Part 2 Children and Anxiety: Cognitive Behavior Therapy

In my last post, Escorting Children Through Anxiety, I mentioned the importance of educating ourselves about anxiety disorders in children. Today I'd like to discuss Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is the go-to therapy for anxiety disorders. Traditional talk therapy will only worsen anxiety, so we want to make sure we are choosing therapists who are experienced with CBT, or Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

I need to explain three principles to you: containment, externalization, and competing demands

Today we will have time for the first two only.

Containment
We want to contain anxiety, much like we contain anything--ketchup in the ketchup container, for example. We cannot let children talk or think about their worries all day long. Neither can we constantly assure them when they bring up their worries. This only makes things worse, giving the worries too much power.

The book What To Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner uses the analogy that if you keep tending your garden and pulling the weeds and watering it faithfully, you'll yield a huge crop of tomatoes. Anxiety is the same. If you keep tending and feeding it, it just grows bigger, until you've got more yield than you know what to do with.

Containment, so things won't overgrow. We set aside a time each day, say for 15 minutes, and call it worry time. Children pretend all day to put their anxieties in a worry box, only to be taken out at worry time. Mom and Dad, when approached for the usual assurance during the day, can only say..."Sounds like that should go in the worry box." No matter how much your child wants your assurance right now, try hard to only remind her about the "worry time".

Worry Time: Choose a 15-minute time segment during the day when she is not exhibiting bodily signs of anxiety, and when there are no other distractions (not from siblings, TV, computers, etc.). After she unloads everything she's worried about, help her learn to use logic. She must stop the worst-case scenario self-talk. Discuss the improbability of the worst thing happening, and leave it at that. Logic is also knowing that even if something bad does happen, she can get through it. Don't argue these thoughts with her, just present them, and tell her she must learn to use logic on her own with time.

Externalization
The anxious child needs to learn that he is not his anxiety. The anxiety is an outside entity that your child is hosting, and in order to exert control over it, he needs to externalize it.

Teach the following ideas when your child is calm.

~ The worry is a BULLY. Have your child use his imagination to picture what the worry bully looks like, perched on your child's shoulder all day. Have him draw a picture of what his worry bully looks like.

~ Right now, the worry bully is stronger than the child, but that will change and the child will learn to boss the worry bully and gain the upper hand. Teach these truths about the worry bully: Worries lie. They trick you. They exaggerate.

~ Teach your child to talk back to the worry bully whenever it bothers her during the day, especially when it refuses to go in the worry box for later.

"I don't believe you!"
"That's a bunch of GARBAGE!"
"Leave me alone!"
"Scram"
"Get lost."

Next time we will talk about competing demands, which are forms of distraction, some targeted toward reversing the bodily signs of stress, once they've already started.

Escorting Children Through Anxiety (And Surviving Yourself)

Whether it's anxiety brought on by circumstances--a medical diagnosis or procedure, or a significant life change like the death of a loved one or a divorce--or the brain's unreasonable, disordered response to normal life, most children will experience anxiety at some point in childhood. They need a parent to be right there, escorting them through it because anxiety is not just fear. Rather, it's a bodily response to fear that blocks out common sense. Thunder can't hurt you--that's common sense, but it's lost on your anxious child and repeating it over and over only makes your child feel abandoned, rather than comforted.

If it's merely a childhood fear (sometimes the case before age 7), then maybe explaining the science of thunder is in order, but if your child is inconsolable, then you know you're dealing with anxiety, not fear.

This whole process can make us feel helpless as parents, so it helps to clarify our role. We're not there to convince her she's being ridiculous. We're there to hold her hand and love her unconditionally.

My job is to accompany my child along this path that God has chosen, while pointing her toward Him. I am not the crutch, but the escort to the throne of Grace.

What every suffering parent needs to know:

1.  This is not your fault. This disorder is a result of the sin curse, and something that right now, God is choosing to allow in your lives.

2. You and your child will grow closer than ever as you walk through this together. You will both feel intense stress and doubt and pain, but you will experience them together and the shared experience will bond you uniquely. Your relationship will be both deeper and sweeter, and for that you will be thankful.

3. You will recite the 23rd Psalm over and over, and every Psalm about fear will speak volumes to you. Anxiety is a spiritual battle as well as a physical one so fight it with the Word.

