Weekly Summer School Wrap-Up 7/10

Psalm 105:1 Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!

Giving Thanks For...

~ Sometimes I talk about the isolation of having special-needs children. It's a difficult component but in so many ways, to be isolated is a gift from God. When there's no one else there, you find yourself with God more often and you're more apt to regard Him as your strength and your song. 

Psalm 118:14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. I say and feel this many times a week. It really helps and I understand what a privilege it is to have deep needs no one else can fill.

~ Children who appreciate God's glorious creation.

~ That Scripture is alive and always healing, strengthening, renewing.

~ My daughter Beth's eye muscle surgery (one week ago) appears to have been successful! Her eyes no longer wander. I will know more after the second post-op in six weeks.

~ Some of us have wanderlust. Some of us are homebodies putting down roots. Some of us need to have our hands in the earth. Some need to be outside. Some need a book or a pen in hand. Some need to keep moving. Whatever it is we need, it is beautiful to see how God provides. He will wrap us in purpose if we seek him, no matter our driving bent.

~ For the three evangelists here: my husband, my son Peter (age 13), and my daughter Mary (age 8). The rest of us can only imagine the courage it takes to evangelize face to face. I can write about God for hours and never tire of it, but face to face evangelism? Very hard for me, and my son Paul feels the same.

Mary has been wanting to speak to a 13-year-old neighbor girl about the Lord. She prayed about it and mentioned it to me, and I suggested that instead of using specific Bible verses, she first start out telling the story of her own walk with God, and then ask the neighbor if she had any questions. Two weeks went by with no opportunity, but then the neighbor girl knocked on the door and Mary was ready. She followed her God-given instincts. I'm not sure if evangelists truly have more courage, or just more of a burden on their hearts for the lost...maybe both.

We have taken this neighbor to AWANA in the past, had her over for Bible Studies, and done a few other things to help her spiritually, but there was never a true, life-changing commitment made. She and her brother are getting older and I let them over less and less often now as their choices deteriorate. A few times a month is enough--just enough for Mary to talk to the girl about the Lord, and Peter to talk to the brother about the Lord. 

We pray for the six neighbor families we know by name, faithfully. It can be very discouraging when nothing changes--just as with the extended family members we pray for, but it's a discipline. The outcome is the Lord's and we trust that God is just.

There is a time to "dust off our feet" and move on when our message isn't received well, but the prayer can go on, never ceasing. Matthew 10:14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.

~ Beth is now interested in writing words and sentences to go with her drawings. It's fun to see her develop. She is always creating something. Always.

Her surgery and the aftermath kept us running around several days, along with church, and when we finally had a full day at home, she told me: "I used to like to go places and take my stuffed animals with me, but now that I love to create, I'd rather be home and have time." 

School News

This summer the children have been doing the following each week:

2 to 4 days of math 

2 to 3 days of writing

4 to 5 days of novel reading

1 to 2 days of science reading

Peter is enjoying reading for the first time in a year, post concussion! He just finished The Great Brain by John D. Fitzgerald. We found the title in Honey for a Child's Heart and have since found that the series has quite a following. Peter is now reading More Adventures of the Great Brain.

Synopsis: J. D. idolizes his older brother Tom, a.k.a. The Great Brain, a silver-tongued con artist with a genius for making a profit. No matter what the situation, The Great Brain will always find a way to turn it to his advantage--usually, his financial advantage. As boys growing up at the beginning of the 1900s, J. D. and Tom have plenty of scope for their adventures. And while J. D.'s ingenuity may not equal his conniving brother's, as a narrator he is endearingly sympathetic and wildly entertaining. First published in the late 1960s and early 1970s, this classic series has been popular ever since. Now the first three books are again available in hardcover, complete with their original illustrations. Join the amazing Great Brain and his befuddled brother as they continue to captivate generations of young readers.

The following these books enjoy is primarily because of the humor and the depiction of small town America with historical references.  A great way to spend the summer. It's amazing to see my Peter so enamored with books again!

