Another holiday is upon us, spent alone, with husband working both days (shorter hours though). The holidays can sure bring on some depression. Dear God, for all those feeling my same loneliness and hopelessness, please provide abundant grace this weekend!
I hope 2011 brings an appropriate amount of leisure and laughter into our lives. I've been raising these children virtually alone since early this year. Two parents are needed to share the burden of a special-needs child. When husband is home on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, I must leave the house to run errands for the week (we're still sharing a vehicle). We are rarely home together. The more drained I become, the worse I perform as a parent.
My gratitude list, because I know I'm blessed in comparison to much of the world. My issues are a mere inconvenience compared to the pain many endure tonight.
- My children each have three siblings with whom they can share their lives and faith.
- My husband and I, although irritated at each other a lot now, are not contemplating divorce. That's saying a whole lot, given our circumstances.
- A sweet friend and her husband sent us a nice gift, which will enable me to get an eye exam and new contacts--hopefully ending my reading woes. An eye doctor once told me I'm nearly legally blind. His comment didn't faze me though, since my vision has always been correctable with contact lenses. I've worn them since the seventh grade! No doctor ever warned me that after forty, my eyes would quickly deteriorate. Correcting my distance vision now means I can barely decipher reasonably-sized print. I hope the doctors have something up their sleeves for this dilemma! I want to be able to drive and read--preferably without bifocals and/or glasses!
- Peter has an appointment with a neurologist on Jan. 4th. Maybe some help? I hope it will prove more fruitful than the visit with the psychiatrist early this year, who diagnosed Peter with Sensory Integration Disorder--which many think is a junk diagnosis. I think the sensory characteristics are just a part of the AD/HD profile, but whether that is true or not, the tragedy is the same in both circumstances. The sufferers look perfectly normal, but because they don't perform normally, they're judged and misunderstood. Further, the level of frustration and anger they experience make them undesirable housemates; they tend to be over-criticized and over-punished.
The whole thing is a nightmare, with no right answers.
Grace. All involved must embrace grace. Live grace.
So very hard to do.
I pray, Lord, that we will cling more tightly to you and your grace--individually and as a family--in 2011. May our hearts be ready to give thanks, always.
If you choose this year, Lord, to end our under-employment woes, may we never forget the feel of our heavy-laden hearts. May we use the memory to reach out, without judgement, to those without adequate income, to those without adequate family support. May this pain not be in vain. May we be instruments of your grace and love.
I pray all in your name, Amen.
I pray the same for you, friends, in this upcoming year. May you cling tightly to Grace--to Him--individually and as a family.