blessing list

Tonight I'm thankful for....

- our cozy dinner party for my aunt and uncle, held here at our house.  The fellowship was wonderful, the food was good, the house was clean and comfortable, the kiddos were charming.  Making it all happen exhausted me, but at least once every six weeks we need to have someone over.  I know that offering hospitality is important for even the busiest of families.  There will come a time--sooner than I want!--that the kiddos grow up a bit and the house cleans up easily, making dinner parties more common around here.   I know a clean house is not supposed to be a part of hospitality, but it sure helps guests feel comfortable when there's no distracting mess and dirt around.

- the classic story Robin Hood.  It reeks of burly testosterone, unlike Heidi--which the boys nevertheless loved anyway.  (Peter is after all, a major character in Heidi.)   But like Heidi, Robin hood is centered on honor and good character, providing powerful modeling that children will remember.

- the Junie B. Jones stories.  No, Junie is not exactly a role model, and arguably this isn't the best literature, but it's laugh-out-loud funny and my boys are consuming a chapter book in a day and a quarter for the first time in their reading careers.  At nearly a book a day, they'll be through all 26 of these in no time, and then they'll hopefully move on to something even better.  Amelia Bedelia is insanely funny as well, but the reading level is even lower on those.  The boys might choose more humor or go on to something different, like mystery.  (My own reading craze started with Nancy Drew novels in the fourth grade.)  My task is to expose them to lots of classics during school hours, while keeping a close eye on their pleasure reading, making sure I don't go overboard in my censoring.

- two giggling girls, sweet and soft

- two active boys, sweaty and strong

- the story Duck On a Bike, by David Shannon.  My Mary has me read it daily now.  It really is a very charming story and the illustrations are amazing!  I love the varied farm animal personalities Mr. Shannon skillfully paints--with amazing eye detail. How do you paint a personality, you ask?  I don't know, but David Shannon does just that.  All the personalities come through in the eyes, somehow.

- for my present circumstances.  I'll come out of this poverty-level living with the ability to live under my means, which is no easy matter in our society.  I want my children to learn two very important lessons:  live debt-free and under your means.  The Duggars and other large families do very well on these two values--even paying cash for homes.  I wasn't capable of teaching this or modeling this before; it wasn't taught in my home growing up.  We've learned enough--the hard way--to model it from here on out.

- my older boy, who walked up to the art teacher tonight and spontaneously thanked her for the art class.  She was touched and hugged him, which he found embarrassing.  Anyhow, I was very happy to hear that he'd made such a gesture.  He was horribly behaved most of the day around here!  I need reminding to look beyond the horror of ADHD and see my son's heart.  Always.  That's who he really is.  Sometimes I want to scream at the level of frustration we all live with due to the condition.  It's hard not to worry about Peter's future, for one thing.  I can clearly see that having ADHD negatively impacted my husband's life.  Will it be similar for my son, or worse, since he has two co-morbid disorders?  It seems cruel to allow such a thing for boys, who are commanded as men to provide for their families.  They must do so while competing with other men who are perfectly normal, neurologically.  I am forced to push my son hard, in love; to do anything less is a disservice to him and to the family he will one day have, God willing.  He must be tougher to accomplish what his peers will find easy.  The only good I can find in all of it is this:  It serves as an hourly reminder that God is in control, not me.


And He doesn't make mistakes.  


"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:13-14

The Most Important Thing

I found a beautiful guest post on At The Well, entitled The Most Important Thing.  It is short and sweet.

Bright Spots

Two bright spots to record.

After a few days of stress so heavy my chest feels weighted, I sat down to talk with my six-year-old son about his insomnia.  He is like me and sometimes can't stop the darting thoughts.  Nursing my babies always cures my insomnia.  I'm not afflicted right now, thanks to the relaxation hormones released in both mother and baby in the first several minutes of nursing.  There are perks to all-night nursing!

But my son is currently suffering.  Last night he didn't drift off until midnight; AWANA night is the worst for him, making him over-excited, but he is usually asleep by 10:00 p.m. at the latest.