You can get the first 3 easily, but for the others you have to dig some. Here is an Amazon review which I think reflects what we feel:

I am surprised at the lack of attention the "Great Brain" series gets. There is a great charm to small town America which is represented in each book. Further, the interplay between the "kill or be killed" attitude of Tom and the sweetness of his brother John makes for great reading. As well, young children learn the benefits and drawbacks of both attitudes. Truly a great read for kids and a great re-read for adults.

Synopsis: Has Tom Jenkins, a.k.a. the Great Brain, given up his con-artist ways for a bicycle? Not for long. Soon the Great Brain is back to his old tricks, swindling and trading, even convincing the whole town there's a prehistoric monster on the loose. But when someone robs the bank, even the police are stumped. Can the Great Brain solve the crime and put the crooks behind bars?

Paul just finished The Children of Green Knowe, (the first book of a series) also recommended in Honey for a Child's Heart. He is interested in the sequels, though right now he's reading The Great Brain after Peter spoke so highly of it. All of these are great summer escape books.

Reviews of The Children of Green Knowe:
This is not an easy book, and therein lies its charm. L.M. Boston's classic is a sophisticated mood piece disguised as a children's ghost story. As young Toseland goes to live with his grandmother in the family's ancestral home, the reader is plunged immediately into the world of Green Knowe. Like Toseland, who actually rows up to his new home in the midst of a flood, we have a hard time finding our bearings. Toseland discovers a funny kind of grandmother awaiting him--one who speaks elliptically of the children and animals she keeps around the house: they might be memories, they might be ghosts. It's never quite clear where real life leaves off and magic begins. Toseland admires a deer: "A deer seems more magic than a horse." His grandmother is quick to respond: "Very beautiful fairy-tale magic, but a horse that thinks the same thoughts that you do is like strong magic wine, a love philtre for boys."

With this meshing of the magical and the real, Boston evokes a childlike world of wonder. She compounds the effect by combining gorgeous images and eerily evocative writing. Toseland goes out on a snowy morning: "In front of him, the world was an unbroken dazzling cloud of crystal stars, except for the moat, which looked like a strip of night that had somehow sinned and had no stars in it." The loosely plotted story is given more resonance still through liberal use of biblical imagery and Anglo-Saxon mythology. For those willing to suspend their disbelief and read carefully, the world of Green Knowe offers a wondrous escape.

"This is a book . . . to own and read aloud and come back to over and over again. It is one of the best fantasies I have ever read."--Horn Book

"An uncommon tale . . . told with a gratifying blend of the eerie, the sinister, and the familiar."--New Yorker

I think the Green Knowe and the E. Nesbit British stories are a solid alternative to Harry Potter-type fantasy books for young children--more wholesome, little evil, not dabbling in the occult.

Synopsis of The Railway Children by E. Nesbit
In this much-loved children's classic first published in 1906, the comfortable lives of three well-mannered siblings are greatly altered when, one evening, two men arrive at the house and take their father away. With the family's fortunes considerably reduced in his absence, the children and their mother are forced to live in a simple country cottage near a railway station. There the young trio — Roberta, Peter, and young Phyllis — befriend the porter and station master.

The youngsters' days are filled with adventure and excitement, including their successful attempt to avert a horrible train disaster; but the mysterious disappearance of their father continues to haunt them.

The solution to that painful puzzle and many other details and events of the children's lives come to vivid life in this perennial favorite, a story that has captivated generations of readers and, more recently, delighted television and movie audiences. In this inexpensive, unabridged edition, it will charm a whole new audience of young readers with its warmth and appeal.

My comments about magic and fantasy:
We don't choose to read the Harry Potter books because of the content. Also, although they're highly successful financially, J.K. Rowlings is in fact not a very good writer. She is an adept storyteller, but her books will never be regarded as classics. There are better books that deal with the struggle between good and evil, and better "magical" fantasy books (and no murders!). While the first three Potters are not quite as dark as the newer ones, they're still not the best literature choices. As a former teacher, a book lover myself, and as a teaching parent, I say...when you get through all the truly good pieces of highly imaginative, fantasy/escape literature there probably won't be time left for Harry Potter and that's probably a good thing, although I know not a popular view.

