What God Gives His Children

Home Sweet Home
Walter Dendy Sadler

Psalm 16:11
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Linking with Emily today, at imperfect prose.

As I pray through Beth's disease and all that it means, God speaks to me. Just maybe, my lessons can help you, dear friend? I believe God wants to use her story for His glory. 


Few things in life are surer than this: We will experience pain, and we'll watch our children experience it. Most veteran parents would agree...it's harder to watch a child suffer, than to suffer ourselves, except when our suffering leads to the neglect of our children.


As I pray about Beth's arthritis medications, I come to this question. What is God's design for addressing a child's pain? Our Heavenly Father thought of every detail when he designed us. He knew children would suffer physical and emotional pain.


My conclusions may be controversial, and certainly some readers will be angry with me, but I keep coming back to this: He meant for a parent....preferably a mother, uniquely gifted to comfort... to be present throughout the raising of a child. 


Except when the Lord takes a mother Home, and has another plan instead.


Before I detail how a mother helps with pain, let me digress a bit to address the absence of some mothers.


Women are in the workplace for many reasons. I know a teacher in California who had to work because her husband, a teacher himself, wanted a grander lifestyle than his own income could provide. His wife, my friend, wanted to stay home with their two children, but couldn't. 


Other women work because their husbands walked out on them, or abused them, leaving the wife no choice but to make it on her own. Some widows work because the extended family couldn't pinch enough pennies to come to her aid...or because they didn't think it was their duty to help her. We are no longer a people who take care of our own, as the Bible directs.


I couldn't possibly list all the reasons women are in the workplace. But I don't believe it is God's design. Rather, it is a result of us, as a people, living too far away from God. Our Father comforts when money is scarce. He comforts through strife-filled marriages. (Get away from your husband, though, if you or your children are unsafe because of abuse.) Our Father can comfort us through a myriad of hardships that we, instead, go out and try to solve on our own. In the end, we only create more problems.


God's design is that we parent children through pain and suffering. Nursing provides pain relief in very young children, and for all children, these help: stories and songs, cuddling, talking, praying together, and games and giggles. Our presence and nurturing love help a child experience joy, in the midst of pain.


As adults, most of us don't have the benefit of physical help. Adulthood comes with never-ending responsibilities. When I suffer a migraine, no one is available to take over my mothering and homemaking duties, so I use Excedrin. I see little choice...my children must be cared for and kept safe from themselves. I can't retreat to a dark room for hours on end. Nor can most clinically-depressed mothers avoid anti-depressants. There are many legitimate reasons adults take medicine.


If your own healthy, well-balanced mother is within helping distance as you parent, consider yourself blessed. When a healthy grandmother can step in and assist, everyone benefits. Grandparents are one of God's graces.


In dealing with pain, medical intervention has its place; God gave us the ability to research and save lives. He gave us the natural resources for medicines. But when the risks outweigh the benefits, and when parenting can bring joy to a child, must we turn to pain medicine? Aren't love and presence pain medicine? God's pain medicine?


Over the past few days I've read accounts of arthritic children with as many as eleven joints affected by the disease. Certainly there are cases of pain and suffering, and of long-term damage potential, that no amount of dedicated parenting can touch. If a child clearly experiences little or no joy, then serious medicine becomes necessary.


I've also read accounts in which children received injections for two years (methotrexate, and Enbrel or Humira--newer biologic drugs), and still, once a week they screamed and kicked when injection time came, causing at least one parent to stick herself--and her husband who was holding the child down--with the needle. These same children were sick all the time because the drug(s) suppressed their immune systems. During illnesses they couldn't receive their injections and their pain levels went up for two reasons: the disease became more active without the medicine; and because the illnesses themselves caused more active disease. (Which is common with autoimmune diseases.)


My daughter's disease may be progressing. It may be attacking her left knee--always her better one--in new ways. Soon her doctor may look me squarely in the eyes and say, "If you don't try to halt the disease with drugs, your daughter may get far worse, including having more diseased joints."


If that moment comes--if God allows it to come--than our choices will change.


But right now my love and presence--God's graces for children--bring my daughter joy. Her quality of life, though compromised by disease, still remains higher than that of most people on this planet. She laughs, she sings to Jesus, she plays. She knows joy, everyday.


God is the ultimate Parent. The only perfect parent. As parents ourselves, what can we learn from Him? What does He promise His children? Not a life devoid of suffering, but a life rich in two things: His Presence and Love.


Parental presence and love bring far more than relief from childhood pain and suffering. They also allow us to disciple our children so that one day they can fully experience God's Love and Presence. Undiscipled children become undiscipled adults who look for love and presence from the world, instead of from God. Sadly, they find only destruction.


Presence and Love. Our Father gives them freely. Let us do the same. If as a mom you must be away, know that God has special grace planned for you. If you follow Him, you'll receive it.