so for me it isn't the food. It is the act of creating something from nothing. Another perk is that my creations bless my family. Okay. Usually, they bless my family. I still make soggy or burnt fruit crisps, to my utter frustration. I finally own a pastry cutter, so maybe that's the ticket.
Now, if I can only get a sifter. Cakes, I learned, require a sifter. But guess what? Shhh. Don't tell. My cake turned out quite delicious without one. But I'm generally a rule follower, so I'll probably get one.
A note about creating. I am not crafty. I do not sew, knit, paint, draw, make hanging wreaths, do needle point, or crochet. I don't dislike them. I just wasn't taught, and have no time to take lessons. So, cooking is my creative thing now. We have to eat. And following recipes isn't all that hard. Once you learn to read through the entire recipe first. Before jumping in.
- It's 11:22 p.m. and my baby hasn't awoken. Yet.
- When you make a chocolate cake, you can say to your witching-hour-affected sweeties: "If I don't get cooperation during __________, you will not get a piece of the cake tomorrow. For as long as the cake lasts, you can say it every night. Works like a charm, I tell ya.
- I love nursing. Love it! But when my nurslings reach eighteen months, they pick at my moles while they nurse. Ouch. Can't they find some other comfort fixation, while they partake? This is no small problem. If you have a perfectly moleless torso, I congratulate you. Toddler nursing will delight you. I highly recommend it, either way.
And that said, I just now hear my little sweety (mole picker that she is).
Sweet dreams, friends!
- Kiddos and I made our first homemade (from scratch) chocolate cake. You'll never eat a boxed cake again! Try homemade. Really. It is so easy. Faster than a batch of cookies. Any old recipe will do. We used a recipe called "Basic Chocolate Cake". We love recipes that have the word "basic" in them. "Basic" works well when you have eight little hands helping.
Best part about the cake? I was depressed (hormonal onslaught already upon me again) for half the day. (Yes, I realize that my mentioning "hormonal onslaught" every month means my blog will not grow in readership. Besides, to grow a famous blog you have to (A) be funny (B) never whine unless you're only joking about whining, and (C) take a picture of a really hunky, Wrangler-Jean clad hiney, and make it real prominent like, on your sidebar.)
Let me just say, if posting my husband's hiney in some Wranglers would get me invited on a Compassion International sponsorship mission trip, I would do it. I really want to go. Ann Voskamp is going in Sept. to Guatemala. Ann is quite famous as a blogger. And, true, she is decidedly not funny. But she is so exceptional in every literary sense, they invited her anyway. I can't wait to read her beautiful, inspiring words--about abject poverty, no less!
Since I am too lazy to go through my posts and replace is, are, was, were, and been with beefy, colorful verbs, I will never be exceptional. But at least I'll be sane. Stream-of-consciousness blogging keeps me sane.
And so....about that cake. I discovered that throwing myself into a creation really helped with the depression. I'm learning why so many people enjoy cooking. Some, of course, just love food. I'm an eat-to-live type person, so for me it isn't the food. It is the act of creating something from nothing. Another perk is that my creations bless my family. Okay. Usually, they bless my family. I still make soggy or burnt fruit crisps, to my utter frustration. I finally own a pastry cutter, so maybe that's the ticket.
Now, if I can only get a sifter. Cakes, I learned, require a sifter. But guess what? Shhh. Don't tell. My cake turned out quite delicious without one. But I'm generally a rule follower, so I'll probably get one.
A note about creating. I am not crafty. I do not sew, knit, paint, draw, make hanging wreaths, do needle point, or crochet. I don't dislike them. I just wasn't taught, and have no time to take lessons. So, cooking is my creative thing now. We have to eat. And following recipes isn't all that hard. Once you learn to read through the entire recipe first. Before jumping in.
- It's 11:22 p.m. and my baby hasn't awoken. Yet.
- When you make a chocolate cake, you can say to your witching-hour-affected sweeties: "If I don't get cooperation during __________, you will not get a piece of the cake tomorrow. For as long as the cake lasts, you can say it every night. Works like a charm, I tell ya.
- I love nursing. Love it! But when my nurslings reach eighteen months, they pick at my moles while they nurse. Ouch. Can't they find some other comfort fixation, while they partake? This is no small problem. If you have a perfectly moleless torso, I congratulate you. Toddler nursing will delight you. I highly recommend it, either way.
And that said, I just now hear my little sweety (mole picker that she is).
Sweet dreams, friends!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
flesh-and-blood comforters
Random musings, probably poorly written and poorly organized, and in no particular order:
I've scratched my head at some behavior issues recently, going over possible solutions in my rare quiet moments. My conclusion? I am the problem. Beth's teething and sleeping issues have changed my parenting. Survival mode crept in, and certainly not with my permission. A stressed, depleted Momma unsettles her children. And unsettled children make more mistakes, much like a depleted Momma does.
