Saturday Devotions: Feeling Put Upon

I should be doing the dishes.

I could start most of my posts with that sentence. What does that say about me? That I love writing and reflecting, more than a clean kitchen? Or does it say something less benign, like that I'm not a servant at heart?

I don't know.

Husband's Saturday morning work at the church moved to the afternoon due to a wedding. He doesn't relax or sit still. Always moving.

Except when he reads to the kids.

When we were first married and had cable and no children, he never even sat steadily to watch the UCLA football games he loved. Somehow he followed them while going about his business, knowing just when to sit down for the best plays.

This morning, on the advice of a tomato-loving friend from work, he blanched his huge garden tomatoes, peeled the skins, blended the tomatoes in the blender, and started a large pot of sauce. He added his banana peppers too. A wonderful idea to save money on store-bought tomato sauce, which uses more salt than we'd like.

Except that we have yet to buy canning supplies to preserve such homemade fare.

When he left for work he also left the kitchen. In. a. disaster.

I reluctantly cleaned it up, postponing my annual frenzy of searching for used homeschool curriculum for next to nothing. The next to nothing part being only in my dreams. I usually end up selling something I like, and could use later with the girls, to earn money to buy something we need--in this case, about 31 novels.

Novels are something we always keep, since they're the hardest to replace. I'm working on procuring part 2 of American history-themed novels.

But anyway...back to a slice of life at my house today.

Peter, using his beloved 1001 Hints & Tips For Your Garden, made garlic bug spray for our roses, which he diagnosed with a pest problem. Then he cut up plastic water bottles and made multiple wasp traps with sugar water, setting them all over the front and back yards. Whenever he gets his hands on a new garden book, his spirit soars.

And when he's done, the kitchen's a mess.

Paul loves baking. After lunch he made chocolate chip muffins, incorporating his three-year-old sister into the experience like the dear boy that he is. His muffins are always delicious.

And the kitchen? Left in a mess.

Are you noticing a theme here? Sometimes it feels like everyone else is living their life, and I'm cleaning it up. I feel put upon and I don't like that feeling. It comes from an ungrateful place in my heart.

Time for a verse of the day, to help me with my aversion to re-cleaning the kitchen.

Isaiah 40:28-31  Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Prayer Time: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for salvation, for your precious Son, for the gift of a family. May I have a servant's heart and approach my tasks with love and devotion. Help me gather what we need for the school year while still guiding the house and keeping the family in clean underwear. Thank you for the boys' help with vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and folding. Help me continue to train, to encourage, to disciple. Help me to model a servant's heart. Forgive me for my grumbling spirit and help me draw strength from you, from your Word. Guide my steps and my priorities.

In Your Son's name I pray, Amen.
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Thankful Thursday: Another School Year Ends

"The mind of the prudent acquires knowledge, And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge."
Proverbs 18:15

This week my boys finished another school year. Instead of relief, I feel pride mixed with melancholy. Can you explain that to me?

I don't understand myself.

This one was a difficult year, with Beth's Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis coming right at the start. We traveled to more doctor's appointments than I can count, and Beth had a painful winter and spring.

I cried, I worried, she cried, she nursed, she cuddled in my lap. I spent hours and days, just soothing her.

Grueling about describes this school year. So why do I feel so sad at the conclusion?

Tomorrow, Friday, is our annual appointment to have an Ohio-credentialed teacher officially sign off on our year. Today I gathered all their work and listed all their reading material, and just like last August, I couldn't hold back the tears.

When I listed Where the Red Fern Grows, I remembered Peter's tears at the ending. I remember holding him as he sobbed.

I remember Peter telling me that Gentle Ben was one of the best books he'd ever read, and why did it have to end? 

Many books became their friends this year. So many times they didn't want to say goodbye.

Just last month Peter said The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was the best book he'd ever read.

And I distinctly remember last October. Farmer Boy captured his heart then.

I love that at home, school is mostly reading. I don't have to hand over a bunch of busy work to prove we did something this year. My children filled their minds every time they opened a book.

They cried, they laughed, they contemplated. History, tragedy, friendship, family, love, hate, fantasy, reality. They learned.

Today for Thankful Thursday I want to list the books that shaped my boys' hearts and minds this year. This is everything they read, except for non-fiction science and Bible materials.

