This week marks 42 days of consistent prayer. The prayer was a blessing, as usual. But, my goodness it was a hard week otherwise!
I failed again at staying on top of library due dates. Taking back a truckload of books and some movies, I was unaware that the movies were late at fifty cents per day per item. A surprise awaited me.
After picking many new items, we made our way to the counter.
"You have a fine of $17.50, and when it's more than $10.00, you can't check anything out. Would you like to pay today?"
Gulp. Hadn't I just renewed those a few days ago? Or was that the other district's library system I got into?
Husband, who wants the library to be free, will come unglued. We must drive a little further, I tell myself, to a library with Curious George DVD's, that only charges ten cents a day per item. A library in the same district as our other main choice, so I'm only receiving one set of reminder e-mails.
We drive to this further library, and we're delighted to find small pet animals in cages, as well as a beautiful children's section, complete with both Barney and Curious George DVD selections, as well as a ton of Magic Tree House books, and Boxcar Children books.
The library fees weren't the only waste of money this week.
I bought $13.00 worth of 7% ground turkey from Walmart on Monday. On Tuesday I discovered that the first package was spoiled, despite the July 2 sell-by date. I threw it out and made french toast that night.
On Wednesday I took a package out of the freezer, partially thawed it, only to smell that it, too, was bad. Adding up the money I lost, I decided to save the second package and return it the next day, even though I didn't have a receipt. I thawed turkey sausage instead, and we had pasta for the second time in three days.
Turns out, you do need a receipt to return any food, but the customer service lady recognized me as a regular customer, and recognized the meat package, so she gave me a refund (store gift card) for just the one package, since I had thrown out the other.
I learned to save every grocery receipt.....especially in summer when you can't be sure how safely meat has been handled by truck drivers and meat personnel.
In the midst of these frustrations, bank keys got lost. A. big. problem.
Next was the frustration of trying to restore order to my disheveled house (from thorough searching for keys), when on a daily basis it's all I can do to get dishes and laundry done.
But the prayer went on. And the Spirit spoke. And I listened.
And he said:
So much of our mental energies are focused on success, or the lack thereof. We are tossed in the winds of life, reeling and reacting to perceived storms. Lost keys and thrown away money and the sinking feeling that we're never moving forward. That never-moving-forward feeling confounds us. We want success with every fiber of our being. Our sense of wellness seems to depend on it.
But what does God want? At the end of the day, what makes Him happy?
He cares about two things only. And success is not one of them.
You've been underemployed for two years? Is it getting embarrassing when people ask questions? Your career success doesn't matter to God.
Can't seem to keep the mud off your porch, or the finger smears off your glass door? Getting embarrassing when people come to the door? Your housekeeping success doesn't matter to God.
Can't seem to keep the living room free of unfolded laundry...or the kitchen counter free of paperwork? Does it seem like you'll never have a company-ready house? Your organizational skills don't matter to God.
Can't seem to keep the four-year-old from whining at the grocery store? Feel frustrated? Your success at raising robotically good children doesn't matter to God.
Can't seem to keep the nine-year-old OCD child from clinging to you at the store, looking petrified? Getting tired of the stares? Having perfectly balanced children doesn't matter to God.
The Bible tells us, and we all know, what really matters to God.
Matthew 22:35-37
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
Mark 12:31
The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
My monumentally important lesson this week? Stop focusing on how things are going--whether good or bad. God doesn't care if we failed on a dozen levels this week. His question is.....did we love Him, did we put Him first by spending time with Him? That's the only success that matters to Him.
When we pray we get the Holy Spirit, who then helps us love the Lord our God with all our hearts and with all our souls and with all our minds. We can't obey the first commandment without the power of the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit's power is tapped......yes, that's right......through prayer! We need to pray to be filled. We need to pray so we can obey. And it isn't a chore. It feels wonderful to love God through prayer, especially once it becomes a habit. Get through that first difficult part of defeating Satan--who continually convinces you that you're too busy to pray--and wait for all the good stuff.
Loving God through intentional prayer fellowship, followed by a Spirit filling, makes us capable of the second commandment.....loving your neighbor as yourself.
Everything that happens mustn't be summed up as success or failure. That's a worldly perspective. Every happening is an opportunity to love God and our neighbor. Every single one..
Have to go in for some chemotherapy? Praise God and love on the medical staff that waits on you.
Owe the rather snobby library lady some money? Praise God and love on her while you cheerfully pay up.
Lose money on meat? Take the exchange transaction as an opportunity to praise God and love on the lady behind the counter.
Did husband lose some keys and make your life a little miserable? Praise God and love your husband, showing him infinite grace, while you look for keys and straighten the house. (My husband extends a saintly amount of grace toward me. I am forever in grace debt to him.)
Is your special-needs son a handful in the store? Don't mind the stares, just praise God for disabilities, and love your son unconditionally, strengthening him by being the merciful face of Jesus.
It took a comically difficult week, and 42 days of prayer, to teach me how simple life really is. God and love.
Don't react to life's ups and downs. Don't get up in the morning with expectations...or with dread. Be a rock that is not swayed.
And remember, to pray is to love God with your whole self.
Don't have half an hour every day? No problem. If you can't sit down to pray, do adoration and confession while you make breakfast for your baby and toddler.
Then, when you rock the baby for morning nap, do thanksgiving and two supplications.
When you shuffle laundry, do two more supplications.
While clearing lunch away, do two more supplications.
Any time you ride in the car, do two supplications.
While you stand at the stove that night, do two more supplications.
While washing hair in the bath, do two more supplications.
The point is, by the time you fall asleep that night, you will have fulfilled the first commandment. It doesn't have to look neat and tidy. Start it in the morning, finish it by bedtime. God is honored.
Remember, once you've done the prayer, your part is pretty much done. The Holy Spirit will fill you, and enable you to love God and your neighbor. He will actually put love into you and make you act accordingly. Just do the prayer!