Grace.
In times like these, we learn to pour it out generously. And not because we are Holy.
Grace flows out of our own failures....out of our weaknesses.
Think about it. Highly successful go-getter types? They think they're hot stuff.......think they have all the answers.....judge others harshly.
As much as I hate failing, I'll gladly take it over puffed-up pride. Hurray for failure! Hallelujah!
Yes, I'm a bit off the deep end.
Anyhow.
I started nursing my overtired, teething baby to sleep, at 6:45 p.m. At 7:30 p.m. she finally drifted off. Only to wake up again an hour later. I nursed her back to sleep, which took fifteen minutes. An hour later, up again. I nursed her back to sleep. Another hour, another wake up. I nursed her again.
It's been like this for about two weeks, with a worsening in the last 48 hours. It's definitely the teething. The boys seemed to teethe effortlessly, but both my girls struggled.
Some of this time, I've been guilty of an unattractive, internal whine. "What's the meaning of this! I have enough stress to manage. Can't one thing go right?"
But the more she woke up each day, the more I softened. I yielded my agenda, my wants, far easier after the fourth wake up. Whatever, said I. The dishes might not get done tonight. School prep is a loss. School itself might not get entirely finished today. (Naps have been horrible too). That load of towels might stink from being in the washer too long. I'll have to run them again. Tomorrow morning probably won't be smooth.
Legacy-leaving parenting requires that we deny ourselves--our agendas--day in and day out. That is so hard for us. Often God has to force us to deny ourselves. That is what colic and teething are about, as well as a host of other parenting issues. Baby is whiny and needy? Use the extra time with her to pray over her. For her future husband, for her in-laws, for her fertility, her purity, for her children, for her teenage years.
If something isn't going well in my parenting, I know now to ask myself.....have I been selfish? Have I clung to my desires and to my agenda too tightly?
_______________________________________
And another random thing.
I've learned something in the last year that probably seems obvious to most people.
When someone asks you how you are, answer carefully. If you're going through hell on a certain front, keep it to yourself, unless you know for a fact that the person standing across from you has experienced the same hell. Human nature is often to give shallow advice, find fault, or wonder what is "wrong" with the suffering person. When you truly need support and understanding, pray that God strategically places the right flesh-and-blood person in your midst.
And know that you will be that flesh-and-blood person for someone else, someday. Be ready to let the grace, and the comfort, flow.
Dear Paula, thank you! You've been that flesh-and-blood comforter.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
I've scratched my head at some behavior issues recently, going over possible solutions in my rare quiet moments. My conclusion? I am the problem. Beth's teething and sleeping issues have changed my parenting. Survival mode crept in, and certainly not with my permission. A stressed, depleted Momma unsettles her children. And unsettled children make more mistakes, much like a depleted Momma does.
Grace.
In times like these, we learn to pour it out generously. And not because we are Holy.
Grace flows out of our own failures....out of our weaknesses.
Think about it. Highly successful go-getter types? They think they're hot stuff.......think they have all the answers.....judge others harshly.
As much as I hate failing, I'll gladly take it over puffed-up pride. Hurray for failure! Hallelujah!
Yes, I'm a bit off the deep end.
Anyhow.
I started nursing my overtired, teething baby to sleep, at 6:45 p.m. At 7:30 p.m. she finally drifted off. Only to wake up again an hour later. I nursed her back to sleep, which took fifteen minutes. An hour later, up again. I nursed her back to sleep. Another hour, another wake up. I nursed her again.
It's been like this for about two weeks, with a worsening in the last 48 hours. It's definitely the teething. The boys seemed to teethe effortlessly, but both my girls struggled.
Some of this time, I've been guilty of an unattractive, internal whine. "What's the meaning of this! I have enough stress to manage. Can't one thing go right?"
But the more she woke up each day, the more I softened. I yielded my agenda, my wants, far easier after the fourth wake up. Whatever, said I. The dishes might not get done tonight. School prep is a loss. School itself might not get entirely finished today. (Naps have been horrible too). That load of towels might stink from being in the washer too long. I'll have to run them again. Tomorrow morning probably won't be smooth.
Legacy-leaving parenting requires that we deny ourselves--our agendas--day in and day out. That is so hard for us. Often God has to force us to deny ourselves. That is what colic and teething are about, as well as a host of other parenting issues. Baby is whiny and needy? Use the extra time with her to pray over her. For her future husband, for her in-laws, for her fertility, her purity, for her children, for her teenage years.
If something isn't going well in my parenting, I know now to ask myself.....have I been selfish? Have I clung to my desires and to my agenda too tightly?
_______________________________________
And another random thing.
I've learned something in the last year that probably seems obvious to most people.
