making disciples v. impressing the world

Evangelism is not one of my gifts.  Opportunities seldom present themselves, but when a small window does open, I find myself tongue-tied. I'm not a talker; I write.

While a new Christian I made a mess of evangelizing my best friend and my family members.  It wasn't a fire and brimstone message, exactly; I don't remember what I said those fourteen years ago.  I just know it flopped.

April, my friend--neutral to religion--quickly forgave me.  Family members decidedly hostile to the Christian faith didn't disown me, but neither did they ever trust me again, or understand me.  The more I've embraced Christ the more brainwashed they've supposed me to be.  After all, who incurs $26,000 in debt to become a teacher, only to give it all up and live in poverty, married to a janitor.  Only a simpleton--and a brainwashed one at that. Poverty is the ultimate failure, the ultimate humiliation, to many non-Christians who've experienced it in childhood.  My family came from poverty.  To say they were eager to distance themselves from it is an understatement.  I can understand their feelings to an extent, by trying to imagine myself in their shoes.

I explained to family those twelve years ago, why I was marrying my betrothed.  I married him solely for his commitment to God.  Income and status made no difference.  His God-commitment, strong and sure and tested, was all I needed. While I liked other things about him, they were of lesser importance; I could have found them elsewhere.  His commitment to God was--and still is--extraordinary. Husband's experiencing a low point now, but he'll emerge with an even greater commitment.  God will accomplish this.

I have other family members completely neutral to faith experiences; it makes no difference to them how I live my life.  With them, I'm at peace.

But perhaps it should be the other way around?  Should their lack of interest bother me more?  Are those angered by Christianity closer to embracing it?

Changing gears a little here, and hopefully tying some ends together at the close....

I read The Misplaced Aims of the Tiger Mother yesterday from Albert Mohler, president of one of the largest seminaries in the world.  Are you familiar with Amy Chua's New York Times Bestselling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother?  Ms. Chua, a professor of law at Yale Law School, used cruel and unusual means to ensure that her two daughters excelled at school and in music.  They were not allowed to be anything but the best.  Sophia and Louisa, her daughters, are now highly accomplished adults.

Ms. Chua opines that American kids are lazy and unaccomplished because American parents expect too little--putting high value on kids' feelings and happiness, rather than on accomplishment.

Here is an excerpt from Albert Mohler's piece:

In her book, Chua begins by describing just how radical the Tiger Mother approach really is. With language calculated to reach the nerves of reading mothers, Chua announced that her daughters had never been on a sleepover, acted in a school play, gone on a playdate, watched television, played a video game, or received any grade lower than an A. They had also never been allowed to be anything less than the top student in anything other than gym and drama. And she means every word of this. What she presents is nothing less than a monomaniacal approach to mothering that is intended to produce superior progeny — and that means superior in terms of academic and artistic achievement.

While many are impressed with this book and buying it in the droves, others are disgusted and dismayed.  I haven't read it and don't plan to--I fall into the dismay camp.

Notwithstanding his own dismay, Albert concedes that some of Chua's claims ring true:

There can also be no doubt that Christians should share many of Amy Chua’s concerns about the dominant style of American parenting. The Bible makes parental authority a matter of clear concern and priority, and the discipline and nurture of children are clear biblical mandates to parents. Christian parents reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother will share many of Amy Chua’s complaints and concerns. 

He goes on to express concern at how terribly one-dimensional Chua's goals are:

 All that seems to matter to Amy Chua is that her daughters gain entry into one of the world’s top universities, make a name for themselves in their chosen (very serious) profession, and marry someone of equal achievement. Now, there must be more to her concern, but, if so, these larger concerns do not appear in her book. Nor does it appear that other concerns can have much of a place in the lives of her daughters. There is no spiritual or moral concern expressed in the book.

He contrasts Chua's goals with those of Christian parents:

....A life lived in service to Christ on the mission field would be considered an embarrassment. The heroic service of a mother in the home is displaced by professional status. Parenting for deployment in the Kingdom of Christ is not even on the screen and would not qualify as a serious concern. The Christian worldview honors achievement and the stewardship of gifts, but not at the expense of faithfulness to Christ. Achievement, as the world sees it, may at times be a stumbling block to Christian faithfulness.

Do you know what surprises me most?  It's that her book is currently number 12 on the NY Times (hardcover, non-fiction) Bestseller's list.  To say it's struck a cord in America is putting it lightly.  I find it profoundly sad that droves of Americans would look to Amy Chua for parenting advice. Are we spiritually dead in this country--like Chua's book?  Are we so ego-obsessive that being on top is everything?

In a godless world, I suppose this makes sense.  My only consolation is that Ann's book is still number 11 on hardcover advice books!

The same day I read about Amy Chua, I also read this from Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest (February 15 entry):

Has it ever dawned on you that you are responsible spiritually to God for other people?  For instance, if I allow any turning away from God in my private life, everyone around me suffers.  We "sit together in the heavenly places..." (Ephesians 2:6).  "If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it..." (1 Corinthians 12:26)  If you allow physical selfishness, mental carelessness, moral insensitivity, or spiritual weakness, everyone in contact with you will suffer.  But you ask, "Who is sufficient to be able to live up to such a lofty standard?"  "Our sufficiency is from God..." and God alone (2 Corinthians 3:5).  "You shall be witnesses to Me..." (Acts 1:8).  How many of us are willing to spend every bit of our nervous, mental, moral and spiritual energy for Jesus Christ?  That is what God means when He uses the word witness....Why has God left us on this earth?  It is simply to be saved and sanctified?  No, it is to be at work in service to Him.  Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for Him?  Am I willing to be of no value to this age or this life except for one purpose and one alone--to be used to disciple men and women to the Lord Jesus Christ?  My life of service to God is the way I say "thank you" to Him for His inexpressibly wonderful salvation.  Remember, it is quite possible for God to set any of us aside if we refuse to be of service to Him--" lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified" (1 Corinthians 9:27).

What a contrast these two ideas are!  Talk about an upside-down world! On the one hand you have Amy Chua telling us we should stop at nothing to make our kids the best. And on the other hand we have Oswald Chambers telling us that we, and our children, should focus on this one thing:  "to disciple men and women to the Lord Jesus Christ."

Whether or not we have the gift of evangelism--and as I said, I most certainly do not--we are still called to disciple.  The first step is to look at our own walks with Christ.  Are we bearing fruit?  There's so much in the world to distract us....so many standards to measure ourselves against, as Amy Chua's book illustrates.

Are we keeping our hearts pure and focused on Him?  What should we throw out, give up, reject, so that fruit is forthcoming?

I've long since given up talking to my extended family about the ways of Christ.  And honestly, I'm conflicted about my silence.  Is it the easy way out?  Am I so concerned about my own hurt that I can't tough it out for Christ?

Oswald reminds me here that I can show them Christ, by being "broken bread and poured-out wine".  "By having no value to this age or this life except for one purpose and one alone."

But will they notice?  That part is up to my Lord; I believe the answer is yes--eventually.  At a time appointed by Him.

Oswald also reminds me of what my focus needs to be as a parent.  We need constant reminders of this, as we strive to obey God in an increasingly godless world.  Discipleship, not achievement, is our parenting goal.  We parent to please Christ--as a thank you to Him--rather than to impress the world.

So what's my battle hymn, as a mom?  While Amy Chua concentrates on extracting something from her kids, I do the opposite.  I try to pour something into mine.

I pour myself.

My sacrificial offering of time, energy, heart, pleases God.  My offering is to God, most of all.  I don't behave sacrificially because my kids deserve it.

The word disciple is both a noun and a verb.  I must be one, before I can make one.