4. You cannot fear and pray at the same time. So pray and then pray some more. Together. Keep your role of escort always in mind. You must teach your child to take all her burdens to the Throne of Grace, and never has she been more desperate to do so than now. Take advantage of this training opportunity and escort her to the Throne daily. Both of you close your eyes, and slowly talk her through that walk to the Cross, where you take off all the burdens you've been carrying, and drop them at the foot of the Cross, where all the healing begins.

5. Anxiety is part of your (and your child's ) story and you are not writing it. God is. So trust Him for a glorious outcome because he only writes glorious outcomes. Repeat that over and over, with your child. Use a more child-friendly sentence, if necessary.

I trust you, Lord, because all your outcomes are glorious. 
I trust you, Lord, because all your outcomes are glorious. 
I trust you, Lord, because all your outcomes are glorious.

6. Whatever your child is anxious about right now, don't project it into the future and expect disaster. Take the circumstances one day at a time. This too shall pass is definitely true for the specific fears, if not for the anxiety disorder itself.

I have escorted a child through elevator anxiety and separation anxiety, both of which are gone now, but were intense at one time. The disorder hasn't gone away, but the different manifestations have. So don't assume if there is driving anxiety right now, that your child will never learn to drive, or if it is thunder anxiety, that your child will never leave the house on a cloudy day.

7. If your child's quality of life has slipped considerably, consider medication for anxiety, even if only for a season. Realize that in the lowest doses available, your child probably won't deal with side effects. Most doctors will start with the lowest dose available, rather than go by the weight of child, but if not, demand the lowest dose to start.

Studies show that when difficulties such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, and bipolar disorder are not diagnosed and treated, children and teens are more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs and get into unhealthy behavior patterns, which persist into adulthood. Find out what is going on with your child by taking him or her to the doctor as soon as a problem arises, and especially if it is still present 6 months after onset. Most conditions have to be present for 6 months to meet diagnostic criteria.

Disregard the unhelpful, judgmental opinions you might receive regarding medications for children (from extended family or friends). No one can truly know what your child and family are dealing with, or what you have already tried as remedies. Sometimes medication allows a child the courage needed to start over and halt all the negative thinking and self-talk. Medication gives them a fighting chance to beat the disorder. They still have to come up with coping skills, but they need a calmer brain to start that process.

8. If anxiety runs in the family, realize that this may be one time you need medication yourself, especially if exercise and proper sleep have not worked to improve your own anxiety. Don't feel guilty or ashamed, because watching a child go downhill emotionally and physically is extremely painful and terrifying. It affects both their sleep and your sleep, exhausting both of you physically as well as emotionally. You must also keep up with caring for the rest of the family, along with the house and meals. Your children will take cues from you, and if you are completely angst-ridden, you will only increase their anxiety, and that, in turn, will make things worse for you. So put your own oxygen mask on, so to speak. If you have definite bodily signs of excessive stress and anxiety, see your doctor.

9. You and the affected child should share a gratitude journal. Write in it at the same time every day, perhaps right at tuck-in time, to make the bedtime transition easier. Your minds need to dwell on God's power and faithfulness...on what is right and beautiful in your lives. And don't forget to give thanks for your relationship!

10. Educate yourself about anxiety disorders, especially those in children, including age of onset. Find books appropriate for your child to help him understand what is happening to his body and mind. He needs to know he is not going crazy, and that this is not his fault. Balance the reading of Scripture with the reading of technical books, so that your child understands that God has ultimate power over everything, including the brain. Siblings can benefit from hearing the information, too.

11. Let your church know that your child and family need prayer. Don't keep this hidden. Nothing good can come from shame or a false smile. Again, watching a formerly happy, healthy child go downhill is extremely painful. You really do need prayer, my friend, as does your child. So put out the word.

12. If anxiety is causing weight loss, arrange to always have your child's favorite foods on hand, so that on good days you can sneak in some extra calories (being careful not to let your child use food as a form of manipulation).

What has worked for your family in dealing with anxiety? How has God weaved anxiety into your story?

Weekly Homeschool Wrap-Up 6/27

VBS Week News

You know Vacation Bible School has worn your kids out when their older brother, reading aloud from a nature sight, mentions that fireflies are endangered, making the younger three start crying. That was my first cue that I needed to give them the day off school today.