For a clearer Christian view of the Harry Potter craze, read :INTERVIEW
Harry Potter: Harmless Christian Novel or Doorway to the Occult? In his book, Harry Potter, Narnia, and the Lord of the Rings: What You Need to Know About Fantasy Books and Movies, author Richard Abanes discusses why the J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series is vastly different from the Christian-based works of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. The interview is a good read. Richard Abanes seems to feel that the Harry Potter books, if read at all, are probably better introduced to older teens or young adults, not children. 

Pictures the children took over the past couple weeks:

Peter entered this newly emerged cicada photo in the library photo contest (for grades 5 - 12). Both boys entered two photos (winners announced in August). I do hope Peter wins because he's tried several years with no triumph. Children vote on the photos and they aren't always the most discriminating photography folks.

The things I put up with around here!

A sampling of Beth's pictures.

Beth's sewing of a stuffed animal (not complete yet).

I'm still baking bread Mon - Fri and at least one weekend day. I thought with the heat of summer I would use the bread maker's full cycle, rather than just the dough cycle, but I've found having the oven on for 30 minutes a day actually decreases the humidity in our home. I use the AC less as a result. Plus, it just comes out so much better from the oven.

How was your week? Bless you this weekend and thank you for visiting here.

Joy in the Morning

We have various neighbors in love with fireworks and so last night they started with the booms, keeping them going until past 11:00 PM. This happens every year, for a couple days before the 4th and a couple days after, with last night being the most prolific night on record.

At least one of my four children has been afraid of firework booms in the ten years we've lived here, so we rarely sleep much around the Fourth. Of course, as soon as a child gets sleep deprived, hyper alertness kicks in and it's boot camp for Mom.

Our anniversary is July 3rd and we always forget it. Both of us, because the household is crazy on July 3rd, and besides, there's no going on dates anyway.

My boys, now 11 and 13, sleep in as teens are apt to do, which has been a huge relief as far as the occasional late nights go.

But my girls, particularly Mary, do poorly on little sleep and will typically get up earlier the next morning, not later. Unless I can figure out how to break the cycle, these become grueling weeks.

Mary's panicked over fireworks for three years running now, because just like with thunder and lightning, she thinks one of them will hit our roof and our house will burn down. No amount of counseling helps her through this. Once the wave of anxiety hits, it lasts until morning.

Additionally last night, Peter threw up after initially going to sleep fine. So around midnight, with Mary still awake, we're trying to figure out how to deal with his bedding and the floor, while also wondering if he caught a virus and would throw up again within the hour, or if he ate too much (was it the 2 smores on top of eating his own homemade oatmeal cookies?).

Then there's Paul, whose OCD is mild, until someone throws up. He has the lucky-number, bad-luck number OCD (yes, it does exist), as well as contamination OCD (doesn't touch doorknobs or the toilet knob if he can help it, or his own pants zipper, among other weirdness).

Incidentally, OCD people do incredibly weird things and even when they get together for group support, they're still incredulous at some of the weird things other patients do. "You do that...really?"

It so happens that last July 4th, Paul threw up, which of course means July 4th is bad luck. Once last year Peter threw up after a park visit and Paul refused to go to any park for about 6 weeks after that. Because of course, going to the park is bad luck.

Welcome to my insanity.

The fact that Peter threw up last night confirmed the doom.  Paul laid awake for hours, worrying it was coming any second.

Um, misery doesn't cover it.

We were all wondering (except Beth) in the late night why it's one crisis after another in our lives. The entire month of June was rain and clouds, being the 3rd rainiest June on record. Mary was miserable, even though most of the downpours didn't involve thunder and lightning. Still, the weather service always warns that there could be lightning and that's all it takes to start her anxiety.

Peter didn't have a virus, it turns out. We remembered a problem he had last summer, which resurfaced this week, after the sun finally decided to come out. People on SSRI drugs for OCD or depression have reduced sweating and their bodies get too hot easily, even without excessive exertion. It only takes the sun or a too-warm room. It starts with a mild headache and can build over a few days if caution isn't exercised.

