Multitude Monday: Receiving Him

It's Multitude Monday, in which we focus on thanks-living. But what does thanks-living really mean? 

I can answer that by describing its opposite.

When I wish Peter didn't have ADHD and its accompanying comorbid disorders, I'm wishing an experience away.

Not me, Lord. Don't let it be my son.

When I wish Beth didn't have arthritis in her knees and left ankle, and eyes that are vulnerable to inflammation and accompanying damage, I'm wishing an experience away.

Not me, Lord. Don't let it be my daughter.

When I wish Beth didn't have strasbismus (wandering, or lazy eyes) in both eyes, which could mean surgery this fall, I am wishing an experience away.

Not me, Lord. Don't let it be my daughter.

When I wish three of my kids didn't need speech therapy, and my son didn't need fine-motor help such as handwriting clinics, necessitating more appointments, I'm wishing experiences away.

Not me, Lord.  

When I wish we weren't low income and I didn't need to spend hours looking for used curriculum, and then more hours waiting for the sellers to check their e-mail, I'm wishing an experience away.

Not me, Lord.

When I wish the house stayed clean and orderly for more than an hour, I'm wishing an experience away.

When I wish I had more time for this or that, I'm wishing now away.

Pain and disease and toil arose from the sin curse. God didn't wish sorrow or toil upon us.

But He is powerful. He is the Almighty Living God who created everything. He can change our reality, if he wanted to.

When I open my hands to His blessings, that's easy. Everyone loves a blessing.

When I open my hands to sorrow and toil, what am I receiving, really?

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

I submit to you, I am still receiving blessing. I can open my hands with the same joy, with the same assurance, because of His promises.

When we tell a fifteen month old not to cross the street, he can't understand why. When the economy tanks and we lose our home, we can't possibly know the outcome. We're as blind as the fifteen-month-old baby. 

But God. 

He tells us His grace is sufficient. He tells us he works all things for our good. He tells us he'll never leave us nor forsake us. He tells us he's preparing a place for us in his Father's House.

I believe all His promises. Do you?

Thanks-living is opening your hands to all the blessings--the ones that taste like chocolate cream pie, and the ones that taste like lima beans. They're all good. 

He promises.

So thanks-living is believing. It's seeing with His eyes. It's saying yes to now. It's receiving Him. 

In every moment we don't wish away, we're receiving Him. 

Not just so we can feel happy, but so we can bring Him glory. 

In receiving Him, we bring Him Glory. 

So thanks-living is a moment to moment receiving and giving, at the same time. It's full communion with the Father.

It's beautiful.

My thanks-living list for today:

~ My three-year-old playing in the mud happy as a lark, looking for worms. 

~ Peter reading about bees and telling me how amazing God is. How brilliant His creation is.

~ Peter transplanting things in our garden, and coming in for his evening shower, telling me how hard he worked and how much he loves gardening.

~ My five-year-old daughter telling me that most of all, she wants to me a mom. And then maybe babysit other children.

~ The teacher we met with last week asked Peter why he wants to be a farmer. Peter answered, "I think it's what God wants me to do."  (His soul soars when he works the land, so I tend to think Peter is right.)

~ Paul whipping up some pumpkin muffins this morning, healthy ones suitable for breakfast, and telling me with a smile on his face, "Mommy, I just love to bake."

~ The Holy Spirit speaking to me right away, every time I wish a hard moment away.

~ Homeschooling; I've never spent a single moment regretting homeschooling.

~ 17 novels for $42 from one seller, and then another seller selling 4 more (exactly the ones I needed) for $14. The cheapest you can get any novel from Amazon, used, is $4 all included. Not all novels sell this cheaply on Amazon--$4 is the best case scenario. And buying individually requires a ton of time. 

The way it worked out? A God thing. If I'd had the money to click a few buttons and buy them all new from Sonlight, what would God have received? Not this due glory. When money is abundant we tend to think we earned it. That we deserved it--discounting who created us with the talents, skills, country-of-origin, and family situation, which all worked together, facilitating success. This is why it's written: Mark 10:25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

~ That I need God. I really need Him.

~ That hard times work out for my good, and if I open my heart to them, I'll taste the chocolate pie instead of the lima beans. (Forgive me if you love lima beans).

~ That every time we go to the doctor, we have opportunity to spread the Gospel. To point the way to Him.

~ That Peter asked his new neighborhood friend, Aidan, if his five-year-old sister could come over as well to play with Mary and Beth. Aidan's parents said yes, and five-year-old Vanessa came over. Miss Mary was so excited, she ran up to me after they'd played a bit, hugged me tightly, and said, "Mommy, can you believe it? I have a new friend!" 

~ My husband loves his children and lives for them, too. Gives all of himself for their good, just like their Heavenly Father does. Amen!

linking with Ann today

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Saturday Devotions: Feeling Put Upon

I should be doing the dishes.