VBS was fantastic, despite Mary's weather/thunder anxiety, which worried me into a mild frenzy of my own Tuesday and Wednesday, after she refused to participate in the first two days. VBS is usually her favorite summer activity, but this year she sat with her fingers in her ears and a throw-up bowl by her side, staying with me, which meant I couldn't help at all until the last day. I was ready to go to the doctor and ask for Prozac of my own, having flashbacks to Peter's 3-4 years of generalized anxiety disorder. Can I really go through that again? This is worse, since Mary is eating very little on cloudy days, throwing up during thunder, and already losing weight. Peter's situation never affected his appetite.

We attended VBS at the same church we go to for AWANA, and my children made more friends, as did I. We fell more in love with that church, which is very family-oriented.

Our own church is a church plant in the local elementary school, and in the three years we've been attending, there has been no mention of praying for or seeking a church building of our own. We have to attend extra children's ministries (AWANA and VBS) elsewhere. The emphasis for our church has been on planting other churches, rather than on creating a permanent home.

For our kids this has been a real drawback, and I didn't realize to what extent until they expressed how much they love this AWANA church and all of its families and pastors (all the families are wonderful; I met several more of them while helping with ice cream sundaes the last day).

It's no larger than our church I don't think, but the music pastor is fantastic and very dynamic with the kids, showing them the time of their lives with lively, interactive songs, such as you would have at Christian camps (many a cappella). My kids have never had a music "pastor" before, especially not one who paid any attention to children. The associate pastor is also very experienced in working with children and he coordinated a wonderful VBS experience--the best my kids have ever had.

The real starting age for this VBS was age 4, but there was a 2's and 3's class made up mostly of the helpers' children who went along with the preschool group as much as they could (because staying in the nursery for three hours would have been too much). My son Peter helped with this 2's and 3's class and did a wonderful job. Several adults praised him for his maturity and initiative. It turns out that our speech teacher goes to this church and was the coordinator for the 2's and 3's class and she had a lot of praise for Peter as well. I was so proud of him! (He's a handful at home. Not always so mature, so it did my momma heart good to hear this.)

Portrait of a Family-Friendly Church 

I learned a few things about the church, including that the family stays together for the first 45 minutes of the Sunday service, after which children ages 4 years old through grade 3 are invited to children's church for the last 45 minutes of service to hear a Bible story, share in Bible memory activities, sing, watch puppet shows, pray, do crafts, play games, and have an occasional snack. Older children stay in service, which I think eliminates the behavior problems you tend to have in older kids' classrooms. Older children really should be learning to follow sermons, and ideally their own parents should deal with any discipline problems that present themselves. I will have to let you know from audio-taped sermons if this pastor attempts to make his sermons intelligible to the 4th-grade plus set. (Our current pastor speaks only to adults).

There are "busy bags" in the foyer to grab on your way into the sanctuary for young children, full of board books, crayons and coloring books, all tied around a certain theme, such as space. Wonderful idea! Everything about the church is just so family friendly, and I noticed that there is emphasis in their mission statement on bearing one another's burdens and developing meaning personal relationships with other church goers. It's non-denominational, and of course Bible-preaching and Bible-believing. They also have a food cupboard and work to care for the community, which is something lacking in our own church. Because of homeschooling and my children's issues, I couldn't take any initiative to make my own church more least-of-these friendly. I can and want to help with food-cupboard and community work, I just can't lead or coordinate it.

We weren't looking to change our church home and don't care for church changes, but as I think about Mary's escalating anxiety disorder and look back at the 3-4 year strain it was when Peter went through something similar, this family-oriented worship format will work much better. Already Mary has had trouble making it through her church class at our current church, and it's not as seamless to have her stay with us. There's nothing child-friendly about our service and she dreads going. Before the advent of this anxiety disorder she enjoyed going to class, however, in my heart I've always desired a more family-friendly, whole-family-oriented church service.

The singing at this new church is a cappella in a blend of traditional and contemporary, which eliminates a lot of the haggling over church music and how loud it is or isn't. I don't have the voice for hymns and didn't grow up with them, but I do love hearing just voices at church. It sends a thrill somehow, to hear the love for Jesus coming through all the combined voices, whereas when the instruments are loud, you don't hear many voices. (Not that I don't enjoy the instruments; I do.)

I just pared down my nursery helper positions at my current church to one per month, plus a fifth week preschool teaching position, so we can't make any change quickly, and my husband will ultimately have to make the decision. The preaching is the most important element for him, so he would have to visit several times first and listen to some audio-sermons. One definite drawback is that this church is not close, but using the freeway may make it a twenty-minute drive one-way. Our current church is just down the street from us.