Even though his body temperature wasn't necessarily elevated last night, he was still overheated from three days outside doing minor gardening and looking for toads, frogs, cicadas, and trying his hand at an ant farm.

Water consumption helps once a headache hits, but it doesn't slow the process down enough. He has to go outside, we've discovered, with a wet hat on his head and a wet shirt, since he won't sweat enough to cool himself. He's always worn hats but they've been dark blue and not wet, so they heated him, rather than cooled him.

Anyway, we woke up this morning to a new day. A new hope. Peter is well and the children are all smiles and hugs and joy again.

The fatigue hasn't hit them yet.

Now, Beth, my post-surgery patient? (Thank you for your prayers!) She slept well. Her eyes look horrible (huge blood blisters all over the whites of the eyes) and at times she has double, confused vision as her eye muscles adjust (this could last six weeks). This child isn't fearful about anything unless blood is mentioned, so well it thunders away and fireworks boom and people throw up around her, no problem. She isn't fazed. She's my only child without anxiety, but of course arthritis is no picnic, nor surgeries either.

At one o'clock this afternoon, Paul, reflecting on the nice day he and the others were having, said, "Wow, Mommy! That Bible verse it true. Joy does come in the morning!"

Psalm 30:1-5
A psalm. A song. For the dedication of the temple. Of David.

I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

It's so easy to get lost in the stress and turmoil, but God's got this. He uses it all for His glory. Children who suffer illness and disorder have a special purpose in God's Kingdom, although to the families involved it can feel so isolating. I see God's hand in it time and again and He is my strength. 

Happy Fourth of July! Bless you all and thank you for your friendship.

Prayer for Eye Surgery

He's one of America's leading experts on lazy eye: Amblyopia and Strabismus. In 1999 he developed a surgery that changed the outcome for patients suffering from congenital Nystagmus. People travel from all over the world to have him operate on their children; I've seen them in his office over the years.

We've been seeing him since my daughter Beth was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at two and a half. She has a type of arthritis that can cause eye inflammation which, when left untreated, leads to blindness. She's had the inflammation twice, early on, but not for a long while now (treated with steroid drops). He adores my Beth and he's the nicest man.

He treated her wandering eyes (inherited from her dad and my paternal grandmother) with prisms in her glasses, to no avail. I've known since February that she needed this surgery.

He helps veterans with combat-associated eye problems, and he even said he might be able to help my 56-year-old husband, possibly, with the double vision he's had since childhood, due to a botched pediatric eye muscle surgery.

I'm so grateful God has seen fit to put us here, with this doctor.

But. 

The surgery is tomorrow morning and I'm so scared I'm having trouble concentrating and keeping my breathing even. I'm not quite sure why, because he performs about a dozen of these surgeries per week. Maybe because some kids have to have surgery again, or maybe because I'm afraid she won't wake up.

Please pray all goes well and that the problem will resolve after one surgery?

Thank you!

Broken

In the past two weeks depression set in and I've longed to be with Jesus. I'm so weary here, even while I still have strength left, and hope too. Peter and my husband want to see Jesus too, but the others still have plans, like being Mommies and dancers and novel writers or newspaper reporters.

Formerly, I wanted the Lord to hold off in coming because I wanted to get married, and then I wanted to be a mother, and then I wanted to be a mother again and again. And then I wanted to nurse them all and savor their baby and toddler years. And then I wanted to see what my children would chose for their lives. And finally, I wanted to rejoice in the different ways they would serve God.

But lately, I just want to go Home, though with my family, not without them. It's time Jesus meets us in the clouds, don't you think?

There is fleeting joy several times a day, but there's much pain too, with OCD being the worst of it. And my daughter's arthritis, and aging, and a too-tight budget, though God always provides for needs. My husband has a mild form of pneumonia, and life just keeps on going, seemingly harder by the day, while still punctuated by much grace.

Maybe it's the roller coaster ride that is life, and me just wanting to get off, for I've been on the ride too many times. Or something like that. The hormones of a 49 year old can't be trusted. Maybe next week I'll be bursting with enthusiasm.