When someone asks you how you are, answer carefully. If you're going through hell on a certain front, keep it to yourself, unless you know for a fact that the person standing across from you has experienced the same hell. Human nature is often to give shallow advice, find fault, or wonder what is "wrong" with the suffering person. When you truly need support and understanding, pray that God strategically places the right flesh-and-blood person in your midst.
And know that you will be that flesh-and-blood person for someone else, someday. Be ready to let the grace, and the comfort, flow.
Dear Paula, thank you! You've been that flesh-and-blood comforter.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (King James Version)
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Rest Well, Momma
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2)
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)
So beautiful they are! My blessings. When looking at photos, one can scarcely imagine how much hard work these sweeties are. Someday I'll be sitting in an easy chair at 6:45 p.m. Dishes done. House clean. Laundry folded and put away. I'll be ready to enjoy a novel, or look at family photos.
Staring at the photos then, I won't remember the hard work that preceded and followed each frame. I'll just remember my delight at being their Momma. And I'll wish they were back under my roof, taking up all my time and energy.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)
The Geo Trac is making a comeback recently. They created this today, all cooperative and sweet like with each other. Have to capture these moments, when their togetherness, their siblingness, blesses them more than they realize.
It was horribly humid, so I said yes to the sprinkler, even though the temperature was in the mid-seventies. They promptly got a torrential downpour from God, so they turned off the sprinkler. They are shivering in this pic. The three drippies, I called them. Totally soaked.
Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)
She rarely plays with dolls, though here she is carrying baby in a sling.
Every Saturday night is pancake night. Pancakes are a piece of heaven, don't you know. They're made from scratch, mostly by the eight-year-old chef, who has practically memorized the recipe. It amazes me how just the routine of certain meals on certain nights lends joy and order and anticipation to a child's life.
Well Lord, I am blessed. Poured out. Tired out. Not understanding your plan, what with the ADHD for son and husband, and the financial stress that never ends. But nevertheless, I say I am blessed. And I am. Even though things remain undone tonight, I will choose sleep. And I will rest well, knowing you are Sovereign.
It rained buckets today. This was taken last weekend--no blue skies since. We hope the pepper and tomato plants survive the flood.
We are trying so hard to raise these kids! There are days, like today, when every ounce of me has been poured out. Come bathtime, I am empty. The emotional fatigue hit a new high lately; my baby has been the worst sleeper for the last two weeks. Two incisor teeth are coming in, with the other two fast on their heals. When the active toddler in your midst suddenly stops sleeping, life feels like a marathon, no matter how blessed you are in every moment.
And bedtime prep, at which time Mommy is empty? It brings some of the most annoying behavior. Like the bathroom floor getting soaked by splashes, yet again. Like the baby who flails in anger while I wrestle her out of the tub and into a diaper. Like the boys who giggle, waste time, misplace the pajamas they brought out, beg for snacks and drinks, wrestle at inopportune moments.
If I were a good parent, I would crack jokes, make light, play footsie games, during all these escapades. Just my good cheer would distract them from their naughtiness. But a good parent I am not. Past 6:30 p.m. I don't know what humor is when I walk into a soaked bathroom at 6:45 p.m.
Thank God for storytime: I am good at that.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." Somehow the children get tucked in feeling loved and nurtured, eighty percent of the time, despite my emptiness. When I really think about that, it is amazing. So often God takes over and I don't even realize it, until I have a moment to acknowledge my emptiness.
All four children woke up after tuck-in time tonight. At different times. Just as I was beginning to unwind, again.
I did not come unglued, though I was raging inside.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)
So beautiful they are! My blessings. When looking at photos, one can scarcely imagine how much hard work these sweeties are. Someday I'll be sitting in an easy chair at 6:45 p.m. Dishes done. House clean. Laundry folded and put away. I'll be ready to enjoy a novel, or look at family photos.
Staring at the photos then, I won't remember the hard work that preceded and followed each frame. I'll just remember my delight at being their Momma. And I'll wish they were back under my roof, taking up all my time and energy.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)
The Geo Trac is making a comeback recently. They created this today, all cooperative and sweet like with each other. Have to capture these moments, when their togetherness, their siblingness, blesses them more than they realize.
It was horribly humid, so I said yes to the sprinkler, even though the temperature was in the mid-seventies. They promptly got a torrential downpour from God, so they turned off the sprinkler. They are shivering in this pic. The three drippies, I called them. Totally soaked.
Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)
She rarely plays with dolls, though here she is carrying baby in a sling.
Well Lord, I am blessed. Poured out. Tired out. Not understanding your plan, what with the ADHD for son and husband, and the financial stress that never ends. But nevertheless, I say I am blessed. And I am. Even though things remain undone tonight, I will choose sleep. And I will rest well, knowing you are Sovereign.
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