"And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
Proverbs 24:4

For these authors and their stories, I give thanks.

My Peter, age 10 years
Farmer Boy
Sign of the Beaver
The Courage of Sarah Noble
Westward Toward Home My America
Meet George Washington
Mr. Popper's Penguins
Ruphus M.
McBroom's Wonderful One-Acre Farm
The Summer of the Swans
Old Yeller
My Side of the Mountain
Ben Franklin of Old Philadelphia
Squanto Friend of the Pilgrims
The Skippack School
Where the Red Fern Grows
My Father's Dragon
Elmer and the Dragon
The Dragons of Blue Land
A Lion to Guard Us
Meet Thomas Jefferson
Pedro's Journal
The Cabin Faced West
Caleb's Story
Gentle Ben
More Perfect Than the Moon
Skylark
A Hive of Busy Bees
Sarah Plain and Tall
Grandfather's Dance
The Bears of Hemlock Mountain
The Matchlock Gun
On the Banks of Plum Creek
On the Shores of Silver Lake
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Farm
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic
Hello Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Happy Birthday Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
Little Men
The Story of Dr. Dolittle
Pippi Longstocking
Dr. Dolittle and the Green Canary

My Paul, age 8 years
Mr. Popper's Penguins
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Ruphus M.
Along Came a Dog
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
McBroom's Wonderful One-Acre Farm
The Family Under the Bridge
Katie and the Mustang
My Father's Dragon
Elmer and the Dragon
The Dragons of Blue Land
The Bears of Hemlock Mountain
Caleb's Story
More Perfect Than the Moon
The Complete Treasury of Winnie the Pooh
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Farm
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic
Happy Birthday Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Hello Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
The Story of Dr. Dolittle
The Voyages of Dr. Dolittle
Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
Dr. Dolittle's Circus
Farmer Boy Days
The Mostly True Adventures of Homer P. Figg
A Lion to Guard Us
Meet Thomas Jefferson
Sarah, Plain and Tall
Squanto Friend of the Pilgrims
The Cabin Faced West
Meet George Washington

Read Alouds by Daddy 
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
The Wheel on the School
Rascal
Chucaro Wild Pony of the Pampa
Ruphus M.
Pinky Pye
The Middle Moffat
Pollyanna
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
Shiloh
The Tale of Despereaux
The Phantom Tollbooth
The Hatchet
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nihm
Chronicles of Narnia, book 1
Chronicles of Narnia, book 3
Chronicles of Narnia, book 4
Chronicles of Narnia, book 5

They'll still read everyday now, but regular school won't start up again until mid September.

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Wednesday Devotions

Chores undone, children, six of them today, needing supervision and drinks on a hot day.

Morning spent on arthritis therapy, which always makes me feel behind at home.

The boys' end-of-year teacher meeting to prepare for and go to this Friday. Laundry to shuffle and fold.

Too many people needing me, a tired Momma who slept poorly after two boys woke me up at 3:00 AM, arguing about whether the hall light should be left on or not.

Two new neighborhood boys started coming within a week of each other. Both from divorced families, they bounce back and forth to different houses. Though they seem to endure it, they need a prayer warrior. I notice their emotions are fragile when they return from visits. 

I remember this from childhood. The switch at the end of holidays and vacations. The tears and the guilt trip and the wishing it could be different. Why couldn't I have a life like my friend, the one with two steady parents, a steady home? It felt whole at her house. Warm. 

Nowadays, the switches are too frequent. Who needs two homes? Two toothbrushes? Two sets of rules? Who needs the brokenness of saying goodbye to a beloved parent for another week? 

These boys, I like them already. Children weave their way into my heart and it's good, but sometimes I want a less heavy heart. I want to feel less. 

Or maybe I want more strength.

At three o'clock, after hours of play, I entice my four inside to rest. So I can rest. 

I search for a verse of the day before starting the dishes. A verse for these tired days with needs unending. A verse that makes my heart sing, my soul rest, my body renew.

And here it is, from Zephaniah.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I close my eyes to hear this loud singing, this rejoicing over me with gladness. I want to feel His mightiness that saves. I want to feel the quietness of his enfolding love.

And I do. For three minutes, until Paul interrupts, needing me to open the can of pumpkin for his pumpkin bread recipe.