Frequent wake-ups from baby weighted the night as well, amid a houseful of overdue chores needing completion before company comes Saturday night. Then there's this and that bill needing to be paid before such and such date, or no service.  Topping it off, older son appears to have OCD with his ADHD and tics.  In fact, the anxiety we see may be due to his obsessions, rather than to Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  We obtained a referral to a neurologist, who will hopefully clear things up.  The "shoots" and "darnits" in the Junie B. Jones books brought out some very peculiar behavior, similar to what we've seen in other times of high household stress--like when I was experiencing morning sickness in 2008.  OCD commonly occurs with ADHD.  When an OCD sufferer is under stress, the condition worsens.

This morning I'm at the end of myself.  Husband too.  God's grace, at times, is only that which keeps us functioning another day.  Those in countries without food, whose stomachs hunger for ten days, must feel the same.  The Believers among them must define God's grace as the dawning of another day--blood still coursing through their veins.

As I spoke with my son about his insomnia, trying to ascertain if Mommy's and Daddy's stress is the cause, I was dumbfounded by the wisdom he's gathered at such a tender age.

"I understand about the stress, Mommy.  God changes things when it's important to Him."

Is it a tragedy that at six years old he knows so much about God, or is it a miracle?

I say it's a miracle--one for which I'll gladly suffer.  His circumstances forced him to really contemplate who God is, what faith is, and what we're here for.  He knows.

Another bright spot.  When the children's director came to pick up the children last evening, she brought a huge flowerpot of fall mums, as well as a card expressing love and prayers for us during our trial (from the church).

And who has been pining over fall mums the last couple of weeks, besides Momma?

My six-year-old.

We haven't had money for flowers in so long!  Every year it hurts a little to see flowerbeds devoid of life..of color.

The flowers were a message from God, saying this:

"I can't take it all away right now.  But I'm still here.  And I love you.  I know the desires of your hearts."


And the wisdom from my son is also a message.  Nothing is more important to me than the spiritual health and growth of my children.  God is telling me...spiritual growth and maturity come the hard way.  If you truly wish it for them, and for yourselves, than trust me.

comfort eats and poetry

I was looking for a Shepherd's Pie without beef broth and found the one below on Cooks.com.  Easy and very tasty.

Peter said, "I can't believe how good this is!"  He ate two hearty helpings, making himself so full he had to lie down on the couch before having some apple crumble dessert (which he made himself!).

MOUNTAIN SHEPHERD'S PIE (link to recipe)

1 lb. hamburger ( I used 93% lean ground turkey)
1/2 c. onion, chopped
16 oz. tomato sauce
12 oz. corn (without liquid)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 to 1 tsp. oregano
2 tsp. sugar ( I didn't use any sugar.)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 c. potatoes (mashed) 6 to 8
2 c. packed Cheddar cheese (grated)

Brown meat in medium cooking pot.  Add onion and cook until tender.  Add rest of ingredients except potatoes and cheese.  Simmer 5 to 10 minutes.  Pour into 13 x 9 x 2 pan, top with potatoes, add cheese.  Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 25 minutes.

________________________________________

I use a basic black bean soup recipe and add in different things each time.  It's a great comfort food!

Crockpot Spicy Black Bean Soup

- 1 pound of black beans, soaked for 8 to 48 hours.
- 6 cups chicken broth
- 1 tsp. garlic powder
- 1 Tbs. chili powder
- 1 tsp. ground cumin
- 3/4 tsp. ground black pepper
- 1 tsp. cayenne pepper

I set the crockpot on low and cook for about 9 hours.  Near the end I crush the beans with a masher for a thicker consistency.  Black beans are an extremely healthy choice!

Options:
- add in corn
- drop some of the spices, and add in Newman's Own Black Bean and Corn Salsa
- top with grated cheese
- top with a spoon of sour cream
- top with grated cheese and crushed tortilla chips
- add in diced tomatoes

__________________________________________

I've been reading poetry aloud to the kids.  After several readings, Peter was inspired.  He wrote this out of the blue one day.

Bugs

dragonflies hovering
in the air
mantises eating
crane flies dancing
water bugs racing
cicadas singing
grasshoppers hopping
crickets too
around the pond

Addressing Some Questions

I was asked more than once why I don't consider sending my boys to public school to cut down on my stress level, among other reasons.   I thought I might as well cover that here, not to defend my convictions or change yours, so much as to simply address a heartfelt suggestion.

