lofty parenting

I wanted to follow up on Sandi's comment about Sarah Clarkson's wonderful post.  This isn't about Sandi's comment, specifically, but about how hard intentional parenting is.

It's easy for someone like Sarah, who is twenty-five, unmarried, and not a mother, to write beautiful posts about ideal parenting.  She can't even fathom what emotional exhaustion feels like in relation to mothering.  Parents without special-needs children can't fathom how deep the emotional exhaustion can get, for some of us.

While I'm reading lofty posts, such as Sarah's, I remember that.  But I still need posts like hers, and still feel grateful that someone out there, obviously gifted, is writing them.  They help me dig deeper.  They remind me that God has big plans for my children, and that I am his instrument.  I have to be a faithful instrument, capable of greater things than I see all around me.  All around me is the world, which is far from Kingdom-minded.  We live in a Facebook, Twitter-minded, shallow world, consumed with image and materialism.

I, too, read aloud to my kids, sometimes fighting interruptions every few minutes.  My two girls don't sit still for long.  Ever.

And when it comes to media use, well, I do my best.  Shutting off the cable has helped enormously.  The older two children aren't interested in any videos I rent from the library, so their viewing decreased to nothing.  They still use the computer about thirty minutes a day.  Currently, their only website of interest involves math games, some of which don't utilize much math.

My three year old still views one half-hour library video a day.  I acknowledge that it's bad.  My heart aches that I can't be the parent I want to be, every second of the day.  But I force myself to be thankful for the incremental improvements I'm making.  Great parenting doesn't come of ourselves, but of God's work in our hearts.  We can't just read something lofty about parenting and make it happen in our home the next day.  God has to change us, first.  He has to put depth and long-suffering tendencies into our hearts.

And I feel him doing that.  Now, when I'm tempted to put in a video, I ask myself, am I really at the end of my rope, as a parent, at this very second?  Is there any way I can cope with this moment in another way?  Can I ask God for strength to take the high rode?  Can I ask him for ideas?  Or do I really need a break, to pull myself back to a saner place?

I'm learning that every decision I make matters.  Whether or not these kids grow up feeling blessed by their upbringing--as Sarah obviously does--will depend on how sacrificial I can be in every moment.

I need to stay off the computer except for planned short breaks.  I need to play with my kids instead of focusing solely on my to-do list.  I need to enjoy books with them throughout the day, rather than just at set storytimes.  I need to laugh and cuddle with them, drinking in their innocence and wonder.  I need to read my Bible in front of them so they understand, first hand, the sustenance it provides.

I need to do so much, and yet I'm so weak.  Sarah's post exposes my weakness, and teaches that I can't parent with a Kingdom perspective, without Christ.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Each time I'm about to pull a lazy, such as put in a video, this verse must be my mantra.

If I fail in a certain moment, I need only repent.   The repentance itself will strengthen me.  All is not futile.  God does amazing work in the human heart.  What I look like right now as a parent is far different than what I'll look like five years from now.  God will ensure that.  The same is true for you, dear reader.  We are works in progress.

Our part is to acknowledge our weakness, repent, and move forward with His strength.  Always forward. Always willing.