I could start most of my posts with that sentence. What does that say about me? That I love writing and reflecting, more than a clean kitchen? Or does it say something less benign, like that I'm not a servant at heart?

I don't know.

Husband's Saturday morning work at the church moved to the afternoon due to a wedding. He doesn't relax or sit still. Always moving.

Except when he reads to the kids.

When we were first married and had cable and no children, he never even sat steadily to watch the UCLA football games he loved. Somehow he followed them while going about his business, knowing just when to sit down for the best plays.

This morning, on the advice of a tomato-loving friend from work, he blanched his huge garden tomatoes, peeled the skins, blended the tomatoes in the blender, and started a large pot of sauce. He added his banana peppers too. A wonderful idea to save money on store-bought tomato sauce, which uses more salt than we'd like.

Except that we have yet to buy canning supplies to preserve such homemade fare.

When he left for work he also left the kitchen. In. a. disaster.

I reluctantly cleaned it up, postponing my annual frenzy of searching for used homeschool curriculum for next to nothing. The next to nothing part being only in my dreams. I usually end up selling something I like, and could use later with the girls, to earn money to buy something we need--in this case, about 31 novels.

Novels are something we always keep, since they're the hardest to replace. I'm working on procuring part 2 of American history-themed novels.

But anyway...back to a slice of life at my house today.

Peter, using his beloved 1001 Hints & Tips For Your Garden, made garlic bug spray for our roses, which he diagnosed with a pest problem. Then he cut up plastic water bottles and made multiple wasp traps with sugar water, setting them all over the front and back yards. Whenever he gets his hands on a new garden book, his spirit soars.

And when he's done, the kitchen's a mess.

Paul loves baking. After lunch he made chocolate chip muffins, incorporating his three-year-old sister into the experience like the dear boy that he is. His muffins are always delicious.

And the kitchen? Left in a mess.

Are you noticing a theme here? Sometimes it feels like everyone else is living their life, and I'm cleaning it up. I feel put upon and I don't like that feeling. It comes from an ungrateful place in my heart.

Time for a verse of the day, to help me with my aversion to re-cleaning the kitchen.

Isaiah 40:28-31  Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Prayer Time: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for salvation, for your precious Son, for the gift of a family. May I have a servant's heart and approach my tasks with love and devotion. Help me gather what we need for the school year while still guiding the house and keeping the family in clean underwear. Thank you for the boys' help with vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and folding. Help me continue to train, to encourage, to disciple. Help me to model a servant's heart. Forgive me for my grumbling spirit and help me draw strength from you, from your Word. Guide my steps and my priorities.

In Your Son's name I pray, Amen.
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Thankful Thursday: Another School Year Ends

"The mind of the prudent acquires knowledge, And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge."
Proverbs 18:15

This week my boys finished another school year. Instead of relief, I feel pride mixed with melancholy. Can you explain that to me?

I don't understand myself.

This one was a difficult year, with Beth's Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis coming right at the start. We traveled to more doctor's appointments than I can count, and Beth had a painful winter and spring.

I cried, I worried, she cried, she nursed, she cuddled in my lap. I spent hours and days, just soothing her.

Grueling about describes this school year. So why do I feel so sad at the conclusion?

Tomorrow, Friday, is our annual appointment to have an Ohio-credentialed teacher officially sign off on our year. Today I gathered all their work and listed all their reading material, and just like last August, I couldn't hold back the tears.

When I listed Where the Red Fern Grows, I remembered Peter's tears at the ending. I remember holding him as he sobbed.

I remember Peter telling me that Gentle Ben was one of the best books he'd ever read, and why did it have to end? 

Many books became their friends this year. So many times they didn't want to say goodbye.

Just last month Peter said The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was the best book he'd ever read.

And I distinctly remember last October. Farmer Boy captured his heart then.

I love that at home, school is mostly reading. I don't have to hand over a bunch of busy work to prove we did something this year. My children filled their minds every time they opened a book.

They cried, they laughed, they contemplated. History, tragedy, friendship, family, love, hate, fantasy, reality. They learned.

Today for Thankful Thursday I want to list the books that shaped my boys' hearts and minds this year. This is everything they read, except for non-fiction science and Bible materials.

"And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
Proverbs 24:4

For these authors and their stories, I give thanks.