First off, sending the boys to school wouldn't relieve any stress.  Whether I homeschool or not, my days are still going to be filled with meal preparation, meal clean-up, laundry, and cleaning up messes.  The stress in any stay-at-home mom's day comes largely from trying to get these tasks done in a timely manner, amid frequent interruptions.  Ideally, we don't want our kids waiting until 2 p.m. for their lunch, or 7:00 p.m. for their dinner.  So time pressure is built into the day, as well as the dread that repetitive, mundane tasks can bring.  I love serving my family, but it gets old, despite my best intentions to keep a smile going.

When Momma's got something stressful on her mind, like a special-needs child's issues, or financial issues, these everyday stresses become more of a challenge, or on the other hand, they help lend structure by putting Momma on productive auto pilot.  

What things most often make you lose your cool--either inwardly or outwardly?  You got down on your hands and knees and wiped under the baby's chair how many times today?  Six?  How'd you feel about it after, say, the third time?  Probably not positive.  Repetitive tasks are inherently stressful, and cleaning in particular, because our work gets ruined before our eyes, sometimes minutes later.

When women first come home from the workforce, they have all these preconceived notions about how many neat and wonderfully imaginative things they will do with their kids.  But somehow, it's never like that.  Little people need fed, dressed, brushed, changed, snacked, watered, juiced, and all their messes--and there are many!--need to be cleaned up before they spread and cause even greater chaos.  

To actually spend time with the kids, one has to be intentional about it--really letting things go, as long as a meal isn't due.  Chores are never done--more are always being created, for one thing. 

Non-homeschoolers probably think that homeschooling moms spend a lot of time sitting at the table with the pupils, teaching and correcting.  Not so.  I rarely sit down at the table unless I'm reading aloud or eating there.  I help my boys as needed, but the majority of my time is spent keeping my toddler safe from herself, and keeping up with the above tasks.  I do short readings with the boys (and stories with the girls) throughout the day, but I'm often standing for those--sometimes even moving about, unless Beth is sleeping.  Beth likes to grab the books I'm reading.  Certainly there are times I can manage read alouds with one or two children in my lap, but this isn't the rule.  Regardless, I love reading aloud to children.

The boys, incidentally, have developed good listening skills and can build something with Legos the entire time I'm reading, and still do a decent retelling.  

Keep in mind that teachers don't teach new lessons on a daily basis--or even on a weekly basis.  Yes, this is true.  I was shocked by this my first week as a student teacher.  

The year was 1990.  New student teachers were required to sit in the class and do nothing but observe for two weeks, after which they were slowly given some control over the class.  During the final two weeks (there were eight weeks total), the student teacher fully controlled the class, with the master teacher stepping in only when absolutely necessary.  

My master teacher didn't teach a single lesson that first observation week.  She just assigned work and monitored the class.  Nothing new had come up in her curriculum that week.  The kids did their review math problems, read the story in their readers, did their assigned worksheets, wrote their spelling words, etc.  It was completely boring and I said to myself, "There is no way I will ever teach like this!"

And I didn't.  Not saying I was better, by any means.  Just different.  I put the textbooks in the desks for Back to School Night, lest any parent start a worrying.  But we never used them, except for the math practice sheets the school provided.

Teachers may go through classes to learn how to write a lesson plan, and they may cover some theory, but that certainly doesn't mean they can teach.  If you want to revere a teacher, it's best to pick one of the old timers who've seen many hundreds of children pass through their classrooms.  They know a thing or two.  

As for the rest, even if they are good enough to teach to the majority, they are usually lacking in real ability to reach the bottom and top of the class, amid the other day-to-day classroom pressures.  I say this because I don't think any parent should feel that a classroom teacher can do a better job because of  the "professional training".  Indeed, the hardest part for a classroom teacher is not the teaching, but the discipline and organization.  The same is true for a homeschooling mother or father. 

I have a unique perspective about public school verses homeschooling.  I was a product of public schools, I taught in a public school, I supervised 60 homeschoolers in grades K-12 through a California Charter School, and now I'm in my fourth year of homeschooling.

First off, homeschoolers have fine social skills.  I've never met a single one who seemed "off" or unsocialized.  Even if naturally shy, they know how to handle themselves around a variety of ages, including adults.  They are not disadvantaged by remaining with their families.  Often they are kids with rich, varied interests, as though they'd already majored in a thing or two in college.