I do it and sit back down and read the verse again. And again. 

And I close my eyes.

And no one needs me for twenty minutes.

Prayer Time: Dear Father, Thank you for your beautiful heart and your Word. Thank you for these verses that echo your heart and make it accessible to me, a weak vessel. I don't have long to sit but I need a filling, Lord. I need you to infiltrate my heart and mind and give me rest even as I work. May my step be light, my heart be willing to serve anew. Work through me to love my children, to disciple them through new friends, new knowledge of a broken world. May we be lights out there Lord, even as we're broken ourselves. Shine through us. Make us faithful servants.

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen

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Raising Successful Children

I haven't finished reading commentary on Jonah 4, so today I bring you some thoughts on an opinion piece--Raising Successful Children--written in The New York Times Sunday opinion column. I found the link on Ann's site. Another article I found, Who's Minding The Teenage Brain?, is also discussed below.

The Holy Spirit makes me increasingly aware that any anxiety I have about my children's futures must be tongue-controlled. I must turn every worry into a prayer. For example, telling my children that a strong work ethic helps them achieve their personal best is one thing, but uttering fears or doubts about their future is quite another.

I'm also more aware as my boys mature, that high expectations help children steadily achieve, and that steady achievement--wrought with a healthy, not crushing level of frustration--builds a strong foundational confidence. We don't build confidence by saying, "You're so smart", as the Raising Successful Children article explains. We build it by facilitating achievement.

As you read both pieces, or both excerpts, think about teenagers especially. You have to give kids room to make mistakes. I agree. But what about studies showing the teen brain is hardwired for danger? I continually think of Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol--understand, not finding fault with this family, just trying to learn--when I read things about giving teens autonomy. Mistakes made in those years can affect many lives...even legacies.

Excerpt from Who's Minding the Teenage Brain:

In the time it takes you to eat dinner tonight, two adolescents somewhere in the United States will contract HIV. Over the next month, nearly half of all high-school students will sneak a drink of alcohol. And sometime over the course of 2007, one in 12 high schoolers will try to kill themselves. 

It is one of the great paradoxes of modern existence: Humans grow far stronger and healthier during their second decade of life, but their chances of dying rise rapidly at the same time. In the vast majority of cases, it all comes down to a bad decision. A 17-year-old honor student gets behind the wheel while drunk. A high-school freshman tries methamphetamine — and gets hooked. A pack of fans at a football game picks a fight with their rivals. A depressed girl, alone in her room, chooses to check out.

Because the brains of adolescents are not ready to fully regulate their behavior, "adolescents need more supervision," says Mr. Steinberg. "We need to build that into the way in which the laws and other kinds of social policies regulate their behavior." 

Ronald E. Dahl, a professor of psychiatry at Pittsburgh, has reached a similar conclusion from his own research on adolescents. He calls for adults to provide kids with more "scaffolding and monitoring, so that risks are relatively less, but as [show responsibility and develop skills, you gradually give them more freedom." 

That kind of support — in the form of supervised after-school programs or restricted driving licenses — is critical because it allows the adolescent brain to acquire its social and emotional fluency, he suggests. 

When that learning process breaks down, either because of genetic susceptibilities or problems in their lives, teenagers can develop depression, anxiety, or the other types of mood disorders that make their appearance during this stage of life. Stunted growth in this domain can also send people veering toward addiction, he says. 

God can redeem anything and we must love our children unconditionally through their mistakes. But why go there at all with teen sexuality or teen substance abuse? If we know teens are less capable of making sound judgement, why leave them alone so much? Going to the store for an hour is one thing, but leaving them alone for hours or more? I don't think this is wise. If that first kiss occurred and we were absent too long and unaware of the incident, we don't know to watch out for the fire it ignited. And Satan? He'll do everything to keep that fire burning.

When a child leaves town for college--or gets married as an older teen--we have to let go entirely, at least physically. Their brains are more capable of weighing risk by that time. If we invest in their hearts for 18 years, discipling them faithfully (including a purity plan), they should do fine, yes?

If they fall at that point, it's the bittersweet free will issue, less than a parenting issue.

Tell me, what is your opinion about leaving teens alone?

Here are a few excepts from the other, 2-page article, entitled Raising Successful Children.