What are your favorite things about your own church? Is it family friendly?

Homeschool News

Peter read Strawberry Girl by Lois Lenski and really enjoyed it, especially the Christian conversion at the end. "Can someone so evil really become a Christian, Mommy?" Peter was glad to learn more about how strawberry plants grow and spread, and more about how a farmer can diversify his farm. Paul is still reading this novel.

Peter is in the middle of Preacher's Boy by Katherine Patterson and is really enjoying that also. I enjoyed it very much too, finishing it the day before Peter started it. I recommend it for boys--plenty of adventure and learning and maturing.

The main character doesn't ever really become an atheist, as the book jacket suggests. He just toys with the idea after hearing an extreme fire-and-brimstone sermon by a visiting preacher who suggests that the Lord may come back before the turn of the Century. The boy's father is very busy and preoccupied with his congregation and neglects his relationship with this young son. A lot of the boy's issues result from that neglect and from feeling unloved and unappreciated. I think this book is an important book for parents and pre-teens to discuss together, emphasizing the importance of communication in these formative and confusing years.

Lexile 860

Synopsis: A new century is fast approaching ... but will the year 1900 mean the end of the world, as some say? Robbie Hewitt isn't certain. What he does know is that he wants to get in as much living as possible between now and the new year, just in case — which includes running Mabel Cramm's bloomers up the flagpole on Decoration Day, and taking a ride in a real motorcar.

Robbie doesn't care that his antics leave his preacher father and the upstanding citizens of Leonardstown, Vermont, heartily unimpressed. But when his high spirits and hot temper entangle him in a scheme that damages far more than his father's reputation, Robbie must choose whether to take responsibility for his actions — a decision that holds the life of a man in the balance.

In a ruminative tale of a 10-year-old freethinker, set in a small Vermont town at the end of the 19th century, Robbie decides to become a heathen, a Unitarian, or a Democrat, whichever was most fun, because he ain't got the knack for holiness. As it turns out, he's not very good at sinning either, and he grows emotionally and morally when he begins to see the consequences of his actions.

A light school week: We had a light school week due to VBS. The children wrote in their journals and did their reading and math, and that's about it.

The very hungry caterpillar: They're very much enjoying "the very hungry caterpillar", which is a monarch caterpillar they've been feeding milkweed leaves. Today the caterpillar began a cocoon, after deciding that his eating and pooping frenzy was finally done. In two weeks, we'll have a monarch butterfly. None of us ever tire of this miracle and we watch it several times with several different caterpillars every year.

Trade books to share:

Big Jim and the White-Legged Moose by Jim Arnosky

Synopsis: A waggish ballard based on the artist's real-life encounter with an enormous bull moose. Rib-tickling illustrations and a lively read-aloud, sing-aloud rhyme will have everyone grabbing pencil and paper and heading for the woods to follow in Big Jim's footsteps. Music is included.

My comments: My girls and I sure enjoyed this and my son Paul attempted to play it on the piano. A lot of fun!

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 Goose Moon by Carolyn Arden

Synopsis: (School Library Journal) Tired of winter, a child asks her grandfather if it will ever be summer again. He replies that she must wait and watch for the Goose Moon, for when it shines the geese will come flying back, bringing summer on their wings. The girl patiently waits and notes the little signs of approaching spring, until at last Grandpa wakes her one night to see the bright round moon and the geese returning by its light. This quiet story, somewhat similar in tone to Jane Yolen's Owl Moon (Philomel, 1987), is complemented by oversized pages with luminous watercolors subtly suggesting the chill of winter and the comfortable warmth of home. The book paints a strong relationship between the protagonist and her grandfather, bound together by their love of nature as well as for one another.

My comments: The beauty of this story lies in the relationship between the girl and her grandfather, and in the depiction of the seasons on the farm. Really quiet and beautiful, with memorable illustrations.

_____________________________

(2013 published) The Market Bowl by Jim Averbeck

Synopsis: Yoyo has listened to Mama Cécile’s song about how to make ndolé (bitterleaf stew) her entire life—long enough to know how to make it herself, now that she is finally old enough. But slicing the bitterleaf, grinding the pumpkin, measuring out the shrimp—it just takes too long. Yoyo is confident that her variation on the stew will be good enough.
As Mama Cécile and Yoyo set off to market, Mama reminds Yoyo what will happen if she refuses a fair price for the stew—Brother Coin, the Great Spirit of the Market, will put a curse on their market bowl. When Yoyo refuses to heed Mama’s advice, she is faced with the task of trying to regain a blessing from the god himself.
An original folktale set in modern-day Cameroon, THE MARKET BOWL teaches readers a lesson about patience, humility, and the value of a fair price. Back matter includes further information about Cameroon and its people and traditions as well as a recipe for ndolé—Cameroon’s national food dish.

