Live With No Regrets

Grandmother, 1894
Thomas James Lloyd

What's the biggest heartache for an empty-nest parent? No, it's not that grandchildren haven't come yet.


Prayer circles I've participated in over the years? They've tragically revealed this heartache, felt by millions: unsaved or backsliding adult children


In the last prayer circle a few weeks ago, the same desperate prayer: a backsliding adult son, living with his girlfriend, with whom he fathered a child.


The individual circumstances? They always vary, but the sorrow in the parental eyes? The regret? It's the same. 


As I listened this last time, my own heart cried out to the Lord. Please, may this not be me in fifteen years. May I be spared this sorrow. May I listen to everything you tell me to do, so that I can live without regret.


Granted, no matter how dedicated we are, no matter how open to the Holy Spirit we are, there are no guarantees. That praying father may have been a wonderful father, with a prodigal son. 


It happens. Children either never give their lives to Jesus, or they do so in childhood, only to fall away. Gifted pastors, serving the Lord all their lives, sometimes cheat on their wives, leaving large families for a mistress. How does such heart tragedy happen? How does Satan win so decidedly? 


Free will. It's a powerful force. A force Satan loves to manipulate and control.


As I've prayed parental prayers this last year, and tried to listen to God's response, I've heard this word a lot: 


Self Discipline


We live by grace as Christians, yes. Absolutely. But grace can be misunderstood. It doesn't mean we shouldn't strive. It means that when we strive and fail, we're covered. On the flip side, striving can be so overdone, we begin to think we can save ourselves.


The reason I'm trying to get up early in the morning? The reason I'm trying to write a workable detailed schedule for our day? The reason I keep tweaking our prayer jars? The reason I've written prayer-journey posts, prayer-system posts, and devotional posts?


It's all in response to the Holy Spirit's whisper of this word:  Self Discipline


A self-disciplined person lives intentionally. They don't pray for five days in a row and then skip it for ten. (Unless tragedy has struck and temporary shock sets in.) They don't say they're going to do devotions with their children, and then try it for three days and quit. They don't sing the praises of family dinners and then schedule so many sports, there's no time for family dinners.


When we're fifty-five and asking for prayer for an unsaved child, will we look back and regret, with a broken heart, all the devotions we didn't conduct? All the family dinners we didn't insist on? All the heart talks--the discipling--we were too busy for?


Yes! We'll weep and weep, wishing we could have another chance. 


Yes, God can redeem the brokenness. But sin always comes with consequences and God doesn't always erase or soften those. They can hurt forever.


Every great accomplishment comes from this: conquering our will. We must reign it in and live intentionally, whether the goal is to be an Olympic skater, or to raise a devoted Christian child. (Though, keeping in mind, salvation is a work of the Lord's grace, not our striving. But you know what I mean.)


My son had a rip-roaring fit this morning, twenty minutes into his day. I didn't feel at all like conducting devotions with my children. I felt like crying and eating chocolate.


But then, the Holy Spirit whispered it again: Self Discipline


I persevered, thanks to His whispers and my daily schedule. We started with each person praying from the heart, and then we used the morning prayer jar for the requests we didn't want to forget. 


Afterwards, I experienced the fruits of self-discipline. Freedom and Peace. When we reign in our will, our wayward emotions, we truly experience the freedom in Christ we read about in the Bible.


The word discipline is similar to disciple. We when exercise self-discipline, we disciple ourselves. 


Some of you may remember that I'm forty-six years old. A little late to embrace self-discipline? Well, it's certainly not an ideal time, but it's never too late.


Growing up, I wasn't taught self-discipline. My unsaved parents had no vision, but praise God, they gave me love. Love covers a multitude of wrongs, but love mixed with vision? That's even better.


Children need to know what it feels like to consistently force themselves to do something they hate, whether it be brushing their teeth, making their bed, or doing a personal prayer or Bible time. They need to feel the rewards of self-discipline--Freedom and Peace--so they can create a lifelong habit of reigning in their will.


How do we get them there? We start with ourselves. 


What calculated steps can you take today to reign in your will? How can you live and parent intentionally? One thing's for sure: Satan will hate you for it.


Hebrews 12:11
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.