caddishness of women; are you guilty?

I have a question for you.  

Warning:  It will make you defensive.  You might even get mad.


When was the last time you remember tearing down another woman with your words, behind her back?


Got the image in your mind now?


Okay, then, what preceded your comments?  


Did she just get a promotion, a bigger house, a coveted ministry position at your church?  Did her house look far more organized than yours?  Were her kids far less boisterous?  Is her husband better than yours, in some way?  Did she lose the baby weight?  Does she have money in savings and a fat retirement account....and she gives tons to charity?  Did she pay cash for her car?  Just publish a book?  Redecorate her house?  Did her cake get the most compliments at the church potluck?  Does she stay at home, while you work?  Does she work, while you stay at home?  


Women can be nasty, jealous, caddish. 


When something great happens to another woman, we think about how we measure up, and suddenly, we're frustrated. Next thing we know, some ungracious criticism flies off our tongue, landing like rotten fish on an innocent bystander's lap. (Hopefully the innocent bystander is just our husband.....to whom we apologize later.)


Not pretty.  


I told you this would make you angry.  Defensive.


But it's true.  Most of us can't deny it. 


I've been thinking about this topic these past few days because of a post Shaun Groves wrote about the caddy e-mails he gets in his inbox from women, about women, preceding or following Compassion Blogging trips. An excerpt of his post is in red below:

They come out of the woodwork during every blogging trip. Women – always women – posting and e-mailing and calling Compassion because they don’t like a woman – always a woman – I’ve chosen to take overseas.

Don’t you know…Her marriage is broken.
Her past is checkered.
She’s so dramatic.
She’s lying about not having a TV.
She’s fat.
She’s a hypocrite.
She’s a Republican.
She meditates.
She’s just plain annoying.

Suspicion. Assumption. Judgment.

Or is that my judgment? So hard to tell.Their words are not always without merit, mind you, but so often strike me as judgment nonetheless. Not the timbre of concern or love but hate – riddled with name calling and threats and depleted of all rationality by CAPITALS and exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

Now, I think few of us would be foolish enough to e-mail Shaun Groves about some woman we didn't like.  The stupidity and futility of such an act would not be lost on us, especially given that his only mission in life is to glorify God and release children from poverty in Jesus' name.

His post speaks of the extreme, the ridiculous, but it got a lot of women thinking (51 comments).

What's at the root of our caddiness.....even when it's only uttered in private to our husbands?

My conclusion thus far, after two days deliberation, is that we feel unduly frustrated by two separate scenarios:

1.  Someone is getting recognition, but we're not getting any recognition for our work, for our achievements.

2.  Someone is getting blessed, but we're still struggling along.

After narrowing it down, I then had to decide.....what are the spiritual problems involved?

1st spiritual problem:  We are seeking glory for ourselves.


Only God deserves glory.  It is only through Him that we accomplish anything worthy.  We are to value a lowly position.

Matthew 23:12
For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.


Proverbs 29:23
A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.


James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.


2nd spiritual problem:  We are grumbling about what we have; we're discontented.

God is sovereign.  He gives and takes as He wills.  We're to submit to His will in all things.  We're to seek and find joy in relationship with Him...not through things...He is the blessing.

Hebrews 13:5
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" 


Psalm 16:11
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


Psalm 36:7
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.


Psalm 36:8
They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.


3rd spiritual problem:  We are seeking the things of this world.


1 John 2:15
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.


Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.


James 4:4
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.


James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.


How can we stop?
Prayer is the only answer. We must have a rich, consistent prayer life.....to daily fill up our cups with Him.....to daily cleanse our souls.  Also, The Lord's Prayer contains some words most of us ignore:  Lead us not into temptation...but deliver us from evil.  We need to ask the Father to help us avoid sin.  That asking, that humbling of ourselves, must be a component of our daily prayer life.