Decades of studies, many of them by Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, have found that the optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects her child’s autonomy. These “authoritative parents” appear to hit the sweet spot of parental involvement and generally raise children who do better academically, psychologically and socially than children whose parents are either permissive and less involved, or controlling and more involved. Why is this particular parenting style so successful, and what does it tell us about overparenting?

For one thing, authoritative parents actually help cultivate motivation in their children. Carol Dweck, a social and developmental psychologist at Stanford University, has done research that indicates why authoritative parents raise more motivated, and thus more successful, children.

Their research confirms what I’ve seen in more than 25 years of clinical work, treating children in Marin County, an affluent suburb of San Francisco. The happiest, most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, or almost capable of doing; and their parents do not do things for them that satisfy their own needs rather than the needs of the child.

The central task of growing up is to develop a sense of self that is autonomous, confident and generally in accord with reality. If you treat your walking toddler as if she can’t walk, you diminish her confidence and distort reality. Ditto nightly “reviews” of homework, repetitive phone calls to “just check if you’re O.K.” and “editing” (read: writing) your child’s college application essay.

Once your child is capable of doing something, congratulate yourself on a job well done and move on. Continued, unnecessary intervention makes your child feel bad about himself (if he’s young) or angry at you (if he’s a teenager).

While doing things for your child unnecessarily or prematurely can reduce motivation and increase dependency, it is the inability to maintain parental boundaries that most damages child development. When we do things for our children out of our own needs rather than theirs, it forces them to circumvent the most critical task of childhood: to develop a robust sense of self. 

If you clink on the link and read the entire 2-page article, you see it indicates an eleven-year-old girl should be able to spend time at the mall with her friends. Agree? I'd like your opinion on this, as well as the teen autonomy issue. Thank you for your input!

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Multitude Monday: Wherever You Go, He is There

"Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid nor dismayed for the Lord is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

My migraine history has always been harder on my husband than on me. He doesn't understand why the Lord won't heal a busy mother's chronic head pain. I've mostly felt helpless about my husband's frustration with them, not wishing to be the cause of one of his burdens.

But they're getting worse, sometimes lasting 3 to 5 days, and the over-the-counter pain relievers aren't as effective. Despair does come to me at times now; I want to be free of medication and pain.

This morning, four days into a headache, I needed a verse I could clutch tightly to my heart. A verse that would strengthen and give hope. 

The Lord isn't providing physical healing, no. But I feel this: His presence. These life-giving words from Joshua couldn't be more perfect. The Lord is with me wherever I go. Even to the throbbing places. 

I can be strong and of good courage because I am not alone. 

Where do fear and dismay come from? From a lonely, powerless place. 

But we are never powerless or alone. There is always His presence, His Word. 

Powerlessness and loneliness? They are perceptions. Deceptions.

I won't fall. I won't go there.

I will give thanks for my companion, The God of The Universe. There's no greater gift than Him. 

A migraine suddenly seems...insignificant. And come to think of it, the throbbing is a bit less now, too.

Dear Lord, thank you for these gifts:

~ A husband who loves me and cares about my comfort.

~ A husband who prays for me.

~ Rain on the crops yesterday.

~ Paul's commitment to reading the Bible daily. Peter needs more reminders, but Paul is self-driven in this. Praise the Lord!

~ Just when I think I can't minister to Lexi, our troubled neighborhood friend, any longer, God provides rest. For several days she hasn't come. This has happened before when I've felt overwhelmed with her issues. Suddenly, she quit coming. When she showed up again, I was rested and ready to love on her again. God is amazing!

~ No-melt suet on the tree, ready for woodpeckers and nuthatches.

~ Delicious sweet corn from the farm down the street, as always. I don't know how they did it this year with drought conditions, but the corn is superb. The kernels aren't as plump, but the taste is the same.

~ My on-line friendships

~ Husband's incision looks very good. Fully healed; he want back to work today. Both jobs decided to pay him for his time off, just because he's such a good employee. He's very well liked in both places. Since he's part-time in both places, they didn't have to pay him. Thank you, Lord.

~ Yesterday when I was in the throes of migraine, Beth got very fussy. I asked Paul to bake cookies with her to help distract her, and it worked like a charm.  

What are you thankful for today?

Linking with Ann this week.

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