Learning His Ways

The timer beeps every ten minutes and I give 2 teaspoons of liquid. When she sips an ounce serving from a cup, she vomits. So we live slow.


"Life is so hard," my mind whines, as I rinse out the medicine dropper yet again. Day six and another incident of vomiting again this morning. And Mary? She's my hero. Anyone else would come unglued by now--no food, no energy, no fun. And wondering if it will ever end. When will life be normal again? I remember the depression of illness. The personal, bodily lows teach us to give thanks for the gift of today, for the gift of wellness.


She endures with nary a complaint. "She's like you", my husband remarks, when I tell him what a strong daughter we have. "Stubborn like you, too", he chuckles.


Yes, I see the resemblance. Stubborn people have strength. We're both prone to anxiety, yet have steady endurance that surprises everyone.


Husband and I sometimes feel like Job. Often, so many things go wrong at once. We wait for the downhill after the long uphill, but it never comes. What is the purpose, I wonder? What are we to learn? I always seek the meaning of the lesson...to get it over with quickly, I suppose.  


~ When life is lived in ten-minute intervals, I learn how easy time runs away. 


~ When I must recite Psalm 23 many times a day to control my body's response to stress, I learn to access His power. The power of the Word.


~ When I watch my daughter grow stronger as she gets weaker, I learn who she is on a deeper level. I appreciate the wonder of her. I see the beauty and strength God gifted her with.


~ While the laundry piles high and the folding piles grow even higher, I stop to hug my daughter and pray strength into her. To kiss her beautiful cheek. The moments matter. Each act of kindness, each act of love, of discipleship, makes the most of the life God gives. He wants life lived in the moments. Not the hours, or the days, or the weeks, or the years, or the seasons. Live love now. 


Nothing happens by accident. Not for the Christian. Every incident begs us to learn. Yet, we feel like throwing our hands up at God, complaining "What's next, God?"


Instead, He wants the opposite. Be my disciple. Matthew 10:39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. Learn to bow low and serve. Give thanks and praise in all things.


And in each hard day? There are always blessings. Always. I'm thankful for Miss Beth sitting on my knee as I kneel to wipe the floor. She hugs tight and tells me, "You're my best friend, Mommy."


I'm thankful for my husband, who passes me in the hall as we both serve. "Let me stop to hug you at least," he whispers. And we squeeze strength into one another, gather it from one another.


I'm thankful for 8-year-old Paul, who has a servant's heart. He makes toast. He's the first to pick up around here, and not because he cares about neatness. He has an acts-of-service love language. I learn this in the hard days here, and I make a mental note to serve him more. To fill his tank this way.


I'm thankful for what's happening between Mary and God. The other day Miss Mary vomited after a 12-hour reprieve. To my bent head and more of my desperate prayers, she responds quiet: "It's like God isn't even listening." At the time this crushed me, but I know God has a plan for Mary's faith. 


Sometimes, life is very hard and we endure and we believe and we love and we do the next thing. Steady. Faithful. Thankful. If you love God, He will teach you this. She is young yet, but He thinks she's ready for the hard lessons of faith. That's what 6 days of nausea, followed by slowly gaining strength, followed by living with sheer joy for the wonder of it all, teaches. 


Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Scripture source