The only time this feeling has lifted lately has been during family devotions. During devotions, it's the best that it gets on earth. It's perfect. No, the children aren't perfectly behaved at this time, but that doesn't detract from the perfect feel of hearts glued one to another, and to Him.

We read directly from the Bible, or we read hard-hitting, amazing stories that illustrate certain passages of Scripture and spur us on in the faith. And then we pray, taking turns. We let it all out. All of it. We humble ourselves and apologize to God for all manner of wrong attitudes or careless words. We remember each other's sufferings large and small, and we feel strengthened by the mere mentioning of them before our Glorious, All Powerful, Merciful God. It really is as though they transfer from our shoulders, to His, by the mere mentioning.

Prayer is a discipline, for there is so much to mention at each sitting, from the beginning praises and thank yous, to the sins and finally the petitions. It is mentally and emotionally cleansing when we don't rush it.

Sometimes I wish we could do devotions all day long and call it life, you know?

But I get it. I really do.

God delights in us and loves it when we sit with him and learn of him. He fills us so we can fill others. He wants that none shall perish. We can't sit on the couch all day just receiving from God. Now go, he says. I filled you, now go and be my disciples, loving your neighbor through my Holy Spirit power, and using the collective gifts I gave you to build my Church.

We get up from the couches and chairs and then we go and do the Word. And it ain't easy, but it's the fulfillment of our purpose, these daily dances of sitting, receiving, and giving it away, only to do it again 10 hours later.

The Lord said, remain in Me and I'll remain in you.

I know I could do all the things God delights in so much better if I just didn't have this human body, which is a problematic vessel, from headaches, to vein aches, to hormone aches, to joint aches. It slows me down mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I realize that while the body is perfectly formed and perfectly designed, it is fallen and so it's a nuisance. And it isn't just aging; even young bodies can be problematic.

The morning devotions spur me on until late afternoon, at which time it's clear we all need another round of Grace, through Scripture and Prayer, after dinner. We're depleted and we're sinning more, the more hours we're removed from the morning devotional.

Never before have I felt such a strong dependence on God presence and on his Word. I need it desperately, like a parched desert soul.

 I'm 49 and I am broken.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.


Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Isaiah 57:15 For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

Matthew 5:2-12 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. ...

Open Letter to Bristol Palin...And to the Church

Dear Bristol,

I know you said you didn't want lectures or sympathy, but I am going to give you both, anyway, as one of your elders and as a fellow Christian representing Christ and his church, which you have called your own.

I don't write to you or to the Church because I am without sin, or because I have less of it in my life than others. Rather, I am writing as one who has the gift of discernment. God tells us that first, no one gift is better than another, and secondly, we must use the gifts we were given to help build the Church. They aren't to be hidden away because it's too much trouble to bother.

Understand, I am not judging you, Bristol. I'm merely writing to highlight what I see as a problem in the Church--a Church that's failing to make disciples. Internal sin hinders the Church terribly and makes it a mockery.

I want to commend you on several fronts, beforehand.

Firstly, I am glad you have loved your son Tripp so well. I rejoice that you believe every life is precious. I commend you for carrying this new baby, despite the horrific cost to you personally, in light of your public life. I too believe every baby is a blessing.

And Bristol, I'm sincerely sorry you have been disappointed in love and that this pregnancy doesn't come at a happier time in your life. My heart aches for you over that disappointment. Truly, people will disappoint us--whether it's husband, parents, children or friends--they will all disappoint, which is why we have to cling to the Lord harder than to anyone or anything.

You had the best of intentions and I'm sure you'd like credit for those. I heard that some years back you told Oprah you wouldn't engage in any further premarital sex. And as the left loves to remind you, you got paid a high salary to speak on behalf of an abstinence campaign. Yes, this puts you in an embarrassing situation now--one that's inviting the worst of the You Hypocrite! comments regularly lobbied at Christians. I want to address your response to these attacks, and your response to your own sin.

But first, about your paid ventures, such as the abstinence campaign: I clearly see that you and your mother are entrepreneurs and when opportunities come, either by chance or through your savvy smarts, you take them. As a single mom with no education to fall back on, you are right to do what you can to support your child. No one can begrudge you that.

