My heart broke a little this morning.
Two-year-old Beth got into something my husband left out, wasting it (and money). He was extremely frustrated. His ADHD makes it very difficult to attend to his personal items. Simple organizational tasks the rest of us take for granted, are huge for inattentive-type ADHD sufferers (Peter, my son, doesn't have this type).
I kept quiet, letting his frustration vent. I heard him say: "She can't grow up soon enough for me! And I won't be adopting any little ones from a third world country, either."
Heartbroken, I just dropped my head, attending to Beth's diaper.
Mind you, my husband isn't a jerk, though this comment makes him seem like one. Yes, it was one of his worst moments, but we all have such moments. He exerts himself plenty to love us all sacrificially.
And even if my husband's heart was open to adoption, we would never qualify, due to poverty-level income and our ages. Besides, I hadn't even asked him about adoption. Perhaps the Lord's been at work in some way? I don't know.
Husband has suffered incredible stress in the past two years, so very little of what he does or says right now, is his true self. That's never far from my mind.
Still, the hardness of his comments broke me.
He left for work after this, and I started a conversation with my heavenly Father. I have a list to share, which the Holy Spirit helped me compile.
6 Ways to Love Your Husband Better
~ When he disappoints you, go to your Father. Most things don't require a response. Pray something like: "Our Father, help me to magnify the good things about my husband, and apply grace to the bad things. Prevent me from stewing, from responding in anger, from holding a grudge. Remind me of my own need of grace."
~ Your husband wants respect more than love. He's just wired that way. Never complain about the living he provides--your everyday living circumstances--even if it's just to say you have nothing to wear. His burden to provide is huge. Be grateful and sensitive, thanking him for his hard work.
~ Serve him as much as you can, in love. This is hard when little children keep you running, but simple things like bringing him a cold drink without being asked, blesses him. Any sign of respect blesses him!
~ Go to him with your personal difficulties, when other matters aren't stressing him. Let him lead you. This is so hard for women! We often think we can do it better. Practice getting out of the way, and see how his leadership skills develop. You'll feel blessed. He'll feel respected.
~ Leave him alone as he plays and interacts with the children. Let him be himself. If we want our men to be good fathers, we have to stop interfering. Pray much, say little.
~ Be willing to live out the Gospel in your home, because you are no better.
Remember, marriage doesn't complete us. God does. Once we realize this, we can love our spouses sacrificially. Marriage, like parenthood, is just another avenue by which we're sanctified.