My comments: From the author's note: "Christian and Muslim traditions thrive side by side with a belief in ancestral spirits that guide and protect the local population". I think this is a beautiful, engaging, social studies book, but requires some explaining because of the different beliefs. Also, beware that the author/illustrator gave the little girl and her mother blue eyes, which offended two African families, according to some comments on Amazon. These families thought that blue eyes on Africans would be so rare, why use them in this book? Kids may not notice such a detail, but I feel badly that it did offend some families. 

I think it's important to read many multicultural books to our children to prevent them from developing prejudices. Talk about and explain whatever they don't understand because combating ignorance and fear is most of the battle. In the end, they will learn that human beings are far more alike one another than they are different, the world over.

Two Amazon reviews shown below for The Market Bowl:

1. Sadly, children's books with non-Caucasian protagonists are nearly nonexistent. The CCBC's latest count says that only around 3% of U. S. books feature black protagonists, though African Americans are 10% of the population. I can recommend this book for showing a strong, African female protagonist and for depicting modern Africa (Cameroon) with accurate details like cell towers, cellphones and ipods. The illustrations are gorgeous, especially the highly colorful and patterned clothing of the Cameroonian people.

2. Yoyo, the BLACK AFRICAN protagonist girl and her mother have Blue eyes?? Really Jim Averback?? Blue eyes?? I am the African mother of 2 beautiful African girls and I was once an African girl myself and we do not have blue eyes. Just giving us our own lovely dark eyes will suffice. Please NO BLUE EYES!!! We do not want or need them! Most humans, even white ones, do not have blue eyes, they have brown eyes. I can't figure out why the need for blue eyes on Africans.

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(2014 Published) Julibee! One Man's Big, Bold, and Very, Very Loud Celebration of Peace by Alicia Potter

Synopsis: An exuberant picture book applauds the man behind the 1869 National Peace Jubilee, the largest and loudest concert the world had ever seen — or heard.

As a young boy growing up in Ireland, Patrick Sarsfield Gilmore loved music — the louder, the better! This love of music followed him to Boston in 1849, where he became a bandleader. During the brutal Civil War, it was music that kept up his spirits and those of his fellow soldiers. So when the war ended and peace was restored to the country, Patrick had an idea. He would create the biggest, boldest, loudest concert the world had ever known to celebrate. A peace jubilee! But with twelve cannons, forty church bells, one thousand musicians, and ten thousand singers, just how would all of this sound? Matt Tavares’s spirited illustrations burst with sound words in perfect harmony with Alicia Potter’s triumphant story of the joy of music.

Mom's Boys: A List

You know you're raising boys when...

... you wake up to find a monarch caterpillar in your face, because your son went outside for just a second to check on his garden, and just had to show you the first monarch caterpillar of the season. They're awfully pretty, yes, but my face. I just can't take creepy crawlies in my face, no matter how vivid the colors. God did choose beautiful, vivid colors for so many creepy crawlies, I freely admit.

...your nerves are rattled by your son's baby corn snake that keeps getting out of the tank. It was last found in Daddy's sock draw, and you wonder how your nerves will handle it when it's up to five- or six-feet long and still getting away. He's okay looking now, but oh my, he's getting fatter and longer fast. And those frozen pinky mice will soon be real live furry mice and oh my, why did I ever say yes?

...your son, anxious to make his own money, thinks of breeding feed crickets one year, and snakes the next. That's right mom. Keep saying no and reminding him that he can work in a pet store the day he turns 16, and in the meantime he can mow lawns.

...you hear one of your boys exclaiming over an interesting-looking beetle he brought inside to show off. While you put on your make-up, you listen with mild amusement, until you catch a glimpse of it, and say..."Could that be a June beetle!?" The thought of it getting away from the kids and buzzing by your head as you read by the lamp at night, sends shudders down your spine, so you tell them to take it outside ASAP, because the buzz of June beetles has always given you the creepiest creeps.

