Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos, I'm caught by the naivete on our faces. Do you know why we were free and happy on that day? And why all parents are giddy at the birth of their babies?
It's the hope of tomorrow. In the majority of cases, nothing touches that hope on these glorious days. Brides and grooms and new moms and dads can get drunk on the hope--it's that plentiful.
The eye doctor told me today: "We're not going to think about her whole childhood right now. I won't do that to you or to me. We'll take it one appointment at a time." He said it nicely, but I knew not to ask any further questions right then, especially since my whole crew was along listening.
But tonight, I just had to know. What is the prognosis really? What is he not telling me? I can accept it, but I have to know.
Husband is angry and he doesn't want to know. I don't tell him most of what I learn, because it just makes him angrier, which I know is normal for many men. He just wants his little girl healed. Right now!
The real truth is, 12% of JIA patients will go blind. In the 1950's it was 50%. Because of early detection, it's now possible to do somewhat better than the 12%. But even if everything is done right, some children don't respond to treatment. They go blind.
What do I do with that 12% statistic? If she's already falling into the low percentages, what reason do I have to hope?
The Holy Spirit whispered it and you know what I'm about to type.
Your hope isn't here...remember? It's in heaven.
Hard to accept? Yes, unless you are Dana and your son gets crushed to death by a dresser. Or you are Shannon and you know your two children will absolutely die between 10 and 18 years old, or sooner. And in the meantime they will lose all their skills and need maximum assistance.
It wasn't hard for Gitzen Girl, who recently died from Ankylosing Spondylitis, an autoimmune arthritis much worse than Beth's. Despite being confined to bed and dealing with incredible daily pain, Gitzen Girl chose joy.
Once you lose your innocence, you understand. Our hope isn't here. That's why kids go blind and some get crushed by dressers. And why some women want a baby desperately, but can never have one. God knows the plans he has for us in the heavenly realms. That's why he can allow these things to happen.
I've lost my innocence too, but God prepared me for this day. I know how to pass my days from now until eternity. Some of the lessons come from the Holy Spirit's whispers in my own life, and some come from Ann's life.
Search for the beauty in today. God has planted blessing everywhere for our good pleasure. All his careful plantings? They're my grace and your grace. Give thanks for each piece of beauty....today. That's how we pass our time here. Counting blessings. Giving thanks. Today.
Wondering about tomorrow? It's like Peter taking his eyes off the Lord and falling into the water.
By the third dose of steroid drops today, Beth was a screaming mess, refusing to open her eyes. I couldn't get a full dose in, after twenty minutes of high-level stress.
But I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow is God's, not mine. And that means those steroid drops and my daughter's compliance are His too.
My hope doesn't lie in eye drops or in doctors.