My Peter, age 10 years
Farmer Boy
Sign of the Beaver
The Courage of Sarah Noble
Westward Toward Home My America
Meet George Washington
Mr. Popper's Penguins
Ruphus M.
McBroom's Wonderful One-Acre Farm
The Summer of the Swans
Old Yeller
My Side of the Mountain
Ben Franklin of Old Philadelphia
Squanto Friend of the Pilgrims
The Skippack School
Where the Red Fern Grows
My Father's Dragon
Elmer and the Dragon
The Dragons of Blue Land
A Lion to Guard Us
Meet Thomas Jefferson
Pedro's Journal
The Cabin Faced West
Caleb's Story
Gentle Ben
More Perfect Than the Moon
Skylark
A Hive of Busy Bees
Sarah Plain and Tall
Grandfather's Dance
The Bears of Hemlock Mountain
The Matchlock Gun
On the Banks of Plum Creek
On the Shores of Silver Lake
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Farm
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic
Hello Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Happy Birthday Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
Little Men
The Story of Dr. Dolittle
Pippi Longstocking
Dr. Dolittle and the Green Canary

My Paul, age 8 years
Mr. Popper's Penguins
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Ruphus M.
Along Came a Dog
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
McBroom's Wonderful One-Acre Farm
The Family Under the Bridge
Katie and the Mustang
My Father's Dragon
Elmer and the Dragon
The Dragons of Blue Land
The Bears of Hemlock Mountain
Caleb's Story
More Perfect Than the Moon
The Complete Treasury of Winnie the Pooh
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Farm
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic
Happy Birthday Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Hello Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
The Story of Dr. Dolittle
The Voyages of Dr. Dolittle
Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
Dr. Dolittle's Circus
Farmer Boy Days
The Mostly True Adventures of Homer P. Figg
A Lion to Guard Us
Meet Thomas Jefferson
Sarah, Plain and Tall
Squanto Friend of the Pilgrims
The Cabin Faced West
Meet George Washington

Read Alouds by Daddy 
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
The Wheel on the School
Rascal
Chucaro Wild Pony of the Pampa
Ruphus M.
Pinky Pye
The Middle Moffat
Pollyanna
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
Shiloh
The Tale of Despereaux
The Phantom Tollbooth
The Hatchet
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nihm
Chronicles of Narnia, book 1
Chronicles of Narnia, book 3
Chronicles of Narnia, book 4
Chronicles of Narnia, book 5

They'll still read everyday now, but regular school won't start up again until mid September.

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Wednesday Devotions

Chores undone, children, six of them today, needing supervision and drinks on a hot day.

Morning spent on arthritis therapy, which always makes me feel behind at home.

The boys' end-of-year teacher meeting to prepare for and go to this Friday. Laundry to shuffle and fold.

Too many people needing me, a tired Momma who slept poorly after two boys woke me up at 3:00 AM, arguing about whether the hall light should be left on or not.

Two new neighborhood boys started coming within a week of each other. Both from divorced families, they bounce back and forth to different houses. Though they seem to endure it, they need a prayer warrior. I notice their emotions are fragile when they return from visits. 

I remember this from childhood. The switch at the end of holidays and vacations. The tears and the guilt trip and the wishing it could be different. Why couldn't I have a life like my friend, the one with two steady parents, a steady home? It felt whole at her house. Warm. 

Nowadays, the switches are too frequent. Who needs two homes? Two toothbrushes? Two sets of rules? Who needs the brokenness of saying goodbye to a beloved parent for another week? 

These boys, I like them already. Children weave their way into my heart and it's good, but sometimes I want a less heavy heart. I want to feel less. 

Or maybe I want more strength.

At three o'clock, after hours of play, I entice my four inside to rest. So I can rest. 

I search for a verse of the day before starting the dishes. A verse for these tired days with needs unending. A verse that makes my heart sing, my soul rest, my body renew.

And here it is, from Zephaniah.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I close my eyes to hear this loud singing, this rejoicing over me with gladness. I want to feel His mightiness that saves. I want to feel the quietness of his enfolding love.

And I do. For three minutes, until Paul interrupts, needing me to open the can of pumpkin for his pumpkin bread recipe.

I do it and sit back down and read the verse again. And again. 

And I close my eyes.

And no one needs me for twenty minutes.

Prayer Time: Dear Father, Thank you for your beautiful heart and your Word. Thank you for these verses that echo your heart and make it accessible to me, a weak vessel. I don't have long to sit but I need a filling, Lord. I need you to infiltrate my heart and mind and give me rest even as I work. May my step be light, my heart be willing to serve anew. Work through me to love my children, to disciple them through new friends, new knowledge of a broken world. May we be lights out there Lord, even as we're broken ourselves. Shine through us. Make us faithful servants.

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen

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Raising Successful Children

I haven't finished reading commentary on Jonah 4, so today I bring you some thoughts on an opinion piece--Raising Successful Children--written in The New York Times Sunday opinion column. I found the link on Ann's site. Another article I found, Who's Minding The Teenage Brain?, is also discussed below.

The Holy Spirit makes me increasingly aware that any anxiety I have about my children's futures must be tongue-controlled. I must turn every worry into a prayer. For example, telling my children that a strong work ethic helps them achieve their personal best is one thing, but uttering fears or doubts about their future is quite another.