Entrepreneurs have a certain set of strengths and weaknesses, and impulsiveness is unfortunately one of the weaknesses, which has gotten you and your mother into trouble through carelessly tossed comments--comments that, while perhaps true, too often are devoid of grace and gentleness. Your tones exude defiance rather than humility, which is understandable given the viciousness of the personal comments you and your family have received over the years. The minute we name Christ, we're vulnerable to attacks.

God wants us to clothe ourselves in grace and gentleness. Our enemies being vicious toward us does not justify defiance, defensiveness and sarcasm, at the expense of humility and grace. When we fall and speak rashly, we need to apologize for our lack of graciousness. There is something very noble about these two words, sincerely offered: I'm sorry. 

My own carelessly tossed words toward an enemy brought condemnation on me, and the Lord taught me the humility necessary to say I'm sorry, even to one who hates me and didn't deserve my apology. The apology wasn't for my enemy, but for the Lord and his bride, the Church. Sometimes we don't get to be individuals in the Church. We must see ourselves as part of a Body, to whom we have an obligation.

Maybe I'm sorry won't satisfy the left, but it will please the Lord, to whom you owe everything.

Now I'm going to address what most bothers me about your overall attitude. I haven't read your bestselling book about the forgiveness and redemption God blessed you with following your 2008 fall from grace. Maybe it was very contrite and I rejoice if that is true.

But as a fellow member of the Church, I am saddened by your first blog post announcing your new pregnancy, and your following  "Update" post, in which you're pictured making a zero sign with your hand, indicating how much you care about the negativity lobbied at you.

This zero sign smacks of defiance, in the face of a sin God finds grievous. You can't afford this attitude right now and neither can the Church. My whole spirit groaned when I saw it, Bristol.

And here's your initial announcement, which also has its problems, spiritually speaking:

(I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!) This is not gracious, Bristol. You became a public figure by choice when you began taking jobs that put you into the public eye. When you were a teen, you were thrown into the public eye, but in your twenties, you chose it. Be gracious to the public no matter if they deserve it or not. Be humble and consider that you are impulsive sometimes. Have a plan to pray about your words before publishing them. The more famous you are, the more responsibility you have. To whom much is given, much is expected.

I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one. At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace. Let's not speak of dignity and grace without considering what it looks like, first. I agree you are capable of this. However, without clothing yourself in humility, dignity and grace will allude you. Acknowledge your sin as many times as you have to when you address the public outcry. Or, give up your public persona and live as a private citizen. God allows notoriety for Christians, and with it comes responsibility. Yes, I said that before, but it needs repeating for any Christian in the public eye.

Recall when the Duggars were thrown into the public eye to a greater extent because of Josh's sin. They didn't respond snarkily, but humbly. They remained humble and gracious throughout.

Life moves on no matter what. So no matter how you feel, you get up, get dressed, show up, and never give up. Your children need your strength and not viewing yourself as a victim is commendable, however, life does not just happen. We make choices and God demands that we take the consequences even while he forgives. Sin is incredibly costly for us personally and for the Church. Thus, you are having trouble keeping your chin up emotionally as you live the consequences. This is to be expected. The cost of your sin will be high for you and your two children forever, even as God gives you the hope to face tomorrow.

I wish you had said something about the cost to your children. We love our children with our prudent choices on their behalf, as much as with our hugs and our time with them. As always, love requires dying to self and this is something your children are going to look for in your history, as they reflect back on their childhoods. Yes, mom gave birth to us despite the public ridicule, but did she also live her life with tender care for our overall well being--for our salvation, above all? Bristol, I have to ask myself these same types of questions as a mother, everyday. Every mother needs to remember: I no longer fly solo in my everyday decisions. God is merciful, but the stakes are high for parents and without putting God first intentionally, who gives us wisdom and insight, we will mess up frequently, and our children will identify our mistakes in their own minds someday, to our shame and regret.

