Two bright spots to record.
After a few days of stress so heavy my chest feels weighted, I sat down to talk with my six-year-old son about his insomnia. He is like me and sometimes can't stop the darting thoughts. Nursing my babies always cures my insomnia. I'm not afflicted right now, thanks to the relaxation hormones released in both mother and baby in the first several minutes of nursing. There are perks to all-night nursing!
But my son is currently suffering. Last night he didn't drift off until midnight; AWANA night is the worst for him, making him over-excited, but he is usually asleep by 10:00 p.m. at the latest.
Frequent wake-ups from baby weighted the night as well, amid a houseful of overdue chores needing completion before company comes Saturday night. Then there's this and that bill needing to be paid before such and such date, or no service. Topping it off, older son appears to have OCD with his ADHD and tics. In fact, the anxiety we see may be due to his obsessions, rather than to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We obtained a referral to a neurologist, who will hopefully clear things up. The "shoots" and "darnits" in the Junie B. Jones books brought out some very peculiar behavior, similar to what we've seen in other times of high household stress--like when I was experiencing morning sickness in 2008. OCD commonly occurs with ADHD. When an OCD sufferer is under stress, the condition worsens.
This morning I'm at the end of myself. Husband too. God's grace, at times, is only that which keeps us functioning another day. Those in countries without food, whose stomachs hunger for ten days, must feel the same. The Believers among them must define God's grace as the dawning of another day--blood still coursing through their veins.
As I spoke with my son about his insomnia, trying to ascertain if Mommy's and Daddy's stress is the cause, I was dumbfounded by the wisdom he's gathered at such a tender age.
"I understand about the stress, Mommy. God changes things when it's important to Him."
Is it a tragedy that at six years old he knows so much about God, or is it a miracle?
I say it's a miracle--one for which I'll gladly suffer. His circumstances forced him to really contemplate who God is, what faith is, and what we're here for. He knows.
Another bright spot. When the children's director came to pick up the children last evening, she brought a huge flowerpot of fall mums, as well as a card expressing love and prayers for us during our trial (from the church).
And who has been pining over fall mums the last couple of weeks, besides Momma?
We haven't had money for flowers in so long! Every year it hurts a little to see flowerbeds devoid of life..of color.
The flowers were a message from God, saying this:
"I can't take it all away right now. But I'm still here. And I love you. I know the desires of your hearts."
And the wisdom from my son is also a message. Nothing is more important to me than the spiritual health and growth of my children. God is telling me...spiritual growth and maturity come the hard way. If you truly wish it for them, and for yourselves, than trust me.