I was not raised a Christian but I was taken to a Catholic church intermittently.  My parents did not have personal relationships with God, but my mom was raised a strict Catholic.  I did not have a personal relationship with God, but I had a churched conscience, meaning I wanted to grow up to please God, marry while still a virgin, go to church, etc.  I knew right from wrong in regards to the big stuff.  There were plenty of sins I was taught nothing of, however--including pride, envy, coveting, ungratefulness, fretting, etc.  I call these the more subtle sins, for lack of better terminology.  At any rate, we know God hates them as much as the outward sins.

I lost my virginity at age 19 while in college.  I dated the same man for two years before deciding I was ready, even though when I'd met him, I told him right away that I wanted to be a virgin when I married.  So....do you know how I finally arrived at that readiness?  My conscience knew premarital sex was wrong, but popular culture got the better of me.  I finally asked myself, how can this be wrong if so many people are doing it?

Good does not influence evil.  Evil influences good.  

Do not be mislead:  "Bad company corrupts good character."

1 Corinthians 15:33


I remember then eighteen-year-old Bristol Palin referencing this same phenomena in describing her own fall to premarital sex.  "All the kids do it."  She wasn't dismissive of her behavior, just describing the environment in which it happened.  Although raised in a Christian home, her character was corrupted. 


Her mother was shocked at the turn of events, describing how mature and responsible her daughter had always been.  She didn't worry about Bristol.    "If it can happen to Bristol, it can happen to anyone."  Corruption will happen slowly, over time.  It might happen out in the open, or quietly in the heart.  


But it will happen.  


Even if kids can manage to leave public high school with some Christian sentiment intact, they rarely leave with a Christian worldview.  And really, it's our worldview that determines how we make decisions.  


I saw my first graders exposed to a whole lot in my classroom via children who came from morally liberal homes.  Hard as I tried, I could not stop all questionable conversations.  And indeed, most of these highly influential conversations occur in the lunch room and on the playground--where adults only circulate, rather than listen.  

Some parents have Rated R movies on while young children are around.  They either don't care about guarding their child's heart and mind, or they are ignorant of the consequences.  Some parents have over-night boyfriends come and go every few months, or every couple years.  Many young kids watch worldly TV and blab about the latest episodes.  These children have no idea these things are worldly, so they see no problem in bringing them up in front of the class.  There is no shame, just ignorance.

Day in and day out, year in and year out, children in public schools have high level exposures to worldly ideas.  As a parent, you'll hear just a fraction of it.  It isn't the teachers that are the problem, usually.  It's the kids.  Churched kids and Christian kids will probably develop school friendships with--and confide in--kids who come from worldly homes--genuinely nice kids often, just lacking in moral compasses.  You probably won't notice it for a while even if you have a playdate or two to check out the situation.

As you can tell, I have strong convictions about 1 Corinthians 15:33.  My own conscience was corrupted, and even if my parents had been Christians, they wouldn't have had enough hours with me to undo the worldly damage.  Public school makes for long days for kids.  The best hours of the day are gone by the time they arrive home--the witching hour is not far off.   

If you choose public school, you might succeed in raising a godly child who will hold onto her faith after high school (your chances are less than 30%).  

If you choose homeschooling, you will probably succeed in raising a godly child who will hold onto her faith after high school (your chances are over 80%).

I realize not everyone has a choice in how the children are schooled, because of husbands who disagree, or because of finances. 

Because of the above statistics and my own experiences, my kids will never go to public school unless my husband passes away and there's no other way for us to manage.  And even then, I would think of every conceivable plan to do both--work and continue to homeschool.

Don't choose public school because...

- it's easier on you than homeschooling. 

- you aren't a trained teacher. (You can buy curriculum that tells you what to say and do, if you need it. Public schools spend billions of dollars on teacher's editions that tell teachers what to say and do at every turn.  You can be idea-less and still teach.)

- you don't think you can spend 24/7 with your munchkins. 

- you fear they won't be prepared for college if you homeschool.

- you fear they'll turn out to be freaks if you homeschool. 

- you fear they'll never leave your home if you homeschool. 

If you choose public school, base your choice on your convictions, whatever they may be.