When life gets tough, there is no other option but to get tougher. Or, when life gets tough, there is the option to embrace humility and clothe ourselves in it. I'm not sure God wants you to get tougher, Bristol. I think he wants you to have a contrite spirit and realize that to avoid sin, you have to be intentional. You have to view yourself as incredibly fallen and sinful. Only through this lens do we take terribly seriously the need to walk away from temptation. God always provides a way out of temptation, and we have to locate that way out and keep our eyes on it.

You needed to avoid being alone with your boyfriend/fiance. You needed to have the humility necessary to plan not to be alone with him. Planning not to sin is how we avoid sin, and yes, this is the lecture you didn't want and said you didn't need. Passion is more than human beings can handle unless we put it under God's rule, just as too much money is more than most of us can handle, unless we put it under God's rule. Without a plan, no single or single-again person remains chaste--nor does a wife or husband who allows themselves to be alone with the opposite sex, or allows themselves to share their personal life with the same, resulting in an emotional affair.

Any other stance regarding sin is magical thinking--and magical thinking has weakened the Church. We all exercise way too much of this. You are not alone here, Bristol. Magical thinking is crushing the Church, making her more and more irrelevant.

I see it in my own life as well, Bristol, and your pain has been a reminder that I need to address every last sin in my life with an intentional plan, starting with a note on my computer: Set a timer now. No escapism allowed. For this is what intention looks like, and yes, even with it we will sometimes fall. Thus, the Cross. But the cross is cheapened when we sin on a regular basis, willfully or through lack of an intentional plan. Indeed, without a plan to identify the escape route God provides, maybe we are willfully sinning. This judgement is up to God.

But she was engaged, some people say. I understand this may seem like the time to relax your standards--when the ring is already on the finger. A ring doesn't matter in the least in terms of sin. People change their minds and they fall out of lust/love quickly--and this is especially true when we fall sexually. Disdain for the object of our passion is common after our sin.

If you ever want to be married, Bristol, understand that the minute you say yes to passion before marriage, you will love yourself and your partner less because of it. Nothing kills love like shame and disgust. I'm sorry the shame isn't equally shared by your ex-fiance in society's eyes, but believe me, God is just as displeased with him. His walk before God will not be easy if he doesn't do the right thing.

I want to see your joyful face in the future as a mother and wife, and I just don't think that will happen if you don't receive and take to heart a bit of lecturing. We all need spiritual sharpening and we mustn't begrudge it haughtily.

I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you. While this is nice, it falls short of admitting sin. It falls short of saying: I'm sorry I stained the Church. I'm sorry I didn't take more seriously my high position and consider what good I could have done for the Church. Part of the disdain against you, Bristol, is due to your wording here: This simply isn't a contrite heart asking for forgiveness. It isn't a heart that's been humbled enough to say: I have sinned against God, against the Church, against my fiance, and against my children. I humbly ask for your forgiveness, and I need your prayers so I can do right by God and by the Church, going forward.

But please respect Tripp’s and my privacy during this time. I do not want any lectures and I do not want any sympathy.

My little family always has, and always will come first. Tripp, this new baby, and I will all be fine, because God is merciful. He'd be far more merciful if you were far more contrite. I urge you to put out a new statement, Bristol. One that points to the terrible consequences of sin. One that shows you truly understand your failings. One that expresses sorrow that you did not live up to the hopes of the organizations who paid you to encourage abstinence. One that shows you understand we are part of one body, the Church, and you let the Church down too, not just your family, friends, and blog followers. I urge you to say the obvious to young people: Do not be alone with your date, for passion is something bigger than you. Tell them to be intentional with this, and that they need to ask someone to hold them accountable. Understanding the need for accountability is part of humility. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Whether you ever get paid again for a public appearance, or book, or not, do the good you can right now. Go low and humble for the glory of God. Use this opportunity not to make a defiant zero with your finger, but to make amends. After you adopt this stance, God will make beauty from ashes. 

And the same is true for the rest of us. Want beauty from ashes? We have to give up what we want for ourselves or our image, and bow low. We're all in the same boat here. All with the same scarlet letter Bristol wears. All defiant and fighting humility like it's our worst enemy, instead of our way Home.