I'm also more aware as my boys mature, that high expectations help children steadily achieve, and that steady achievement--wrought with a healthy, not crushing level of frustration--builds a strong foundational confidence. We don't build confidence by saying, "You're so smart", as the Raising Successful Children article explains. We build it by facilitating achievement.

As you read both pieces, or both excerpts, think about teenagers especially. You have to give kids room to make mistakes. I agree. But what about studies showing the teen brain is hardwired for danger? I continually think of Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol--understand, not finding fault with this family, just trying to learn--when I read things about giving teens autonomy. Mistakes made in those years can affect many lives...even legacies.

Excerpt from Who's Minding the Teenage Brain:

In the time it takes you to eat dinner tonight, two adolescents somewhere in the United States will contract HIV. Over the next month, nearly half of all high-school students will sneak a drink of alcohol. And sometime over the course of 2007, one in 12 high schoolers will try to kill themselves. 

It is one of the great paradoxes of modern existence: Humans grow far stronger and healthier during their second decade of life, but their chances of dying rise rapidly at the same time. In the vast majority of cases, it all comes down to a bad decision. A 17-year-old honor student gets behind the wheel while drunk. A high-school freshman tries methamphetamine — and gets hooked. A pack of fans at a football game picks a fight with their rivals. A depressed girl, alone in her room, chooses to check out.

Because the brains of adolescents are not ready to fully regulate their behavior, "adolescents need more supervision," says Mr. Steinberg. "We need to build that into the way in which the laws and other kinds of social policies regulate their behavior." 

Ronald E. Dahl, a professor of psychiatry at Pittsburgh, has reached a similar conclusion from his own research on adolescents. He calls for adults to provide kids with more "scaffolding and monitoring, so that risks are relatively less, but as [show responsibility and develop skills, you gradually give them more freedom." 

That kind of support — in the form of supervised after-school programs or restricted driving licenses — is critical because it allows the adolescent brain to acquire its social and emotional fluency, he suggests. 

When that learning process breaks down, either because of genetic susceptibilities or problems in their lives, teenagers can develop depression, anxiety, or the other types of mood disorders that make their appearance during this stage of life. Stunted growth in this domain can also send people veering toward addiction, he says. 

God can redeem anything and we must love our children unconditionally through their mistakes. But why go there at all with teen sexuality or teen substance abuse? If we know teens are less capable of making sound judgement, why leave them alone so much? Going to the store for an hour is one thing, but leaving them alone for hours or more? I don't think this is wise. If that first kiss occurred and we were absent too long and unaware of the incident, we don't know to watch out for the fire it ignited. And Satan? He'll do everything to keep that fire burning.

When a child leaves town for college--or gets married as an older teen--we have to let go entirely, at least physically. Their brains are more capable of weighing risk by that time. If we invest in their hearts for 18 years, discipling them faithfully (including a purity plan), they should do fine, yes?

If they fall at that point, it's the bittersweet free will issue, less than a parenting issue.

Tell me, what is your opinion about leaving teens alone?

Here are a few excepts from the other, 2-page article, entitled Raising Successful Children.

Decades of studies, many of them by Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, have found that the optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects her child’s autonomy. These “authoritative parents” appear to hit the sweet spot of parental involvement and generally raise children who do better academically, psychologically and socially than children whose parents are either permissive and less involved, or controlling and more involved. Why is this particular parenting style so successful, and what does it tell us about overparenting?

For one thing, authoritative parents actually help cultivate motivation in their children. Carol Dweck, a social and developmental psychologist at Stanford University, has done research that indicates why authoritative parents raise more motivated, and thus more successful, children.

Their research confirms what I’ve seen in more than 25 years of clinical work, treating children in Marin County, an affluent suburb of San Francisco. The happiest, most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, or almost capable of doing; and their parents do not do things for them that satisfy their own needs rather than the needs of the child.

The central task of growing up is to develop a sense of self that is autonomous, confident and generally in accord with reality. If you treat your walking toddler as if she can’t walk, you diminish her confidence and distort reality. Ditto nightly “reviews” of homework, repetitive phone calls to “just check if you’re O.K.” and “editing” (read: writing) your child’s college application essay.

Once your child is capable of doing something, congratulate yourself on a job well done and move on. Continued, unnecessary intervention makes your child feel bad about himself (if he’s young) or angry at you (if he’s a teenager).

While doing things for your child unnecessarily or prematurely can reduce motivation and increase dependency, it is the inability to maintain parental boundaries that most damages child development. When we do things for our children out of our own needs rather than theirs, it forces them to circumvent the most critical task of childhood: to develop a robust sense of self. 

If you clink on the link and read the entire 2-page article, you see it indicates an eleven-year-old girl should be able to spend time at the mall with her friends. Agree? I'd like your opinion on this, as well as the teen autonomy issue. Thank you for your input!

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