...your kitchen counter regularly displays two or three small bug containers, one of which, today, has a loose lid that you notice at night when you finally have time to clear off the cluttered counter. Is that how the tiny inch worm got into the pan that is drying on the counter? All boys being asleep, you sigh deeply and put the pan outside the front door to be dealt with in the morning.

...your two boys and your husband go to the park in the late, humid, hot afternoon, returning right at dinnertime. After you're all seated together at the table, your five-year-old daughter suddenly says, "What's that smell?" To which you reply with a twinkle and a wink, "boys in summertime."

...your boy gets out of the shower and you walk by and shout..."Did you wash your...?" And he says oh and has to get right back in.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't do without these boys and I'm so proud of them!

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6 Traits of Functional Families

I think we come across the word dysfunctional far more than we do the word functional when it comes to families. My own little nuclear family here has two major things working against us:

~ We have too little support.
~ Our stresses are serious, and ongoing.

Generally speaking, I would say that families can get through much turmoil, whether ongoing or temporary, if only they have adequate support, but what about when that's missing? Is there any hope for those families? What can make the difference? What characteristics separate the healthy families from the dysfunctional ones, even under less than ideal circumstances, such as chronic illnesses, mental disorders, and other issues?

My non-scientific observations and opinions, open to discussion, are as follows:

Five Characteristic of Functional Families 

1. Healthy Families Are Not Afraid of Conflict 

They don't push problems under the rug to keep the peace. They live in truth. Keeping feelings inside, hidden, is living a lie.

John 8:31-32 … So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

The truth sets us free spiritually, and in our interpersonal relationships too. Healthy families believe this and get it all out there in the open, and discuss it, if not always in even tones, at least not in brutal, disrespectful tones. Be angry, but don't sin in your anger. Healthy families may fight, but they fight fair. They keep the cussing and character assassinations out of it, and the divorce word out of it. If anything regretful does slip, it's apologized for promptly, within minutes.

It's easy to keep the fighting words out of it, if things aren't repressed. If someone has offended you, put it out there promptly, but not at 12 AM preferably. The more problems are held inside, the more violently they come out when the flood gates are finally opened.

Don't give resentment time to build, for I think most family therapists would agree that resentments are the beginning of the end. They become so entangled and ugly over the years, that no one save God can get the knots out, and many people don't feel that God moves fast enough. Because really, doesn't God only move as fast as our own pride moves aside?

We all know what a stumbling block human pride can be, and that leads us to number 2.

2. Healthy Families Are Full of Humble People

Psalms 18:27 For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down.

Change in any family starts with, not the other people, but with yours truly. We have to be willing to look inward and recognize and pray for the removal of our own sins. The Holy Spirit is trying all the time to point them out, but He needs our cooperation--our humble, teachable heart. The family prayer circle should always include a plea for humble hearts.

3. Healthy Families Are Full of Grace

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you

It stands to reason that if each family member is in touch with his own personal sinfulness, he's going to be more willing to apply grace to another member's shortcomings. Not holding grudges is key. Each day should bring everyone a clean slate, for isn't that what our Heavenly Father does for us, giving us new mercies every morning? If you wake up and can't give your family members a clean slate, pray for a clean heart.

4. Healthy Families Are Thankful

If you think about all the reasons you're doomed as a family, then...well...you're doomed. Take time at least once a week, hopefully more, to count your blessings. Take life one day at a time. The Bible tells us that each day has enough trouble of its own. Don't borrow trouble from another day. Pray through today's trouble, and give thanks. Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

5. Healthy Families Are Sacrificial

No one person in the healthy family is out for personal glory. Personal goals are weighed against the good of the whole family unit. If Dad's career, for example, is taking him away three quarters of the month, is it worth it? Can the family be without its spiritual leader this long and still be healthy? If mom's work or side activities are distracting her from the children and/or the home, are they serving the family well? Are Susie's Olympic gymnastic goals going to bring enough glory to God to make it worth the sacrifice to the whole family, financially and otherwise? What is Susie really after? And the family?

Any glory in a family belongs to God alone. As soon as ego interferes, an imbalance permeates and threatens the health of the family unit.

A Bonus # 6
This goes without saying, but healthy families worship God together. He binds them together. He covers their iniquities and ensures that they succeed, for his glory. 

So gather round, open that Bible, hold hands, and pray together. You can't afford not to. Yes, it's messy with littles around, but do it anyway. Keep it short at first, and longer as they can handle it. Numbers 1 through 5 will fall into place if number 6 is strong.